All my son's 10 yr old class mates allowed 15/18 rated movies at home !

(42 Posts)
PriMum Thu 15-May-14 13:24:18

DS goes to a very well regarded catholic school.We do not allow DS to watch 15/18+ movies with violence/se_ scenes. Yesterday DS came home upset stating that all his class are calling him a baby because he is not allowed to watch those movies. We have let him watch movies after deleting certain scenes, just found out that they have been discussing the scenes and DS is now upset we have deleted certain scenes that all his friends are talking about. Know that this is peer pressure , but I am surprised to know all the parents (including the best behaved and conservative families) let them watch these movies. DS is feeling left out because he cannot join in the conversation about movies and upset that we are super strict. we have tried to explain the rationale, but it is not being heard. What do you parents do on this subject ?

dd is 10 and the highest rated films she has watched have been 15 (Hunger Games was 12+ at the cinema but the DVD we got was a 15 and she saw that). She hasnt seen 18 rated films and very few 15's. She has seen a few 12+ films.

Miggsie Thu 15-May-14 13:29:29

Have you tried talking to the school about this? Your son should not be picked on because he isn't watching adult rated violence.
I am stunned at some of the stuff parents let their kids watch, my DD is hyper sensitive and just can't watch stuff as it upsets her too much.

Also, you may want to talk to your son about these films and put some form of ethical/emotional context around the scenes.
My friend's boy was forced to watch the Nightmare on Elm street films and was traumatised by them - nightmares and everything. I also suspect the boys are boasting about this to seem "big" to their mates.
If you have close friends among the parents you may also want to talk to them about it and if they realise what their sons are watching.

Fairylea Thu 15-May-14 13:32:53

I have had this with dd aged 11 too. Most of her class are playing grand theft auto and watching all kinds of 18s. I thought I was being lenient by letting her watch hunger games and an edited version of the vampire diaries! I won't be backing down on it though... I'm so shocked by what people let their children watch!

Everhopeful Thu 15-May-14 13:43:52

I get this even in the family - DDs cousins watch anything and everything. I think DSIL is lucky that they don't seem to want to watch anything too bad, though pretty sure DN has GTA. I know DD better than to let her - more adult material will unsettle her so, for her, the age ratings are about right. I did let her watch Harry Potter before she was 12 though, as we knew the stories already and were confident there wouldn't be major fallout from those.

Some of this is a matter of knowing your child, but I have my doubts that they are all so relaxed about it. I get especially concerned at the level of se_ that's creeping in everyday - see the Let Girls be Girls thread someplace else. Most of it works against our DDs, but it can't be good for the boys either.

meditrina Thu 15-May-14 13:50:11

a) I do not necessarily believe that lots of the classmates have seen these films (whatever school they go to, or family they come from). Though those with older siblings might have done so (far less likely with eldest or only).
b) 10 is when I started negotions about 12A films

PriMum Thu 15-May-14 14:32:47

I am talking about movies like "Ted" and "12 years a slave". DS has watched all the Harry potter as he knows the story already. The one that DS is really keen on is Ted as the girls and boys are always talking and laughing about it apparently. DS has named almost all the kids who watch and it is 2/3s of the class. Speaking to the school is not going to help, ,their protocol is to call DS in to the headteachers room first and make him tell on other children , then lecture him to talk to the teachers first before talking to parents. Then call the specific children and lecture. DS would then look bad infront of his friends and would not talk to me at all !!! The school is not good at dealing with these type of matters.

Theas18 Thu 15-May-14 15:05:26

do you really think your son is telling you the truth and that his friends are telling him the absolute truth too??

You are going to have a lot of " but every other kid in the whole wide world can and why can't I" type of battles to fight before long.

Personally I'm pretty tight on film classifications etc . You can't " unsee" stuff and it happens so fast. However I don't censor reading matter at all- it's easy to stop reading if you don't like it.

Ultimately, it comes down to these are the family rules, they apply to all the kids t- and the reasons are explained.

At 10 at 12A would be allowed with an adult, so I'd be oK with going with mates/seeing the film at home, but not a 15/18!

Personally I think the other kids are winding him up and the problem is the name calling not what he has/hasn't seen....Start setting and sticking to boundaries, he'll need them to be in place soon so he can kick against them and if you set them wisely you can include "wriggle room" so you can "let him win " a small victory but actually still be within your absolute boundaries IYSWIM!

VivaLeBeaver Thu 15-May-14 15:08:05

I was about to say my 13yo has never seen a 15 rated movie and then I remembered Ted. She saw it without my knowledge at about 10yo at a sleepover. I was really pissed off with the other parents. Don't think its suitable for a 10yo at all.

LocalEditorWiganandSalford Thu 15-May-14 15:12:26

We are having this issue with 11 year old dd, they are very descriptive so I am pretty sure they are playing and watching this stuff.

On sleep overs they moaned about baby films too.

D0oinMeCleanin Thu 15-May-14 15:13:43

All of my dd1's friends are allowed too and they all had ipad Airs. 2 weeks before they were officially released hmm

Dd1 can watch 12/12A without checking with me. Some 15s might be okay (mainly older ones that would have been rated 12/12A these days, liike Gremlins, Lost Boys etc) swearing doesn't bother me, but too much gore/sex/too much psychological fear i.e Insidious/Paranormal Activity type films she is not allowed to watch yet. 18s are given the same consideration, although I think of very few 18s, if any, that I have allowed her to watch.

Fairylea Thu 15-May-14 15:44:22

I think a lot of it is lazy parenting. People see the cover of Ted etc and think it's only a silly film with a teddy bear in it. They don't realise or care about the adult content. Same with video games - a lot of people don't realise how sexual and violent they are now. One of the mums was horrified when I told her grand theft has blow jobs and strippers in it and prostitutes being beaten up. She assumed there was bad language but that's about it. People really need to check the content.

