I have just picked up my 11 year old DS from rugby training at school and he was very upset because some of the boys were not very nice to him. I am dreading him going back to school now because I really do seem totally unable to help him have better relationships at school and he blames me for the way he is because I can not help him. I am at my wits end as I do not know how to best help him...would really appreciate any help as feeling pretty desperate when the new term is just around the corner.
HI your info is so sketchy There is nothing to go on really. ie is he only child, father present,how does he relate to his close friends. All these can give you a clue. There is no mention of what you mean by"not being very nice to him"There are so many degrees of poor peer group relationships there is no level given to start on. I suggest you sit down and let him relate to you about it. The idea is to feed back his answers with questions, "How does that make you feel.and what are your thoughts on ?etc.
Be aware so many people use the word "feel" when really they are needing to know a persons thoughts or views on some thing. Feel is the reaction you get in the tummy -ugh! not good.... whoopy ! good stuff. Think is what you do with your brain , helps check on feelings ha ha.!
sit down in comfort and close lean forward so he knows you are paying attention.
Think back on various past episodes and events that have taken place and try and remember his reactions in the various events or scenarios. It is a slow method of getting him to open up more in a settled calm manner. He needs to feel save. Remember kids up to about 18 can pick up sub consciously on a parent's emotional position Questions like- and does it happen to other boys? It will help him recall other occasions where it may have been someone else getting the bad attention. The idea is to get a dialogue going that enables him to start getting things in a more even perspective. lso you need to know if it is a single person that causes the problem or a particular group. Is it on going , if so , for how long. You can then decide to see if the school knows, or needs to know about it. A phone call to the school for a private appointment might be in line. Hope this gives you some help and a starting point. Oh !I have 8 children 2 were bullied. at primary and one at secondary. A call at the school was needed for one of them. Sorted. Good luck
Thanks so much for your reply. He has had problems with friendships in the past, but i thought they had all been dealt with and he has had a much better year at school last year so I really thought we were over the worst of the problems. However, over the last few weeks his behaviour has been getting steadily worse and it could well be to do with the fact that his father has gone away to work until Christmas. The problem I have is that he never really wants to listen to what I say to him and he ends up getting very frustrated. I feel completely unable to do the right thing and feel very out of my depth.