help !- stunned by ds's "secret"

[omgomgomg]

We recently moved into a quiet road where all the houses are quite close to each other, quite a few kids play out together, in and out of each other's houses etc.

Over the summer ds got to know one family on the road who have 2 girls, one aged 11 and one aged 7. They don't go to the same school as ds who still goes to school in the area where we used to live.

ds, who is 8, has been playing a lot with the 7 year old girl, sometimes at our house , sometimes outside in the street and occasionally at her house. I have met the parents and chatted, they seem very nice people with children who are just what I would expect a 7 and 11 year old to be like. Just for the whole picture I would say that ds is a bit naive for his age, still just about believes in Father Christmas and Tooth Fairy, is not cool or streetwise, a bit geeky etc.

Anyway, ds was over at the girl's house last night, playing presumably, and I went to fetch him home for some dinner as it was getting late. The girl asked me and her dad (whilst ds was getting his shoes on) if ds could have a sleepover at her house. I was surprised and mumbled something about maybe next weekend. When we got home he told me that he had a secret and, being ds, he blurted it straight out. The 7 year old girl told him that she had broken up with a boy at her school and she now loved ds. Ds said " She was kissing me and even kissed my teeth".

My mind was thinking "Oh My God, Oh My God, Oh My God, he's a naive 8 and she's only 7 !", but I just said he was too young for all that stuff and that it was almost bedtime, which it was. He made me promise not to tell anyone what he had told me (although dh obviously heard it all too but he was helping our toddler with something at that point so didn't give the matter his full attention).

Haven't had any contact with the girl's parents today as we've been out for most of the day and dh has been at work all day.

They had the sleepover all planned out in as much as ds was to bring his duvert and pillow etc, I think they are seriously expecting it to take place and I'm clueless how to handle this given the kissing bombshell.

Any advice ?

[ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs]

She does seem a bit foreward TBH. Me and my DD moved to a new house about 10 weeks ago.
DD made friends with a boy who lives in the next road along with several other children. He obviously took a great shine to her which was not reciprocated.
She told me he wanted to have sex with her. She is 10 he is 8 and has, from what I can gather a pretty chaotic life.
Since the sex thing, she has had nothing to do with him. She doesn't go to the same school.
theres' your answer, there is no reason for them to socialise let alone sleep over.

[omgomgomg]

Do I explain to the parents though, why I suddenly won't let them play together anymore ?

Ds is in bed well before 9.00 and we vet any TV viewing for suitability so I'm not surprised he is naive compared to some 8 year olds. I'm still stunned by her being into all of this at just 7 years old !

Will ds be getting.... well, you know, "feelings" from kissing her ?

[post]

Why won't you let them play together any more?

[CaptainKirksNipples]

If she has an older sister she may well be copying her talking about boyfriends and kissing. I wouldn't be too concerned. I would make plans for the same evening and turn down the sleepover. Ds has been to one outside family members and I have known the mum for around 4 years.

[CaptainKirksNipples]

My ds is 7 meant to add

[omgomgomg]

Well, I was following on from the suggestion that there is no reason for them to socialise together, I thought the only socialising they were up to was playing.

She lives practically on our doorstep though I just don't see how I can turn her away or explain to ds that he can't paly with her.

She is very forward I agree !

[post]

Agree with reality. It's not unusual at all ime to start to experiment and play like this at this age. I did, andi certainly wasnt exposed to anything inappropriate at home/ abused/ or ended up having sex at an early age. They're the same age, there's no coercion, it doesn't sound out of developmentally appropriate wack.
You asked if ds would have 'feelings' from it. Yes, probably.
You could choose to be so happy that you have a relationship with him where he'll share that with you without feeling afraid or embarrassed. That's the kind of headspace that's likely to lead to joyful, easy, loving experiences in the future, I believe.

[post]

*and I. No idea who andi is...

[banana87]

I agree that you're overreacting

I very very much doubt that sex is even the the equation and an innocent kiss is honestly nothing at that age. Don't ruin this for your ds please.

[AnyoneButLulu]

Is your DS happy about this turn of events? Sounds like no. I'd say a conversation about the right way to say "I like playing with you but I don't want to "be your boyfriend"" is in order.

[VivaLeBeaver]

DD has been kissing boys since she was 7, I think at that age she was mainly chasing boys round the palyground trying to kiss them. When she was 8 she met a boy on holiday who she spent a fair bit of time kissing.

It seemed to be a phase she went through and she hasn't really talked about boys recently ((she's 10) but from 7-9 she was a bit boy crazy.

[omgomgomg]

Thanks so much to all the mums of girls reassuring me that this is fairly normal.

I'm an older parent so things were very different "in my day".

Ds is keen however, he was pleased to have been kissed, seems to have boosted his self-esteem no end.

He asked me not to tell anyone else in case he got teased about it and I was so pleased that he shared it with me to start with, am keen to keep the ability to talk about stuff like this going so apart from the lighthearted comment that he was too young for all this sort of stuff I did not react in a judgemental way and have done nothing until I updated my knowledge (via mumsnet, natch ) on 7 year old girls and 7/8 year olds in general.

[omgomgomg]

Ds is having a "sleepover" with my neice (so his 6 year old cousin) who is staying for the weekend at half-term in a couple of weeks, so perhaps I'll invite the neighbour's daughter to participate in this instead.

Two girls and one boy, safety in mumbers and all that ? The girls met at ours a couple of times in the summer holidays anyway.

Avoids the immediate decision and maybe the novelty of kissing will have died down by then.

[savoycabbage]

It's nice to have friends who you are not at school with is the other thing you could be thinking about here. My dd, also 7, has no friends out of school at all which means if something happens at school her whole world ends.

[Fennel]

I agree with Reality. My 11yo dd is about the most innocent 11yo around, I was quite offended lately when she was voted by her youth group leader as "least likely ever to take drugs". She;s more likely to be grubbing around in the dirt looking for earwigs than indulge in normal 11yo girl behaviour. But she was involved in several kissing occasions with boys aged 7-8. Some initiated by the boys, one by her I think.

and when I was 7 I'd been engaged for years to the boy down the road. Unfortunately he dumped me when he went to big (junior) school. We used to play kiss chase too. None of this resulted in early sexual activity, I was far too busy as a teenager being sensible (which is a whole other thread). primary kids are just playing.