Yr7 DS school worries

[daisychicken]

Ds1 started secondary in September. He was one of two children from his primary to go to this particular school (chosen to suit DS as he's very academic) and he seemed happy to go as he had a friend to go with plus he already knew some of the other boys via this friend.

He appeared to have settled in well, made a group of new friends and reports from school show he's working hard and achieving high. He had a week off with a tummy bug in October and since then has complained a lot about tummy ache. He ended up having 2 days off in November, again due to tummy ache and a couple of times has taken to ringing up when he's almost at school to say he'd been sick/got tummy ache and has been crying on the phone. I had a chat with his tutor but like the chats I've had with DS1, he says there's nothing wrong, school is fine etc..

This morning was the first day back after Christmas and he was crying because he didn't want to go, he doesn't like going on his own (friend lives round the corner but he likes to leave late whereas DS1 is like me and always has to be a little early). I had a chat with him and he seemed to be ok about going to school, I also emailed his teacher. She's had a chat with him and DS1 is now saying that he thinks some pupils are making fun of him (first I've heard of it) but couldn't/wouldn't give her any names. We are both going to chat to him again...

DS1 is very like me so high achiever, works hard, frightened of getting into trouble, can be a bit anxious but he's also very sociable and never seems to have trouble making friends. I used to hate first days back after a break or days where things were different so I can understand today's tears and I can see where being anxious can cause problems but I'm at loss at how to help him.

Just wondering if anyone here has any advice?

[scornedwoman67]

Hello Daisy
I'm in exactly the same position - my son is one of two from his primary school to get in to a super-selective grammar. He is also very sociable, has lots of friends & academically very bright. He has however had a couple of days where we have had tears & I have worked out that it is because he sets himself very high standards, is keen to please & is worrying about forgetting a book/doing homework wrong and getting in to trouble. I did the same as you and one day last term I took him in & spoke to his tutor. She gave him reassurance as well. This morning he was a bit tearful again so I just gave him a big cuddle and told him that if he had any worries at all he could talk to me, that if he had any particular anxieties about any particular subject I would happily talk to his teacher, and that if there was anything he was unsure about, that he should ask the teacher before he leaves the classroom.

I think it is a problem that is more evident in bright kids - they are naturally competitive, worry about not doing well and are unfortunately at 11, not confident with new teachers in a new school. When I went in for parents evening in November, I sat with the teachers ( and my son) and told them in front of him that he sometimes worries - and they were all lovely to him. You're doing everything right & I know from a few years ago with my daughter, that by the summer term they will be much happier & more confident. Lots of hugs & reassurance is the key, I'm sure!

[daisychicken]

Thanks Scorned, I've said the same but feel helpless as I haven't really helped him I don't feel.

We had another chat afterschool and he said its year8/9s from his school and the other secondary on his way to school throwing stones/sticks at him when he's cycling past. It's the first I've heard of it and I did explain that we could have looked for a solution/spoken to school earlier if he'd told me. We've arranged for him to go a different route to school tomorrow and to meet up with a friend on the way so I'm hoping that this allows him to avoid 'the problem' and give him someone to chat to on the way..

I don't like being so helpless! It's not like at primary when I could take him!

[scornedwoman67]

Oh bless him - that's horrible. I'd definitely speak to the school then & like you say, find another route for now and arrange for him to go with a friend. It is horrible isn't it when you have to 'let go' when they start at secondary school. I do hope you get it sorted. x

[Newyearchanger]

Had similar yesterday with ds...last night having really enjoyed the autumn term and done well just said he didn't really want to go back and appeared a bit anxious.
He is yr seven in Independent school (scholarship ) and was the only child to go from his school, some distance away .He has exams .

Today however he came out happy, all fine... Seems he was just a bit anxious/ worried.
He does still need quite a bit of input from us... He likes us to do his bag together and I drive him to the bus as it is some way away.... I guess they are still young.
Hope ds feels better tomorrow.

[Newyearchanger]

Aargh sorry missed the bit about the older kids being horrible... Hope you find a solution.
Can you take him?

[daisychicken]

Thanks for the replies, we've arranged a different route to school and meet up with a friend part way. Yesterday seemed to be successful and no bullying/messing about so DS's school is aware but I'm just going to see how the next few days go before doing anything else. I'm hoping that the change in route and making sure he meets someone part way is enough but if anythings happens then I will be speaking to both schools (what can they do for behaviour outside school though?) and if need be, I'll call the police for advice.

[AChickenCalledKorma]

Do speak to both schools. DD had trouble with a gang of kids hanging around a bus stop and intimidating her and her friend on the way home from school. The bullies' school took it very seriously - no worries about it being outside school - they were in uniform so it reflected on the school. No trouble since.

[daisychicken]

That's good to know and I'll keep it in mind. Rest of this week seems to have been fine so I'll just see how things go.