I've lost the moral high ground with another school mum haven't I

(7 Posts)
Meery Mon 18-Nov-13 12:15:37

DD is in Year 6 and has a fairly solid group of school friends since reception class. Of late cracks are appearing in their friendships; the usual girl stuff of cliqueness, bitchiness etc. DD does get upset with it all and I am trying to teach her how best to deal with situations when they arise.

I and a few other mums got an email in the week from "Jo"s mum telling of a joke played on her dd that day, which I guess was the final straw to her, but in the context of all else that is going on with the group I consider minor. She then went on to list the other issues that Jo had been having, which I could totally emphasise with as my dd "Mary" had had similar. Of course Jo was very upset by it all, and would never be nasty herself. I asked Mary about the joke and she immediately realised it had been wrong and wanted to apologise for her part in it.

So I was in the school yard the next day when Mary tried to apologise to Jo, who was not yet ready to listen. I also raised it with the class teacher who kindly engineered a situation to allow them to talk. As far as I was concerned that was the end of it (although the underlying issues involving the whole group remained).

I was therefore stunned last night to receive a personal email from Jo's mum, thanking me for reminding Mary how to be a good friend, getting Mary to apologise and to tell me that I was out of order and acting inappropriately in approaching Jo in the yard. That was a red rag and I just had to email straight back..

"Mary has been on the receiving end of similar incidents and I understand that Jo has not been totally innocent in this. I hope that this will not occur again. In attempting to speak to Jo yesterday I was supporting my child as any parent would. I cannot promise not to do the same again in future should the need arise."

I probably should have just ignored shouldn't I?

Yes. She emailed to say thanks and you've just been snotty back. That really isn't going to help matters is it. In fact you've probably made it worse as next time something happens, they'll be all out to think the worst of your DD.

V silly. Thats the kind of email you may think, but wouldn't write.

Sorry - apols, I've read the bit about being out of order, but yes, being silent would have made you the better person.

travellingwilbury Mon 18-Nov-13 12:20:46

Not replying would have given you the moral high ground possibly but she was bloody rude in her e mail . Do you know her to socialise with ? Sounds a bit 6 of one and half a dozen of another with regards to the girls .

JohnnyUtah Mon 18-Nov-13 12:25:20

Step back, step back, step back. They are starting to behave in the way they will in y7 and y8. They need to handle it themselves. Unfortunately at the moment you still know all the mums because tey haven't left primary school yet.....

Meery Mon 18-Nov-13 14:26:37

Thanks all. I am feeling more than a little silly for rising to the email and am very cross with myself for getting involved as i firmly believe that the girls should be dealing with conflict themselves. It's all part of growing up. Afterall we do not live in a pollyanna world! I did forget my principles though when i responded.

I do consider jos mum to be a friend but as someone we've only met by virtue of having dd at school together i can see this friendship will drift when the girls move on.

shebird Wed 20-Nov-13 14:11:37

I don't blame you for rising to it, Jo's mum should have realised that your DD was doing the right thing by apologising and she should have encouraged Jo to be accepting of the apology whether it be in the yard or anywhere else. Parents like this make things far worse in these situations. They cannot see the bigger picture and think that their child is an angel.

There is a similar situation with my DD and her friends where one girl 'Sue' has been mean and manipulative towards my DD and some others in the past and yet when 'Sue' had a silly argument with another girl her mum was straight into the school demanding meetings and action plans. I really had to bite by tongue because her DDs past behavior was far worse. If she starts on my DD again this year I think I might take a leaf out of your honesty book OP.

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