Feeling a little :(

[TinkerbellesMum]

Mother's Day is always hard for me because it's six months after Lily-Hope's birthday and because it is Mother's Day. I think I've done quite well this time, although getting my first monthly period hasn't done much for my hormones!

Anyway, I'm over at my parents and Dad asked me to look at his laptop because he thought there is a card reader in it. I asked for a card to test it with. He found a random one from the drawer and I stuck it in. There were some early pictures of Tink, very awwww. Then came some videos of her...

There is a video so early she is still covered in vernix and I hadn't seen her yet. The tug in her chest is so pronounced, I'd not seen it that bad, the "boowng" of the machines (she's in the IC room of the NNU so a lot going on) I didn't realise how upsetting it would be, I'm still crying. Dad had to be told by Mum and TD to shut up and leave me alone because he was going on about emailing myself pictures and they realised how upsetting it was as something I hadn't seen before - the vid or IRL.

I had to share that with people who would understand, not sure why I had to tell someone.

[DiscoDizzy]

I don't know your story apart from the above but didn't want you to think your post had gone unnoticed. Sending you in the hope you feel slightly better .

[MesaLoca]

I have no experience of what you have been through TinkerbellesMum and can't imagine the enormous emotion you must have felt watching videos of your little girl. I didn't want this to go unanswered though.

I hope you enjoyed mother's day with gorgeous Isobel (just checked out your profile). She looks like a very bright and happy baby x

[meemar]

Hi, My DS1 (now age 4) was born slightly early (35 weeks) and although was only in SCBU for 4 days, I still feel a wrench in my gut when I think about those early days when I wasn't holding him and how it must have felt for him being born into the world and being separated from his mother and put into a box . But I look at him now and you would never know.

And Tinkerbelle is beautiful and that's what you have to think about and look forward. And remember that those early days were such a small small part of their life.

[lizzytee]

Oooooof that is a lot to cope with. My daughter was born at 27+5 2 years ago and although she is very well the loss of early things, however trivial still hurts. I never saw her meconium, couldn't just pick her up and cuddle her when she cried. She was 6 weeks old before I was ever alone with her. No videos, and honestly I do not know how I would cope if I saw one.

Not sure whether you have found the BLISS parents message board yet but please come on over if you want to meet lots of parents of prem babies to share with.

Hugs

[caramelbunny]

My daughter was born at 32+4 and was in SCBU for 3 weeks. She's now 16 months. Seeing photos of her in incubator covered in wires still makes me cry as the emotions just flood back. Must be very difficult to see video. Hope you had good mother's day.

[TinkerbellesMum]

It's funny cause I had thought I'd forgotten those times, it almost feels like another lifetime. I don't look at pictures of her in the hospital and see Tink, I just can't relate to it. Maybe seeing the moving picture I could see better that it was my baby and the motherly emotions came in. The sight of her tug made me feel so ill, I'd forgotten how pronounced it was!

I've joined the Bliss board, by the way. I haven't been on yet because I've been offline most of this week.

[lizzytee]

Glad you found the board, I don't post much anymore but it was and is still a lifeline, particularly once we were out of hospital.

[pooka]

So sorry. Had to post because Isobel is absolutely gorgeous.