Stupid things for example he asked if he could have a Malteaser after lunch and I said ok but just the one; he finished the packet and put the empty packet back in the cupboard and swore blind he only had one, eventually had to ask everyone one else - all adults - in the house if they'd finished them (just to figure out if DS was fibbing or not). Only after everyone had denied it did DS finally admit he'd eaten the few that we're left.
All that I could think of was that he buy another packet with his pocket money, but he doesn't really care.
Obviously eating the Matleasers isn't the issue, it's the lying about it that is problematic, but I never know what to do and my trust in him is rapidly diminishing, as the lies are more and more frequent. His father (ExDP) is a compulsive liar and and don't want DS to be the same so does anyone have any pointer for me?
I think you saying he could have one Malteaser is the issue thb. I have an 11 yo DH and he could eat me our of house and home, he's tall and very think, very active so needs lots of food, more or less adult portions eg: full baguette in Pret yesturday! So maybe he's still hungry and you are making big toddler style issue of of eating 1 Malteaser? He feels like he has to lie to get enough food? Also don't tarning him with the same brush as your ex, they are two different people, lying about a Malteaser is not the same as being an adult compulsive liar.
I knew the single Malteaser thing was going to throw people off the issue here. He'd just had a massive lunch and he'd said no to more "proper" food, hence the chocolate rationing! He's definitely not starving, and I obviously won't deprive him of nourishment (but I do limit his sugar intake otherwise he'd stuff himself full of junk).
Other little lies for example are him saying he hasn't got any homework so he can go and play, or saying he's finished tidying his room for the same reason. Pretending he's had a shower by running the taps and splashing his hair. When arguing with his sister (3yo) I've caught him out a few times when he's said she's kicked him and in fact it's the other way round.
I think this is very common for this age, I have an eleven your old as well (ds2) and he does to as well.
It's massively frustrating!
Clear consequences, and also i have made it clear to him that whilst he continues lying I cannot trust him and that means that he wont be able to get the extra freedoms, trust and responsibility that he should have for his age.
It's disturbing to adults when children lie through their teeth. My ds1 aged 8 does it all the time. It really upsets me especially as I've seen him hurt his siblings/not clean his teeth etc. it's blatant, defiant and totally believable lying.
I just shrug it off now. Tell him I know he's not being honest, his punishment is whatever and end of conversation.