How to help a 10 year old girl get a bit 'with it'...

(49 Posts)
gleegeek Mon 23-Sep-13 14:38:25

My dd turned 10 in August, so the youngest girl in her year. She tells me that some of her oldest friends don't play anymore (some of them are turning 11 this term) Apparently climbing trees is babyish toohmm

While I would like her to be a child as long as possible I am aware that she does still play imaginative games, dress for comfort rather than style etc

Would you mind telling me what your 10/11 year old girls are into so at least I can make sure dd isn't left out because she doesn't know stuff?? She watches American trash like Jessie, Ant Farm and loves GBBO so I think she is reasonably mainstream but I overheard one of dds friends saying she watches Alien, The Omen and the Saw films (which I don't feel are appropriate!)

She likes Minecraft, making friendship bracelets, riding her bike, reading.

I was bullied badly at secondary school and I'd love dd to avoid this if possible... Is there anything else I should be thinking of?
Thanks

moldingsunbeams Tue 15-Oct-13 21:20:15

I feel your pain, Mine loves Time Team, Big Bang Theory, is obsessed with Coronation Street and its characters, she loves Olly Murs when everyone else love One Direction. She does like musical theatre but more the "older" musicals like Les Mis.

The only groups she does outside of school are science type ones, she has nothing in common with any of the kids in her class at all and I really worry for secondary to be honest.

Turniptwirl Sun 06-Oct-13 18:20:24

They are so funny at this age!

I help at Brownies and guides so yes to getting her into a guide unit or scout troop that she enjoys. I don't think my guides are naturally the outdoorsy adventure types (small unit at the moment lol ), but we've been kayacking this weekend and got a night time kayacking session and an indoor climbing session planned for later in the term so we do do the adventure things as well, although like you have, another local unit does more of them.

Guides is good cause they do so much different stuff, from crafty stuff to baking to camping to kayacking. I don't know much about scouts personally but again I think most units aim to offer a balanced program

Being one of the younger guides, she may pick up on some "cool " things from some of the older girls, but also meet older girls who like the same things as her and show that she doesn't have to grow up so fast if she doesn't want to

I agree with other posters, concentrate in making her a well rounded girl with lots of different interests who is confident in herself and knows who she is and is happy with who she is

kilmuir Wed 02-Oct-13 16:09:52

I have a 14 year old DD and an 11 year old. Just gone into year 7. Very different characters. For now the younger one is like your DD. she always comments about girls in her year that stand around trying to be noticed by the boys! I tell her not to change who she is just to try and fit in with the crowd, not always easy I know. Be true to yourself. She is gradually showing interest in clothes, hair etc but still enjoys watching GBBO with her fogey mother!
Yes year 6 is an odd year, some see themselves as top of the school and want to seem older than they are I think.

Gilbertus Wed 02-Oct-13 15:49:17

She sounds lovely. Fwiw my 10 year old (soon to be 11) loves Minecraft, ponies and still plays with her playmobil. She's very popular smile

PlumpkinPie Wed 02-Oct-13 13:52:53

My just 11 is into all that yours is - certainly doesn't watch anything other than nature programmes (when forced) and american crap (Jessie,, etc) She is fairly innocent but I think it's in her manner and confidence that I think she's changing. She's not on facebook and is not allowed internet access without supervision. She reads a lot and fortunately has two best friends who are not allowed computer games and have great imaginations for games and still play outside (even though one is 12). Their favourite thing to play though is discos (loud music and disco balls) and fashion shows but most of the time live in leggings and jeans. They are not part of the "cool" gang in their school though so maybe that's no help! Your dd will get there in her own time and she'll be perfect whichever way she is smile

Dancergirl Wed 02-Oct-13 13:47:53

Oh and music-wise - although dd has no interest in pop music/culture, she LOVES songs from musicals, especially Matilda and Les Mis.

Dancergirl Wed 02-Oct-13 13:45:33

I love dd exactly as she is, I just want to make sure I'm not holding her back in some way by not knowing what the current trends are and what is appropriate

I could have written this about me and my dd!

Both me and dh were definitely not the cool ones at school, both a bit geeky, and I do sometimes worry that I'm influencing her.

Dd is 10.5, Year 6, and she feels she doesn't fit in at all. She's quite serious/bookish, not into pop music at all which is what the other girls seem to like.

She's recently got an iPod and will use facetime (big sister's help and influence here).

TV - she likes the American rubbish - Jessie, Good luck Charlie etc. I hate them myself but try to turn a blind eye. We watch Bake Off together too. And The Apprentice.

There is no way I would let a 10 year old watch horror films, whatever the social repercussions are!

