I know it's hard when you haven't been in the same situation. Family and close friends can usually find the right words but if you don't know the person well, it's more difficult.
DS2 born at 30 weeks, had some complications and was in NICU for 2 months. These comments, from friends and acquaintances, were like little hooks that dug in my skin.
'Well, you look great. You've lost the baby weight.'
No shit - I didn't have time to put any on. If I still had a bump, my baby would be safe inside.
'At least the nurses will be getting him in a good sleep routine.' A variation of this was 'At least you'll be getting a good night's sleep.'
My reaction to both was .
But the worst is when I tell someone how early DS2 was and they say 'Oh, 30 weeks, that's not that bad/early.' Invariably, they go on to tell me about someone they know whose baby was much earlier and is absolutely fine/top of the class/sportsmad etc and that's brilliant, I am happy for that prem baby. It gives me hope.
But all prem babies are different. Some are born tiny and just feed, sleep and grow. Others are much bigger but get infections or have other medical complications. DS2 had a grade 3 brain bleed, hydrocephalus and ended up needing a VP shunt. He is fine now and we are hugely grateful but don't tell me that 30 weeks isn't that bad.
So what should you say? How about 'That must be/must have been a horrible experience. How is your baby now?' and then listen to the answer, whatever that might be.
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Premature birth
What not to say
19 replies
EyeoftheStorm · 18/05/2010 21:19
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