Tricky problem

(6 Posts)
Anyonecan Wed 15-Jan-14 21:01:05

My dd has asked me to buy tickets for her and two others (who are at school with her) to attend a concert. An adult would also be going along. The two others have said that they will pay for their tickets.

The problem is that the two others have been unpleasant to my dd, the behaviour being led by one in particular. My dd has gone along with this because she didn't know how to say no. I have said that Although I would be happy to do this if they were her friends, they have repeatedly excluded her from activities that they have organised and are just using her. My dd is very worried about telling them this and the possible consequences - which I feel says a lot about their behaviour to her.

I have been tempted for some time to talk to the school about their behaviour and feel that this has now reached tipping point. My dd has urged me not to do this, as she is worried that she will be totally excluded. What would you do?

Flisspaps Wed 15-Jan-14 21:02:27

I'd speak to the tutor or head of year as soon as possible.

wheneverIhear Wed 15-Jan-14 21:06:27

Friendships do change, and ebb and flow - is it possible that the plates have shifted, and now they genuinely want to be friends with your dd, hence suggestiong the concert with her? Or am i being extremely naive - quite possible!

Vintagebeads Wed 15-Jan-14 21:06:55

Talk to the school right away.
Could your DD just tell them that you said no,or that she didnt know but she has to go to a family event that day,so she is not the bad guy.
I remember that sick feeling having to go in to school and disapoint "friends" like your DD

ThePartyArtist Thu 16-Jan-14 11:27:13

Whilst not wanting to dismiss your concern, do bear in mind that friendships at this age can change a lot over time. Certain girls seem to have a knack of excluding people one minute and befriending them the next. If your daughter wants to be friends with her however I think best to go with it when times are good and she's included. Plus you getting the tickets might give your DD the upperhand and some status in the group dynamic. I think best to let your DD work out for herself if the friendship is something she wants to work at / has improved but let her know you're supportive and help her be assertive if necessary. I do remember such problems at school, but also the kids who told others 'my mum says I'm not allowed to be your friend' long after fall outs had been resolved.

How old is your DD? I wouldn't be buying tickets for any child without agreement from their parents first. From what you have written here, it is possible that your DD is being bullied to buy thesev tickets for those girls. They may further bully by messing around regarding payment for the tickets.

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