Totally agree that things will improve at secondary. I keep telling dd this and she's already marking time.

shebird Fri 27-Sep-13 21:52:56

She sounds great OP I would be glad that she is happy being who she is. My DD is 9 and in a terrible rush to grow up. Imaginative play is rare these days although she is sporty and likes to run about and dance. Keep them young as long as possible it's really no fun being a grown up.

MeteorShower Fri 27-Sep-13 10:12:34

My DD is 10 and in Yr 6.

She doesn't watch any childrens' TV but loves animal/nature documentaries, and watches DVDs and films on Netflix. Mostly she likes films about animals or fantasy-type stuff. We let her watch 12s but only if we are familiar with the subject matter (either from reading the book, seeing the film, or reading reviews very carefully ourselves beforehand).

She's a big reader and again likes anything involving animals or children's fantasy. Favourite animals are cats, ponies, dogs (especially pugs, God knows why!), dragons, and monkeys.

She loves playing with her toy stables still and with Lego, and on her DS/Wii (Nintendogs, other animal games, horse games, Eragon/fantasy games). No tablet for her, though we might get her a basic laptop when she starts secondary next year. Not allowed to use any social networks or have a phone but does go on Pottermore and the odd game online. Does a lot of drawing.

Likes clothes but not remotely girly, she won't wear dresses full stop. her clothes are mostly second hand so no particular brands but consistently favourite items seem to mostly come from H&M, FatFace, and Boden. She like spotty stuff, stripey stuff, tops with animals on (detect a theme here??). Skinny jeans and cords are popular, and long hoodies (the sort that are almost like a dress but not quite).

Plays outside for endless hours on the trampoline and climbing trees and building dens and riding her bike.

Rolls her eyes at popstars/celebrities. Not remotely interested in currently popular music, thinks anything like HSM or 1D is rubbish and boring.

I don't encourage her to get "with it" even slightly (I don't dis courage it either btw). I try hard to give her the confidence to like what she likes and not care what anyone else thinks.

Takver Fri 27-Sep-13 09:49:16

Its very true, binger. I'm definitely not a good role model in terms of stylishness / fashion

And when dd reported that a boy at her new school said to her 'I've heard you're terribly nerdy' I can't help feeling that DH & I would both view that as a compliment grin

binger Fri 27-Sep-13 09:30:58

Your dd sounds just like mine, she will be 11 in a couple of months and is one of the youngest in her class. She sticks with a particular group of friends because they make up silly games and are not "show offs" her words. She says the other girls she is friends with are only interested in walking about and talking about boys and are "show offs". She is really into clothes but prefers leggings or dresses.

I think they vary so much at this age and I think a lot probably is down to what parents are like, ie parents' interests automatically influencing the kids as this age group are really impressionable, although I'm probably talking crap here but just what I see as her friends mums' are similar to me.

Takver Fri 27-Sep-13 09:21:31

"I think the older ones in the year might feel they've outgrown the junior school environment a bit and feel the need to show off how grown up they are."
^^ This was absolutely the case in dd's year.

DD went to Sea Cadets for a bit - unfortunately for various reasons it didn't work out for her, but it might be worth considering for your dd? The advantage is that it is very structured, no phones/ipods etc allowed, and here at least is pretty equal by sex. (Disadvantage is that it is quite a big time commitment)

gleegeek Thu 26-Sep-13 23:22:52

She's just started Guides, but to be honest it's mainly girls from her school, but not ones she's friends with so I think we may have to look elsewhere. Also so far they've done baking and drawing, so a bit too staid for her tastes. I think she'd prefer a more outdoorsy approach like Scouts but the local Scout group only has two girls in it, so that's a big no in her eyes! She is on the waiting list for the more active Guide pack so we'll see...

I think Year 6 is quite a difficult year. Lots of transitions and unsettling conversations. I think the older ones in the year might feel they've outgrown the junior school environment a bit and feel the need to show off how grown up they are. It's been like flicking a switch though, so has come as a bit of a shock! It's early days though, so I'm hoping dd will find her feet soon...

