What on earth was going through my DS3's mind???!(32 Posts)
DS3 is 11. Old enough to know better, basically.
Today he got in some sort of scrap with DS2(13) over who owned what possession. It got a bit ugly so they were both sent away to cool down, and the item was discovered to be DS2's (it was a bloody school bag of all things, but it was from DS1 and has all kinds of signatures and labels, and is therefore the height of cool).
Now if only they could summon up this level of enthusiasm for other areas of their education
Later this evening, after coming home from the shops, I notice that someone has KEYED THEIR NAME ONTO THE HOOD OF THE CAR.
What. The. Fuck. Was. DS2. Thinking.
This was definitely the work of DS2, as the guilty look on his face told us as much when we confronted the DC. He was trying to make a point, that just because something has your name on it, doesn't mean it's actually yours.
And so he keyed his name into our car.
I am beyond furious. I cannot even fathom why he thought this was sensible, what on earth he was thinking?! Sometime he has such lack of understanding for consequences I despair.
Is anyone else's 11yo this immature? And what can I do about it?
haha didn't realise people were still reading this until I saw it pop up in the forum!
Yes, he's done his time and we've put it in the past. Had a good chat the next day when
I'd- he'd calmed down. He wasn't to happy about the consequences (see prior post) but knew better than to complain!
Happily we managed to get friend of a friend to repair the car at a cheaper cost, which DS3 paid for. So all done and dusted I guess, but have to say that DS will be treading of thin ice with us for a few months yet!
Also just seen how old this thread is Is he forgiven yet?!
I know this is so not the point, but you've got to admire his reasoning in that writing your name on something doesn't make it yours and using the car as an example. Admittedly, the execution was a little flawed, a post-it note would have been better, but still...
I'm sure your ds has no idea how much it costs to fix a scratched car bonnet. I couldn't begin to guess at it myself. It could be anything from £50 to £500 afaik; I imagine he has even less knowledge of such things than I do.
Must be a DS3 'thing'. Our DS3 wrote his name on our car too - he's only 6 though, and it was with a stick, and not in anger (though it still scratched the car), but we were less than impressed. I think making him pay towards it is the way to go [your DS3, not ours - he only gets 60p a week, it would take a long time!).
OMG! I think I would have seriously lost my mind and possibly control if any of my DSs did that to my car.
If it makes you feel any better though, recently my 12 yr old was told that he couldn't play football in the garden as I had put grass seed down on a large bare patch on the lawn. I had told him a few times over the previous weeks that he couldn't play footie in the garden because it was ruining the lawn and because there had previously been an incident involving the neighbour's greenhouse (i.e., he had smashed a window with the ball).
He was so angry at constantly being told that he couldn't play football that he went into the garden shed, got various garden tools out and dug up the patch with the grass seed on it. He then got a hose to wash the seed away.
I went effing ballistic.
Can't believe it's the x-box family!!!
I am now seriously worried about my youngest 3 getting older - what have I let myself in for
You couldn't do it yet since he's in the doghouse (to put it mildly I would say), but would some form of martial art help him gain control of his temper or at least learn to think through his rage? The discipline involved (if you find a good instructor) can be very good for impulse control (maybe not so good if he's doing this stuff out of cold malice rather than red mist!).
I know eh! Maybe I'll get my own reality series!
Whatever you do is right IMO. I live for the day when I can emulate you and chuck a games console put of the window. Coolest thing ever to happen in the world!
Crikey, it's all happening at your house OP. That was a spectacular thread btw.
Well PeriodMath, at least it might make his friend's laugh when I retell it at his 21st!
Ahem, yes Phyllis that was me. Not the same DS though! Apparently there are not many mumsnetters in NZ, as I have outed myself on other threads by mentioning this fact!
Are you the MNer in NZ who threw her son's X-box out of the window when he said something really appalling?
Sorry to go off topic - just saw that you were in NZ and wondered.
I know it doesn't help you OP but I am laughing my head off at the brother writing Fred on his mothers' possessions. I can see his point really - but so melodramatic!
Send your aunt this way eyes! I could use a little bit of that!
And lol at the clothes tree! Have to say though, with a very male dominant house, I honestly don't know that the boys would even bat an eyelid!
Don't feel too sorry for my little vandal running. He had a whopping temper tantrum when we confronted him last night, and was screaming about how did we like it - putting his name on something that wasn't his! So I have to say my sympathy is limited.
