Is this Normal!

(18 Posts)
FraggleRock77 Sat 19-Oct-13 08:18:36

Our DS is holding his own on NICU. He is three days old now. I don't however want anyone to visit. Ever! Partly i feel that i want him left alone by the world to cope and partly i feel like a bit of a failure for giving birth early. We have such wonderful families and friends but i just want everyone away!

plentyofsoap Sat 19-Oct-13 13:35:44

Normal and sensible. We restricted visits with ds and will do with dd until she has gained weight and we are happy. People may not understand, but i have sent a text being honest in that when we are happy for visits we will let people know. She isn't going anywhere so there is no rush. Don't worry about offending people you don't need the added stress. Wait for the "wow aren't they tiny" comments too. Congratulations on your baby x

plentyofsoap Sat 19-Oct-13 13:36:25

You haven't failed in any way either x

You are not a failure, don't ever think that about your prem birth.

NICUs aren't the place for visitors. They're for the baby's parents and their care team to support you all through these early days.
Lots of people asked if they could come and see DS, but I said No and everyone understood why.

Wishing you all the best with your DS, hope you are all home together soon x

MultipleMama Sat 19-Oct-13 14:46:31

Same here. No-one but DH, I and 2 of my younger DC have visited. Not even my father whom I'm very close to has visited. We choose to allow my 4 & 2yo to visit because the Child Life specialist offered to talk and explain things to them to help understand.

As it's close to RSV season we've restricted their visiting. Only DH & I go now.

I gave birth at 31 weeks and my son weight 1lb 9oz (now weighs less), you are not a failure you did the best you could. Sometimes, our children are impatient and refuse to wait! I feel guilt and sadness but I know in my heart, I did the best I could and I did not fail them.

NewToAllThis11 Sat 19-Oct-13 14:59:29

Please don't feel guilty about giving birth early. Remember this is only a tiny tiny part of your DC's life and he won't remember it. It's far more important to have a lovely, caring mummy and daddy (which you clearly are) than to be born at term. Please be kind to yourself - each day that passes is a day in which your dc gets bigger, older and stronger x

FraggleRock77 Sat 19-Oct-13 15:23:23

Thank you for all the support. MNs is like a rock at times. Such a difficult place to be in with a first child. Really helps to hear others xxxsmile

minipie Sat 19-Oct-13 15:36:11

In the NICU DD was in, only parents and grandparents were allowed in. Siblings weren't even allowed in iirc due to higher chance of infections (it was October). I wouldn't feel at all bad about not wanting visitors. Just use germs as an excuse. I wouldn't have wanted visitors either other than very close family.

MiaowTheCat Sat 19-Oct-13 18:16:42

Our nice was in winter germ lockdown when dd1 was in there, no one had the option of visiting. Good job really since when mil did see her she burst into melodramatic hysterics I've never forgiven her for and I think if shed seen the incubator and stuff as well shed have gone on in such a way I'd be up for murder!

FraggleRock77 Sat 19-Oct-13 18:50:03

Thanks, the Cat. There is a lot of stress in dealing with other peoples emotions. I have control of mine but I'm not sure how i will cope with crying and upset at the sight of my Son x

MultipleMama Sat 19-Oct-13 21:18:02

My twins were born just over 2 week ago. I was surprised they allowed my DC to visit especially close to Winter but I was somewhat glad as it made explaining why their bro/sis aren't well enough to come home.

I've had a few meltdowns and few silent tears by the incubator and it helps that my DH is incredibly optimistic and holds me together. I'm glad because I don't think I could deal with others' emotions, too. I want to be happy and believe they're strong but it's so hard when all you hear and see is machines and medical gaga and when they have set backs.

Hope your little one gets stronger and that you can have him home in your arms! X

plentyofsoap Sat 19-Oct-13 21:32:13

I have been had two prems now (crap cervix) and the first was the hardest. From experience they are stronger than you would ever image x

Gurke Sun 20-Oct-13 08:15:41

Completely normal and sensible, OP. I wouldn't let anyone near apart from DH. The thought of other people's germs alone made me almost hysterical with worry, and I just didn't want to have to deal with others' emotional reactions. Ours were quite enough.

As others said, some hospitals shut down to visitors other than the parents in flu & RSV season - just use that as an excuse to deal with pestering relatives!

How your LO thrives - they are amazingly tough little creatures. Mine is currently babbling next to me, trying to wrestle the phone out of my hands... smile I would not have guessed or dared to hope this a year ago.

FraggleRock77 Sun 20-Oct-13 09:30:31

Thank you. Really reassuring xx

softkitty79 Tue 22-Oct-13 14:48:29

Congratulations!
My 26 weeker was born 11 months ago, we were in NICU/SCBU for almost 3 months and our visitors were restricted to his grandparents and aunt for short periods only. There was a ban on visitors altogether for quite some time hospital wide due to norovirus in the community.

We had friends visit us at home in the morning before we went to the hospital at lunchtime - helped to break up the day.

Mama1980 Tue 22-Oct-13 15:37:16

Completely normal my 2 sons were born at 26 and 24 weeks respectively. Neither saw anyone but me and my mum and daughter occasionally for months. They were both December babies and nicu was in lock down anyway against germs! Certainly with my first no family touched him except me for 6 months.
You haven't failed though I too felt this way for a while, remember this is just a tiny part of their lives. My eldest ds is now 5 and doesn't really believe me when I say he was that tiny and sick and certainly doesn't remember his first year which was in nicu having operation after operation, he's now perfectly healthy and indistinguishable from any other child his age.

Mama1980 Tue 22-Oct-13 15:37:31

Oh and congratulations thanks x

Mandy21 Fri 25-Oct-13 15:51:30

I also think its completely normal. I was in such a turmoil when my twins were born at 27 weeks that I just wanted to be with them – didn't want to be sat in my hospital bed on the maternity ward surrounded by relatives (as well meaning as they were) when all I could think of was if they'd come home and not when. I didn't mind my parents and sister there, but the extended family – no. My aunt still tells me when she peered through the hospital window, I saw her and my face fell. I also wouldn't let people other than DH hold them – not that I didn't want them to hold them, but at the start when they were only out of their incubators for perhaps 10 or 20 mins per day, I wanted all of that time. It honestly never occurred to me to let someone else hold them. My Dad had to go abroad about 6 weeks after they were born and he still moans (years later) that he never got to hold his grandchildren before he went. After if you worry about being rational, a couple of months later (I think the babies were about 4 months old, they were still very tiny) my husband wasn't feeling well and went to the dr – he texted me and said he had stomach flu and was on antibiotics. By the time he got home, I'd packed him a bag, wouldn't let him come in the house and said he had to stay with his mother until he was better in case he infected the babies!!

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