This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate 7

(864 Posts)

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mrsbigz Sat 14-May-11 22:54:53

May this thread continue to offer support and friendship to all who have found ourselves knocking at its door. May the door stay firmly wedged open - to be a comfort to those who have recently lost a little one, and welcoming back those who have longer memories of their loss. May the tea always be brewing and the millionaire shortbreads always freshly baked.
And may our all little ones find each other in a magical place, where they can run, laugh and play together with no boundaries

mrsbigz Sat 14-May-11 22:56:22

hello!!? hoping you ladies find this? was waiting for someone else to start new thread but i got impatient! hope you are all having a nice weekend? hands up if you're watching the eurovision!!?

linspins Sat 14-May-11 23:00:51

Mrsbigz, I do like your intro. Very welcoming and homely.

MyangelAva Sat 14-May-11 23:02:46

Me too, thanks mrsbigz really lovely xx

flower11 Sun 15-May-11 02:25:03

Mrsbigz thanks for the new thread xxx

And just for the record, I own a gorgeous kitten, but i'm not a teacher, work for the nhs.

AF turned up today, so as well as being tired im now grumpy and irritable. Everyone sat shopping seemed to be pushing a buggy or stroking a bump, got all tearfull in the cafe thinking it should be me, and it should be me by now. Any way enough winging.

love to everyone xx

cremegg Sun 15-May-11 07:26:06

Hello! I found it, yay! Great job mrsb, it's lovely. What happened in eurovision?! Xx

cremegg Sun 15-May-11 07:28:31

Sorry flower, hope ur feeling better? Me and dh go to a great market every Sunday morn, but it is blooming baby and pram central, I always get that jumpin stomach feeling when I see the buggy we ordered or a bump so know what u mean xx

blacktreaclecat Sun 15-May-11 08:32:37

Hi, lovely intro.
Flower sorry af arrived. I feel the same about bumps and prams, I can't look at them it is awful. I work with the public in healthcare so see lots of them. I can no longer congratulate people or show any interest in their babies or pgs.
Picked up our new 8 week old black kitten yesterday, he is very cute but I'm worried about my princess puss.
Any tips on how to help them integrate gratefully received.
Stunned how are you feeling love?

EggletinaClock Sun 15-May-11 08:32:52

Hurrah for nice new thread! Thanks mrsbigz. Shame we all did our stories at the very end of the last one.

stunned hope you're ok and that you find us.

flower and cremegg hope you're both ok. The world does seem full of babies and pregnant women. I always try to remind myself that you don't know what they've been through to get there (but hey, sometimes you just know they've not been through any of this horror and why should you have to?) Try to think positive though.

myangelava at least the right team won.

misty hope you're having a good weekend.

I have now gone two whole days without crying and the bleeding has stopped for now. All this coincided with starting the penicillin so I'm sure that the uterus infection was causing the bleeding to continue. I think I probably had an extra week of bleeding because they couldn't diagnose the infection. UTI has gone so that's ok too and because I don't feel like a physical wreck I feel much stronger mentally.

Was on the phone to another friend for 2.5 hours last night. Haven't spoken to him in a while but he's another mental health person (we used to work together) and it was really nice, positive and supportive. Interestingly, he was saying that where he works they are not sending people to counselling immediately after a traumatic event, as a negative reaction is totally normal and even helpful in the recovery process, but should the sadness persist beyond what is considered proportionate then they refer. We had a long talk about how you judge this when it's all so personal. He is concerned I'm seeing a counsellor too soon, whereas I'm treating it as somewhere to go to get support in dealing with meeting people in the street and to help me manage the horrible anxiety I have about the future. Was interesting to consider why I am going though.

Anyway, I'm hoping for a third good day in a row.

Hope you're all ok. X

mrsbigz Sun 15-May-11 11:14:51

egglet yes you're right it is a shame we did our stories then. maybe we coud copy and repost onto this thread? I'm glad that your bleeding has finally stopped, and you're feeling a bit better physically and emotionally. sounds like you had a good chat with your friend last night. hoping you have another good day today - do you have any plans?

flower i'm sorry that AF turned up <hugs> and sorry you had a teadful moment in the cafe. of course it is only natural to get upset, and i agree with egglet i also 'try' to remember that i don't know what journey other women have been through to get pg - but sometimes that just falls flat and i still think 'why me'. i think that's about 4 of us now starting a new cycle - let's hope there's something in the numbers that is positive for all of us!

cremegg didn't really watch the eurovision, although kept flicking over near the end to see how near to the bottom the UK ended up!!! better than last years result, but that wasn't really difficult at all!

misty hello hun, was absolutely LOVELY to meet you yesterday - you've made a friend in DH as he spied the cake when he got back home from work wink. now we know how close we live we'll definitely have to meet up again soon. has also given me a boost to try and get all of us ladies together sometime soon. how about we go for a date (Sat or Sun) in July?

stunned i'm hoping that you're ok and are getting lots of love and care from those around you in RL. just know that we are here for you when you are ready to come back xxxx

cinnamon and myangelava hope you're having a nice weekend?

cherry hope things are all okay with you too?

speak soon ladies xxxx

Cinnamondog Sun 15-May-11 12:50:08

Hey there!

Firstly, well done mrsbigz, such a lovely introduction to our thread, sums it up to a tee I'd say!

Afraid I did the Eurovision as I always do, it's like a ritual in my house. Though disappointingly low camp/ ramdon count, so wasn't as amusing as usual. Think possibly may be the fact I'm normally a bit 3 sheets to the wind when I watch it that makes it seem funnier.....still, loved the crazy garden gnomes with the unicycling pixie, (Moldova I think!). Do you get Eurovision in Oz cremegg? Needless to say, we didn't win!

That flipping Auntie Flo, think she'll be leaving flower's to come to mine later in the week, free loading old cow that she is. Auntie Flo I mean, not flower!!!

