End of my thether...

(7 Posts)
tink82 Mon 31-Mar-14 16:36:37

DD has just turned 11. Spends half her time with me and half with her dad (her choice, not mine).. I'm really at the end of my tether with her. She is not naughty as such but very lazy and self centred. She drops things, never puts anything away, never helps out and if I asked I get eye rolls, huffing puffing etc.. If I ask her to do something I have to remind her at least 3 times! I can yell, get angry, ground her.. nothing changes it. She will go to do something and be distracted by something else..

She ruined yesterday with her attitude, she reduced me to tears. I'm in the final few weeks of my degree and I gave up work time Saturday so she go in to town with her mates (I had to hang around in a cafe for their saftey) and two came back to our house until 9pm.. yet it wasn't enough and sunday she wanted to go to the cinema with them, when told no it was the usual preteen response and I blew.

She is disorganised, forgets things.. pays no attnetion to anything and I cannot take much more of her behaviour.. it's like caring for a much younger child with the attitude of a teen. I've had a text tonight saying she forgot her dance leotard DESPITE me telling her last night to make sure she has everything she needs and again this morning and her telling me she has done so?!!?

She is also over weight, despite my best efforts to slim her down.. This is getting me down and it breaks my heart to say it, but I'm ashamed and believe people will think I'm a lazy or bad parent. I believe this is happening at her grandparents and/or dad's house. She doesn't seem to care and is forever asking for food.. I know growing kids eat more but she is not hungry, just eating for the sake of it. I'm contemplating taking her to our GP...

I know this all may sound trivial to some but as there is only the two of us in the house and I'm under pressure as it is, I can't handle her laziness and attitude on top of other things. I've been nagging and nagging for years, something has got to give and I feel it will be me!

Glampinglove Mon 31-Mar-14 19:52:12

My dd 11 is very similar in pretty much all the same ways as your dd except she lives with me. I have times when I want to strangle her when she rolls her eyes or bloody huffs and puffs. My dd can be incredibly lazy and self centred.
The way I am learning to cope is to be consistent with everything and letting her have to consequences. If she forgets to pack something for school or dance then it's her problem, don't run around to sort it out. It took one time of getting into trouble at school and dance and she hasn't done it since.
Set out realistic expectations and follow through with the consequences, your dd is old enough to earn pocket money. If she doesn't do certain jobs etc around the house then no money, no money for trips to town or cinema etc.
If relations are good with her dd then I suggest that you meet with him and discuss what is happening. Ideally you two should treat her the same especially around the food. I limit the amount of treats etc bought and my dd has free range of certain fruits and salad veggies.
Keep your chin up x

lisylou123 Tue 01-Apr-14 12:29:34

Its my first time on here and reading your comments may well have been about my daughter. She is equally lazy, selfish, stubborn and stroppy but of course I do love her more than life itself, however I do at times find it really difficult to like her! she forgets everything then its down to me to sort it out. I'm a single parent too with two girls 10 and 3. This morning the blazing row was about her school skirt being too long. We had slamming doors a few 'for goodness sake's', stressed me out now end, then I was told she didn't want to go to school as I had put HER in a mad mood!!

Like you TINK82 i do so much for her, make sure she has a good social life, hardly say no to her when she wants to go somewhere but when I do she goes mental. I'm trying so hard not to turn her into a spoilt brat and its hard but I'm running out of things to punish her with, she doesn't seem to care!!!

Its so good to know that maybe this is normal (ish) behavior for this age group and to be able to have a rant to people that know exactly what I'm going through!!

moogalicious Thu 03-Apr-14 21:18:18

This it's like caring for a much younger child with the attitude of a teen

<sigh>

wheresthelight Sat 05-Apr-14 21:06:56

My stepson is 10.5 and exactly the same!!! It's a bloody nightmare!! We have the added complication of his mum treating him like a toddler and running around after him and doing everything for him - she still picks out what he is to wear each day and sees no issue with the fact that despite starting senior school in September he has no idea how to tie his shoe laces!!! Dp and I have spent months trying tonteach him but because she refuses to let him wear the lave up trainers we bought him when he is at home he never practices!!

It is a stage, I hope!!!

Euphemia Wed 09-Apr-14 20:09:26

DD (11.9) much the same! We're away on holiday with my mum and I've just had to go out for a walk by myself before I blew my stack!

Apparently I am "a nightmare" for not believing she couldn't turn the shower temp down by herself. hmm

I am also unreasonable for expecting her to get on a bus today. Also for wanting to eat out last night. I think she'd happily slob in front of my mum's crappy quiz shows all day.

I hate this stage - DD was a pretty unreasonable baby and toddler, so it feels like we had a few nice months years now she's horrid again! I feel like her childhood is slipping through my fingers and it's hard to get close to her like I used to as she rarely lets me. sad

stopfightingandtidyupthismess Fri 11-Apr-14 17:12:30

My Ds1 is 12 and is currently blaming me for the fact that the next door neighbours kids got beaten up by the little whatsits up the road from us (er, not only was I NOT THERE at the time, exactly how do I control those little horrors again? Last time I needed to get the police out on them!)

He also tells me I'm "bullying" those same kids by not fixing their cape. I was ready to do so, but I asked DS1 to help me by moving the tablecloth and shaking it out. He didn't help, therefore I didn't sew, as a result, I am apparently a bully. Maybe he shouldn't TELL them I'm definitely going to do something when I am already trying to finish up baking and the washing up.

He only ever half listens to what I say, so he gets upset at the drop of a hat and then throws tantrums on a scale to rival the most dedicated toddler. I've told him every day this week he can go play at the park, and today he denied I even said a word. Shame his friend was there and had heard me mention it yesterday, and confirmed it. Made me happy but annoyed him right off.

He tells all his friends he's going to get lollies/ice cream for them all, and when I say no, again, its all my fault that everyone is disappointed. Er, maybe you shouldn't get their hopes up?! I can't afford to feed the five thousand!

And these are just a few of the things this week!

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