should I bring this up with DD's preschool?

(5 Posts)
polythenespam Mon 16-Dec-13 14:19:52

Forgive me if this is a silly question - PFB and she's only been in preschool 6 weeks, so not really sure how things work and how to react to them.

Picked DD (2.9) up from preschool today and noticed that she had a big red mark by the side of her eye. It's not a serious injury, but it does look sore.

I asked the manager what had happened, but they were unaware of it. Said that she hadn't been upset or bothered by it, perhaps she knocked it herself. Was satisfied with that, so off we went.

However on the way home, DD told me that a boy did it. She's too young to make things up so I do believe that must have happened. My question is, should I let the preschool know? I appreciate that little knocks and accidents are bound to happen, and not every one will be witnessed, but DD is one of the youngest and smallest there, and I just want to make sure that she isn't being picked on...a couple of weeks ago one of the little boys quite agressively shouted in DD's face whilst we were waiting to go in and made her cry. I didn't think much of it at the time.

Would they think I was crazy if I brought it up?

JanePurdy Mon 16-Dec-13 14:34:08

I would always urge someone to discuss their concerns with their childcare provider. However, I am not sure I would say a 2.9 year old is too young to make things up & I doubt your preschool would see it like that either, so I think you would be best just mentioning it as something you accept may not have happened, but just wanted to flag so they could keep an eye out for anything untoward.

teacherlikesapples Wed 18-Dec-13 15:00:55

It would not be crazy to raise it with the staff, in fact you should.

As you have acknowledged - these things can easily happen in a group situation like this. Children of this age are not yet in full control of their feelings & behaviour, it is a developing skill. It is quite possible that a boy did hit your child & the staff didn't see it. They can't possibly see every interaction, especially if your child didn't make a fuss or tell anyone. It all depends on whether your DD told anyone about it. If she didn't- you & the nursery need to work on this with her. If she did- then the problem is a different one.

If she did not tell a member of staff-
Tell them you understand these things can happen and that you would like to work with them to develop your child's assertiveness. Ask for strategies to support this at home & let us know what they say. Also ask how they deal with children who do hit. Those two questions will give us insight into the nursery behaviour management policy.

If she did tell a member of staff- the concern is two fold. Firstly that your child experienced something distressing, told someone about it & that you were not given the information to support this at home. I would raise concern with this & then tell them you value your child's assertiveness, but that it relies on staff support, so you want to make sure you are involved & informed of these incidents. It should have been written up, so ask for it to be, noting the date of the incident & the date it was written up. The incident report should have context about where & when and how. Be understanding, mistakes do happen, but let them know your child is learning important social skills, so you need all the information in order to best support that.

Prozacbear Fri 20-Dec-13 14:44:44

Raise it with the staff - definitely. Bear in mind that she may have made it up - my DS is quite capable of lying and has been since 2.7. Not normally very good lies but quite enough to pin somebody on someone else.

When she told you - was it out of nowhere, or were you using leading questions? I only ask because I can get DS to tell me the sky is pink if I ask vaguely leading questions - "Did you bang your head ... did somebody do it to you?" - with that hopeful tone of voice that comes from wanting to get to the bottom of things.

Also, you should get some sort of incident report? Or that may depend on the nursery's policies - I see teacherlikes has said this too. Whenever DS has an injury, however minor, I get an incident report with the explanation, which I then sign if I'm satisfied. It's reassuring because it's a record, and the nursery are taking it seriously.

NatashaBee Fri 20-Dec-13 14:52:50

I would always expect an accident/incident sheet to come home with DS whenever something like this happens - I even got one once when he hit another child blush, and once when they noticed a scratch on his face that had actually happened at home, but they assumed had happened there.

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