Please help DD11 come up with the best retort to boys ...

(32 Posts)
WhatWouldFreddieDo Sun 29-Jun-14 21:09:46

... who comment on her mole.

DD has a large dark mole that is only exposed when she's wearing a swimming costume. She had a school swimming gala yesterday and a couple of the boys made comments. She was mortified and didn't say anything but has been really upset today.

She has another swimming session on Wednesday - what would be the best response, bearing in mind that she's in class with these same boys every day (tho thankfully not much more of this term)?

TIA

LJBanana Sun 29-Jun-14 21:14:36

She could ask them if they're

'still talking about that,I thought you'd said enough last time, but your still talking and it's still boring.'

skinnyamericano Sun 29-Jun-14 21:19:25

It's funny cos i have been wondering what that strange thing attached to your neck was, but I'm too polite to ask.

Or personally, i would just smile and ignore....or at my great age, tell them to fuck off.

WhatWouldFreddieDo Sun 29-Jun-14 21:21:38

LJ, thanks, and that's the sort of thing I've suggested, just turning it straight back to them -- but apparently that's lame and 'just sooo embarrassing' hmm

Ive also suggested shrugging and saying 'oh yeah, it's just part of me,' but I guess that doesn't quite cut it with 11 yr old boys grin

BiscuitMillionaire Sun 29-Jun-14 21:23:03

Maybe just 'It's a mole. Get over it.' in a really bored dismissive voice. Don't let them see that they've got to her.

Btw I think it's unacceptable that boys are commenting on her body in her swimsuit. Would it be worth mentioning to the teacher, so they can speak to the whole class about it?

WhatWouldFreddieDo Sun 29-Jun-14 21:23:31

oh skinny, what I would say is a whole other thread - but it's got to be something that she can get away with with teachers close by grin

but acctually I qutie like 'that thing attached to yoru neck'

BiscuitMillionaire Sun 29-Jun-14 21:24:01

I mean speak to the whole class about making personal comments in general.

WhatWouldFreddieDo Sun 29-Jun-14 21:26:24

Biscuit yes, I've already spoken to the lovely games teacher who will also be taking them on Wednesday, so she'll be aware, but obv. can't see/hear everything. But she's on side.

And yes, the bored dismissive voice is another option I've suggested but DD doesn't think she can pull it off - we need to work on her self-esteem in general I think.

I'm off to say goodnight so will try a few more suggestions. Thanks so much for these so far.

skinnyamericano Sun 29-Jun-14 21:28:20

I really feel for her, but I'm afraid i would probably go bright red and have no answer in her situation.

It's easy writing it down whilst hiding behind a computer after wine

mellicauli Sun 29-Jun-14 21:30:39

Tell them it's not a mole, that it's a black hole from which gravity prevents anything escaping. If they carry on after that tell them it's better to have it on the back than in the head..like them..

Minion Sun 29-Jun-14 21:33:23

' hey at least I can remove it, you're stuck being ugly'.... Too harsh?

charleneramsey Sun 29-Jun-14 21:35:28

I have taught my daughter to stare at the person commenting or saying something with haughty disdain, to look at them as if they are really contemptable (contemptible?) and pathetic and say nothing.

For now it seems to be successful.

WhatWouldFreddieDo Sun 29-Jun-14 21:45:19

yy, perhaps the Death Stare training might have to start early ...

Black hole concept prob. a bit cerebrial tho I'm liking the surreallilst angle to confuse the f* out of them.

Minion, unfortunately too harsh tho it's what we'd all like to say obv

unlucky83 Sun 29-Jun-14 21:45:22

Poor DD!
I think the only way to deal with it is to ignore - if she has to respond it needs to be along the line of 'wow...really - I have a mole...and?'
Also you need to work on her self confidence ...especially coming up to the teenage years. As she gets more self conscious it would be a pity if she avoided swimming with her friends/beach holidays etc...
(Speaking as someone with moles on their face...I used to hate them be really self conscious. It took me a long time to accept they were just part of me and haven't made any difference to my life - still had jobs, boyfriends, partner, children etc..)

lljkk Sun 29-Jun-14 21:49:21

Says 12yo Dd (tongue like a venomous serpent) you really have to turn the insult back on them.