Love the fact blacktreaclecat now has a black cat! Please don't cover him in treacle!

egglet, glad your infections have gone away, or are going. Mine is still here, as bad as before. I'm now on another batch of AB's for 2 weeks at 3 doses a day instead of the regular 2. They just don't seem to be making any difference what so ever. Making me feel really down now, plus I have so much on this week I have no chance to really do what I need to do, which is lie in bed 24 hours a day till it goes away. Bugger, again. Trying to keep positive as I'm being told that to be depressed about things actually supresses the immune system, but it's very, very hard.

mrsbigz and misty, sooo jealous that you guys got to meet up, especially as it was round my old neck of the woods. Was it weird? (in a good way!). I have really clear ideas of what I think you guys look like, etc. Definitely count me in for a Sat or Sun in July, except the weekend of the 2nd of course! Think it was mrsbigz who had a meeting in King's Norton the other day? Used to date a guy in King's Norton, pretty as a picture but thick as hell, bless 'im!

Guess myangelAva is still recovering from the celebrations. Know my old man is happy, he's a Man U fan, (I know, I know, I'm sorry, but he was born in Manchester, so that's a rarity with Man U fans isn't it? I'm a Bolton fan; the Lancashire thing, but also my maiden name was Bolton. I used to love going to matches and having 15,000 people chanting, 'we love you Bolton, we do, oh Bolton, we love you'. What a big head!).

Can't remember if I ever said, but I used to be a teacher, specialised in SEN but as I worked in a crappy comp that meant dealing with classes of 20 hormonal 15 year old boys with ADHD and ODD rather than the autistic kids I was trained for! Didn't stay long, needless to say. There is only so much being threatened with physical violence and having to stop people throwing themselves out of windows that a lass can deal with! Then went on to work in social services, which I loved, hope I can find a similar job here someday!

cherry and lispins - hello, <waves>! Hope you've had good weekends?

stunned, still thinking of you and hope you are okay.

Wooo! What an epic! Been a weird old weekend here. On top of the feeling like poo, OH got a call from ex on Friday day to say her mum back in SA had fallen down the stairs and died of a massive haemorrhage. Had to tell the the eldest 2 boys when they got home from school, lots of tears and just felt so sorry for them, but luckily they seem fine now. Spent an hour or so talking to them, being very honest and giving lots of hugs. And, this may seem really odd, but I got in touch with evil ex. Only by text but really wanted to say how sorry I was; no matter how horrible a person is, no one deserves to lose their mum. Ended up with her telling me I am the best thing that has ever happened to my OH and the boys, and thanking me for being a brilliant mum to her kids. Was a bit uncomfortable to be honest, think she was angling for me to say she was a brilliant mum too etc., but still am glad that I was able to tell her that no matter what has happened, some things are more important than petty arguements. Maybe she'll hate me a bit less now, ha ha!

Right, now I have taken over this entire thread (!!), shall go and take some pain killers and try to track down some chocolate, (purely medicinal you understand!),

Lots of huge hugs to everyone and have a smashing Sunday please!


MyangelAva Sun 15-May-11 16:29:32

What a lovely Sat- my family are man utd fans cinnamon and I married a city fan ('tWas like Romeo & Juliet!!) and so everyone is happy! For a day at least!! We had a roast and a fair amount of red wine and chocolate, so fun was had by all... until DS woke us up at 4am!! Think he just wanted a cuddle!

Anyway, I'm sorry about your shopping trip flower and I hope you're feeling a bit more positive today. I'm the same with bumps and buggies although I feel like I'm getting a bit more resiliant to it- as I (stupidly) told my counsellor, "I no longer feel like running off in floods of tears & throwing myself under the nearest bus!" I thought it was a funny quip but then had to explain for about 10 mins that I've never felt like throwing myself under a bus!! Must engage brain!! Also hope that egglet's winning streak
is continuing and that you are having a fab (if not rainy!) Sunday!! Interesting what you were saying about counsellors.

Sorry that your weekend has been so eventful cinnamon and obv sorry for your boys. That mustn't have been an easy conversation. Sounds like you made a mini break through with the ex though! your bravery was obv rewarded! I used to teach in a comp high school until DS was born but it was quite a nice school really, I was lucky! 2 cats though!

blacktreaclecat good luck with integration! I think girl cats are a bit more accepting of boy cats! Hope they're getting along!

Hello to cremegg, misty & mrsbigz!! The wait for AF tomorrow is killing me! I'm trying not to waste a test as I'm pretty sure she's on her way, but there's always some hope til she arrives!


EggletinaClock Sun 15-May-11 20:16:22

Hi all, another ok day here but I've got a bit of bleeding back and feel a bit period-like in a way I can't quite describe. I just don't know what's going on. Got the GP tomorrow so I'll see what he thinks.

cinnamon that sounds like a difficult encounter but you obviously handled it with grace.

myangelava do not encourage these health professionals with suicide quips. They are obsessed as it is, or maybe I just look particularly suicidal!

Just calling in briefly as my daughter won't settle tonight.

Cherrybug Sun 15-May-11 21:32:31

Just popping in quickly to say hello to all and mark the new thread (thanks mrsbigz). Hope everyone is doing ok.

Cinnamon, boo to your rotten kidney infection. I had a really bad one years ago and I won't ever forget how ill I felt. Hope the anti b's kick it into touch.

Flower, sorry to hear it's been tough, seeing babies and bumps everywhere isn't easy. I hope your turn comes very soon indeed. Hope wee kitty is settling in and you're enjoying the new addition to your home.

Myangelava, hoping AF doesn't arrive this month, fingers crossed.

Hi to everyone else, I'd write more personals but on
my phone and it's taking me ages! Plus have home made pizzas in the oven and I'm starving!

Love to all, Cherry x

StunnedAndShocked Sun 15-May-11 22:35:38

hiya everyone
Just quick one to say you can't hide from me in new thread....
All ok here so far - little bleeding but ok ish
Will catch up better later in week & then say proper hello then
X x

MyangelAva Sun 15-May-11 22:50:17

Egglet I have learnt my lesson- her eyes lit up like she had just got me to admit something in cross examination as seen in US legal dramas. If I could have sucked the words back in I would have! Instantly! Glad you're not doing too bad today and good luck at the drs tomorrow.