We put a load of current music on her tablet last week - Pop Party, Olly Murs etc - but she's gone to sleep listening to The Famous Five!! smile

notwoo Thu 26-Sep-13 22:58:46

She sounds lovely!
Does she go to guides or scouts? Scouts would prob give more street cred but a decent guide unit might give her a good balance of 'with it' stuff (make up, music etc) and tree climbing etc.
Now cds or simIlar or having radio 1 on could be useful so she can sing along with her friends.

pourmeanotherglass Thu 26-Sep-13 22:46:19

My DD is nearly 11 (yr6). She still 'plays' with her 9YO sister, but not on her own. Imagination games only really work with 2 or more kids. She loves reading, and has a book club with her 2 friends. She likes drama, and goes to a drama class, and is enjoying learning clarinet and keyboard. She is starting scouts next week. She tried guides but didn't get on with it (a bit too 'teenage', the older girls turned up with phones and ipods).
She not really into music and fashion and teenage stuff yet, but doesn't really feel under any pressure from friends to pretend to be.
I wouldn't worry too much, the important thing is for her to be happy with who she is and pursue her own interests. Hopefully she'll find friends that share her interests.

basildonbond Thu 26-Sep-13 22:32:15

Dd is nearly 11 and has zilch interest in pop culture - some of her friends are into One Direction and Jessie J and the like but she just rolls her eyes

She doesn't watch any teen programmes preferring stuff like Mythbusters and animal docs, loves playing with the dog and cats, going riding, trains four times a week with her swimming club and does drama and piano

She likes trying on different outfits but will only wear clothes which she likes or are comfy - she wouldn't wear anything just because it has a label

She is apparently popular at school so seems to be able to mix with different types of girls although I am looking carefully at senior schools as there are some where I can see she just wouldn't fit into the prevailing culture at all

Takver Thu 26-Sep-13 18:10:22

Scratch is cool, definitely worth checking out. DD is currently working on an interactive advent calendar to send to her baby cousins in Canada, so you can actually do quite a bit with it smile

gleegeek Thu 26-Sep-13 17:54:43

Meant to say to mrspremise - noted! I am known for my outdated embarassing Mum phrases I'm afraidgrinblush

gleegeek Thu 26-Sep-13 17:51:43

Should be thanks of course!

gleegeek Thu 26-Sep-13 17:51:11

Thank you so much for your fabulous advice - was having a little panic as dd was so sad but have managed to reassure her that climbing trees is still very much OK smile

Scratch looks fantastic! I must delve deeper, I'm sure dd would enjoy it (although apart from Minecraft she is quite disinterested in technology).

I haven't seen SIMS before so I'll investigate that too as it's always good to know what the next thing might be.

Thanks for the advice about clothes - sounds like she's on the right track really! I hadn't thought of New Look, so we'll have a look in there over the weekendsmile

Starball you make a very good point. Dd is (ATM) completely trustworthy, very level headed and good in a crisis, so she probably will have more freedom as a result...

[Thanks] everyone!

NoComet Wed 25-Sep-13 23:03:20

Also the most "childish" teens I know, the ones who climb trees, have water fights and race about reenacting the hunger games are also the teens that were trusted with an adult free house for the night.

Being grown up and what preteen/teens see as being grown up are, of course, very different things.

EverythingIsSoThrowback Wed 25-Sep-13 19:47:50

I have 2 DDs in year 6 (one 11, one 10).
My DD1 pretty much had stopped playing by year 4 or 5, and her and her friends used to just talk at break/lunch times.
DD2 (and most of her class) still mostly played games at break/lunch, so I really do think it varies from year to year.

My DD4 is probably more mature than my DD3, and their class generally seems more on the childish side, so I think it may be hard for DD4, since she generally is quiet, and acts older. I don't think your DD seems babyish though - I continue to see people from DD3/4's year playing around in the trees/field after school.

NoComet Tue 24-Sep-13 23:12:58

And I'm not sure twilight and the other fantisy books DD2 has started borrowing off DD1 aren't just fairy tails, with love interest and a bit of violence thrown in.

(Not that the original Grimm's fairy tales weren't dark and violet).

Mind you DH claims never to have grown up, just to play with bigger and/or more expensive toys. ie Cars, boats and a whole house full of computers and electrical junk.

AChickenCalledKorma Tue 24-Sep-13 22:27:48

DD1 is 11 and just started secondary school. She was a bit upset when she went for her induction day, because everyone just "stood around talking" and she wanted to play running-around games. But today she was moaning that she got caught in the cross-fire when the Yr7s were chucking acorns around, so I'm guessing she's not the only one that wants to play!

She is always up a tree and joining Scouts has been the making of her, because there is a bunch of kids her age who like being outdoors, building dens, sharpening sticks etc.

But she also gets on very well with a rather girly girl who lives round the corner. Girly girl is introducing her to pop videos and the notion of caring what you look like. I'm hoping they will find a middle ground. ATM DD1 mostly wears clothes from outdoor shops and/or the boys' ranges and I'd quite like her to smarten up a bit!!

Takver Tue 24-Sep-13 14:46:21

Obviously the friends aren't more stylish/grown up, not the Daleks . . .<syntax fail>

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