Jealous of friend's pregnancy - PTSD

[onedayimightforget]

I'm posting this in the premature birth section because I'm hoping that someone will be able to relate.

My DCs were born at 28 weeks and 33 weeks and I've struggled with PTSD ever since. I especially struggle when I hear of other people's pregnancy because it reminds me of the excitement I felt in early pregnancy the first time and how that was brought to an abrupt halt when I went in to premature labour. I am currently having CBT to try to help with depression and PTSD.

My friend told me yesterday that she is pregnant and I feel so jealous and it's brought back all the feelings of loss that I had before. Both of my children are healthy and I am very lucky to have not lost them but I lost out on a lot of the experience as I had thought and hoped it would be. My friend has that hope and joy and excitement that I had, and I am so jealous. Of course I am happy for her too and I feel very guilty that her good news is making me feel so crap (of course I haven't told her how I feel). So on top of feeling crap I now feel guilty that I feel crap. I really don't like myself very much right now.

[Phoebebe]

Maybe try not to think of it as an experience you lost out on.
You had a different experience but the outcome was a healthy child, someone else may have a full term but unhealthy baby.

[Palomb]

I don't know how old your children are but I can say the feelings of jealousy do ease with time. I have 32 & 27 weekers who are now 12 and 8 and I still detach from people's pregnancies but I don't feel the burning resentment I used to.

Peoples who's childrens were born healthy at term have absolutely no idea.

I hope the CBT works and you start feeling better soon

[scrumptiouscrumpets]

I'd say this is completely normal - not just for anyone who's given birth prematurely, but for all women who have had problems conceiving, being and staying pregnant and giving birth. Conceiving without problems, sailing through pregnancy and having an easy birth sound too good to be true, as if that should be the exception and not the rule.
I still find it hard to believe that so many women experience that! They really don't have a clue.

So don't feel guilty. Accept that you feel jealous and accept that it's normal to feel like that because giving birth prematurely is really tough. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. And not having any problems at all really is wonderful, you're not being petty and ridiculous by envying something like that. It changes the whole experience of having kids.
I had DS 1 at 30 weeks and DS 2 at 40 weeks, no problems whatsoever. I still marvel at the women who sail through it all without any issues - I still feel jealous of them! I thought having a second pregnancy without problems would help me get over that, but I think the experience of having a preemie never leaves you.
So be kind to yourself. You've been through a lot!