Thanks cherry, am braced for her coming and have my thermometer by the bed tonight to start temping (as persuaded by misty and the fertility friend gang!)

Hello stunned, 'nice' to have you back with us, and I'm glad you're doing ok, although I'm sorry you're joining us and that you appeared to have not had the easiest of times in hospital. My little one also had Edwards (diagnosed and top at 26 weeks)- big love to you xxx

Goodnight all and here's to a happy Monday xx

flower11 Mon 16-May-11 03:34:59

Egglet glad you are feeling better, Cinamon hope you feel better soon and the anti b's start working.

Mrsbigz it does seem that AF has chosen to visit a fair few of us at the same time.

treacle cat, glad you have got a new addition. Moses is 8 weeks old too, they are so cute at that age, into everything. Moses seems to have hubby wrapped round his little paw, turns out he has been giving him extra food at night while im at work, giving into his looking at empty bowl meewing( he has dried food, choosing not to eat it). Hubby said well hes so small and new. Bless him!

Stunned glad you are doing ok, hope you are getting lots of rest and support in rl.

Anyway I must do some work......

blacktreaclecat Mon 16-May-11 06:39:50

Treacle our 1 yr old black cat is being such a good girl, she just wants to mother Denzel the kitten. He won't stay still to be licked! They are a great distraction- instead of worrying about nappies, litter training!
Not sure I like the name Denzel- he came with it, what do you think? Moses is a great name.
Stunned glad you are home and the worst is over. Pamper yourself now. It will get easier day by day although at this stage that is difficult to believe. X
Love to all xx

misty0 Mon 16-May-11 08:33:15

Hello girls xx

XXXGoodluck and good vibes to the new thread and all who sail in her! XXXX

mrsbigz it WAS lovely to meet you! Coffee and cake and a good chin wag is always a tonic. And yes (cant remember who asked) it was weird in a way because now i've got 2 mrsbigz's in my head! The real one AND my imaginary one confused. My head's going to be very crowded if we all get to meet

My weekend - well, I'm a bit shell shocked at the mo. Sat afternoon my AF suddenly got so heavy i thought i was going to loose a major organ. (Warning, BTW, reading this may get messy ....) and Saturday night i had to get up FOUR TIMES looking like a victim from the Texas Chainsaw Masacre. Thats using super duper tampons. And trying to lay still. Sunday at inlaws in London was managable as i went to their loo EVERY hour on the dot. (Wore 3 pads just in case - didnt want an accident on their sofa - i was sure i rustled when i walked! ha ha. OH said he couldnt hear it tho'.) Once home yesterday eve. i thought - "surely there cant be much more up there" (sorry about this ladies - just got to share this) Last night - same/worse than the one b4!!!!!! Plus cramps.

To put this in context - i usualy bleed for 4 days tops. 2nd day is heaviest and is never anywhere near what i'm having now. sad What is this?
The only other time i've bled like this is when i had (i recon) a mc at 4 weeks. That was 3 months b4 i fell preg. in January. Could i have caught this time and built up a big linning - but am now loosing it? Or is this just 'first AF after termination' syndrome?

So sorry for not being more jolly and chatty - i just feel like a shriveled prune at the mo. I've more than got over the fact AF has come ..... just worried because i would actualy like to have some blood left in me after she's left!!! I have read everyones posts carefully - isnt it funny how so many of us are at the same pont in our cycles give or take 5 days...

Fingers crossed flower. And love to everyone xxx

misty0 Mon 16-May-11 08:47:54

Oh - was just thinking about our stories being on the old thread! (My fault that one blush) Copy and paste anything you like of mine mrsbigz. I think it would be nice if our stories were here too. If it helps heres mine again:

Three healthy children, but had a termination in early April after CVS showed DS plus heart problems (still waiting for full report) sad Trying again with gusto!

Cherrybug Mon 16-May-11 11:00:36

Very quick post to say to Misty - I was warned that my first period after could be much heavier than normal. As it happened for me it was actually much lighter (so I worried about that instead!) but I do know that many other women have had much heavier first periods and it seems that this is normal. Perhaps if the bad cramps continue you should get checked out but try not to worry too much.

Hi to everyone else!

EggletinaClock Mon 16-May-11 13:39:24

Another quick post to say that sounds rotten misty (I've forked out to subscribe to ff and I think / hope I've just made you a friend).

Cinnamondog Mon 16-May-11 13:46:27

Hi guys,

Will update you on my you-couldn't-write-this-sh*t life in a minute, just wanted to do a few personals.

misty, I second what cherry says, my first visit fom the Flo monster was seriously heavy and lasted 7 days, when I am usually a 4 day girl. Had to use super duper pads and tampons, (nice!) and many bathroom trips. Hope that puts your mind at ease honey xxxxx

stunned glad you found us, and gald you seem to still have a good sense of humour. Take it easy on yourself for the next few days; you been through a terrible time made worse by some appalling incompetence, (sorry, still cross on your behalf!) so don't expect too much of yourself, big hugs xxxx

myangelAva/ egglet, they do really seem to love the idea we may be women on the verge of a nervous breakdown, don't they? If only they were so attentive to things like arranging our 6 week check ups, or making sure our records were updated, ummm?? The buggers. Big hugs both, (and for what it's worth I think you are both, as are all of us, coping bloody well!) xxxx

All the other lovely ladies, higs and a <wave>; hope your Monday is going well.

So, the cinnamondog rollercoaster ride of doom continues.... Firstly DSS1 spoke to his damn mother yesterday and in 10 minutes she managed to undo everything me and OH has managed to do Friday night with regard to granny passing away. He was in tears for an hour, saying he wasn't going to go to school and that he knew if he did he'd lose his temper and hit people, etc, etc. Also going on about his grandad, (her parents are divorced and she doesn't get on with dad for reasons I won't go into), how he's a bad person, won't even call him grandad anymore, just refers to him by his name. So she's done a plum job on him again and we are left to pick up the pieces. Though this is the woman who has threatened to commit suicide via facebook and phone calls to DSS1, (who is 15 btw), all because her boyfriend broke up with her. She is a completely selfish person. I just hope he doesn't get too damaged by this. Forget my olive branch of last week; feel like shoving it up her a*se.