He was pretty sober when we woke up this morning, but we were having the usual last minute dash out the door for school (living in NZ) so didn't speak about it any further. He was definitely staying out of DH and my way, so I'll have a proper talk when he's back this afternoon and see how that goes.
He does have form for this kind of stupidity, just naughtiness really. Although he is getting way to old for such things. I don't think he links action and consequence very well, this isn't the first time he's done something really naughty in the moment. I just don't know how best to help him link his actions to reality. I'm really hoping it's a maturity thing, and that with time he'll settle down a bit!
Firstly, I think you are right to come down on him like a ton of bricks, and being very specific about what and for how long and how much he will need to do to make things right again in your eyes.
The following is in no way intended to be an excuse, but I was wondering why?
Many children, and a significant percentage appear to be male, seem to take a while to develop an understanding of action and consequence and that sometimes going with the moment is a Really Bad Idea.
The emotion takes over, and the 'Oh Shit' takes a while to catch up.
The intensity of 'It's not fair' and 'I'll show you' is hard to overestimate, and how much brooding takes place.
How is he feeling about secondary school?
Has he got form for this sort of idiocy?
My aunt lost her temper with her DS at 18 who had been rude, dismissive and sauntered out of the house. She too threw everything he had out of his bedroom window and into the garden. Including the wardrobe and bed.
She didn't let him back in for two days, or his stuff.
It rains a lot in Yorkshire you know.
I'm actually feeling a bit sorry for DS3 (aka vandal).
Clearly he didn't think it through but now he is feeling the full-on wrath of both parents - bet he's sorry.
Just out of interest, did he carve his own name on the car?
I ask because when we were kids my sister and I were constantly astonished by the stunts our brothers pulled. They were older but even in our younger eyes they were never ever going to get away with it. It was so blatantly obvious, not only who the culprit was but that they were going to get sussed. Is that a boy thing?
On the plus side, he does know how to make a case for his argument doesn't he?
When DD and DS1 were about 10 and 8 they shared a room in our third floor flat.
They were always fighting. I went in their room on day and something caught my eye on the tree outside. It was one of DD's tops. I thought 'you little bugger DS1' but had a little chuckle at his roguishness.
He had emptied almost the entire contents of the room out of the window. Clothes, books, toys, bedding, everything was scattered about the downstairs gardens and communal areas.
We had to go around knocking on doors (and we had some VERY odd nieghbours) asking for the stuff back. It took bloody ages and strangely we ended up with more stuff than we originally lost
And I used to see odd bits of DD's stuff fluttering in the branches of the trees for months afterwards.
stealth <snort> That I could see the humour in - but this one may take until his 21st to crack a smile out of us.
I remember a similar bust up between DB2 and DM (DB2 may have been a bit younger than 11, but not a lot). IIRC, it went something like this:
DB2 had some penguin - shaped beanbags with which he was learning to juggle. He kept dropping one and it would fly out and hit DM. She decided to write 'Fred' on the label of the penguin that hit her so that she could tell if it was the same penguin all the time.
So far so lighthearted, but DB2 went ballistic about her having written on something that was his. For months afterwards DM found 'Fred' written on random possessions of hers. Nothing so expensive as the OP's damage, but the sense of injustice in the preteen mind is clearly far larger than we appreciate from an adult POV.
(not that I wouldn't be incredibly cross - I would. Not sure how you go about dealing with it TBH as it's presumably not practical for him to pay for the repair?)
Just unbelievable isn't it? We are coming down like a tonne of bricks, to make it clear that this is beyond unacceptable.
He was sent straight to bed when we found out. Good job too, as DH was barely coherent in his rage. He will be banned from all electronics for a month, and the repair for the paint work will be paid for entirely from his allowance and extra chores. He'll also go to bed early for the next week.
Do you think that will hammer home the message?? Honestly, he's lucky he didn't get a smacked bottom the way DH was heading. I just hope this isn't a prequel of what is to come, I can't cope with 3 difficult teenage boys and 2 tempestuous primary children!
ouch, looks like he's got a lot of making up to do to pay for the car to be fixed, or he learns a new skill in repairing cars?
I wouldn't walk away from it, but definately think about it and calm down before making decisions, at 11 it needs to be dealt with.
Oh dear god, I would be incandescent with rage.
Her life wouldn't be worth living as she would be doing chores forever more and going without things she likes. If it was repairable at home then she would damn well be helping fix it, if it was a garage job then she would be made to understand where that money had to come from and then going without until it was paid for. No clubs, pocket money, treats or phone etc.
Feeling quite sorry for you!
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