Worried about my daughters friendships

(11 Posts)

My DD is 9 and in year 4. She has been best friends with a girl for the last 3 years but in the last year another girl has joined them to make a 3. There has been issues along the way but all seemed ok most of the time. However for the last 3 weeks her best friend is kind of ignoring her and saying things like "what are you wearing" and today "no one likes what you are wearing". They seemed to have made a two and are leaving her out. When I went to collect her today the other two girls were stood outside ignoring my DD.

Her best friends mum is sort of a friend so I have sent her a text to say can we have a chat. I can appreciate that the other two girls dont want to be a 3 with DD anymore but those horrid comments are upsetting and not necessary.

I am upset for DD and she seems a little lost. She has now gone back to a friendship she has in year 1 with two other girls who have always been her good friends.

I have texted this girls mum to say can we have a chat. But not really sure what to say. Just cannot believe that this lovely girl that was her best friend is being so hurtful to her. So sad.

DumSpiroSpero Mon 10-Jun-13 23:37:27

Girls friendships are a PITA and threesomes are a bloody nightmare.

Regardless of whether the current friendship is really over for good, can you ask some other kids your DD likes round for tea etc, join a couple of out of school clubs if your DD doesn't attend any and try to expand her friendships.

Have just been through similar with my Y3 DD and seem to be coming out the other side, touch wood, but it has taken a good few months and a fair bit of effort on my part arranging lots of after school tea dates. She has now become very good friends with another girl who was also in a 3 and being left out.

Just hope it doesn't all go pear-shaped when they mix up the classes for Yr4.

Jestrin Tue 25-Jun-13 16:45:29

I could have written your post OP. I feel so bad for my DD sad

sensesworkingovertime Tue 02-Jul-13 12:14:37

Girls friendships are a PITA I will second that Spiro and sympathies to all on this thread going through it. Having been 'dumped' in Yr4 by a friend and then ganged up on and bitched about my DD decided to go off and hang out with the boys, she says she can no longer be bothered with the girls arguments and on/off friendships. Makes me sad for her but hoping that one day she'll find a nice friend in a girl.

sensesworkingovertime Tue 02-Jul-13 12:18:15

Sorry Mumof2 after putting my post on I realised I had not been any help to you! Re your DD sounds like a bit of bullying here, 'ignoring' her is a form of bullying, they don't always realise this. I would speak to school if this carrys on.

MadeOfStarDust Thu 04-Jul-13 13:21:17

I have another one - Y7, 12 year old, her best friend is making a new friend - so has become a 3 with DD as "spare wheel" - friendship issues are guaranteed heartbreaking angst - so much bitchiness going on...

I don't know what to say to help OP - just that you are not alone, and it probably won't be the last time it happens, so get in the supply of tissues and hot chocolate now......

Sonnet Thu 04-Jul-13 19:35:24

I have 2 dd's so have been through this in many forms before. My dd's are now 12 and 16.

I would advocate not getting involved. Friendships that go out can come back in later on in school life. This makes things very awkward if mothers have got involved.
What I have done is empower my dd's to stand up for themselves and encouraged new friendships.

Sonnet Thu 04-Jul-13 19:38:01

I found 'big mouths, bullies and so called friends' a great book and valuable resource for empowerment.

Encouraging your dd's to 'spread themselves thinly' and make many friends has also stood them in good stead as they have got older

sandycloud Thu 04-Jul-13 21:49:17

We have just had the same here tonight. I try to make sure she does activities that maybe school friends don't do. Also find that girls that are mean in a group at school are often much nicer one to one if you invite them round. My daughter starts high school in sept so am hoping she will make some new friends.

Frogger67 Wed 10-Jul-13 10:41:00

This will be of no help but glad my dd is not the only one!! My hubbie is a teacher and says it gets better as they grow up so hang on in there!!

biryani Thu 11-Jul-13 15:36:15

My dd's friends became cliquey at this age. She is an only, and I''ve tried to deal with this by inviting round groups of kids rather than just one, getting her to try to make friends outside of her usual circles, or taking a child she doesn't normally play with much somewhere.

Hard, though, as any efforts I make are rarely reciprocated!

Hang on in there-hopefully it will get better as your dd matures and finds new interests.

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