Then last night, DS3, (Little man with ASD), kept crying in his sleep. The 3rd time I went in to settle him at 1.30am, I stood up, slowly because my kindey won't allow swift movement, then passed out. Fell really badly against a wooden unit, bashed my spine and back just where my kidneys are (great!), and hurt my arm. OH wanted to call an ambulance, really worried him but I managed to limp back to bed, (lots of tears and shaking from shock). Of course, completely buggered up little man who then stayed awake till 5am alternately crying and laughing. Final straw at 5 when he came out of his room and started whizzing round the landing. OH lost it and shouted, some tears then he fell asleep, (DS not OH!).

So been to the doctor and she reckons it's complete exhaustion, my body basically stopping me because I won't stop myself. Blood pressure etc alright so that's something. Have been told to take it easy, (ha ha, yeah right!). Have a lovely big bruise on my back, another coming up on my arm and feel like I've been run over. I told you! You couldn't make this sh*t up!

Oh ladies, when is our luck going to change? Can someone BFP and cheer me up please?

Going to go lick my wounds, grumble grumble....Big hugs xxxx

mrsbigz Mon 16-May-11 14:32:28

misty im' sorry to hear about AF being the witch she is. like the others have said if it's any consolation this one (my first after) was much heavier (and clottier, sorry TMI) than usual. it lasted 5 days and the 3 middle days were V heavy indeed, with a little respite yesterday. seems today she has disappeared but i'm not holding my breath (more like clutching a tampon waiting for her to catch me out!!). i didn't get any more cramping than usual, but boy oh boy - i usually suffer from backache around AF, and this time it has been horrendous. feels like someone has punched me continuously in the back (though having now read Cinnamons update i think in comparison i'm doing ok - will catch up with you shortly).
Yes - whoever asked it was very strange (in a nice way) meeting up with Misty - i think we both agreed at the beginning how (if it were just the usual kind of internet 'date') there is no way we'd have met. i've never before met anyone i've spoken to online btw! but it was SO nice to meet and have a chat. and Misty looks nothing like i imagined her to be either, so i too have 2x images now!!!
glad yesterday went ok hun, apart from the hourly visits to the toilet!

cinnamon - oh my goodness you poor thing. i wish i could give the 'ex' a piece of my mind too - those poor boys. all i can say is thank goodness they have you and dh there to pick up the pieces....though as you rightly say, there shouldn't be any pieces to pick up in the first place!! and you - passing out? firstly i'm glad that you're ok (other than the obvious bruising) - maybe you 'do' need to take it as a sign to try and take it a little easier. comes back to other people a lot of the time though too doesn't it - if certain people didn't go out of their way to make your life as hard as possible, then you wouldn't be running around trying to fill in and smooth over other peoples mistakes. ggrrr - i'm so angry for you! i will attempt to make you a whole tray of virtual shortbread (can you smell the burning yet!!) and will deliver it myself with a virtual hot cuppa. sending you lots of love and hope your back isn't too bruised for too long xxx

stunned i'm so glad you found your way to this new thread....i have been meaning to respond to your other thread but got completely sidetracked yesterday so many apologies for that. i'm glad that you are back home and the 'worst' part is now over. this next part (well i found anyway) is the tricky and uncertain part. i felt a huge sense of peace and relief once Eve was born, mainly because the waiting was now over. but that soon was replaced by a rollercoaster emtional ride, which i'm still on but which is becoming less bumpy as time goes on. please remember to 'use' us all if you ever need to vent, cry, shout or just be safe in the knowledge that there are others who have gone through what you are experiencing. no feelings are wrong or right, and no one feels the same from one day to the next. to pick up a massive cliche, time IS a great healer and hopefully we can help your healing too xx

egglet hope your daughter settled ok last night in the end. what time is your gp appointment today (or have you already been?) - hope they can put your mind at rest. also hope that the bleeding settles down for you again soon. re: FF - yay for another charting buddy and a chart to obsess over. the link to the page Misty and I were using is here

cherry (i always want to write 'cheery' when i type your name!!) - hope you enjoyed your pizza last night - got my tummy rumbling when i read that!! saying that i was sat with a huge chunk of gorgonzola....may as well indulge while i can!

blacktreacle hope that 'denzil' (is it still denzil) is settling in well still?

bluecat not seen you for a while, hope all is well xx

cremegg hope all well with you too

thinks that's everyone but apologies to anyone i've missed. should be working blush so being discreet!!!

will catch up again later xxx

MyangelAva Mon 16-May-11 14:45:16

Oh cinnamon, you poor thing! No, you could make it up! You really need a break and a bit of tlc- although I can't imagine you get much 'rest time' with 3 boys! Sounds like a very nasty fall, big hugs to you..... It HAS to get better soon!!

Also, misty, the first period I had after TOP was also horrendous. I ditched the tampax as it did nothing and had to go for maternity pads, which had to be changed really often. Try to eat lots of red meat/ leafy green veg & pulses etc to keep your iron levels up (I looked like a vampire after a couple of days!) and try not to worry too much, unless there are huge clots, etc. I think it's normal if there's just loads of blood.

Anyway, on that cheery note I'll be off and check in with you guys later as DS will be awake any minute now!! Xx

misty0 Mon 16-May-11 14:56:34

Cinnamon petal! - Ohhhhhhhhhh! You MUST MUST take it easy. To hell with cleaning/cooking for a couple of days. What about work? What are you doing? Is it somewhere where you could ask for a break ? I know its hard to rest with a family and work - but please, please cut down on something. This is so important.

