Devastated DD, first period 10 years old

(85 Posts)
SouthernPolish Fri 12-Apr-13 23:35:45

My DD started her periods today and is absolutely devastated, poor lamb. I have done my very best to prepare her for this day, books, chats, choosing supplies in Boots etc. But she has sobbed and sobbed all evening and her eyes are are very sore.

She says shes just wants to stay a child and does not feel ready to grow into a lady. She doesnt want anyone at school to know.

She has only just fallen asleep in bed with me, clutching her teddy.

I was 11 and remember feeling the same, hence trying to be well prepared for DD.

Feel rubbish on her behalf...

Oh blimey, swimming. School swimming. sad I hadn't even thought of that.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Sat 13-Apr-13 07:45:39

Bless her. I was so embarrassed I didn't tell my mum when I started and spent the entire day in and out of the toilet using toilet paper sad
When it was still there the next day I had to tell her as due at school. Hope I prepare my dd better.

Cuddles and chocolate sounds like a plan to me.

RatherBeOnThePiste Sat 13-Apr-13 07:54:17

Oh I do feel for these girls, big hugs for her. Definitely discreetly talk to the school, they need to know, just in general because of how she may be feeling, but yes school swimming, residential trips?

At my DC school there were certainly girls starting in Y5 and 6, and for a while they had to use the staff loo. I just think they hadn't thought of it, so a drive from the parents was making changes. They were going to put an emergency kit into the loos so girls didn't get caught out, that sort of thing. Not difficult is it? Just needs thought.

She is the same child she was before, big treats needed though I reckon.
X

GettingObsessive Sat 13-Apr-13 08:32:55

Oh, poor wee thing. I was 12 and desperate to be grown up when I started mine - the novelty soon wore off though!

Please reassure your DD that there is no need for her to be a lady any more than he wants to be. It's a terrible struggle at that age trying to decide between being a grown up and a kid, isn't it? And a natural reaction to want your mum, even when caused by something so apparently grown up.

sandyballs Sat 13-Apr-13 08:41:02

My DD started in Jan, just before her 12th birthday but has had nothing since. You may find your DD is similar, takes a while to settle into a monthly thing.

I think it's hard for girls still at primary school.

I started at 10 and it was a terrible shock. My mum hasn't said anything to prepare me at all, and when I told her she gave me a technical briefing on how to use pads but that was it. sad I remember being fearful of leaking and wearing about 20 pairs of knickers at once to try and avoid it. At school I wrapped up my used pads and kept them in my bag until home time as there was no sanitary bin and my mum hadn't thought to tell the teachers.

My mum didn't buy me my own pads, I had to use her huge, long, uncomfortable ones. As I got older I began experimenting with different brands. I have found that I prefer certain ones over others. Some brands have really pretty, girly packaging and the pads themselves come in smaller, thinner sizes and some are softer (I used to feel like I had a wad of plastic shoved in my pants - horrible). I second what the previous poster who mentioned getting her a little tin to keep her pads in and a heat up teddy, but I would also suggest getting her her own special pads with pretty packaging (I know that's not the point but the little things may make a difference to her!) and perhaps some pretty new knickers in darker colours (purple, dark pink) in case of leaks. Also ensure the bathroom bin is closed with a flip lid or something. Ours was open like a wastepaper bin and I felt so embarrassed about my dad and brother seeing the pads. Also, in the bathroom you could make sure there is an accessible place where there are pads and disposable bags for them to go in. Make her aware of the option of painkillers for the cramps, you can get soluble paracetamol in different flavours so child friendly.

It sounds as though you are doing everything you can to support her - I wish my mum had been so prepared!

QOD Sat 13-Apr-13 09:26:23

I had to tell the school as she couldn't cope with carting round a bag with towels wipes etc and taking your bag to the loo is so obvious in yr6
Also, the San bin was in the adults loo only.
Dd was 10 too, bless, she'd started in the evening before, told me she had poo skids in her knickers, I just said ah leave your dirties in the wash, I'm off tomorrow, I'll sort it.
Sent her off to school, did laundry .... Blood.
I had to go up the school, explain to the office and get her out of class.
She did take it amazingly well, think she was in shock!

Dancergirl Sat 13-Apr-13 11:23:55

Your poor dd sad

She's lucky to have such a lovely mum though smile

My dd started last year at 11 yrs 3 mths, was still a shock.

Just a couple of thoughts - is she still on holiday? Most schools seem to go back on Tuesday. It's likely her first period will be very light so may have stopped by the time she goes back. And there is often a big gap after the first one so she may not even have another one in the summer term. You can't be sure though so she should take spare pads with her to school. Put them in a small zip up make up bag or even a new pencil case. She can just leave it in her school bag to be prepared.

Re the swimming, if it happens and it's swimming, you don't HAVE to tell the school the truth if she rather you didn't. If they swim weekly, she will probably on,y have to miss one at most. You can always write a note to say she's getting over a throat infection or whatever and leave it at that.

