update on psycho dd. And looking for ideas!(4 Posts)
This is the spitting, swearing, screaming and kicking one.
GP was absolutely lovely and I'm very, very glad we went. Her opinion was that it's probably quite severe pms. What she's done so well, by talking very gently to dd, was make her confront her behaviour and that it's not fair on everyone, and not what dd wants, either.
Sounds so simple, but was just not going to happen within the privacy of our home.
What we've got to do now is:
Keep calendar so we can anticipate The Rage. Dh and I will make an effort to be nurturing rather than nagging at this point and dd needs to make an effort to take herself out or to her room if she feels she's getting angry.
With our support dd will make an effort to eat healthily and exercise more. Going to try a Marshall arts class to work out some aggression, and a multivitamin.
If this doesn't sort it we can go back and start looking at counselling and more involved help to develop strategies to keep calm.
Both of us left feeling heard and helped. I was judging myself quite harshly and expected the go to respond in utter horror that we'd let it come to this, but not at all.
It's made me think a lot, actually. I don't cut myself any slack at certain times of the month, but do get weepy when this coincides with stress. I was brought up to "get on with it" and have been trying to do the same for dd. I've been going too far with the Spartan bit.
Now, I hope that helps anyone who has felt in the same boat. I'm after some ideas, please. Things we can do to make dd feel cared for and understood, but perhaps not pandered to?
Evening primrose oil capsules seem to work well for my dd who sounds very similar,there's definitely a link to her monthly cycle. Also I try not to confront her when she's in a rage and wait she has calmed and then talk, explain and issue any consequences for behaviour. I try to imagine that dd is like an angry caged tiger when she's having a rage and stay as calm as I possibly can which at times is very difficult! I also use a bit of humour when she is calm and mimic her behaviour to demonstrate how she sounds etc, generally we have a laugh at this and I think she gets my point.
Vitamin b? Evening primrose oil? Any thing that balances out hormones including a healthy diet. Possibly some kind if yoga or meditation to help your DD feel more centred.
Well done for taking her!
If you did go to counselling one of the first things they would be working on would probably be to discuss with your dd how she could take responsibility for managing the feelings that come out of her PMT. They'd explain to her that she may not be able to control the feelings, but she can learn to get control over what she does when those feelings appear. And she can even learn to control how to stop the thoughts that come with those feelings. So it could involve learning basic relaxation techniques, spotting the warning signs, emergency relaxation techniques, maybe a mantra she repeats to herself. Those things you could teach her yourself if she is willing to listen: there are plenty of good CBT techniques described online.
My dd who has an inherited tendency to extreme anxiety has pretty well learnt to do this now: she can't stop the actual anxiety but she can say to herself "ok, this is the anxiety coming, what do I do now" and then go into coping mode. My mum who has the same tendencies but has never been taught any coping mechanisms is pretty helpless during an onslaught. Dd has learnt that her physical reactions are probably something she'll have to live with but if she manages them correctly there is no need for them to cripple them or dominate her life. (she is that little bit older than your dd though)
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