2 and a half years on

(17 Posts)

DT's are 2 and a half and are doing fine after being born at 31+1, after a PROM at 25+3. Very traumatic time with me being in hospital for 6 weeks then they came and were in SCBU for 6 weeks. Then lots of tests to establish if one had some brain damage, and if they both had CF. All clear on all fronts.

Once they had the all clear I had a "wobble" and my HV said she thought i may have PTSD, but there was no follow up and i just got on with it, I did did try and talk to my older sis who is a health prof, but she dismissed me saying it was just motherhood. I have had a major wobble again. Constant headache, no appetite, weepy, tired all the time. DH is really understanding and thinks i need to have some counselling. I've spoken to one of my "SCBU" mummy friends, and she addmitted she had help as have quite a few of the other mums.

Was just woundering if there was anyone else out there who have had "wobbles" and how they coped. I know the twins are fine and have no worries there. just think I never gave myself a opportunity to admit that I have been through a trauma, or deal with it.

Thanks

bishboschone Thu 28-Jun-12 18:23:56

I had ds at 33 weeks and he was very poorly . We nearly lost him and he has had many question marks over his development since . I am fine on the outside but on the inside I am different . I won't let anyone know and I don't like to make a fuss but just to say I understand how you feel. I don't think anyone can understand until they have gone from a scbu ' adventure '. Take care of yourself .

EyeoftheStorm Thu 28-Jun-12 18:33:26

DS2 born at 30 weeks and is just coming up to 3 years. This will be the first birthday of his that I have celebrated whole-heartedly, just as I celebrate my other DCs.

It was just too hard to have those memories of the NICU. He had brain bleeds which led to hydrocephalus and he needed a VP shunt. Amazingly, he is hitting all his milestones but those first years waiting for him to walk and talk were truly awful.

I think I had PTSD. I just didn't feel like myself - even though I was so full of love and happiness that DS2 had got through everything, I couldn't stop thinking about it and it dominated every thought for a good 18 months.

I went to a counsellor and it helped enormously. With friends and family, I put on a brave face and didn't want to sound like a stuck record. Don't underestimate the enormous stress and uncertainty you've been living with.

It took 6 - 8 sessions to feel like I'd got the whole thing off my chest. It really was like letting the lid off a steaming pan.

It can't hurt, can it?

Thank you xxx

plentyofsoap Fri 29-Jun-12 00:42:17

Hi, I had my ds three and a half years ago at 33 weeks. I got great support from the bliss helpline. It was a big wobble which occurred after his first birthday and with me returning to work. Its perfectly normal for a mum of a prem to feel like you do and just accepting and understanding this really helped me. I promise it gets easier with time but I found only those who had been through it understood the huge stress that can continue once they are home. I know bliss can arrange some free sessions of counselling for you which the charity may fund?

Mandy21 Sat 30-Jun-12 16:35:08

I also think if you feel like you need help, go and talk to someone. Like others have said, it can't hurt. I think it is definitely something you can't imagine or understand unless you've been through it, so to say your wobbles are just motherhood is a little bit dismissive. My DTs are 7 now (born at 27 weeks), and a school mum told me today her sister in law had a baby at 26weeks yesterday and I welled up. I still sob at most TV programmes that ever feature premature birth / babies, I don't think that will ever go away, but the big wobbles are gone now, so I agree it does get better with time.

berthabean Wed 04-Jul-12 13:18:51

Wobbler here too!!!!! In 2 weeks DD will be 7 (27 weeker) My beautiful girl was diagnosed at 12 mths with Cerebral Palsy and although we get on with it and are very positive I do have the odd wobble.
And yes T.V can make me cry when it comes to pre-maturity. I still feel envy when people have babies who come home straight away and I have to force a smile.
You are not alone. If it's too much to deal with it won't hurt to talk to someone about it.xxx

efeslight Wed 04-Jul-12 23:46:31

i agree with eyeof thestorm, i don't want to sound like a stuck record with family and friends, repeating the same stories, but still get upset from time to time, my little boy was born at 28 weeks, and is 3 soon, and doing well, but remembering his collapsed lung, brain bleed and seeing the scars on his chest, tummy, hands, testicles, etc, is still difficult.