At my dds school they have a bin in one cubicle, but check with the school. It's NOT acceptable to on,y have one in the adults loos. And remind your dd that she isn't the only one to start young.

rainbowslollipops Sat 13-Apr-13 18:11:38

I think you can only do what you have been doing OP. you've done well to prepare her. I don't think it emotionally prepares them though does it. It sounds scary yes, but being prepared cushions that fear, but I think the fact it just happens suddenly until it becomes regular is something you can't prepare for. I wish schools would take the time to get the girls together and talk them through this. It's nice to have the comfort at home but they need to learn that it's ok at school too.

ItsRainingOutside Sun 14-Apr-13 02:36:53

Its a horrible time for the both of you, mainly as in her head she's still a child but physically becoming a woman. The hardest part for me was helping my dd understand about personal hygiene and the need to keep clean, have regular showers and change her sanitary towel regularly. She started at 11 but most of her peer group had already started and they talked openly about it between them which was something of a relief. Now she's 12, it's the ones who haven't started who feel left out. Keep with it. If you do some digging, you'll probably be able to find out which other girls in her year are at the same stage and that might reassure her.

SouthernPolish Sun 14-Apr-13 08:14:44

Thanks all. We had an OK day yesterday and she has cheered up a bit.

We had a trip to Tescos together for 'supplies'. She was feeling happy to go shopping. I discovered that there are hardly any suitable products for the younger market. My STs make her walk like John Wayne... We got Lilets Teens range, which come in lovely little drawstring bags (you remove outer label so not obvious what's inside), some Femfresh wipes (in case it gets messy) and disposal bags. Found her a lovely cosmetic bag to put the kit in.

Then I saw her eyeing up a Monster High doll she's wanted for ages and she started saying 'what jobs can I do at home to earn her', so I just picked the box up and bunged it in the trolley.... I did point out on the way home that she doesn't get a MH doll every month!

Will defo check out 'disposal logistics' at school and amprepared to have a bit of a groan if they are being f-wits about it (I'm expecting a degree of f-wittery tbh).

SouthernPolish Sun 14-Apr-13 08:28:12

Re: swimming, she doesn't don't do it all year round at school and has just finished a course which ran Jan - March. Huge sign of relief! She's fine about just not going if we go as a family - will plan this around her and DH & DS might just go and we will do something else together instead. TBH I do this anyway, as I usually feel dreadful and blob-like when I'm on. Girly time together and then we'll go swimming once it's passed.

We spoke about tampons and I showed some to her ages ago, but she freaked out a bit and made it very clear she didn't like the idea. Feel she's too young and a step too far at the moment. I imagine that will change as she gets older.

Southern it seems so strange doesn't it? Dolls and Sanitary Towels all for the same DD.

You sound like a great Mum, handling all this brilliantly. Fingers crossed for the school being supportive and no fuckwittery. x

As an aside MH dolls sound terrifying. grin

Dancergirl Sun 14-Apr-13 09:27:27

Asda do a great range of teen towels that my dd likes. I don't usually shop there but go occasionally to stock up.

piratecat Sun 14-Apr-13 09:56:29

hi there, my dd is sitting here and saw i was on this thread, and asked me to let you know that she 'prefers Morrisons own sanitary towels. They are fairly padded, and no wings, she says they are not annoying as you can't feel them.
Good because you don't have to change them too often'.

We must have bought every towel under the sun, and these were best. She does have a heavy flow tho, an found the 'newer' slim ones just didn't do the job. hth

Hulababy Sun 14-Apr-13 10:14:24

My DD started her periods in Christmas holidays. She too was 10, she was 11 last week. She's had 4 now.

I have been surprised at how well DD has coped tbh. After the initial shock she has really just gotten on with it. I did get her a treat that first month too - as I think it is something tough to deal with when so young, and I guess just wanted her to feel better about it all.

It was a surprise as I was a fair bit older at 13 but DD had been developing for well over a year, been wearing a bra for a year (also a B cup now) and has grown a lot (just over 5 foot) over the past few months. Her body shape changed a lot and she had shown other signs of puberty too. She hasn't reached the weight some say is the key weight, but all the other signs were/are there. DD has grown up a lot in the last year, well since Y6, and although still loves playing and being silly, has started to mature a lot too.

She gets some cramping and school have agreed to her being allowed Calpol Fast Melts to be kept in the office for her as and when she needs them. Still using Calpol and having period pain just seems wrong doesn't it? sad

I did tell school. I spoke to her teacher who takes them for many lessons including PHSE; she is also the mum to one of DD's classmates. They had done their talk about puberty and periods last year with her which helped. They have 1 or 2 toilets there with sanitary bins, plus know they can use the big visitors toilet if they want a little more privacy and a room with a sink, etc.

Coincidently 2 other girls from her class (of 11 girls) started over the Christmas holidays too, though they were a 6-8 months older and already 11. All in Y6.

I usually buy DD the teen ranges, although her first day is pretty heavy so we have some of the longer normal pads for then, to protect her clothes.

For school DD had a nice pretty make up bag - we got her a decent sized Jack Wills one in their sale as I knew it was something that would definitely make her feel happier about carrying it! In this she carries her pads, some wet wipes, some scented nappy type sacks and also a spare pair of pants. She also has another smaller make up bag which she keeps in her school sport's bag - again, just in case.

