My DD is really dreading starting school in three days. I kinda thought it was just normal stuff, and then I got a bit more concerned. At first I thought it might be bullying (DS2 was bullied because of his accent and stuff when we came over from Australia- and I'm a bit paranoid since then) but she told me all about this 'friend'.
In October, having made her new friends and stuff, this girl who no one likes was crying about something or other and the teacher asked DD to look after her for the rest of the lunchtime. Let's call the girl A. A expected it next day and stuff, and is now trailing after DD and trying to be involved. At the start, DD said she didn't mind- her friends didn't mind either. But it got really, really annoying after a while. A really has NO friends. People just don't like her. She's one of those people who doesn't know when to stop and doesn't know when people don't like her- so the people who might have been friends with her were put off. DD doesn't like her, apparently she copies her work etc; DD is intelligent, top of her class normally and A is boring for her because she hasn't read what DD has read, she doesn't understand some of the words DD uses and when DD is forced (if A hasn't got a partner in class work, as is usual, DD has to be partnered with her even if she's already in a group) it means that DD has to choose between bad marks or taking over all the work.
To give you an example of that- near the end of the summer term, they had a history project on Rochester. They were in a group of four and tried to avoid A (she was really bugging them by then, following DD around when she didn't want her, annoying DD's real friends, taking her friends' places on coaches and stuff) but A had to join them. DD was team leader because she loves history. She decided everyone should do two things on the castle and one thing on the cathedral. A said she couldn't do one of the castle things, so was given two easy things to do on the cathedral. Because there was some extra work DD would have been doing four things anyway- now she was doing five things for the castle and one thing for the cathedral. A said she needed help etc; until it became clear that DD would be the one who was REALLY doing her work. She asked A to print it off a week early, as everyone else would do, and A didn't. One week later- A still hadn't printed it off. They lost 8mks (out of 20mks) because of that, and they were bottom of the class.
Apparently, A's like a little puppy following DD around and is making DD's life hell. She can't hang out with her friends because A's there and her friends really hate A, and she can't sit with her best friend on the coach or bus because A always manages to nab it. She is being forced to partner with A for everything and is seeing less and less of her friends. She's also losing friends because people don't like A and don't want to be around A- who's always with DD. She can't tell her that she doesn't like her because that would be cruel, but she's really not enjoying school and losing some of her friends because of her.
Even to me it seems not too hard on DD- but she was actually crying about it, so I think it's more serious than what she describes. And from what she says, A hadn't got any friends in primary school, so I think it's a long-term problem. Help?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.
Preteens
12yr old's friend problem?
4 replies
AussieInEssex · 03/09/2012 20:08
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.