Pre-Teen Drama-Llamas. How do you cope with them?

(11 Posts)
Stinklebell Sat 11-Jan-14 11:04:08

Gin? grin

Honestly, this is beginning to drive me round the twist.

DD is 12, she's pretty good at avoiding dramas involving her friends/other people - she normally stays well out of arguments and falling out so we're good on that front, but everything else? Drama central

Tears over the most mundane things, I seem to be permanently baffled and spend half my life thinking WTF??? at the moment.

For example:

Homework - half an hour of "I don't know what to doooooo...." "help meeeee" drama-llama-ing before she even gets a pen out

Yesterday morning putting stuff in her school bag, she pulled the zip, which has a black tassel on, closed. Tassel came off. Crying, tears, drama. Bag still fine, zip still fine, but anyone would think the tassel was the most important thing in her life

Last night getting ready to go on a scout thing she put some thermal socks on to wear under walking boots - drama that the socks were itchy. OK, put a pair of thin normal socks on underneath - drama that she didn't want to wear extra socks, thermal socks pulled off and thrown across bedroom with a lot of "I'm not going..." drama. Then she couldn't get her boots on as she hadn't loosened the laces - more tears

I thought the toddler tantrum years were bad, but this is something else. The next time she slams her bedroom door I'm tempted to take it off its hinges

I ignore it, offer solutions but don't get drawn in to yelling or anything like that, help her out if she needs it, but I can't stand the fuss anymore

LastingLight Sat 11-Jan-14 18:25:16

My dd (11) doesn't behave like that yet but I can just imagine how irritating it must be! Sorry, no advice, you seem to be handling it in the best way possible. Hopefully this is just a stage...

AChickenCalledKorma Sat 11-Jan-14 23:22:19

DD1 is 11.5. Not too many tantrums yet, but when they come they are big ones.

Generally, I ask her if there's anything I can actually do to help. On the whole, that is the point at which she runs away and slams the door ...
At which point, I remind myself it's only hormones. And I withdraw but make sure she knows I'm around when she needs me.

Eventually, it passes and she needs a hug. And then we talk about the non-negotiables (as in, no smashing things up in the bedroom just because you are cross and no kicking your sister sad)

I'm sure it will pass. Won't it?!

PortofinoRevisited Sat 11-Jan-14 23:33:06

Mine is nearly 10 and has become dreadful at this. Clothes are just wrong. She gets a "headache" every-time something is not going her way or if people are noisy, If i mention anything about her behaviour she will find some drama to blame it on and cry. It is wearing but I fear it will get worse, so I am trying a deep breath/rise above it approach grin

davidjrmum Sat 11-Jan-14 23:37:17

My dh actually did take my dds door off when she slammed it - she's 27 now but still remembers this and she did stop slamming the door afterwards!

myrtleWilson Sat 11-Jan-14 23:42:57

My almost 11yr old is like this but then bounces back to being girl who is scared of teenagers... It's very hard but in my saner moments I try to remind myself that it's probably harder for her (my sane moments are not so frequent!)

Stinklebell Sun 12-Jan-14 00:08:24

Thanks!

I'm desperately trying to be all zen about it and just be here with a hug and some help when it all blows over, which it does as suddenly as it arrives, without condoning the bad behaviour - the way she speaks to me is bloody awful sometimes although she will always come and find me for a cuddle and apologise

She started high school in September and it's like half her brain has fallen out of her head, she was always a bit dizzy and absent minded, but we have reached new levels lately. Half of her strops are because she's forgotten homework, or left something vital behind at school, or is running late and her shoes have fallen down the back of the shoe cupboard, and a mixture of frustration at herself and panic at getting into trouble will set her off and she'll lash out at me. She also gets really tired and hunger has always been a bit of a strop trigger

We've made wall planners, I feed her as soon as she gets home, we've put a comfy chair and a pile of books in the spare room so she can go and chill in peace for half an hour, I offer her solutions and help where I can and I'm really trying not to take it too seriously but it's beginning to feel like I'm living in the middle of a hurricane.

Montessorisam Wed 15-Jan-14 18:47:36

I can totally relate to all of this! The reason why I was looking is because my daughter is under her duvet howling at the moon. I have sat beside her and tried to talk to her but do not get much response. I guess you just have to wait it out until they are ready to come to you and talk. It is hard work tho! I feel like I tiptoe around her at times and can't do right for doing wrong. Age and hormones I think. And I can also relate to the way she speaks to you; mine has just told me she hates me which is hard to take when I haven't done anything wrong!

rachierach68 Thu 16-Jan-14 09:18:42

I'm at my wits end!!! My daughter 9 going on 39 is driving us insane!! We love her soooo much and tell her everyday and do things to show her. She feels insecure and jealous when i spend time with anyone else whether thats with my husband (her dad) or even when i go to work. It's ridiculous. molehills are made into not just mountains but a whole blinkin' mountain range! she hates her dad, has no friends, hates her teacher, thinks everyone hates her - and she can go from this to the sweetest angel. Her dad and i recently got back together so i understand that this and the pressure of school is hard for her to adjust to and she lacks the maturity to handle her emotions. Last night she sat in her bed and i had to physically restrain her from slapping herself on the head as she was feeling so frustrated. We take it in turns to stay with her during the night as she is scared so i just cuddled her to sleep. Maybe i should be tough and let her scream/drama queen it out but how can a mother leave her child who wants to harm herself? Reading this back it sounds like she is a complete spoilt brat or has suffered a traumatic incident neither of which i think are true. out of the house she is a dream child. i could leave her with any friends and know she is amazing.

statisticsthicko Thu 16-Jan-14 09:22:17

Rachie, your dd sounds very unhappy. Would you consider seeking some outside help for her?

rachierach68 Thu 16-Jan-14 12:20:12

I agree. Yes i have thought about that and i wonder what the best route would be, we have a couple of friends who she likes very much and is comfortable with, one friend is a child psycologist, her school has counselling service which i could ask about.

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