And that woman!! Is there some way you could limit her calls - would OH support you in that? Can any ladies think of a way Cinnamon could do this? Its one thing for her to want contact with her kids - and for them to want contact with her - but if its obvious to anyone sensible that it's doing damage then you're within your moral rights to limit this. For your own sanity at the mo. too. You need not tell the children. Can you somehow keep it to one shortish conversation a week maybe? Or less?? Would the 15 year old understand if you gently explained that his mothers calls are important to them both - but can be hard on him. He may be old enough to grasp that some adults put a heavy burden on their children without meaning to. Maybe let him know that its OK if he wants to put up a bit of defense against what she's doing to him emotionaly? By shortening/limiting calls ect (Dont mention that we all think she's the bitch queen from hell obviously shock).

You poor poor thing. Thank you for your words about heavy AF. cherrybug too. You see? If it wasnt for you ladies on MN i'd be sat here thinking i'm bleeding to death! (cos i wouldnt contact the doc. unless i was almost dead! Thats just me)

egglet - i've pm'd you on FF. We are now friends! lol.

stunned - read all about your awful experience on that morning - with the bed mix up ect. Good God ..... what doesnt kill us makes us stronger sweetheart - thats what they say. You will find an inner strength - and we are all here for you any time that falters. And the times when you just want a damn good waffle, and a cuppa! smile. Bless you - <hug>

flower - sorry about your AF xx dont think i said it before love. All together for this month then?

myangel - whats happening? ...... I havnt gone all rapper on you, lol, with my fingers pointing in funny directions! ...... i mean about your AF? All excited now for each of us xxx

Hi ladies
Just tracked you down and caught up...

stunned hope that you're being good to yourself and that you have lots of lovely RL support

cinnamon sorry it's all a bit car-crash at the moment... definitely follow the doctors advice if you can

misty sorry AF is being so hideous - I suspect it's just your body having a good old clear out - icky though...

For the record here is my story: I have a 2.5yo DS then in March last year I had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy (and lost my left tube), In July I then had a M/C at 12 weeks and now this year I've just had a termination at 14 weeks for DS.

I'm still doing ok... yesterday was one month from my termination and it passed fairly uneventfully which was good. DH was away so I suspect it was just me that remembered... :-(

Re Jewellery.... I have a ring that DH have me when DS was born. It's got his initials inside and the plan always was that we'd get the initials of other children added. My plan is now that when we add the initials of a next child I'll also get them to add three stars for the three babies we've lost...

Still no sign of my AF... felt a bit imminent on Friday but nothing yet.... Also still no sign of my Repeat Misscarriage Clinic referral... will chase soon as I want to get organised with all the tests and everything.... I want the feeling that we're making some sort of progress towards our next baby...

hugs to you all...

StunnedAndShocked Mon 16-May-11 19:17:57

Evening ladies
Not too bad a day but spent most of the afternoon in tears as I met up with friends & all they did was hug me - Q loads of tears even my waterproof make couldn't cope with that - move over kiss....
Hubby went back to work today so felt bit odd as we been together almost 24/7 for past 2 wks (loo breaks excluded)
Tummy been feeling crampy / back ache this afternoon / evening & tmi but been for wee & looks like I have started bleeding.
Yesterday was just slight pink after wiping - looks like start of a af to me now, guessing body has now started to get over shock of loss of little Amelia May & the operation the following day.
Taking advice given from Ava & upping my intake of green veg etc
Been to Dr today & he has signed me off for a month which is good so I can take time to recover. He asked me how long did I want - I answered about a year, he said I could have a month to start with - bless him.
Take care out there ladies, don't forget to smile - you will be amazed at the difference it makes
X x

MyangelAva Mon 16-May-11 21:06:02

Hi misty, thanks for thinking of me! I know what you mean though, I was really quite excited with the thought of your poss bfp!! So... AF has not shown up yet, which is quite unusual for me. I'm holding off until tomorrow and then I don't think I can wait to do that test that's calling from the cupboard! Don't want to jinx things obviously but am secretly hoping that she doesn't come tonight!! And obv for a bfp!

I'm sorry that so many people are feeling rubbish today- big hugs, and I'm sorry for the lack of personals- all of a sudden it's 9pm and I've only just sat down!! Will have more time tomorrow hopefully xx

flower11 Tue 17-May-11 04:38:18

treaclecat If you really dont like the name denzel then I would change it, I think hes too young to have learnt that its his name, moses doesnt respond when we call his name, hes just learning to respond to NO but think thats all about tone of voice. Hope you are enjoying your new addition. I think moses has brought some unwelcome little visitors with him, now have to de flea the house, may be this whole de stress with a kitten isnt going to work quite so well.

blacktreaclecat Tue 17-May-11 07:44:38

Hi flower I was a bit stressed on Sunday after a few litter tray related accidents. He seems to be making it now. My older puss seems to think he is her kitten and keeps trying to wash him but he won't stay still!

mrsbigz Tue 17-May-11 10:09:56

so quickly popping on (at work so trying to look V busy) to see how myangelava is this morning. have everything crossed that aunty hasn't shown for you and you've been an peed on a stick!!

hi to everyone else, will catch up later xxxx

StunnedAndShocked Tue 17-May-11 10:41:12

Morning ladies
Just thought I would pop on to say hello
Feeling ok so far today, cried when a friend from work text to ask if ok, she didn't know I was preggers - she has been off & only works two days a week so not seen her for a while.
Out two kittens have been amazing, only had a couple of accidents were he could find litter box quick enough - other than that perfect litter trained kitty's.
Although he has taken to licking our plates / saucepans if we don't clean them / cover them quick enough. This is whilst we are eating & pots in kitchen sink waiting to be washed.
This in turn has given him a upset tummy - the runs bless him. He is on special food which he doesn't like as has a few mouth fuels then doesn't eat anymore. I am making him eat it before giving him some crunches. I feel so mean as the loom he gives me is soo sorry looking. Wouldnt mind if it was cheap food but at £6 a box of 12 packs it isn't cheap. Has special pro bio otic stuff in to help build stronger tummy. Vet said to feed it to him.
Take care out there, everything crossed for Myangelava today
X x

misty0 Tue 17-May-11 12:41:19

hi girlies -

I think i know that food stunned - my young male puss has a delicate tum and we had to go through a few boxes of that. I know what you mean about scraps as well - lots of times i think "oooh kitties will enjoy a bit of that" (fish or chicken table scraps ect) as i would have done with my 2 moggies in the past - but this pair of aristocrats are too posh for scraps and get the runs! lol. oh well....