i've considered talking/counselling, but not gone through with it, time does help, i think... hope you find some support, especially with headaches, tiredness etc, that must be hard to cope with twins.

difficultpickle Wed 04-Jul-12 23:52:21

I would definitely seek some counselling. Ds was born at 33 weeks and not expected to survive and had loads of developmental and health issues. When he was one I was involved in a life changing event that meant I sought counselling to recover. Part of that counselling included talking about all I had been through and was going through with ds. It really helped. His first 5 years were the hardest of my life. He is 8 now and healthy and no different to his peers - something I couldn't imagine being able to write when he was younger.

thank you all so much! I've tried to make an appointment with my GP, without much luck, getting appointments are like gold dust. but will keep trying. My best friend walked in on me in tear yesterday, I haven't talked to her about it as she is going through IVF. Bless her she was fab, told me she had had help after her second failed attempt and help is there for a reason. I will feel better soon! I'm determined!

difficultpickle Fri 06-Jul-12 13:38:48

Good luck. When you are in the middle of it is hard to see a way out. However having counselling was the best thing I ever did and made a real difference to how I viewed ds's time in SCBU and coped his subsequent problems.

EzrasMummy Fri 06-Jul-12 14:51:05

I had wobbles too. My son was born at 25 weeks and had a lot of problems. He is ok now but being a single parent, 23 and having to go back to work when he was in scbu was awful. I didnt have any counselling but if it was offered I definitely would have taken it.

It was truly awful. the bleed on the brain, the infections, the heart op. it was so difficult and to be honest I dont think ive actually come to terms with it. ive tucked it away. but one day it will come up

Look after yourself, and definitely seek cousnselling, it will probably help a lot xx

Mama1980 Sat 07-Jul-12 22:51:15

Hi I had my son at 26 weeks following a car crash and placental abruptIon, we both nearly died and my son needed several operations, became septic..... He is now fine and a very lively 4 year old. Recently I was diagnosed with PTSD I am fine during the day but about 8 months ago I started having nightmares, awful ones where I was replaying the last few moments before they rushed us off to theatre, like it was stuck on replay iykwim? It was explained to me that my mind had portioned off the trauma until it could no longer do so hence the nightmares. Immediately after when we were still in hospital I was offered counselling which I didn't find helpful at all they very much focused on me (I am badly scarred) which wasn't even in my radar at the time. Recently though I have been talking to my gp which has helped a lot-so I would definitely recommend trying counselling.I just wanted to share my experince and let you know you are not alone in having 'wobbles.'

Thank you all again. seeing Doc next week. Do feel better this week, have decided there is no need to try and be supermum all the time and give myself a break. even went as far as buying a few ready made meals rather than cooking everything from scratch, (but was secretly pleased when the twin refused to eat them and wanted their usual homemade stuff).

Also cheered up with new handbag and pair of converse!

Evasmum12 Thu 12-Jul-12 23:13:55

Hi everyone, I am so glad I am not the only one! my dd is 2 and a half, born at 28 weeks, emcs, because my umbilical cord had failed. She spent her first Xmas on Nicu and I think for the first few weeks I was in shock mainly. After a few months I knew it wasn't just baby blues but I couldn't bring myself to talk bout it because everyone kept telling me how brave and strong I was and how much dd had been
through so I didn't feel I could.

Eventually I started to feel a bit better but I still struggle now with everything that's happened. Dd has been very poorly recently and spent a month in hospital, which brought it all back.

I Spend a lot of time at her GP's and It's a small practice so I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to them about it.

How much does counselling usually cost? I have thought about it before but never looked into it.

EyeoftheStorm Fri 13-Jul-12 16:46:43

I didn't want to see my GP and looked up counsellors through BCAP (I think that's the acronym). I found several in my area and looked at their special interests and experience.

I wanted to see a woman and liked the look of one lady's photograph. She looked kind and that's what I needed. She charged between £25 and £39 depending on your circumstances.

I liked her and felt comfortable telling her things I'd kept from friends and family because I didn't want them to worry. Just telling someone what had happened from beginning to end started the fog lifting. I hope it works as well for you.

I think there is help available through the bliss website which is free also another friend found help through her local church (no pressure to go on sunday!) I now feel better and am trying to get up the courage to go and see my gp

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