So they say "Ooh funny spot!" pointing at the mole,
& the retort is
point at their face and exclaim "ooh, funny spot!"

etc.
Helps if you have a gang to stand up for you, too, so flanked by friends who pile in before the supposed 'victim' even has to bother.

Also says the retort has to vary by gender, crude humour seems to be the way to go with boys. "yeah? See this spot here, that's my superpower spot and it's gonna make me go super fast. Where's your superpower spot?"

Retort to a girl would be a "Oh, I'm SO sorry God didn't make me perfect for you."

ps: With boys, if none of that works she resorts to mild violence

LJBanana Sun 29-Jun-14 21:53:14

Actually the thought of these silly boys just been stared at by your DD is a good one if she's brave enough to do it. I'd also be quite tempted to encourage her to tell them to fuck off in a low voice. Then deny everything when they start squeeling about telling the teacher.
I hate this kind of behaviour, it's just mean.
I remember giving lines to my step sis when she was being bullied at high school.
Also one of my DS's was being picked on at a soft play. I bent down to his level (he was about 3 at the time) and I said to him 'turn around and look that boy in the eye and tell him to go away.' He did it, and he went away (little shit).

ElephantsNeverForgive Sun 29-Jun-14 21:56:05

DD1, who is one of those unfortunate DCs who get stupid comments just for existing, would say ignore, ignore ignore.

She say's they get bored eventually.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Sun 29-Jun-14 22:22:04

This works for me: icily look the down and up slowly, followed by an eye roll and then turn away and ignore.

Don't engage. As other posters have said they'll soon get bored if your DD ignores.

LastingLight Mon 30-Jun-14 09:31:20

Can she roll her eyes, give an exaggerated sigh and carry on as if nothing happened?

littlesupersparks Mon 30-Jun-14 09:37:23

Are you STILL going on about that?! Have you never seen a mole before!

LastingLight Mon 30-Jun-14 09:38:20

"Shame, your life must be so boring..."

CrumblyMumbly Mon 30-Jun-14 09:49:01

Can she do sarcasm? A small round of applause and a "well done, aren't you funny" with a bright smile or " What a shame we're not all as perfect as you" - also try to get her to speak in a slightly lower voice and a bit quieter - very effective. Basically the way you speak to naughty children!

Notso Mon 30-Jun-14 10:03:22

DD 14 has a large mole just outside her nostril.
After a few upsetting comments she always says "Wanna see my mole? It's really hairy" as though others should be jealous.
She has totally mastered mocking yourself so others don't.
She came spectacularly last in an inter school athletics competition recently, she did the MoBot on the finish line to preempt any bitchy comments.

kitsmarch Mon 30-Jun-14 10:09:38

"My family call it my beauty spot. I really like it". Repeat ad nauseum.

I grew up with a prominent birthmark. It was always called a beauty spot by my parents. Overall, if I'm honest, I'd have preferred not to have had it (you want to be 'normal' don't you?) and it was lasered off in my early twenties but the attitude and response above stood me in good stead until I had that done. People rarely noticed it or commented on it, and certainly not when I mentioned the 'family beauty spot' line.

In an ideal world people wouldn't comment but life isn't like that and there's an element of having to toughen up a bit and formulate a phrase that suits. Having an air of positive, happy acceptance about your body is surprisingly deflating to people who want to make you feel bad about yourself. I'd also advocate her getting her friends on side if she can. Mine were very supportive.

I can scarcely recall anyone ever commenting on it. I'm sure they did but probably the retort I was 'trained' to use nipped things in the bud. The only persistent offender was a twattish swimming teacher in his early twenties (I was about 13) who gave me a horrible nickname (think "bigscar" or "burnfeatures" - really unpleasant) and used it every lesson in spite of my waffling on about the beauty spot. In the end I complained to my mother and he was sacked.

Notso - your dd sounds amazing. Love that she did the MoBot! That is so cool!

OP - lots of goods suggestions here. Hope your dd finds one she is comfortable with. I think haughty disdain can work with older boys but not sure 11 yr olds would get it really.

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