this isn't normal is it?!

[Notmyidea]

Dd is in year seven. She's a superior, annoying little prig who thinks she's superior to every other child in the universe and that I don't know how lucky I am to have such a perfect specimen of child and I'm just ridiculous if I ever find fault. She's just phoned in floods of tears from the toilets at school because she's got a detention for forgetting a piece of homework.
I'm overjoyed!
Not only might she lose the self delusion that she is practically perfect in every way (and is still loved and valued!) but just maybe she might realise that maybe mummy is right to suggest checking your bag the night before.

[BackforGood]

It's not normal to write in that way about your dd, no!

[Sparklingbrook]

[MisselthwaiteManor]

Poor kid.

[Gerragrippe]

Biizzarree

[BehindLockNumberNine]

Uhm??

[thefirstmrsrochester]

[SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots]

sad.

[Lottie4]

I think a lot of us get where you are coming from, but they do have a lot to take onboard the first couple of months in Year 7. They are trying to be independent as the school encourages, but at the same time have a lot of things to think about, being in a different environment with different expectations, having to make new friendships and not knowing what other girls expect, ie can I be myself or have I got to look more grown up, having to work out how to get to every lesson in a large school, having to take onboard extra homework and perhaps putting extra work in as they don't know what level needs to be worked at.

She will learn from the detention and probably never forget homework again. My daughter had one detention in the first term and I certainly wasn't pleased (she drew on someone's collar and I later found out is was because she wanted the girl to leave her alone and she was too scared to tell a tutor). It was delayed a month due to sickness and then Xmas she spent all that time worrying about it and kept waking in the middle of the night - as soon as she done it, she went back to sleeping throughout the night.

Perhaps, you could check her bag after she's gone to bed. If you think something is missing, just gently ask her if she's remembered the brilliant piece of homework she's done which is due to be handed in, or mention you've notice her workbook on the table (or wherever) and does she need it. You might get a negative answer, but she does still need your support.

The positive thing in this, is that she wanted and still felt able to phone you and tell you what had happened.

[Notmyidea]

Thanks Lottie:D Can I gently explain to some that just because I (and others) use this as a sanctuary to vent about our frustrating preteens does not mean that our communication with or compassion for them is in any way lacking.
I am genuinely pleased she's in trouble because she usually isn't and has a nasty habit of looking down on other children. My response to her has been firm, "no I'm not going to try and get you out of it" but sympathetic "That's very upsetting she you did such a careful piece of work."

[Fragglewump]

Eek I'm not sure calling your daughter an annoying little prig is kind, compassionate or healthy! Poor child

[EldritchCleavage]

Calling it 'venting' doesn't make your sentiments about your daughter any less off-putting.

[Gerragrippe]

Don't call your daughter names that's not venting its just unsavoury.

[pictish]

Oh please...enough with the hand wringing everyone.

OP - sounds like your daughter is shredding your last one. Has she always been like that?

[bundaberg]

it sounds to me like she is an anxious perfectionist rather than a "superior, annoying little prig"

that's why she thinks she is "better" than others, and can't take criticism, and that's why she is so upset over her punishment for forgetting homework.

[Gerragrippe]

[member]

Agree with bundaberg & that the anxiety is causing her to seek your approval at how well she is coping with the new setting
By playing up what she thinks you'll perceive as good (including telling you of others' "failures" to differentiate herself from them), I think she may be angling for praise/reassurance?

[cory]

there does seem to be an awful lot of anger in your post- rather than more ordinary parental shoulder serve-you-right shrugging

is there any particular reason for this?

[mummytime]

I feel sorry for your DD and think you really need to go on a teenager parenting course.

The most arrogant teenagers - actually tend to be those with the lowest self-esteem. The girl who will sit in the back of class re-applying her inch thick make up - actually, truly believes she is ugly without it. When they point out their achievements it is because they are clinging to these to prove they are worth something.
Even the private school pupils who go on about "state schools are rubbish" etc. are actually grasping for someone they can look down on (hence the most confident privately educated people I know are also the most respectful of everyone).

The few teenagers I have known who seemed to have real issues and narcisstic tendencies, actually weren't bothered by other people and totally would not show any reaction to something like a detention.

[Lucyadams184]

I think 7 is a bit young to take responsibility for everything. My son is 6 and as soon as he gets home I'm in his book bag checking things. If your daughter plays up doing homework then that's something else but she needs help. Maybe if you helped her she might not be such a madam. In my experience kids play up to get attention.

[mummytime]

Lucy- year 7, not 7 years old. :)

[FlumpsRule]

Caused a storm there. I don't think there's any harm in the occasional reminder that 'one is not perfect'. It sounds as though you have a hard working, confident dd who slipped up & is having to deal with the consequences of an error... I think you ANBU.

[Lucyadams184]

Missed the year 7 bit sorry, but I still think the same.

[soontobeslendergirl]

Personally I think the experience that getting something wrong and being less than perfect didn't cause the world to implode is a very healthy one.

and OP I think that criticising your child and knowing their faults is better done here as you have done than to their face.

Damn sure my kids are not perfect, No1 son can be an annoying shite and No2 son can be a real twat. They are however the light of my life and I love them dearly and would never tell them that, I'm attempting to steer them away from their less savoury traits :o

I think it's a good thing that this has happened and hopefully you can have a laugh about it with your daughter to see if she will loosen up on herself a bit as it's not healthy to be that anxious about being perfect - hopefully it will turn her into a more rounded girl.

[Gilbertus]

I can understand that you are venting but I think you should think about why you feel so bitterly happy that this has happened. Year 7 girls make mistakes and there's a lot going on for them. If she needs squashing then school/friends will do that naturally! She doesn't need you to be so judgemental.

[Anonmum25]

I know exactly where you're coming from notmyidea we have a similar 12 year old