I don't know how to help dd

(5 Posts)
ItisEyeLeScrooge Wed 04-Dec-13 18:45:07

11yo dd has been on oxybutinin for 5 years to help her with her bladder problems. She wet herself throughout infant school, and continued having frequent tiny leaks until about 18m ago. We think she was oblivious to the leaks for a long time. Her teachers have been fantastic and supportive. She has been reliably dry for over a year now.

Today dd had a tiny accident during PE. Unfortunately her urine can be very stinky. There were accusations and 'looks' about the smell of the changing rooms while the children were changing after PE. The accusations came from a group of boys who have picked on dd throughout junior school. I don't know if they knew that she was the probable source, it's likely that they just picked on her out of habit. But the raised eyebrows and sideways looks came from girls that dd considered friends.

Dd is devastated. She feels miserable and humiliated.

It breaks my heart. Dd can't help having bladder problems! She is so soft, so easily hurt. She's going up to secondary next year, and won't be able to make a fresh start because at least half of her current year group will be going to the same school. I don't want her to carry a 'stinker' label!

I wonder whether this accident is anything to do with a recent change in her medication regime - easy enough to revert to the previous regime. But how do I help her be less hurt by thes things? How do I prevent these looks and comments? How do I get her to look after herself better? She needs to drink much much more do that her urine is less concentrated and so less stinky. She has spare knickers at school, just in case, but she didn't think to change.

I just don't know what to do.

kernowal Wed 04-Dec-13 19:55:58

I haven't got any specific experience of the problem you're describing, but I know how heart breaking it is to watch your little girl loose all of her confidence because other children are being cruel. Sadly there is nothing you can do to prevent the snide comments and looks, but you can be there to help pick up the pieces & teach your DD how to cope.

There's a very good book called Bullies, Bigmouths & So Called Friends available on Amazon which may be worth both of you reading. I keep a copy on my DD's bookcase for her to dip into if she wants to.

Does her school have an Emotional Literacy Support team? My DD moved to secondary school in September and spent time working through a programme with an ELSA for a few months last year. It taught her coping strategies and helped her to realise that some things weren't necessarily her problem, it was the ones being cruel who actually had problems themselves. I would ask the school for help, because she won't be the only one who needs help at this stage.

ItisEyeLeScrooge Wed 04-Dec-13 23:33:19

Thanks for the book recommendation. I have ordered it.

It occurs to me that dd might have misinterpreted the other girls' glances: they could have been including her, rather than being about her. I just don't know.

kernowal Thu 05-Dec-13 08:40:25

Sometimes we're so aware that they're vulnerable that we automatically assume every look or comment is a slight against them. Hope it all works out for you.

ItisEyeLeScrooge Thu 05-Dec-13 20:25:59

Bumping

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