The mess of my perfect third...help!

(16 Posts)
MsFiestyPants Sun 03-Apr-16 08:26:23

Currently 31+3 with Dd1 very much wanted. Have Ds1 who is 6 and Ds2 who is 3, with XH, DD is dp's first.

All going swimmingly bar HG and gestational diabetes which I had with both Ds' so figured we would take the boys to 26w scan as both were interested.

Scan day before my bday. All hell breaks loose. Shes too small not enough liquor. Talks of delivery. Talks of perinatal risk. Dp takes kids from his mums and comes back. Horrid few hours.

Released told to come back next day. (My Birthday). Scan with full BPP with worlds nicest consultant. Love him. Then off for CTG which ends in a row with worlds frankly shittiest midwife who tells me im wasting everyones time etc. (Made complaint she has since been suspended).

All in all a shitty ol time. Cons says IUGR and oligohydraminous. Scans weekly twice weekly ctgs..

Fast forward to now. DD doing well on scans all blood flows good and is growing just on very low centile but following curve... apparently sign of complex growth curve not IUGR. Fluid still not high but ok.

We've been told to expect delivery around 34 weeks, although consultant was v happy at last scan so isnt scanning again until 33+5, just ctgs in between. As 34 weeks falls towards the end of the week for me im predicting more like 34+5.

I have anxiety and depression which is controlled by meds, but had already been talking to the SOM as my last birth was awful and left me with PTSD so ive already spoken with my anaesthetist and been gauranteed a single room so that is two big things out of the way.

What I need help with is knowing what to expect.. she seems developmentally fine just small, but will I be able to hold her feed her etc? What happens at a birth like this?
How long should I expect her to stay in hospital?

And what do I need in my bag?!?

Sorry for the ramble

sleepwhenidie Sun 03-Apr-16 08:37:54

Sorry for experience with MW shock. Your dd sounds just like my ds2, he wasn't even on the chart at 20wk scan and I was told iugr, very poor outlook etc, best hope was to make it to 28wks which was the point when they could deliver to scbu and expect a good outcome. Like your dd, ds defied expectations as his growth curve matched a normal one (just it remained under the bottom of the chart!) instead of dropping off as it normally does with iugr. They couldn't see anything wrong on scans but couldn't say everything fine either. All tests for identifiable dysplasias etc came back clear. Had a horrible genetics consultant who told us there was a good chance baby would have 'some form of dysplasia' which could mean literally anything between being a bit short to having a short life span or requiring extensive surgery confused. Lovely dr Nicolaides at FMC was pretty certain no problems. Ds2 hung on to 37 weeks and was induced, weighed 4lbs and perfect other than a bit of jaundice which once treated with light blanket we went home. He continued to be healthy and meet developmental milestones but didn't thrive - he is now in growth hormone medication and catching up fast with his peers.

I know there's no guarantee that dd will be the same as ds but please try and think positively and remember you are in the best possible hands. Keep us posted!

sleepwhenidie Sun 03-Apr-16 08:40:56

Ds2 is now 6 btw!

MsFiestyPants Sun 03-Apr-16 08:53:14

Thanks sleep, glad your DS is doing well! No one has mentioned any displasias or what tests they are likely to do on her, are they a routine thing with premies? She was last estimated at 2lb 12 so im hopeful for between 3 and 4 at birth.

Its just a minefield of not knowing! The other two were pretty straightforward, so the thought of potentially leaving her in NICU is not at all nice. Ive already got DP on the case for a wheel chair to wheel me up to her post birth.. no section will stop me!

CMOTDibbler Sun 03-Apr-16 09:02:13

My ds was born at 35+0, for no known reason, and was a good size. I got to hold him very quickly when he was born but he was then whisked to SCBU as his breathing wasn't very good. I then didn't hold him/ feed him for 3 days as he couldn't keep his temperature correct, was jaundiced and was having IV antibiotics in case his breathing was due to an infection. He was fed by tube, but by day 4 I could start trying to bf him, and we went home after 7 days, no problems.

MsFiestyPants Sun 03-Apr-16 09:14:16

Thanks CMOT, im hopeful to be out promptly myself but you never can tell I suppose.

eurochick Sun 03-Apr-16 09:35:46

I had a broadly similar experience. My 20 week scan picked up an issue with blood flow to the baby so an extra scan at 28 weeks was recommended, but I was told it usually sorts itself out by then. It didn't and then all hell broke lose with loads of extra scans and additional appointments to discuss delivery options etc. She was iugr and they were not sure if that was just due to a crap placenta or whether there were other issues. In the end by 33 weeks they decided things were concerning enough to get her out as soon as a Nicu cot was available. She was delivered by section at 34 weeks exactly. She was small (3lb6) but so far otherwise seems ok. She was in hospital for three weeks and one day. I think she would have been out sooner but she acquired two infections while she was in hospital hmmand the antibiotics made her sick which affected her weight gain, so she didn't hit the "release weight".

