12 yr olds temper

[grumpychops1]

My 12 yr old came stay last week, we've been through a messy split ad he lives with dad, massive issues, ss involved, dad kicked him out he's now here. Contact has been sporadic due to his refusal to leave dad. Dad has new girlfriend DS feels pushed out.
No matter how many times I ask him to do something, he refuses. Yesterday he beat his younger brother black and blue, I then ended up sustaining a head injury, split ope and huge lump across my forehead from a flying object.
I don't lose my temper. If anything I'm too soft, if I try to restrain him I'm a "child abusing bitch" (taught by dad)
He's been referred to CAHMS but they won't see him until the differences between my ex and I are sorted.
Mediation has been recommended in a recent court report but the ex completely refuses.
DS is also under a child in need plan.
What can I do to help him? I can I stop the anger pent up inside of him?
He's constantly in trouble at school and telling a the her to eff off is becoming a regular thing. Complete defiance.
I've tried so hard for the ex to see the light but he just won't have it.
I'm literally at my wits end.

[Heyho111]

Can he see the school councellor. There is prob a youth service you can see a councellor through as well.
Push with camhs as he really needs support. Ask gp to refer you to child and family psychogy. In some areas they are seperate to camhs.

[grumpychops1]

hes seen the school councillor, doesnt like her and refuses to talk. I was looking for more ways to help him at home.
SW has pushed for CAMHS the referalls came from school and the SW.

[Heyho111]

There are teenage books that may help a little but his issues are far bigger than normal teen bad behaviour.
Get out my life..... But first take me and Alex into town. Is very good. It will help you understand why he thinks and behaved the way he does and how to deal with it. You can get it in amazon.
Boys hate talking which is why he hates councelling. But it us also why he is so angry as well.
I think once you've read the book you will be able to be stronger in the way you deal with him. It will tell you in no uncertain terms what you must do with really bad behaviour. You do it for their long term health.
You really can't do this on your own either and you need professional support too. Let me know how it goes.

[grumpychops1]

Thank you.

Book bought.

Hopefully with help from SS we can sort him out. Will let you know.

Thanks again.