spolit selfish behaviour - help

[pinklady1107]

just that really, my 10 yr old dd is behaving like a horrible spoilt brat at present and its desperately getting me down.

If she can't have what she wants NOW she sulks, clenches her jaw and teeth and fists. the atmosphere she creates is awful.
she made a day out yesterday miserable.
She's going through a lot personally with her dad but that's no excuse and I need help to manage her behavior as I'm walking on egg shells and she's ruining every day

any help appreciated x

[Everhopeful]

I wonder if it would help to arrange something she would consider a treat but a little away in the future. She doesn't get it if she continues to be so inconsiderate. I think it might also help (easier said than done, I know) if you could ignore more of what she does - the less it seems to bother you, perhaps the less of it she'll do? Tough call, calls for !

[LastingLight]

How are you responding to this behaviour? Does she talk to you about the upsetting 'dad stuff' or will it help for her to see a counselor? She may need some help in learning how to express herself and manage her emotions better. Also the hormones are probably starting to kick in. Having said all that... if you're at home and she behaves like this I suggest you send her to her room and tell her she can come out when she can behave like a decent human being. If she refuses to go, remove a privilege and then just ignore her. This is hard, and you may have to pretend, but don't give her any attention. Make sure that you do give attention and praise when she is behaving well, e.g. thank her for doing a chore without grumbling and having to be nagged.

[MaiTatenaTina]

Pinklady am in the same shoes! Every morning there are battles in the car on the 10km drive to school, with my 8 year old ds who is now also picking up the quick tongue, rude responses. This very morning she walked away from the car without the usual goodbye kiss because of a fight I had intervened in...My son says 'she's cross with you mummy", well so am I!!! Ignoring is SOOOO HARD sometimes.

[LastingLight]

Ignoring is SOOOO HARD sometimes. I agree and I cringe at the thought of some of the exchanges dd and I have had on the way to school and at dropoff.

[Sashie83]

My 10 yo dd is the same! She has such attitude I just don't know how to deal with it. We clash massively and I try to ignore her behaviour but my partner can't and he fuels her aggressive outbursts. I also feel if I ignore her and she carries on hurling verbal abuse at me I'm just letting her get away with it and she will learn nothing from this? Also struggling here! Lol

[pinklady1107]

thank you I'm not alone!!

only one small outburst today which I dealt with by taking away something she wanted me to buy for her. I've bought the said item but put it in my room and as she needs it next Monday she's got to behave between now and then.

the treat idea is great - a pretty mega treat has come up via guides and I've told her she can only go if I get better behavior and no strops. we shall see

hope everyone else's week is better xx

[ab101]

My child is 12 and constantly behaves like a wild child. Answering back, cheek, nasty words, argumentative, I am at my end of my tether. If I take her BBM away she goes mad, constantly questioning when she can have it back, sometimes it is the only way to make her see what she is doing to the rest of the family. I have banned her from friends houses, swimming etc but nothing seems to work. I don't know what to do anymore...

[pinklady1107]

lasting light - I'm seeing her gp next week to ask for counselling. the dad issue is basically on going abuse and harrasment to me and basic neglect of the DC, no beds, clothes so its played it part. thank s for your help x

[Andro]

If I take her BBM away she goes mad, constantly questioning when she can have it back,

When you take it, give her a date for it's return...then make it clear that every time she asks you about getting back is another day without it.

[LadyMacmuff]

Glad to have found this thread - will wwi. 10yr old DS has developed hideous attitude almost overnight. Pushing boundaries like mad, and I'm finding it extremely difficult not to rise to it...I have been known to shout. Gah. Even asked him if any problems at school etc. as it seemed so dramatic, but I don't think there is anything like that. Is it hormones or what?!

Trying to remain calm, have firm boundaries, stick to the 'rules' and behave like an adult in the face of totally unreasonable behaviour is exhausting!!

[pinklady1107]

much better week as she wants her guide uniform Monday night

bribery has worked but for how long? seems small achievable things is getting big results here, long may it continue.

hope your all having good weeks

[Nocomet]

I'm now going to say something that seems like giving in.

Find things she wants to do and ways in life of giving her choice and ways of giving her a bit of freedom.

A lot of 10y strops are about growing up and wanting some control over their lives.

DD2 especially responded really well to really simple things like choosing which fast food joint we went to, or being allowed to go to the shop on her own.

As for taking things off her or cancelling events, I wouldn't. All punishments do is cause resentment, they rarely change behaviour.

A quick shouting at and sending her to her room works just as well, here and doesn't lead to prolonged moaning.

If you really feel you have to impose sanctions the "How to talk, so kids will listen" books have some good strategies for negotiating with DCs and making them feel they have a choice not to get in trouble.