MmeLindor Thu 15-May-14 15:45:39

DS was just telling me that most of his class watch 15/18 rated films, and a lot of them play COD and GTA.

We had a long discussion, and talked about the fact that it isn't the ratings that we're basing our decision on, although they obviously give us an idea if the film is suitable.

DH talked about seeing a film when he was young, and how the images he saw stayed with him for ages.

I think its important to explain why you are not allowing him to view the films.

This is quite a handy site, as it gives reviews by kids and parents. Most of the reviews, even from kids say that Ted isn't suitable for 10yr olds.

PigletJohn Thu 15-May-14 15:46:03

All the other boys in my school drive the family car and get £100 a week pocket money.

PigletJohn Thu 15-May-14 15:49:15

P.s.

I read your description of "school protocol" and thought "sounds like a Catholic school"

Disappointed to see I was right.

This seems to be more prevalent amongst girls than boys in DS's year (Y7). I know one mum whose DD went to a sleepover with a child who she thought had pretty strict parents - they watched 18 certificate horror films and her DD came home having not slept and continued to have nightmares for some time afterwards, and DS has reported similar incidents being discussed at school, but not (that I have heard) involving the boys.

We are not hard and fast about age levels but would always watch something first before deciding if it is suitable for DS, tell him no if we think it is not appropriate, and he respects that and also understands the distinction between what he can watch alone/ with us, and what he can watch with DD (7).

Couldn't agree more with PP talking about not being able to "unsee" things. OP - have you tried having that conversation with DS?

D0oinMeCleanin Thu 15-May-14 16:02:01

Dd1 has never seen Ted, but has asked. The answer was no. Simply because crass, misogynistic, childish comedy is not my thing, which is what I assume Ted is about and the thought of having to sit and watch it myself to make sure it is suitable makes me want to stick red hot pokers in each of my eyeballs.

I did give consideration to and watch The Walking Dead, another on her list of "things all the other kids are allowed to watch", the answer was also no, too much blood, too many child zombies etc, I suggested Shaun of the Dead instead. She was not impressed.

Fairypants Thu 15-May-14 16:02:58

My 11 year old dd2 is not allowed to watch 18/15 rated films but has seen a few 12 rated ones where I have seen them first. I'm not too worried about language (she hears worse in the car with DH driving) so often chick flicks tend to be ok.
15 year old dd1 has only been able to watch 15s since her birthday and although its difficult for me to police her film watching these days, we have had details discussion as to why she wouldn't want to watch 18 and some 15 films so she can make sensible decisions.
I feel discussion is important as then they be one able to make their own decisions. I generally won't watch 18s because I take that as a warning that it is hardcore (violence or sex) and therefore I won't enjoy it. If your ds understands more, it might enable him to talk about films from this perspective ie 'that's not my sort of thing so I won't bother' sounds much cooler than 'my mum won't let me'.

Raskova Thu 15-May-14 18:47:57

I think it's always been like this. I remember going to see mars attacks when I was 8 and it was a 12. My parents made me lie to the cinema people and say I was 12. I showed them up and said I was 8 because I was scared as they'd also taught me lying was wrong. Ha! I had nightmares for days. On another note, they wouldn't let me watch cliffhanger. No idea why as still not watched it.

My friends were always seeing these films. We also went to a good catholic school. I was the last to see everything! I wasn't picked on though until I was 13/14 odd and hadn't seen the exorcist. Before then it was just a running joke that my mum was over protective.

iklboo Thu 15-May-14 18:53:50

Ted is FAR worse than just crass & misogynistic - the c-bomb gets dropped a couple of times! FIL took DNeph to see it when he was 13 because he thought it was a Disneyesque film about a talking teddy bear - the 15 certificate didn't register, DNeph looks older than he is & no-one asked. FIL walked out after about 20 mins.

D0oinMeCleanin Thu 15-May-14 21:58:22

Swearing wouldn't bother me not even the c-bomb. The theme and content of the movie is what I look out for. I wouldn't tell her she was not allowed to watch a film based on the use of one word.

Dd1 is a fairly sensible 10yo and is aware that there are some words that are not okay to use in polite company. She is allowed music with swearing in, she is not allowed music with overtly sexual or misogynistic lyrics. So Pink is okay, Rihanna is mainly not okay.

She's not easily scared or shocked. She loved The Hunger Games and Beetlejuice.

I'm more careful with what I allow 6yo dd2 to watch after making the mistake of letting her watch Coraline when dd1 was out one night. She slept in our bed for the next two weeks hmm

From the way dd1 talks her friends are all loaded, with more pocket money than I earn in a month, no bedtime, no curfew, they chose their own dinner and their mother cooks it just the way they like it and they not only own every single Rihanna cd ever recorded but have been to all of her concerts too. I clearly do not love her enough to want the best for her grin I believe approximately 5% of what she tells me regarding what her friends have/are allowed to do.

coffeetofunction Thu 15-May-14 22:14:01

My DS is movie mad...he can tell you everything about everything he's seen. DS is nearly 10, he's allowed 12's but that's it!! I don't think he needs to see any thing older than that... His dad however has let him watch a 15 & a 18, I went mental!!! Im a hypocrite tho as he is allowed to play hallo on xbox- I don't agree but DH & DS have boys time together hmm

TereseaGreen Fri 16-May-14 13:29:28

DS is 10 and is allowed to watch 1 movies without permission but he has seen Gladiator. We watched it together as he loves Roman History (especially the battles), I know its not for everyone though.

Ted would be an absolute no go.

TereseaGreen Fri 16-May-14 13:29:45

1 movies? 12.

TereseaGreen Fri 16-May-14 13:30:00

Oh ffs. 12 RATED.

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