Funny how a well meaning friend can set off tears when you're not expecting it. It does sound like you have lots of people that care about you stunned, and that you can talk to, so thats really nice smile. What a lovely name! Amelia May. Beautiful. Yes your body is probably adjusting to all its been through the last few days. My bleeding came and went a bit for the first few days - no need to worry unless you get cramping or odd smells (sorry!). What you said b4 struck a cord with me about your OH going back to work. I thought i was fine untill the second or third day after mine went back. His constant mental support at home - when i looked distant or sad he'd jump right in and cheer me up - was something i missed like crazy that first week. Fell apart a bit i'm afraid. You sound really strong right now though smile Well done lovie xx

mrsbigz - the busy looking lady - , lol, morning!

myangel - how are you today????? No pressure or anything, ha ha xx

blacktreacle - how sweet of your older puss to try to mother the kitten! Ahhhhh.

flower - shame about the passengers on kitten! Poor little thing - once they're gone the stress relief can continue.....

<waves> to everyone else xxxx cinnamon - hows all your bumps and bruises love ? xx

misty0 Tue 17-May-11 12:50:06

knitter - when were you due on do you think then? Your proceedure was only 4 days after mine in April. Amazing isnt it? At the time it felt like you were way behind me time wise - but 4 days is a long time in those first 2 weeks isnt it? Its nothing in reality - we're more or less at exactly the same point cycle wise. Am i making sense?? lol xx

misty... Well i'm sort of due on now... but still no AF... I can't remember how long it took after my last termination for my AF to come but I think it was just 30 days.... According to my spreadsheet i'm on 31 days today so I guess she'll turn up in her own time smile

Back in April I remember being so jealous of you finding out the results of your CVS so quickly when mine dragged on and on... Your CVS was after mine but your termination happened before I'd even got the results of my CVS.... But you're right we're almost buddies - our terminations were just 4 days apart in the end...

Actually i've checked my spreadsheet and it's 32 days... I have a very low expectation that this might mean I'm PG and refuse to get my hopes up... Mind you if I was I'd also have a very low expectation of it surviving as this feels all to soon and an echo of the MC I had following my ectopic pregnancy... If AF hasn't turned up by the end of the month I'll test... but in the mean time I'll just expect that it's my body taking an age to get itself sorted after the termination....

EggletinaClock Tue 17-May-11 14:30:02

Hi everyone.

Stunned hope you're doing ok, my advice would be to cry whenever you feel like it as it does make you feel better afterwards. Amelia May is a beautiful name too.

Knitter I didn't know your story. That's an awful lot for you to have gone through. I hope you're due some good fortune soon. I love your idea of having your ring engraved too.

I'm going to add 'Jewellery chat' to the list of frequent topics of conversation on this thread, 2nd after all the blessed cats!

Cinnamon what an awful time you're having. I am a fainter too and it really is a sign that you have to slow down or preferably stop. I hope you manage to get some proper rest soon. That woman sounds like a total nightmare and I don't know what I'd do except more than likely the wrong thing so I won't give you any advice, just sympathy!

blacktreacle I really like the name Denzel. I think it's a great name for a cat.

Fingers tentatively crossed for myangelava too but in a non-pressuring way!


mrsbigz Tue 17-May-11 15:01:47

hey - just to pick on on what you were saying misty and knitter about being only 4 days apart. i feel the same way - but actually thinking about it i'm only a few days ahead of you misty and i think about a week behind cinnamon - but you're right, at the time each one of those days feels like a week (i guess will all that you're going through, emotionally and then physically) but looking back we are all so close together.

misty am assuming you weren't swimming this morning? hope you're feeling better and af being kinder to you now. must be nearly over for this month xxx

knitter i hope that this month turns out just how you want it. i understand how you feel about the poss of being pg and it being too soon this month - but i think tbh that you (and all of us) will be in a very detached and strange state of mind when we do eventually get our bfps - i'm sure one of the 'old-timers' (please excuse the phrase, no slight on your ages i promise!!!) can express that feeling better than i can right now.

i'm in a funny place, on the same subject. i've had x2 m/cs and each time i got my bfp on the first cycle after my aunty flo came the equivalent of this cycle. one of those bfps was ds2, and the second time around it was Eve. hmmm am really trying not to think about it - it couldn't happen 3 times like that.....could it? crap. i. must. not. get. my. hopes. up. please keep reminding me of that!!

glad all the cats / kittens are ok - i'm losing count of the amount of feline friends on this board. i'm almost wanting to get one for fear of having no 'furball' stories to share with you in weeks to come?! haha, only kidding. dh would freak if i got a cat, not his thing!!! me and my brother so desperately wanted a pet when we were younger (well, 16 and 15 respectively) that we got my mum a kitten from an animal rescue centre for her could she refuse!!!! LOL bless him, DJ died last year at an amazing 19 years old - and she loved him to bits smile

stunned hi hun, glad to see you've got a good support network in RL. sorry about the text this morning, i found (and still do now) that i was ok when i was expecting to see someone, something - it was the unexpecteds that caught me off guard and had me crying uncontrollably. i LOVE the name Amelia May....if ds2 had been a girl, his name would have been Amelie Mae!! - so i do think it's a beautiful name!!

cinnamon hope that you're taking it VERY easy and your aches and pains and bruises are easing off (also hope the 'Ex' is easing off - has dh had a chat with her at all). it's at times like these you need an upsidedown ceiling hanging laptop that you can use while laying on your back (resting!!). hope you're feeling much better very soon xxx

<waves> to everyone else, must try and look busy again!! blush

mrsbigz Tue 17-May-11 15:05:30

egglet i took so much time writing my post (and hiding it every few seconds behind a very important spreadsheet!!) that we x-posted!. hope you're doing ok hun, thanks for finding us on the charting site. now show us your charts!!

can i suggest 'baking' as a third potential subject lol xxx

Cats... I have a big black moggie called Marmaduke - he's lovely and very tolerant of me :-)

Baking... will be cooking muffins tonight to bring to work tomorrow for Cake Wednesday... any suggestions? Actually thinking of the contents of the house it might have to be blueberry muffins....!