Last month it started the day before we went away and she was going to be swimming a lot. She was devasted but I supported her with trying a tampon. With some guidance she was able to use one for that day and although she didn't really like it, it did mean she was able to swim happily. She didn't need to the next days fortunately. I am not sure she would chose to use them again unless in a similar situation, but not really through choice.

DD does get a bit hormonal at the start each time; tearful for no known reason, etc. We just treat her a bit more with kid gloves at that time and make allowances for the day or so. It's hard still being a young girl at the same time as dealing with grown up hormones.

Give her lots of hugs smile and tell her she isn't on her own. It's a bit rubbish, but most of her friends will be the same too within the next year or so.

Hulababy Sun 14-Apr-13 10:16:01

The Lililets teen range do a starter pack. I got this for DD one month. Not because she wanted the tampons - but because it comes with a nice little zip up bag - ideal for DD's sport's bag.

Hulababy Sun 14-Apr-13 10:17:11

Sorry - know my message was a tad long though!

Just wanted to add though - school were fantastic. No issues at all and very supportive.

Branleuse Sun 14-Apr-13 10:18:38

why does she think it makes her not a child anymore?

Another Yeah for being a great mum

I was 9 and had no idea what was going on as my mum is of the 'don't talk about it' school of parenting, and when i leaked into the bed when i was away on holiday she and my dad shouted at me!

So big points for you Southern

rainbowslollipops Sun 14-Apr-13 10:30:04

Bran - because she's becoming a woman. It's a big part of going from little girl to grown woman.

colditz Sun 14-Apr-13 10:38:45

I was a very young 12 when it happened. Make sure the school have sanitary bins and make sure that they know that making her use the staff toilet is in no way a decent alternative. There is no alternative, they need to have bins and and the caretaker/cleaner needs to empty them daily.

SouthernPolish Sun 14-Apr-13 11:25:00

Interesting the number of messages regarding out own experiences... so good opportunity get mine off my chest:

I was only just 11 and on holiday in France with my family. Sex education at school had not properly covered periods, but my older sister (then 14) had recently started hers, so had figured out some of it from observing her. Anyway, I felt rubbish and noticed weird dried brown marks in my pants and told my Mum, who said 'No, that's not happening to you yet, your sister has only just started hers, so you can't be'... at which, I showed her the evidence. Her reaction? 'Oh.... [long silence and frowny face] .... go and see your sister - she will sort you out'. And that was the end of that conversation.... :-( Had the crappiest holiday on record.

It got worse though... As I grew older I developed really bad period pains and, by the time I hit 14/15 I started being physically sick and having diahorrea on the first day, along with cramps so bad I could not stand up. So I started having to miss school and also spent a lot of time in the medical room. Often a friends kind older brother would drive me home from school (both parents at work and 'unable' to collect me).

I asked my Mum to take me to the GP (she did not suggest it), she kept saying 'its not an illness - just take two disprins and have a lay down'. Made no attempt to properly sort me out. No painkillers worked, as I was vomiting too badly to keep them down. Anyway, after persuading her to take me to the GP, the advice was to go on a mini pill. My Mum went ballistic and said there was no way she would allow that (she has some strange ideas about sex and is ridiculously prudish and pent-up).

So I soldiered on with it until I was 15/16 and then had to miss a mock exam because I was in a bad way. My (lovely) English teacher had a long chat with me about it one day at school and said she was worried I's not do well in my exams as a result. She advised me to visit a GP near school (I lived in a village 20 mins bus ride from school) with a friend in my lunch hour - I had no idea I could actually do this on my own. GP was fantastic and prescribed mini pill. Started taking it and was better within weeks.

However, my Mum noticed I'd improved and, one day while I was at school, searched my bedroom and found them. BINNED THEM! Got home, blazing row, accusations of having sex (I wasnt),dreadful humiliation... So... I went back to the GP for more (lovely GP, very supportive). And basically the same thing happened over and over again until I left home at 18.

Oh... and by the way (according to my Mum) tampons are really bad for your health and cause miscarriages... apparently. She also used to bin tampons if she found any in the house too.

How fucked up is that?!

So... it wasn't really hard to work out what DD needs from me. I made lots if mental notes many years ago. Basically: remember what my Mum was like and do the EXACT opposite.

Sorry - long post - but needed to get off my chest as DD experience has brought back a huge wave of anger.

SouthernPolish Sun 14-Apr-13 11:34:28

Oh - by the way - spoke to my Mum yesterday and mentioned DD. Guess what she said?! Two things:
'It's not an illness'
and
'You won't put her on the bloody pill will you?'
Grrrrrrrrrr!
I gave her a bit of a gob-full.
She changed the subject swiftly.

I feel very sad for me and my Mum - way past resolving.
But really happy for me and DD - very loving close relationship.

You reap what you sow.

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 14-Apr-13 11:43:07

Dd hasn't started yet but has shown a few signs (she was sent hone from dance last week with tummy cramps)

Does anyone have a young dd who dances. How did they cope with leotards and how soon did they start using tampons. Are non applicator best for younger girls?

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