12.6 year old dd has a boyfriend

(11 Posts)
Verycold Thu 06-Feb-14 22:21:00

They haven't met up outside school but communicate via text etc and are planning a trip to the cinema. Would you be happy with this or would you want it to stop?

toolatetobed Thu 06-Feb-14 23:45:10

I definitely don't think it would be a good idea to try to stop the relationship because the likely consequence will be for your daughter to try to hide this and future relationships from you, and feel unable to seek your advice when perhaps she could do with the advice of a trusted adult. A cinema trip sounds quite innocuous. I would just make sure you are clear as to what time you expect her back, and focus on making sure she can get home safely.

defineme Thu 06-Feb-14 23:48:02

I would be having detailed talk with her about what she expects from a boyfriend?
My friend's ds is same age, but horrified by idea of kissing and just wants to be close friends with his girlfriend.
Does she already go out to cinema with friends?

pandora987 Fri 07-Feb-14 12:13:47

My DD 10 and all her friends at school spend loads of time asking out boys and being asked out, and discussing/ texting who loves who. My DD had some play dates with her "boyfriend" and went to the cinema with him (with his Mum as chaperone 2 rows back) They are very innocent and certainly don't want to do any kissing holding hands (the suggestion is greeted with Yuck!) They "split up" with a shrug a few months later. I'm not worried about it, and I agree with toolatetobed you don't want to encourage secrecy! I'm sure they are still innocent at this age! Deliver them to cinema, meet them outside afterwards.

pandora987 Fri 07-Feb-14 12:14:05

My DD 10 and all her friends at school spend loads of time asking out boys and being asked out, and discussing/ texting who loves who. My DD had some play dates with her "boyfriend" and went to the cinema with him (with his Mum as chaperone 2 rows back) They are very innocent and certainly don't want to do any kissing holding hands (the suggestion is greeted with Yuck!) They "split up" with a shrug a few months later. I'm not worried about it, and I agree with toolatetobed you don't want to encourage secrecy! I'm sure they are still innocent at this age! Deliver them to cinema, meet them outside afterwards.

purplebaubles Fri 07-Feb-14 12:18:43

Hmm. At 13 I kissed a handsome 15 year old and was actually horrified that his hands started wandering! However, he was unable to do anything more because my mum hadn't left us alone for long.

Given that was some 30 odd years ago, and boys now have access to stuff that I dread to think about, I wouldn't be letting my 12 yr old go to a boy's house. But the cinema? You can't really get up to much in there I wouldn't have thought. Pick her straight up outsides afterwards.

TheKidsAdvice Fri 07-Feb-14 18:12:20

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TeenAndTween Fri 07-Feb-14 20:41:53

Does she already go to the cinema with friends generally? Personally I would discourage activities with 'boyfriend' at this age that don't already occur with female friends.

I'm not really in favour of boyfriends at this age, but my DD had her first one at this age .... it lasted 2 years. We didn't think she was old or mature enough and went for tolerance/acceptance at school, but non-cooperation out of school (helped by fact he lived miles away). (There were other issues too which meant we were particularly not in favour of relationship.)

I would say however, put in the rules now that you want to have in a few years time, eg on being alone in her bedroom etc. Much easier to have them in place for first practice boyfriend, before you think they will be getting too 'hands on', than try to put in place when she is a bit older!

TeenageAdvice15 Sun 09-Feb-14 10:42:37

I'm 15 and I think that if you were to discourage her from having a boyfriend it would make her more inclined to rebel. When I was that age having a boyfriend (for most people) was just a close friend who's a boy that you might occasionally kiss. Then again I went out with a boy for about 7 months in year 7/8 and it was really nice smile.

She can't get up to much in the cinema and there's no harm in texting. Let her do it.

Don't stop it. She has a boyfriend she should be happy and so should you Try not to encouraging kissing just yet because that could lead to sex and pregnancy. If they do start kissing talk to her about sex and pregnancy so she doesn't let him start trying anything yet.

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