Cinnamondog Tue 17-May-11 15:51:40

Hello lovelies,

Going to be quick as I have a lot to do; have decided to bite the bullet and am travelling up to my mum's later to go to my two days worth of dental treatment, aarrgh! Well, I figure I'm already in pain, ha ha! Sounds stupid but I'm petrified of the dentist so will only go and see this one doctor, which turns every check up into an over night visit to my mum's. Was due to catch the train with DS3 tonight and come back alone on Thurs but OH and step dad are doing a relay instead so DS3 and me are being driven up tonight instead, with a handover at Oxford! My complicated life?

Back is still super sore, plus added bruises and my neck feels really sore too. Think I wil be finding new bumps for the next week! On the plus side I can't feel any pain in my kidney/ side, though that could just be that it is being masked by the other twinges. Fingers crossed ladies!

She did it again last night, more tears, so angry. OH and I have thought before about trying to limit her access, but unfortunately DH1 calls her using his own phone, and she texts him asking him to phone her. So we have to options of making it obvious we don't approve and him keeping their contact secret, (which he has done before but we managed to talk about and get over that), or letting him call her, just supporting him as best we can when she damages him. It's so complicated. He craves her attention, we just have to keep supporting and loving him and hope it won't be too long till he gets the measure of her.

Well, I'm not going to be able to log in apart from through my phone, so prob won't be in the loop till Thurs night but until then.....keep hugging those kittens, peeing on those sticks and hopefully bringing on those BFP's!

Lots of love all, take care for the next few days xxxx

Cinnamondog Tue 17-May-11 15:56:31

knitter- banana and butterscotch are the best muffins ever. Think there is a recipe on the bbc food site, if not Nigella does a good one.

Going away now, just had to answer the baking query!!

Making marshmallow squares and that SA milk tart for a bbq this Sat, excited!

Sad, sad, sad......xxxxxxx

Anyone fancy having an opinion on what to put in a letter to the owner of the dodgy dodgems... Gashed my leg and ripped my jeans on Sunday and wondering what the appropriate level of retribution is...

misty0 Tue 17-May-11 16:49:08

Yeah - no swimming this morn. mrsbigz. My swimming mornings are Mon,Wed + Fri. I couldnt go this Monday tho' - pool would have looked like a scene from Jaws ! EEK! Today is the day i take my aged mother to Tesco.......WHAT an exciting life! Bet you're all so envious, lol.

On the subject of how close together we here are in terms of timming ....... When i first began posting on this thread and you ladies all came along, or were here already, i thought that ladies would often be joining and leaving and that there would be lots of coming and going - but it seems we all joined in one sweep, really, didnt we? And have stayed! It's really nice grin Nice too for those 'newbies' (although in the scheme of things what's a few weeks??) because we can all give a good supportive base for newcomers.

Well - there's a warm fuzzy feeling! smile

cinnamon - you really are a sucker for punishment girl! Dentist ...... i'd rather just have my head cut off than go to to one of those again.

STOP with the talk of the muffins now please ....... its killing me. I had cake on Saturday and thats the only naughty thing i've eaten for about 3 weeks. Think slim, think slim, think slimmmmmmmmmmmm ...................

misty0 Tue 17-May-11 16:50:14

X posts there knitter. I'll take a look in a mo.....

misty0 Tue 17-May-11 17:14:01

Ok, well you've done the right thing with health and safety definately, so thats that out of the way.

For you personally, i would say, from a detatched point of view that the cost of the jeans is entirely reasonable. Lay it on thick about the gash - and - if you start out nice - you might get a bit more out of them ...... say some free tickets or something. If you dont get a speedy or favourable reply, then you can start ramping up the demands i recon .... JMO smile (oooh i love writting a stiff letter. My OH says mine are made of concrete! lol)

StunnedAndShocked Tue 17-May-11 19:46:18

Evening ladies
Well the two kittens have spent most of the afternoon asleep on my legs whilst I watched a DVD. They are a year apart but they play well & groom each other, so sweet to watch.
Have had tears this afternoon as spoke ton the hospital Chaplin about putting Amelia's name in the memorial book then we spoke about her funeral which is a free service they offer. It is at the local crematorium on a Thursday morning, just for a simple service. They get info that baby is released from the hospital then they call us with the date & time etc then we can go if we want to - I feel I need to go.
I am getting slight tummy pain / cramps - taken some pain killers & will see in the morning if need to speak to dr then. I have had UTI before after ERPC so know how painful it can be if left.
I have been on another well known message board forum but felt they are all too clicky far too much about themselves to care about other people who post. I have been looking at / reading this site for a while before posting & feel happy posting & responding to the ladies here
X x

mrsbigz Tue 17-May-11 20:41:45

stunned (nearly wrote stunner then by mistake, although you probably are one too!!) - just wanted to say i can relate to the funeral service. we have ours on this thursday at a local church (then she is buried the following morning) - we initally were unsure as to whether to go or not (we're not particularly religious) but we both felt it something we have to do, plus we want her to 'know' we were there for her in the church when they read out her name.
misty - you made me laugh with your ref to a scene from jaws!! i was longing for a long soak in the bath over the weekend, and i daren't for that same reason!!
knitter i would agree with misty on the letter. i too love writing letters with meaning!! i once wrote to nestle complaining that i'd had about 3 tubes of smarties and not come across one blue one. they sent me a £3 voucher to go and buy more LOL!! but yes, the H&S bit definitely, and then the cost of the jeans most certainly, and if you can get them warming to you and feeling guilty then you may get a little more from them to compensate for your leg! just remind them it's 'lucky' it happened to you and not someone more susceptable (sp?) or vulnerable (i.e. kids)
speak soon x

blacktreaclecat Tue 17-May-11 20:56:22

I think the cat thing is a baby replacement. I know it is for me. To me they are my babies, I feel I love them nearly as much as a human baby, and they give me something to love. This is why I wanted a new kitten after this loss.
I guess if you already have children you can concentrate on loving them which would help too.
Not a baker but H makes JO 15 chocolate brownies, they are amazing. Will bring them if Cinnamon forgets the shortbread..
Good luck at the dentist - will be fine

MyangelAva Tue 17-May-11 22:37:01

Ah, misty, you do make me laugh- Jaws smile !! Hello to all and hope everyone is ok and that cinnamon's dental treatment isn't too horrific! Your poor body at the minute!

