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Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

Preschool education

Toilet Rant!

18 replies

spinach · 05/09/2006 17:06

dd is almost 3, toilet trained since 2yrs 3months. Has done one term at nursery with wee accidents happening every other time she is at nursery... ok, settling in etc... they havent taken it seriously really. She never has accidents at home. On a few occaisions i know its been because staff havent attented to her in time. Today she had a poo, called for help wiping (which staff are willing to do thankfully) and she says that no-one heard her so she tried to do it herself...made a mess obviously and then she had to go and get help. There are only 8 kids in her session...so why isnt she being heard/listened to... when i asked staff what had happened they didnt really know, said dont worry, its cos shes so busy and distracted. Well so is she the rest of the time and it doesnt happen! What can i say to get them to take it seriously without making a scene?

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spinach · 05/09/2006 21:01

anyone? dd is really botherd b y what happened, says she doesnt want to go to nursery now and her bottom and girly bits are red raw, so this is a health issue. feel really down about it.

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Rhubarb · 05/09/2006 21:04

I'd take the head of the nursery to one side and say that you are concerned because she doesn't have this problem at home and her bottom is becoming sore and red. You don't have to make a scene, just make sure that the head knows you are worried and you are keeping an eye on things. If things don't improve then you may have to consider making an official complaint as they obviously are too busy to attend to their charges needs and your dd comes first over politeness with them right?

spinach · 05/09/2006 21:11

thing is, i have mentioned to them before about her weeing accidents and the woman just seems to think its normal.. i know they get distracted etc and thats fine. But, today, dd had a poo and was calling out for help and the teachers didnt seem to know what had happened... and said that perhaps she had arrived at school in that state! dd is very verbal and does not lie so i know what she is telling me is true. But i'm worried that they will think i'm overreacting and hormonal (i'm heavily pregnant) or wonder why i belive my dd over them. Of course my dd comes first over politeness, just trying to work out what to do.

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batters · 05/09/2006 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spinach · 05/09/2006 21:30

well, when she calls for help at home, next dorr can hear! and dd isnt shy about toilet stuff... i do believe her cos she said stuff like 'they were too busy with other children'... also, its never occurred to her to wipe herself poo wise before so seems a coincidence she would try today. i am really concerned but mainly upset that i have left dd somewhere where she isnt getting help

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batters · 05/09/2006 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spinach · 05/09/2006 21:39

well until now i have, it has a very good reputation, certainly its the best available locally. dd adores it there and I would be gutted to remove her... the other local alternative isnt suitable. i could just do without the problem just now... i do need to speak to the owner i guess... but shes not always around

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Pinotmum · 05/09/2006 21:41

There should be 1 staff to 4 children - that's the ratio so 2 staff should be in attendance. If the toilets are in the same area they should hear her call for help. Tell your dd's keyworker that as they think she is distracted with activities your dd needs reminding to get to the toilet on time. Also point out she needs help with wiping as most children of this age do and tell them she is getting sore. Don't apologise or make excuses just tell them it is really important to you that they undersand this. They sound a little complacent and a little kick up the jacks may be needs

spinach · 05/09/2006 21:48

there were 2 staff on, and yes its a small place, toilets right near to play area, no excuse not to hear. Thing is she did get there on time, but the help wasnt there for her

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Pinotmum · 05/09/2006 21:55

I am assuming they have a keyworker system in place? One of the staff must be responsible for doing observations of your dd for her file. I would speak with her and ask what is happening as at home she doesn't have these accidents. You dd is probably thought of as very capable in all sorts of areas and as such isn't watched as closely. I work in a pre-school and know that not all children will say they need the toilet and just go because they see other children doing it. I had one boy still in pull ups who would wee standing up when at pre-school and wouldn't even use the potty let alone toilet at home. If your dd's keyworker can't work with you on this see the manager.

spinach · 05/09/2006 22:04

its they key worker i have spoken with about it before, she is very 'relaxed' about it, frankly unconcerned and today didnt seem to know what had happened. dd is very capable, and will try and sort things out for herself, but she cant manage this. should i try with the keyworker again or go straight to the owner?

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spinach · 06/09/2006 13:18

well i phoned them and got fobbed off... essentially they said my dd was wrong, that she hadnt called out for help and hadnt been to toilet unsuperised and suggested that she had arrived at preschool with dirty pants! Also told me it was my fault that dd was upset becasue i had asked her what had happened. I am furious but will see what happens now that i have expressed my concern

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shazronnieWEARINGSHOES · 06/09/2006 13:33

find another pre school

spinach · 06/09/2006 16:53

well its not as easy as 'find another preschool'. My dd loves it where she is, and as i said, on the whole i am very happy with the place and staff and this issue would arise at any preschool anyway. I just wanted advice on what to say to staff to get them to take my concerns seriously.

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Mala · 07/09/2006 12:35

Spinach this happened to my dd at her old nursery. From what I could gather the staff were busy with other things and my dd didn't want to interupt them to say she wanted to go to the toilet. In the end I gave them a chart saying could you please take her to the toilet at these times. She is fine at home, but at nursery she either didn't want to go to the toilet by herself or was too shy to ask one of the staff.
I really didn't think it was acceptable for her to have so many accidents as she(my dd) had been toilet trained for months. The chart definately helped-they would take her to the toilet once every 2 hours and then tick the chart. After a whille my dd got more confident and we did away with the chart. Maybe you could try something like that. Stress to them that it never happens at home and it is something that needs to be dealt with at nursery and for you not to be fobbed off.

spinach · 07/09/2006 14:00

i think thats a great idea but i dont think they'd like it. dd is very capable of going to the loo, not in the least bit shy and she only needs help when had a poo. I'm more concerned that dd says she was calling for help and no-one came...indeed noone noticed she was missing either, from a group of 8 kids

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Medulla · 07/09/2006 14:03

at least your pre school will help with bottom wiping. Ours won't help at all!

spinach · 07/09/2006 14:03

oh god i know, i am grateful for that!

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