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My DD is 9 and has always loved school but has become increasingly unhappy as a result of changing friendship groups. Her best friend has moved on to another friend and she has felt pushed out and rather lonely. I told her to focus on making other friends, which she has tried but when approaching other groups there is one girl in particular who is telling her she can't play, to go away, that she smells etc
It all sounds really trivial to adult ears and I have never got involved with fall-outs before, believing that teachers have better things to worry about but she is spending her break times crying in the toilets and she seems really unhappy. Now I am friends with this girl's Mum, who is lovely and would be mortified, so it would be really awkward. We have a school pick-up rota some weeks as well, so I often have contact with this little girl. So my dilemma is whether to have a word with the teacher, the Mum or directly with the child. What would you do?
Definitely speak to the teacher. Other Mums can get very defensive if you critisise their dc's, even if you're in the right. Do you think that the school has an effective bullying policy?
If she's spending breaktimes in the toilets crying then it's not trivial and adults need to intervene.
I'm having problems with my 8yo dd, slightly different from you in that a child is jealous of dd's friendship with another girl and is making her life awkward. Things like kicking dd under the table when the teacher isnt looking, accusing her of pushing into a line when she hasn't, that kind of thing. DD didn't want to go to school this morning and was crying at school yesterday too, saying she feels ill but not appearing terribly unwell to my practiced eye. I've kept her off today but have asked for the teacher to ring me so I can discuss it with her. Yesterday the other girl has been spoken to already about being mean to dd1, I'm worried that dd1 may think there will be repercussions. I know the other girl's mum, not well but more than just to say hello to iykwim. Awkward but at the end of the day my priority is dd1's happiness.
Thanks for your reply - I will speak to the teacher. It's just heartbreaking to think of your children sobbing at school isn't it? I know what you mean about repercussions too, you don't want to make things worse for them. Hope you manage to sort things out too.