My dd 12 has been hiding lunches from school in her bedroom. I've just found a pile of them nearly vomited with the smell. Apart from the cleanliness there's the issue with her not eating. She's a good kid rarely have to give out to her but has always been a fussy eater. She's in her room now crying as I went mad and we never usually fight. Her school bag is no longer allowed upstairs after school. Any advice please?
Please don't be cross with her. I know I don't know you, but your reaction sounds exactly like the sort of reaction my mum would have had - angry and quite frightening, and oddly (sorry don't mean to be rude here..) more annoyed about the smell/having to rewash clothes than the actual odd behaviour, and thinking it's just "bloody media" and you could throttle her etc (I know you don't mean this but it's exactly the terminology my mum would have used - sorry to say this but bull in a china shop was my mum )
You say she is tall, confident and average weight. So was I when I was at school, but I went through a year or so when I fell out of favour with some girls in my class, and because my mum was so unapproachable - (she would have threatened to ring the school, demand to know who these girls were and why didn't I do this and that and just generally overreact and cause a bad-tempered scene) - I didn't tell her, she didn't ask and therefore never knew. I also never ate lunch for the whole 5 years of senior school because I was frightened of getting fat and that's all I knew about dieting that didn't draw attention to myself at home - Mum chose our food at home and controlled the portion sizes (often too big) and made us clear our plates etc) so the only meal she couldn't control was lunch at school. I wasn't overweight, but I was heavy set and tall and felt generally too chunky compared to some of the gazelle girls.
What my mum always did was transmit and what she never did was receive. She just seized upon a situation, made immediate assumptions and treated those assumptions as fact. Never asked. Was totally unapproachable. Even if we had dared confide in her she was like a terrier searching for something to be annoyed about and totally missed the point hence being annoyed about the smell/rewashing than why someone is hiding food
Please talk to your DD and please listen to what she says, and please don't kick off at her. My sister and I thoroughly resent Mum's crass and heavy handed approach to some matters which only a fool could not see were delicate and needed talking not shouting.
I am not saying this is you - you sound like a caring mum, my mum wouldn't have bothered asking a load of mums on MN for help even if MN had been around in her day - she was too arrogant (still is) to assume anyone else could have any better insight than her. I'm just saying, make sure you know what you're dealing with before crashing in there.