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11 year old stealing

10 replies

littlesaintnicola · 29/11/2011 20:32

Background
Stable family .Only child. Mum with partner over 2 years. New secondary school. Much loved child,Mature and responsible .
Mum and partner agree that Mum is disciplinarian and partner hands (and voice) off . Never had contact with Babyfather. Child rarely left alone except for quick corner shops type trips.No problems at school -has been awarded prizes for settling well -popular but not a leader.

Child has been stealing from a communal pot. Not obvious until lack of coins made it obvious. Child straight faced when confronted with evidence. Didnt admit to anything until "it was only 20p and I put it back" which gradually became "Yes I did take the pound coins". Not many tears

Mum is distraught . Previously child has taken sweets etc and been punished suitably but it seems to be escalating.

Mum is waiting to decide on punishment as she doesnt want to rush in. Child is sorry but seems just to be sorry that she has been caught.

Any tips for dealing with this appropriately ?

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santastooearlymustdache · 29/11/2011 20:36

is this your child, OP?

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littlesaintnicola · 29/11/2011 20:49

No -family member though.Meant to put that first .

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santastooearlymustdache · 29/11/2011 20:59

I would advise the parent to talk, talk and talk to the DC. There are many reasons for stealing, not all of them are about wanting the cash/sweets.

Are YOU able to talk to them? Tell them how worried you are that they are stealing, that it's not a secret, that people will know what is going on...

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littlesaintnicola · 29/11/2011 21:35

I can and talk to the child but am afraid I will get carried away -have tendency to overdramatics .

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littlesaintnicola · 29/11/2011 21:37

Feck! I can and will talk

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littlesaintnicola · 29/11/2011 23:08

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littlesaintnicola · 30/11/2011 17:50

Ive had a very short conversation with her today about how disappointed I am . She was naturally very upset ,as am I. I treat her as a daughter and we have a really good relationship.I wanted to rant and rave at how horrible it is not to trust someone but reined myself in and kept to a terse few sentences.

I want to help her and her Mum get beyond this but am not sure how.

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santastooearlymustdache · 30/11/2011 19:42

it's really hard to keep calm, but it sounds like you did really well, did they say anything about WHY they do it?

keep listening as well as talking, sometimes really simple things can be missed and become bigger.

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jollyoldstnickschick · 30/11/2011 19:48

He/she is 11,I too have an 11 year old I also have older teens- most children go through a stage of wanting things that their parent wont allow them to have - do you limit/monitor sweets? are you very on top money wise?,for us with ds2 it was waterproof markers he had a younger sibling and would leave them around......we banned waterproof markers- he then took to using money that wasnt his to buy them .

I think 11 is a awkward age secondary school is a big transistion ...lots of listening lots of talking and perhaps a couple of quid here and there to fritter away on haribo waterproof markers.