How do you deal with the start of teenage angst?

(7 Posts)
slalomsuki Mon 17-Sep-12 21:15:42

DS is 11 and just started senior school. He seems to have turned from a placid year 6 who would do his homework quietly in to a raging year 7 who blames me for everything.

I have tried snacks in the car in case he is hungry or has low blood sugar at the end of the day, leaving him at homework club before picking him up so he can do it without me(he does very little in the hour there), or staggering his homework either side of tea but nothing is working.

His shouting and raging is unbearable at times especially as I have two other kids who are younger and still need homework help etc. I have tried threatening him with no football/tv/meeting friends etc to no avail.

How do you all deal with the angst and rages?

FancyBread Mon 17-Sep-12 22:38:12

I tried to give my DC's a bit of slack when they reached teenagehood. I also tried to stop treating them as little kids, which is hard when they still act immaturely. hmm
Things like giving them a later bedtime than their younger siblings, giving them more pocket money and more responsibilities all help them understand that they are getting older and should be behaving in a more mature way. Can you do things with him away from his siblings?
Finally, my biggest tip, would be to leave things like homework up to the school to deal with. If he doesn't do his homework he will get in trouble at school and may do poorly in assessments. This is how he will learn and become responsible for his own actions. Fighting with you over homework will just raise everyone's angst. Obviously, you still need to encourage and help if need be.

nappydaysagain Mon 17-Sep-12 22:38:25

I could have written your exact post slalomsuki. I am really struggling with my DS1 at the moment and actually feel out of my depth managing his anger and hormones at the moment sad.

My DSs moods swing from anger to sobbing. He has also had trouble with a close friend at school who is being really nasty to him.

I'm hoping someone will be along soon with some helpful advise.

I have just bought the book Teenagers! by Rob Parsons. I have only just started reading it but like the 'tone' of how it is written so far, and am hoping it will have some useful advise in it.

slalomsuki Tue 18-Sep-12 03:40:08

Nappy thanks for your post. I'm glad to know I am not the only one.

Tonight I sat a bit shell shocked after he had gone to bed trying to re-evaluate what goes on. I think part of the problem is that he gets loads of homework now se of which has to be handed in the next day and he doesn't seem to be too efficient in getting it done.

Fancy I have tried to cut him some slack. He can go to bed when he wants up to 9pm even on a school night but he tends to take himself off earlier. He went at 8pm ish tonight for example. He gets quiet a lot of one to one attention from either me or DH. Part of the weekday issue I think is that DH works away sometimes and it's just me with the kids. He rages at DH who eventually shouts back which is what I try to avoid doing.

I know it's puberty and I know it's probably within the bounds of normal behaviour but it's really difficult to deal with and to know what to do for the best.

FancyBread Tue 18-Sep-12 08:48:33

I do think it is completely normal. Two out of my three did it. They are well behaved nice polite DC's who all work well at school. I am a calm happy SAHM, etc, etc but I would still find myself being at a complete loss at how to deal with their behaviour at times. I literally couldn't understand why they were behaving how they were. They were just so illogical. I am not a shouty DM but sometimes I had to yell at them A LOT. It is funny shouting at someone who is bigger than you (and more articulate) hmm
We got through the teenage tantrums ok, we still had fun together and enjoyed each others company and now that eldest DS is at Uni, the house is very calm again. smile The other two have also matured and I don't feel like I am living with a pack of animals anymore. In fact, they are really good company and make me laugh.

weegiemum Tue 18-Sep-12 09:00:58

Sounds just like my dd1. She's 12 and just started secondary (Scotland so they start later).

She's turned into a chameleon child! One minute she's my BFF, next minute I'm the worst mum in the world ever!

I (as secondary teacher before dc) insist on some homework completed before TV or computer time. I take her phone when shes home working because there are hundreds of bbm meassages on it by the end of homework.

I try to really big up the times he's my friend (hey! Let's go trawl round the charity shops! - which she loves, she's a very individual, eclectic girl) and leave it be when she's not. At this age I think the carrot works better than the stick!

Her bedtime is 9.30. That's cos dd2 (8) is 8.30, ds (10) is 9. But she quite often takes herself off to read in bed before the 9.30 deadline. Mainly if she can't find any more Big Bang Theory on TV.

We're also strict about tv/screen. No computers or tv in bedrooms (apart from ours :D . Half an hour screen time a day in the week, an hour at weekends. I try to ration the phone time but am not always successful!

Djsxxx Wed 26-Sep-12 19:28:39

My 11 year old son is the same so polite and well mannered to everyone exept me just wants to sit on his blackberry or watching tv all i get is 2 mins mum or worst mum ever and its becoming more regular a screaming match between me and him i constantly need to repeat my self snd am usure how to cope with it at times, so i feel ur pain its so frustrating x

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