Over sensitive mother!! Why can't I cope???

[sparklemagic]

How do I grow another skin where my DS is concerned??? I feel stupid for being such a worrier when there are people out there with real things to worry about....but I seem to be missing a layer of skin and every little problem for my Ds sends me into a spin!

I saw my DS being pushed in the playground at pre-school today by a boy he usually plays with - nothing really rough, just a push and "Go away I don't want to play with you"....

DS had told me about another boy spitting at him over the last couple of weeks, and as he was really anxious today, I told him I'd tell his teachers, which I did; the staff member said that my DS can be very shouty with the other children, and this particular boy 'won't take it' though she did say she would keep an eye on him today.

And the thing is I know this is very mild stuff and just how children are, and I have to let my DS experience all this so that he can be ready to make friends in the future. I think it's all heightened for me because he will start school in September at only just four (his birthday is in August) and tbh I am not convinced he is ready......

Is someone going to tell me to get over myself?? or any other suggestions???

[Dior]

You're not alone. In fact, I stopped getting to the school gates early because I used to get upset at all the 'politics' between the children. I now drop ds in to school 5 minutes before the bell goes, and give him loads of hugs before I leave. I think that you have to let the child find their own feet. Obviously bullying is not accaptable, but general 'go away' and not wanting to play with them are the knocks that all children have to go through at some point.

I think that your ds will be fine. Maybe you could plan some things for yourself once he starts school so that you can take your mind off him for an hour or so? Try not to worry...there is nothing you can do except reassure him if he seems upset by anything. My ds is a worrier, and some of the things he tells me break my heart. However, his teacher tells me that he has friends and is picked for things all the time!

[EvesMama]

no, your normal or at least the same as me!
their still small and we still want to protect them..if the school thought your LO was shouty and it was causing a pprob, they should have spoken to you.
i had a prob with a child hitting me dd last week and school where excellent, but i know we have to put their safety in schools hands which TBH scares the shit out of me cos we dont have many fam or friends to help, so this isa first!
just see how it go's and try to let it happen..theres bound to be a few scuffles sad to say, but theyve got to learn to deal with them to grow stronger

[sparklemagic]

oh, thanks dior and eve...you are so kind, I thought I might get responses more along the lines of 'oh fgs woman, get a life!!!!'

dior that is a brilliant idea, I think I will aim to arrive on time rather than wait in the queue, then at least I don't have to watch it all....really good idea.

And eve that's very true about them having to experience it all to grow stronger. I just feel my DS will have a harder time than some children because he is a very young school starter and I just wish he could have another year at pre-school to do this learning in smaller, shorter bits of time rather than an exhausting whole school day. I have to bite the bullet though as I know if I do keep him at pre-school for another year then he won't have a reception year at school which of course he needs....I think the system isn't helping DS and me!

thanks again for your advice, and I will do as you say and try not to be too involved at the school gates, and re-assure him as necessary..

[throckenholt]

does he have to go full time to school ? My DS1 started this year (his is a mid July baby) - and went part-time until Easter - 5 monrings at first and then we gradually introduced afternoons. It worked well for him.

[bourneville]

i am sure i will feel the exact same way, but i do really try & make a conscious effort not to be over protective or over anxious as i know it gets passed onto the child. My boyf was bullied quite badly all through childhood & from what he has told me about his dad's behaviour etc i can't help feeling it was partly because he never learnt to stand up for himself, and also because he learnt through his dad that the world is a dangerous place - his dad was v over protective & anxious about safety etc. boyf is the same now with dd, she's 2.10 & he still helps her up the slide!! bless!

[sparklemagic]

bourneville, what a sweet dad he sounds though, your boyfriend!

Throck, I have a meeting tomorrow with the school when hopefully I'll get the chance to sound them out on their views. I know that the local authority policy here is that summer born children can go part time until January so I do know I'll go for that. And of course there is no legal requirement for him to even be at school until he is five so if I want I imagine I could push for part time for even longer.

I'm just finding it such a testing time as a mum though because I want to make sure that I am keeping him part time to suit HIM not because I am over-protective! I think I'll have to stop trying to look forward too much and deal with it at the time. I just feel that my DS is still at a very early stage of interacting with other kids, still learning the basics whereas some others in his pre-school are at the stage of best friends and having so and so back to play!!!! This is simply because he was very much a boy who would play alongside others until very recently - just wasn't interested in socialising really!

[throckenholt]

part-time worked well for us - mainly I think because it is exhausting for little kids to be at school. The social interaction in itself is very tiring, without all the other new things they are learning.

[Dior]

My ds is a July baby, so he started school in January, doing half-days until Easter. At first I thought he would need full days, but he did get very tired for the first term.

To a certain extent, you do have to put your trust in the school, and allow them to 'police' the children. That's not to say that you can't ask the teacher anything, and voice any of your concerns. I would wait until your ds has actually started though, as it might not be as bad for him as you think!

[sparklemagic]

exactly my thoughts, throck - my DS is exhausted on a wednesday after his three mornings at pre-school! That's only 2 and a half hours per morning!

I'm glad part time worked so well for your DS though, that's encouraging.

[sparklemagic]

you're right Dior, I do tend to pile worries on top of worries as in today, when he was anxious about pre-school - my natural instinct is to worry about that, AND think "and he's starting school in September, how will he cope, blah blah".....

[Dior]

Don't worry, that is normal! I did too...

[EvesMama]

you sound like you feel your being told what you 'must' do and this is only adding to your worries
could you speak to school about doing only a couple of full days at first and explain your concerns over his age and tiredness etc??
one of my big probs is i stew over things that happen, whereas you see other people steaming in without a care!..im try a happy medium..if you feel you dont like something another child is doing to your son..tell them/teacher/parent..its your son..you can say whatever you like in order to help/protect him..i dont mean staying with him through school and not giving him enough space, but if you see something you dont like, speak up!..youll only grind yourself up about it later and you dont need that!
good luck honey..we'll start an overprotective mothers support group eh??

[sparklemagic]

thanks Eve, we really sound similar, I'm exactly the same, will 'stew' over things and re-run them in my mind...also feel that I look too deeply in to things sometimes, I do know some mums who wouldn't give the time of day to the kind of detail that I think about - they just think "pre-school is good for them, and I need the time to myself so that's that". And I DO appreciate time on my own, it's not that I want to keep DS always with me - I am well able to enjoy time away from him and some days I am certainly ready for him to be at school!!!!!

But yep, it's the overprotective mothers' group for us !

[EvesMama]

we sound soo alike.im here with and ear..if you want rant or chat

[SSSandy]

I hate those kind of situations too and I am always a hair away from ripping that other child's arms out. It's very difficult for a mum to see/hear that kind of thing. Think you're normal really.

[sparklemagic]

Thanks Eve and SSSandy. Some days it is nice to be reminded that others feel the same way!

I will be arriving at pre-school with DS on the stroke of 9am and not a minute early tomorrow, thanks to Dior's suggestion, so at least I'll be in and out and won't have to watch the kids in action!