9yo now sitting in front seat of car - sibling meltdown AIBU?

(27 Posts)
Handywoman Thu 20-Dec-12 17:03:18

Ok so dd1 is now tall enough to sit in front seat of car and now asks to do so.

Trouble is her 7yo sister is has gone into total meltdown over the issue (it's... not... FAIIIIRRRR) on school pickup-refusing to get in car, then after bring bundled into car refusing to come in the house blah blah blah.

Ironically I thought separating them in the car might help with the after-school bickering!

I am torn between continuing and allowing dd1 the privilege since she is now tall enough, and reverting because of the upset caused to dd2.

dd2 is being assessed for autism and I can't work out whether this is a characteristic upset at a big change, or an understandable reaction to bring alone in the back of the car.

Thoughts (and perspective) anyone?

Thanks....

Handywoman xxxxx

Handywoman Sun 23-Dec-12 23:12:09

I would not call it bad behaviour, it just is what it is, influenced by rigidity of thinking, lack of theory of mind and difficulty with change. I managed to push all the buttons for dd2 without adequately preparing her. I did say I was going to talk to them both about it. Which I have, it is not an excuse but requires extra input, and we are working on it!

Thanks, Handywoman x

kilmuir Sun 23-Dec-12 17:57:30

no i didn't miss that thank you. but the DD 's behaviour has to be dealt with by the ADULT. Throwing a tantrum will or should not get you want you want.
Tell her why her sibling is allowed to sit in the front, she can when she is tall enough.
I have a nephew with Aspergers and my sil never uses it as an excuse for bad behaviour. she takes the time to talk to him, he doesn't get what he wants because of his SEN.

BertieBotts Sun 23-Dec-12 11:39:01

Kilmuir did you miss the part where OP says her DD has SEN?

kilmuir Sun 23-Dec-12 11:37:30

One child has a tantrum so other one can not sit in the front?
You are the adult, tell child 2 , they are not big enough yet to sit in front but when they are they can. Good grief what madness

dishwashervodkaanddietirnbru Sun 23-Dec-12 09:27:27

how is sitting in the back losing out?

conorsrockers Sun 23-Dec-12 08:39:24

I have 3DS that take it in turns - they are 10,7 and 5 ... all with a booster seat. They always have done ...

kilmuir Sun 23-Dec-12 08:34:19

don't understand why older child should lose out because the younger one has a tantrum.

purpleroses Sun 23-Dec-12 08:30:27

Solved this one with my DCs by allowing DC2 to have a seat next to her for a large teddy in the back. And generally encouraging her to.enjoy the extra space.

Handywoman Thu 20-Dec-12 18:12:09

Thanks muchly. I think the SN thing is an issue. dd2 after her tantrum said it was a 'big change and I don't like the big change'. I have totally gone about it the wrong way and failed to prepare her. I am a dufus!

I think I need a re think on this and will revert while I talk to them both separately about it.

Thanks. You lot are aces xxxxx

MirandaWest Thu 20-Dec-12 17:43:46

Mine are 9 and 7. DS (9) is mainly in the back - will sometimes be in the front if it's just him and me. He accepts that mostly he is relegated to the back grin. Can't remember if DD has moaned when he sits in the front or not but tbh if I felt it was right for DS to sit in the front, she'd just have to put up with it

dishwashervodkaanddietirnbru Thu 20-Dec-12 17:42:09

P.s. your dd2 would be able to sit in the front as long as she was using the appropriate child restraint.

dishwashervodkaanddietirnbru Thu 20-Dec-12 17:39:27

Both mine sit in the back, age 6 and 9. It is safer for them to sit in the back so that's where they will stay. Both are still in high backed boosters too although dd is probably the minimum height to ride without one - still safer to be in it though.

Both in the back for my two despite DD being big enough to sit in the front. It wouldn't be fair on her brother.

If i only have one child in the car, i let whoever it is sit in the front (with booster seat if needed) but push the seat right back. That way it's easier to talk on the journey.

clam Thu 20-Dec-12 17:30:25

Well, it's not quite the same thing, as you may have SN at play here, but once my two (similar height) "qualified" for the front seat, my rule was that the first squabble about it to hit my ears meant they were both relegated to the back seat. They soon worked out a system.

stargirl1701 Thu 20-Dec-12 17:20:34

Could the road safety officer attached to the school explain the 135cm rule to your dd? It sometimes helps if an authority figure other than a parent has a chat.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Thu 20-Dec-12 17:18:04

Also you can't really justify keeping DD1 in the back because it's 'safer'. She is tall enough to be considered 'safe' to ride in the front - we don't make adults sit in the back until that is full before allowing anyone to sit in the front do we?

On the other hand, my niece is now tall enough to sit in the front and her brother is a few years younger - he would kick off if she was allowed to, so fortunately it hasn't come up yet - long may that last! grin

cathpip Thu 20-Dec-12 17:16:01

I was always under the impression that if there was a full fitting seat belt in the back a child had to use that first, and then if one has to sit in the front it is the heaviest not the tallest, could be wrong, please feel free to correct mesmile!

imtheonlyone Thu 20-Dec-12 17:15:59

Personally I would have them both in the back. It is defo safer and as there is a younger sibling - I wouldn't be able to justify the 'privilege'. Kids in back, adults in front!!!!!!!

bigTillyMincePie Thu 20-Dec-12 17:15:56

Sparkling, we do the same with our DC - 13 and nearly 12!

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Thu 20-Dec-12 17:15:16

DD1 gets to ride 'up front' DD2 learns to accept she isn't yet old/tall enough to do so, autism or not I'm afraid. You cannot allow DD2's tantrum to dictate what happens when DD1 is old/tall enough to do things - you just can't.

bigTillyMincePie Thu 20-Dec-12 17:15:03

Younger siblings always moan when the older one is allowed to do something and they are not.
When DD was allowed to sit in the front and DS wasn't, he had to put up and shut up and wait till he was old enoughgrin

However, did you prepare them both (but especially your DD2) by talking through what was going to happen and why BEFORE you let your 9yo sit in the front? IME children with ASD traits have an extra-strong sense of fairness and hate change. You can lessen issues by explaining in advance.

We had a stage where the two DSs (2 1/2 years between them) would squabble over everything. Where they sat at the table, who went out of the front door first, who cleaned their teeth first etc. It was very wearing.

Now at 13 and 10 they still have ridiculous squabbles but not as often. Now they can both go in the front of the car. One in the front on the way, the other in the front on the way back.

Bluebell99 Thu 20-Dec-12 17:11:35

I don't think there is a law about being tall enough and I've just googled to check. However pretty certain it is safer for children to travel in the back of the car and this is where my children sit (13 and 10).

FireOverBethlehem Thu 20-Dec-12 17:11:20

Is there a height restriction for being in the front - couldn't your younger daughter sit in the front with a booster seat?

Personally I'd have them both in the back - this has just created one more thing to fight over.

Pooka Thu 20-Dec-12 17:09:46

Both in the back.

Is safer anyway.

Only time dd goes in the front is if we have a carful, or conversely, if is just me and dd.

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