If your pre teen said they were invited for a sleepover would you check with the other parents?

(67 Posts)
VivaLeBeaver Fri 29-Jun-12 23:10:35

dd has three friends sleeping over tonight. They're new friends. Two of them I have never met the parents and they've not met me. I vaguely know the other girls mum, don't know her name but I'd recognise her. Unless their dds have given their mums my phone number then they don't have it.

Dd asked them last week if they wanted to come for a sleepover, I said it was fine. I'm just surprised their parents haven't contacted me to make sure it was ok.

Not so much of an issue now but in a few years this could be a good trick to say they're going to X's house when they're really somewhere else. Would I look like an old fart if I always ring parents to double check that dd is going to be at their house if she goes for a sleepover?

They're all 11 btw.

Trish1200 Fri 29-Jun-12 23:49:21

I would without a doubt check. I'm amassed how there are parents who don't. And I would have to know the parents, a phone call would not be enough. Maybe because I've been there. When I was 16 I once went out clubbing all night, I got my older 6 years boyfriend to call my parents to pretend he was one of my friends father and they fell for it grin it was great fun at the time. Unfortunately for him my son won't ever get away with it so easily wink

NotMostPeople Sat 30-Jun-12 08:51:52

Mixed sleepovers! Oh my giddy aunt.

DilysPrice Sat 30-Jun-12 09:19:50

I would not have children in my house or allow my children to go to another house unless I had their parent's phone number and had checked it worked.

(another thread has reminded me of the time I had to call an ambulance for a child on a playdate)

PandaG Sat 30-Jun-12 09:27:16

so far sleepovers have been with parents I know, and I have always dropped off and checked what time to pick up in the morning. THey've usually been part of a birthday celebration, or occasionally childcare for me! Any child that has slept here, I know the parents too, and definitely have phone numbers for and would have checked arrangements myself.

If DS gets invited to a sleepover with children I don't know now he is at secondary school I would want to speak to the parent to check it out, before giving permission - I want to know where they are and who they are with!

cece Sat 30-Jun-12 09:43:07

I am not a fan of sleepovers anyway. Hence DD has only ever been twice to one of her friends for one (I know the mum well) and once to my next door neighbours (for a birthday party). Otherwise i politely decline the offer. DD has only had one herself and that was this year for her 11th birthday. I put the tent up and the 4 girls slept in the garden. Again, I have known all of the girls and their mums since reception.

There is no way I would let her go for a sleepover at anyone elses house - particularly someone I did not know.

DS1 (8) has never been allowed on one yet. He has been invited but I have declined up till now.

VivaLeBeaver Sat 30-Jun-12 09:52:37

In fairness, we do live in a (very large) village. Even though I don't know 2 of the parents I know where they live. I also know people who know them and I imagine if they'd wanted to they could have asked people in the village if I was likely to be competent to look after their kids overnight.

All the girls are still here. Late night last night and they've not come out the tent yet!

AdventuresWithVoles Sat 30-Jun-12 09:58:38

ime (DC currently age 10+12), there would be lots of chat between parents, other parents would always get in touch with me, if nothing else they need to know when to expect them home. DC don't get invited so I haven't been in the position of needing to chase up others.

seeker Sat 30-Jun-12 09:58:42

Why, cece?

bonkersLFDT20 Sat 30-Jun-12 10:06:51

This wasn't an issue at Primary school as I knew all the parents, but in Secondary I know only a handful of parents.
I would certainly make contact with a parent if my son was invited to a sleepover, it just seems polite if nothing else. Also, to make sure they know what time I'm collecting my son.
I think though, it's mainly to show my son that I'm involved in his life, that I care where he is, that he knows I need to know where he is, who he's with and what (roughly!) he's doing. Hopefully this will lead to him keeping me involved in his life as he becomes more independent.

CurrySpice Sat 30-Jun-12 10:09:24

Perhaps the parents will drop them off and meet you then?

EdithWeston Sat 30-Jun-12 10:09:37

I always check - even with a young teen, for the practical reason that even if they're planning to be out late, I want someone to be expecting them in at a certain time and soundingth alarm if they don't turn up.

For my pre-teen I do for a different practical reason - he sometimes wets the be, only rarely now, but I think it's only fair to warn the host/ess so she is forearmed (I'll send a disposable bed protector if wanted) and knows how important it is to remind him to wee last thing.

cece Sat 30-Jun-12 10:11:14

Why don't I like them?

I think it is because where I grew up that this sort of thing did not happen, so I am not comfortable with the whole convept tbh. I like to have my DC at home with me. I also think Primary age is too young for it al. Just my opinion though as I know amongst DDs peers they seem to have them every weekend, so I know I am in the minority.

TBH I don't know why parents seem so keen to have them.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 30-Jun-12 10:13:59

I wouldn't have children staying over unless I had spoken to their parents.

What if they have some kind of medical condition/get ill/break your house?

VivaLeBeaver Sat 30-Jun-12 10:14:34

I'm not keen to have sleepovers, dd however is. grin

cece Sat 30-Jun-12 10:22:18

So is DD grin She tends not to ask now though! LOL.

I think sleepovers can be great. But I would always, at least, speak to the parents on the phone first. DS is in yr7 and I still just give a quick call to the parents who are having having the sleepover to offer my sympathies to ask if there is anything my DS can take.

seeker Sat 30-Jun-12 10:27:13

I just can't understand why you would say no if they want to do them. They will miss out on so much. I say this as the owner of a dd who just couldn't bring herself to stay away from home and missed out on so much fun as a result.

rubyrubyruby Sat 30-Jun-12 10:29:55

I am often reluctant to let mine go. I've not always been happy with what other parents allow them to get up to.

rubyrubyruby Sat 30-Jun-12 10:30:24

We don't have any here!

I'm 35 and remember having sleepovers as a pre teen and then in my teen years. We used to camp down in the lounge, often 8/9 of us and they were great. My mum would come in and chat to us and up until she died when I was 16 my friends used her as a confidant (sp) in the small hours and asked her for a bear hug before they went to sleep. My mum knew my friends, really knew them. It is one of my best memories, and I hope to do similar with my DC.

cece Sat 30-Jun-12 10:32:27

But what are they missing? Being tired and grumpy for the rest of the next day? Plus they see their friends in and out of school all the time anyway.

rubyrubyruby Sat 30-Jun-12 10:35:18

I agree cece - they miss being tired, being grumpy and lots of unsuitable TV in my experience.

They are missing out on so much fun. It is fun at sleepovers even if not for the parents and it gives parents a chance to get to know their DCs friends. They giggle, they chat, in a different way to that at school or a saturday afternoon in your house.

seeker Sat 30-Jun-12 10:38:04

They miss having fun with their friends. And crucially, they miss an event that their friends are at and will be talking about. And they don't care about the tired and grumpy thing!

It isn't always about what they are missing, but what could they be gaining. I know this doesn't happen to everyone but, I was so used to sleeping over at friends that when mum died staying at friends overnight was like being at home, but away from home iyswim.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now