I am beyond struggling

(163 Posts)
ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Tue 18-Feb-14 12:09:01

dc is 12 and a fucking pain in the arse

he takes the piss, winds me up, blames me for their bad behaviour, says he can't wait to move out, encourages his younger brother to be naughty, does not do as he is told, told me to shut up, said he wouldn't do his homework etc etc etc

I have had lots of advice, I felt I couldn't do if it involved outside people - and I know it is me that is not up to the job.

I have tried ignoring but I can't keep my temper all the time.

I was ill in hospital twice last week through chest pains brought on my stress

I can barely look at him

I want out and I have had enough

thinking101 Tue 25-Feb-14 14:27:03

Oh DD is flexing herself isnt she...When you feel better (well not stressed and rushed) would it be an idea to make a drink and snack for you both and sit for a chat, explain how she sounds and it makes you feel upset to think she behaves this way to her brother? - Just an idea to get her to reflect when you are not as harassed.

Well DS2 - tough! tough titties in fact.

What a contrast re yesterday, does this mean it is better for you to busy or away from the house...Its awful feeling trapped we in here and they all out there dong there things. Sounds like you benefit from being in an environemtn where it has a social element to it?

Dont you ever go out when DC's at school and just have a coffee/read? I often talk to people in coffee shops. Look at your week and plan your time.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Tue 25-Feb-14 14:33:34

I have talked to her so much about how DS2 and I feel when she is the way she is. Nothing in response to me but with regards to him she says he does it to her. I am forever saying when someone is mean to you and you feel horrible, your siblings feel the same then you are mean to them. Miss the point completely.

She is forever saying why should I get told off and he not. Sometimes he isn't as he isn't as bad as her and other times because I don't think he needs it, other times I feel why should I when he is sticking up for himself. I tell her she is 10.6 and old enough to know better. She says "he is 8 and I knew better at 8." hmm.

Being out all day would stress me out but I definitely think I need to get out more. Too much time in the house to think, brood and worry is not good for me.

I have forgotten how to make friends, have stopped trying when dropped by people when I got ill and here I am.

longtallsally2 Tue 25-Feb-14 14:42:08

So glad that you enjoyed yesterday, Toffee. I think that you are me in another life, as I only had two dss, but have many of the same issues, including the battles over teeth cleaning and feeling lost when not at work. In fact it has helped me a lot, reading and reflecting on your feelings: I managed ds1 last week with a bit more patience and positivity.

Do you take all 3 kids in the car with you in the mornings? Could you let ds2 or dd sit in the front to separate them? (I had a friend who had a pile of 13 old pillows in her car. She built a wall between the kids so that they couldn't argue!) I hate it when they argue when I'm driving as I find it so distracting. I also pull over if they are distracting me and make it quite clear that they will lose screen time, or whatever, if they are whining at each other. It's probably the place I am most in control of them, as I feel that I totally have to make expectations clear, or we would still be sitting in a layby somewhere, waiting for them to calm down.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Tue 25-Feb-14 15:37:42

It is just the two I take to school. DD is in the back as she wants to be in the front and she is just as horrible to him wherever she sits. If he leans forward to be near me she practically combusts and screams to stop breathing on her or says he smells.

When driving they aren't too bad. If I was to threaten to stop she'd be happy as late for school. When I said daddy would have to take them as I've had enough she was happy And said under her breathe said, we Won't be going to school. He's already said he can't take them tomorrow.

It's waiting to go in in the morning and I tell them to bring books and I have plenty of puzzle books in the car , but they just snipe at each other. She wants to get out but I'm not standing in the cold for 15-20 minutes for her. I could drop and go but can't trust to behave for 15 minutes.

LastingLight Tue 25-Feb-14 15:53:05

Sorry today didn't go so well Toffee. What will dd get up to if you leave her for 15 min? It's good that you realise getting out more will help.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Tue 25-Feb-14 17:35:59

DD would be fine left, it is leaving DS2 with her that would be the problem.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Tue 25-Feb-14 17:43:15

I get home. Have left 2 snacks for DS1 as he didn't ask either of us for dinner money and I thought he'd be starving. In his room I see both snack pots. He has been told numerous times not to eat in his room. He was also messing about on his iPod. I said I had asked him not to eat in his room and to take the snack pots down and do the dishwasher (he refused to do it this morning.) He said "And how was your day mummy, was it good?" in an would be nice to say hello first before telling me off.

Normally I would probably back down but today I said "I am not doing all pleasantries when you aren't doing as you are told." He looked quite surprised and I haven't heard a peep out of him since.

I have had a mouthful of attitude from DS2 but he has been sorted out too grin.

LastingLight Tue 25-Feb-14 18:34:25

Good for you!

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Tue 25-Feb-14 20:02:19

I am claiming progresssmile.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Wed 26-Feb-14 12:06:20

2 perfectly behaved children delivered to school this morningshockgrin. DD will get her kindle back tonight (computer tomorrow night) and DS2 will be allowed to play on the main computer once he has done his homework.

LastingLight Wed 26-Feb-14 12:33:20

See, it can be done. smile

thinking101 Wed 26-Feb-14 20:41:24

Yay ..... Have to say. I took mine out for tea and they were great, actually enjoyed chatting to DS.

k473 Wed 23-Apr-14 19:28:25

Hi, my goodness it sounds just like my house. This is my first time on mumsnet. I have reached breaking point this evening with my two. They are so rude, answer back, ignore me etc but I can't help feeling it's learnt behave from DH. I am at the end of my tether because when DH is around they are as good as gold but when he's not I just have constant battles. I lose my temper then feel like a complete failure. DH doesn't take my concerns seriously because he never sees the behavior and at times seems to actively encourage it. I do let the boys get away with too much I think because I don't think it's their fault but our relationship is deteriorating. I don't want to take them out on my own because I know they will embarrass me. Really feel like bagging my bags but I know that it is not an option. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day

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