was this too harsh a punishment?

(14 Posts)
NamingOfParts Tue 08-Jan-13 18:16:24

I would separate things - deceit vs 'forgetting'

We have an ongoing problem with DS forgetting to brush his teeth. However, our rule is that forgetting is revolting but okay so long as he admits straight away and goes up and brushes his teeth when reminded.

Same with other aspects of cba forgetfulness such as putting clothes in the laundry etc.

Deceit is a different matter. For that he experiences the wrath of the gods.

However we do have the advantage of an older and younger sister to keep DS's revoltingness in check!

MikeLitoris Tue 08-Jan-13 18:06:10

He isnt allowed to take food upstairs, this is part of the issue. Being sneaky about things.

We have a set agreement for access but he will randomly pick ds up from school. Ihave been trying for years to get ex to agree to some basic ground rules for ds but he refuses to discipline. he wouldnt want to be the bad guy.

impty Tue 08-Jan-13 17:53:47

Ah so he's dividing and conquering.... even though you are divided.
That's tougher. Can you talk to your ex and come up with a plan? Can you wait it out this time? By which I mean will his Dad want him to go home to you at some point, when that time comes you can discuss discipline?

Chopstheduck Tue 08-Jan-13 17:50:43

do you have a set arrangement for visits/custody. I think you both maybe need to back each other up on where he is supposed to be so that he can't play either of you off each other, or that is going to cause real problems in the future.

Chopstheduck Tue 08-Jan-13 17:49:33

I take things away all the time when they don't look after things. I do think though some things you should deal with though.

Stop letting him take food upstairs, if he can't bring cups and things back down, and stop letting him have breakfast until he has showered and cleaned his teeth.

I don't have time to stand over them, but I do smell checks of hair and teeth if I suspect they aren't cleaning themselves!

I have a 10 year boy and I caught him arguing with one of the dts (7) a few weeks ago, absolutely insisting that pants only needed changing every other day <thud> I think he is changing them daily now!

MikeLitoris Tue 08-Jan-13 17:47:59

Give him a chance to 'earn' the stuff back. Tidy room = something back

This was the plan. He was fine with me last night when it happened. Fine when I dropped him to school. Bloody ex wasnt even supposed to be picking him up today

MikeLitoris Tue 08-Jan-13 17:46:00

He just shrugged and put on the puppy eyes at the laptop. I would not have minded half as much if he had shown me what he had done and apologised.

Playing dumb gets on my last nerve.

He gets a fair bit of freedom for his age (imho), gets to go skating til 10.30pm on a friday etc. The deal was he treat his stuff with respect and kept himself clean.

His dad will be loving this. There has been times when ds has refused to go to his dads so he will see this as payback.

Am I going to get this everytime I dare to discipline him?

When his dad text me I just replied 'thats fine', i refuse to show he has got to me.

impty Tue 08-Jan-13 17:45:04

Just to add dd2 picked 2 keys off her lap top. Its been taken way until next year as we decided she wasn't mature enough for such an item.
We are probably much harsher than yougrin grin

impty Tue 08-Jan-13 17:42:14

No. I have found that my dd's 15 & 11 will push and push until we dramatically say enough is enough. It only happens once or twice a year. Thankfully grin

Give him a chance to 'earn' the stuff back. Tidy room = something back.
I put it down to boundary testing. It seems to come from nowhere and disappears just as quickly. I would describe my dc's as great kids too. Perhaps they need to rebel just a little regardless?

standsonshiftingsands Tue 08-Jan-13 17:36:43

Toughie, but know exactly where you are coming from - have a 12 year old boy sounding very similar.

Did you let him explain how the crack happened?

rubyslippers Tue 08-Jan-13 17:36:37

I actually think it's fine

Is his dad on board with the punishments if you live separately?

pictish Tue 08-Jan-13 17:36:20

No you weren't.

However, I have a son of 11 and he would wear the same boxers for days, and not brush his teeth, if I didn't intervene and boss him into it.

Is he perhaps a wee bit immature to take the responsibility on of doing these things for himself?

Maybe you need to step in a bit? Just a thought.

MikeLitoris Tue 08-Jan-13 17:34:09

Should have bought some medals to hand out to anyone who manages to stay awake through that stupidly long post blush

MikeLitoris Tue 08-Jan-13 17:33:05

Ds is 12. Is a mostly well behaved and polite child.

Can be very lazy, messy and a touch ungrateful at times.

In the past when he has not done as asked (tidying room, helping around the house etc) he has either been grounded (only a day or two) or had his ps3 removed.

He had a laptop for xmas and was told if he didnt look after it he would have it taken away. Found it last week with a big crack in it. Took it straight off him .

Since then he had been exeptionally lazy. Not washing or brushing teeth. Same boxers on for days etc, even when asked repeatedly to sort himself out. His room is minging. Mouldy food and cups stuffed in drawers with brand new clothes.

He has been asked to go to bed a bit earlier than normal to get ready for school for sunday night. I caught him playing on his ps3 when he thought I was sleeping.

I have given him loads of warning s that if he didnt buck up his ideas he would lose the ps amd all the nice things he had for xmas. He hasnt listenedso everything is gone from his room. Tv, ps, phone amd all the new clothes he had.

He's gone over his dads today and is refusing to come home.

Was I too harsh?

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