Any advice on difficult 12 yr old?

(12 Posts)
curlydolly Fri 29-Aug-14 20:16:34

My dd12 is being so difficult I have no idea what to do with her. terribly lazy and selfish, spends most of her time in her room on a screen and seems to be losing interest in life in general. She would actually stay in bed all day if I allowed it. I feel it's such a waste of her time and she could be doing so much more with her life but any discussion I try to have ends up in an argument and I wonder how many years this will go on. She has friends but it's always me who organises any social life for her. I know it's the end of the hols and many parents are at tethers end at this stage but I am getting myself so worked up and don't have anyone I feel I can let of steam with who would really understand. I love her so much but she's driving me mad :-(

Ragwort Fri 29-Aug-14 20:24:07

No idea - my 13 year old DS is the same grin.

I try and limit screen time and he doesn't have a tv or computer in his bedroom (but I am aware that he can use his phone there - but we take it away at bed time).

I find it sad, he does do a lot of sport so that takes him out and about but as you say, so much time is wasted doing 'nothing'. It sounds pious but when I was his age I had a weekend job (I know that's not easy now), did babysitting and voluntary work.

No suggestions, but lots of shared sympathy.

curlydolly Fri 29-Aug-14 21:25:58

Thank you Ragwort- I have not allowed TV in her room despite begging! She's mainly on her tablet or iPod and apart from Guides doesn't do anything club wise and she's not sporty. I can't remember what I was like but probably just as horrible although I used to read a lot. I have noticed she is quite negative and fearful about trying anything new. She will come up with 100 reasons why not to try something. How do I encourage/persuade her?

TheSparkling Fri 29-Aug-14 21:36:45

I feel your pain OP. DD age 11 is very hard to motivate at the moment. Given up scouts, seeing friends, youth club she went to. I am hoping the high school in sept will get her going again.
Sorry I am no help.

Heyho111 Fri 29-Aug-14 22:38:39

This is very normal teenage development. Distancing herself from you, rowing, lethargy etc is all what she should be doing. Some do it more than others. Telling her what to do or entering into discussion about it is like a red rag to a bull. Please read a book that is just about their development. There are a few about like- get out my life but first can you drop me and Alex into town. They are so good , they will help you understand and deal with the teen years.

Coolas Fri 29-Aug-14 22:46:37

Aaaah bless you curly. It's bloody hard work at that age. They are very lethargic and can't-be-bothery. How about asking her to make a cake? Tell her to find the method and ingredients on the internet and say you can give her a hand if she wants. Could she be in charge of dinner once a week? Guides is great, and once she's back at school she will be busy with hwk etc.

curlydolly Fri 29-Aug-14 23:18:53

Thank you for being understanding. DP has no patience with her whatsoever and thinks taking a hard line is the right way forward hmm . I clearly need to get to grips with it all so will read up. Funny how we've all been there but obviously blocked it from memory! Also cake making may work though obviously no one will be allowed to try a slice grin

Coolas Fri 29-Aug-14 23:25:18

A really good book is "how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk". There's a slimmer teen version too

JessyJames Sun 31-Aug-14 18:47:46

We have the same happening here, most of the time he's fine, but he is getting increasingly selfish, disinterested and stroppy.
We have just removed the kindle fire, play stations and just need to find his iPod before he comes home.

Heyho111 Mon 01-Sep-14 00:28:46

Please read this book. Get out my life but first take me and Alex into town.
Her behaviour is normal for her age. The book explains why they act and feel the way they do. It also explains the best way to react to them.
I've just read it and wished I knew about it 4 years ago. It all makes sense and life is now calmer.

Jodrew Mon 01-Sep-14 13:14:11

Was recommended this site from a friend and also told about the books you were suggested. Being a parent of a toddler was soooo much easier. We are all stepping on egg shells at the minute

losthermind Mon 01-Sep-14 13:24:19

11 year old DD started being like this at the beginning of the year, had no interest in leaving the house or getting dressed unless it was for school, I had to have screaming rows with her just to have a shower. She was always on laptop, tablet or iPhone until all hours in the morning, you could smell her bedroom from the bottom of the stairs. I eventually realised that I was the parent and I had to put a timescale on the amount of time she was allowed on these devices, I took everything off her for a few days, she had no choice but to play out with her friends because there was nothing else for her to do, it has worked wonders she has spent all the summer holidays out playing with friends and having a good time instead of moping round the house depressed

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