WWYD about these messages?

[CeliaFate]

Dd is in year 8. In year 7 she made friends with a girl, had a few afternoons round each other's houses then it petered out. Dd doesn't really get on with her now, she finds this girl a bit odd and clingy and they've both made new friends.

I was checking dd's FB account and have found several private messages to her group of friends from dd, basically taking the piss out of this girl. Laughing at things she's said, done or posted. There's no need for it, the others haven't really responded but dd keeps doing it. I'm furious with her for being so bitchy and mean, even though this girl doesn't know dd's doing it, it's not on.

WWYD? How do I approach this so dd realises it's unacceptable, but in a way that'll make her stop it, rather than continue to do it but hide it from me?

[NewYearNewBoo]

This is just the very start of this behaviour and if left and not dealt with could escalate into some very nasty cyber bullying. Good on her friends for not joining in but it needs dealing with soon before your dd finds 'friends' who will join in. My advice would be to tackle it. Maybe let the school know to they can keep an eye on it there?? Good luck.

[AnyFucker]

I would tackle her about it

[NewYearNewBoo]

here maybe look at this with her

[CeliaFate]

I want to tackle her about it, but what would be the best way?

I won't let the school know, my dd is a good pupil who I think is trying to be liked and not to be picked on by doing the teasing iyswim? Not acceptable, but I don't want to use a sledgehammer to crack a nut.

She will be mortified and upset when I tackle her, but I need to do it sensitively so it stops. I will have a look at that link NYNB, thanks.

[NewYearNewBoo]

Does she know you look at her messages? You could try with a simple 'I have seen your messages to ........ anything you want to talk about?' If she says no, I would follow with 'well there is plenty I need to say about it' if she happens to say yes then you have a start to the conversation.

[AnyFucker]

that link looks great

[CeliaFate]

No she doesn't know - that is the sticking point to starting a discussion. I have invaded her privacy.
I do it to make sure she is safe online, I didn't think she'd be using it to laugh at someone.

[NewYearNewBoo]

Mmm, I think you may just have to brazen it out, tell her you looked as you were worried about her safety because she is so young and were shocked at what you saw, which is absolutely the truth and you are not in the wrong to do that, so if she starts being a bit teenage about it that needs pointing out.

[AnyFucker]

I looked at my children's messages periodically up to about the age of 13. It was agreed as conditions for having the relevant bits of kit, bearing in mind (as you have found out) they can also be purveyors of harm as well as fun.

It was by checking my 14 yo dd's FB msgs that I discovered she was being groomed by men in their 20's and 30's.

You are the parent here.