I was only in for 36 hours. After I was discharged we visited her 2-3 times a day. I got to see her for about 3 seconds in theatre before she was whisked off and the my husband and a midwife brought me some photos. I saw her the next morning when someone wheeled me down to Nicu. I held her about 24 hours after she was born. I spent a lot of my time expressing! She never got the hang of breastfeeding but other than that once she was discharged she went from strength to strength. She's now 20 months and is petite but seems fine.

I know the waiting is horribly stressful. Please feel free to ask any other questions on here.

sleepwhenidie Sun 03-Apr-16 09:46:30

I think ds2's femur was short, same as his big brother's was and they weren't sure if there may be some 'frontal bossing' (it wasn't, my babies just have large foreheads!) along with his small size, triggered talk of dysplasia (achondroplasia, a form of dwarfism, is the most common and they can identify this through amniocentesis). If all your DS's measurements are in line with each other and nothing else looks unusual they may not have any concern on this front. In retrospect there are disadvantages to being scanned so frequently and attentively, things that wouldn't normally be noticed or picked up on become the subject of scary speculation smile.

MsFiestyPants Sun 03-Apr-16 10:03:03

Thanks all its helpful to know im not alone!
The scary speculation point is definitely true, its swings and roundabouts with being so monitored.

My hospital have been great and very honest, they have said that the government reimburse the cost of a womans stay for 72 hours post birth, but as im having a section and its my third, they wouldnt be pushing to discharge me. Family are close to the hospital and the NICU have a very good visiting policy but if im a patient it makes things easier I guess, especially for expressing.

The idea of not seeing and holding her straightaway is hard.

In my bag ive packed some clothes and micro nappies but not overly sure what else to take, will take leggings and pjs for me plus tablet etc but not sure what else I will need for us both?

Also unsure of what to expose Ds's to. I guess if she isnt in long Ill just show them photos but of she is in weeks should they visit?! Its a minefield!

eurochick Sun 03-Apr-16 10:08:23

Many nicus don't let children visit. I would guess they can be too disruptive and infectious.

MsFiestyPants Sun 03-Apr-16 10:18:12

My NICU allow siblings, parents obviously and grandparents. Its not something id take lightly nor would I expect my children to stay long enough to become disruptive. Id be more concerned they would find it distressing than anything

sleepwhenidie Sun 03-Apr-16 10:26:21

I know it's hard but I would try not to worry about being in there weeks and people visiting until you know what is happening, you may go closer to EDD than you think, take it all one step at a time flowers

MsFiestyPants Sun 03-Apr-16 10:49:45

Im surprisingly not worried as such, from 26 weeks to now feels a huge leap of progress which feels reassuring! but with the anxiety planning or at least feeling a bit prepared makes me feel a bit better, but you are def right no point even thinking about visitors just yet. I think ill probably just chuck everything in the bag the night before haha.

My consultant has already said that 34 weeks is latest he is aiming at, as they dont know why fluid was lowered so a risk of PPROM and associated infection, so on that front I do at lest know delivery will be 22nd to 25th ish of april. Being GD id of been in the night before anyway so I suppose it will just be steroids as an extra... more holes haha.

This was going to be my vbac low intervention birth... thats out of the window. Im still hopeful of a slower natural section where screen is lowered etc but I guess I will have to wait and see how things go.

Crazy what difference a week makes!

CharleyDavidson Sun 03-Apr-16 10:54:55

I measured v small for dates and when they scanned me my fluid levels were do low they were off the bottom of the chart he had on the wall. No other complications though,so they just kept scanning me and having me in for monitoring of the baby's heart rate. I was die to be induced at 37 weeks, but dd came naturally early at 36. Small but perfectly healthy. She's 15 now.

eurochick Sun 03-Apr-16 13:28:25

I wasn't making any suggestions about how your children would behave! My baby was in two hospitals, one allowed sibling visits, the other had a complete ban on anyone other than parents or grandparents visiting. It's good that yours allows sibling visits.

As for other tips it sounds like you already know the c section drill so I won't bother with that.

For clothes, we pre bought a couple of premmie outfits for her estimated size which were useful. But for a lot of her time in NICU she was just in an nappy. For you, breastfeeding clothes are good to allow access for skin to skin. In the run up to delivery a midwife suggested getting her a little toy that we both slept with to get our scent on it. This was put in the incubator with her and went in the ambulance when she was transferred between hospitals (we couldn't travel with her). It gave me comfort to think she could smell me when I wasn't there and hopefully it helped her.

MsFiestyPants Mon 04-Apr-16 12:51:09

Thanks euro they are useful tips, I did wonder about a toy we had gotten her a dumbo so will take that with us if she will be allowed it.

There is so much to think of with the uncertainty

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