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Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Preteens

Best way to explain wet dreams to 11yr old ds2?

21 replies

Tortoise · 14/06/2011 19:27

DS2 has been doing sex ed at school today and wet dreams were mentioned but not fully explained. He has asked me what they are.
What is the best way to explain?
The subject never came up with DS1.

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Tortoise · 14/06/2011 20:11

Bump

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Batteryhuman · 14/06/2011 20:12

Just tell him the truth? What else would you do?

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Tortoise · 14/06/2011 20:22

Well yeah obviously but I don't really know how to explain it. I know that sounds thick but there we go! Can't help that. No different to people asking on here how to explain periods.

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meditrina · 14/06/2011 20:28

I think this may be better explained by a male (first hand experience and all that) - do you have one handy?

If not, it's probably time to invest in a good book.

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Mabelface · 14/06/2011 20:29

Just tell him that sometimes when he's asleep, he may have a dream that's a little sexy (watch him cringe) and that he'll have an erection and then ejaculate in his sleep.

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Tortoise · 14/06/2011 20:30

Thanks med. Unfortunatly no man nearby. I would ask his dad but he's crap lol.

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Amaretti · 14/06/2011 20:32

Can you say that his body is practising for making a baby when he is older?

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BooyHoo · 14/06/2011 20:36

i would explain it as similar to when we talk in our sleep or act out our dreams. i take it he knows about sex and that semen comes out when he ejaculates? if not then its a good opportunity to talk about that. but if so just explain that his body responds to what he is dreaming and if his dream is a sexy one then he may get aroused and ejaculate.

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thisisyesterday · 14/06/2011 20:39

well... if he has been doing sex education then presumably he knows about ejaculation and sperm and all that?

so i would just say that it's when you ejaculate during the night, maybe because you're having a dream that might make you feel good.

are wet dreams ALWAYS associated with an actual dream? or can it be just one of those things?

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Tortoise · 14/06/2011 21:14

Thanks for tips and ideas. I survived it lol. Led to questions about erections and how you get them.
I find it tricky because I could never have asked my mum these things. I'm glad my dc feel able to ask though.

Next one will be explaining periods to DDs! One I should really tackle soon as DD1 is 8.

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kreecherlivesupstairs · 15/06/2011 09:34

Do tackle it. DD is 10 and can't wait to start . I've clearly gone wrong somewhere.
one girl in her class started last year, DD is probably a couple of years away, there has not been any hair or breast development despite her pulling on her nips to encourage it.

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Tortoise · 15/06/2011 10:33

Kreecher I am worried about how DD1 will react. She will probably end up having a meltdown/tantrum/screaming fit! I expect her to say she doesn't want periods. A bit like not wanting to go to bed! I'm not sure the best way to talk to her about it yet.

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peanutbutterkid · 15/06/2011 10:37

Can't believe your DD is 8 already & still doesn't know about periods.

Get your DS a book on puberty; there's a lot more than wet dreams he has to be prepared for. Who will teach him to shave or knot his tie? Does he know that the testes get bigger before the willy does? That just needing a wee can bring on an erection (most boys have figured this one out for themselves, mind ). Does he know that another boy's willy looks bigger from the side than his own from the top (even if they are the same length in reality, perspective illusion)? If you don't feel like bringing some of that up, get him a book...

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Tortoise · 15/06/2011 10:41

I'm sure i can teach him to do his tie and shaving! Or he will ask DS1 14.
DD's don't know about periods because the subject hasn't ever come up. I am happy to talk about anything they want to know about, i just struggle to put it into words.
Is there a book you would recommend to help me/him?

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fiderer · 15/06/2011 11:06

Boys had "Let's Talk About Sex" and "Living with a Willy". Thought both were good.
Bought "Girls Only" for dd after we'd talked but didn't like it at all, not least because it nearly always refers to breasts as "boobs". Think "Let's Talk.." is a bit too much for her (8) so would also welcome any suggestions.

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kreecherlivesupstairs · 15/06/2011 11:20

DD had letstalkaboutsex.
I think I may have made the idea of periods too attractive. She is desperate to start but I think it is a long way off.
Tortoise, IIWY I would bring it up in an offhand way and encourage her to ask questions.
Hasn't she ever seen any of your monthly supplies?

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Tortoise · 15/06/2011 12:09

I've got how to talk to your child about sex but didn't find it easy to read. Will look on amazon for let's talk about sex.

Will try and find a way to bring it up this weekend, thanks.

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WowOoo · 15/06/2011 12:42

Oh kreecher
Tortoise, i'm dreading all that stuff when they get older.
It's bad enough when ds1 and 2 are in the bath.
Ds1 feels so sorry for me because i don't have a willy and wanted to know why i wasn't sad about it!

I must get around to getting at least one of these book for when tricky questions arise and dh is away. Thank god for mumsnet.

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Tortoise · 15/06/2011 13:10

Thank god for mn indeed!

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peanutbutterkid · 15/06/2011 13:16

Your DD has never asked what your tampons (or whatever) are for?

I had to look up on Youtube how to knot a tie but I couldn't get it good, had to get DH to properly show DS. Good that your other DS is helpful.

I quite like "Living with a Willy" but I think it's a bit mature in tone (not too explicit, just thoughtful) for most 11-12yos; It'd be good for age 14-16, though.

I got 11yo DS Sex, Puberty and all that Stuff (which he won't see until the summer holidays)-- just browsed for ages in Waterstones to decide which was best of the available choice. One thing about SP&atS is that it's for boys & girls, so it's good to engender empathy for the other gender, methinks. There is a lot in it about relationships that you might think is too much for your DS.... I reckon my DS is getting exposed to plenty of early sexualisation from his peers, it can't be worse than that.

Keep in mind most boys have their first wet dream at age 12. Can he change his own sheets?

For your 8yo I highly recommend Babette Cole's Hair in Funny Places. Well thumbed in this house.

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Tortoise · 15/06/2011 20:24

I had a tie at secondary school so already knew how to do a tie. I taught DS1 how to do it.
As I said earlier, I don't have proper periods due to coil so no tampons etc around.

Thanks for book recommendations. Will have a look.
We discussed changing of sheets last night! Thought I would get that in while the discussion was happening. DS1 (who is a tad lazy!) Said it would just dry and be fine!!