OK, a quiet update on me & AF, because I obviously don't want to shout it from the rooftops quite yet for fear that someone, somewhere on high may realise that I've had a spot of good luck this year and might take it off me!! But we have our first BFP ladies. The silent bding worked! Am obviously really happy and strangely optimistic but I am now inevitably aware of all that can go wrong and praying that it doesn't.

Thank you all for keeping your fingers crossed for me... It obviously worked!

So.... Who's next?!! My fingers are crossed at the ready! Xx

mrsbigz Tue 17-May-11 22:44:02

oooooooh smile myangelava that is fantastic news!!!! you've prompted me to try silent bd'ing this month!! seriously though you've just made my day - amd so happy for you both. xxxxxxxxxxxx

StunnedAndShocked Tue 17-May-11 23:14:05

Congrats to you Myangelava
fingers & legs at this time for more to follow
X x

Mishtabel Wed 18-May-11 02:50:04

Hi ladies, was just popping in to check out your new thread. Have to say that I agree with Lins, in that the intro is very warm and welcoming - well done MrsBigz smile

I occasionally lurk on this thread just to see how you all are, though very rarely post here as, and I hope this doesn't come across as insensitive, I have moved on and can't relate as readily to the raw grief of those early days. I've said the same before, and I remember Cherry saying she found that hopeful, so I hope you feel the same. 

I've 'met' a few of you before, though am always sadly amazed at how many new names there are here. You're doing a great job of supporting each other. 
Hopefully we'll see you all over on the sister thread at some stage - it has usually been a natural, gradual progression for people at some stage during their pregnancy, but whatever works for you of course. 
Speaking of which -Congratulations MyAngelAva! I know it's early days, but everything crossed for you here for a boringly normal pregnancy. I have lost count of the number of babies born on the other thread, suffice to say there are many (including my little 16 month old), and I hope that gives you and everyone else here a bit of hope too.

Take care everyone xx

Mishtabel Wed 18-May-11 03:00:21

PS: I tend to say 'hope' a lot smile

blacktreaclecat Wed 18-May-11 06:30:44

Congratulations myangelava, lots of vibes for a healthy pregnancy

misty0 Wed 18-May-11 07:32:32

YAY grin well done myangel thats fabulous news. xxxxxxxxx How exciting!

cremegg Wed 18-May-11 09:46:25

YAYYYYYY to myangel and don't mean to share the limelight so soon but I just did a 'posh' test and gotta BFP 1-2 weeks!!!!

I thought I might have been from Sunday as boobs on fire as Indy's pregnancy, but just didnt dare admit it to self really. (did a couple of 'cheapies' and told myself it was prob a water mark not a faint bfp!)

ahhh! so feeling the same "myangel' mega excited that (what is it with our 'family in the same house' BDing?!) it all worked but cannot think for 2 seconds that it will go right this time.... lots of fingers crossed!

cinnamon you sound like you're having a right old time and really sound like you need a lovely treat for all you have going on! Can't believe you added dentistry to the mix, you're a v brave lady as i am terrified of the dentist! hope that crazy ex of your OH leaves her lads alone soon! maybe they'll get a bit of rest when her new baby turns up (poor thing!) xx

on the cat front... mine have got even more demanding now its getting colder and see it as their right to be able to sleep on our bed all day as its the only room that has the rad on in the morning, they put up a right fuss when i moved them out this morning (dont want a repeat of cat grass puke on the bed!)

stunned hope you are taking good care of yourself? lots of relaxing, books/mags, fave films etc. service sounds like it is the right thing to do for you, hope it goes as well as these things can, thinking of you xx

knitter your baking has made me feel so hungry! must sort out some dinner!

sorry to those i havent mentionned today, thinking of you all and thank you for always being the place I can let it all out!!


mrsbigz Wed 18-May-11 10:34:26

goodness me!!!! what a day for excitement and renewed hope for the future!!! cremegg congratulations to you smile you must be over the moon!!! congrats to you and your dh!! xxxxxxxxxxxx

sending many sticky vibes to both of you and hope you both have VERY normal and uneventful pregnancies xxx

oooh - how exciting well done myangel& and *cremegg so happy for you. Fingers crossed for a boring 9 months....

misty0 Wed 18-May-11 10:58:28

cremegg - YAY! to you too! What good news today! Twice. Oh how lovely grin And how great for the both of you to be preg. buddies. Congrats all round.

Cherrybug Wed 18-May-11 11:08:50

Hello all, well what a smashing surprise to read the good news! Start of a roll me thinks for all of you on this thread.

Myangel & Cremegg - How are you both feeling? I'm wondering if you are as terrified as I was on getting that BFP. But of course happy and excited and reassured that as Mishta says, many many lovely little ones have arrived on the sister thread over the years. Speaking of which I'll look forward to seeing you there as well as here. It's a scary old time but step by step with crossed fingers and deep breaths. And you know that we all here, and over on the other thread are holding your hands.

Cinnamon, goodness you must feel like you've been in a bloomin war. Hope Dentist is gentle, anti b's have finished off that kidney infection and you have some arnica to take care of those bruises. And lots of TLC from your mum.

Mrs Bigz - did laugh when I read about your complaint as to the lack of blue smarties!

Knitter/Stunned - hope you're doing ok in these early days.

Misty - hope AF has calmed down. I actually went swimming yesterday and thought of you.

Hi also to Egglet, Blacktreaclecat and Flower and to Bluecat if you're out there lurking. And anyone else if I've missed them - HI!

Right, I should be working but tummy is rumbling as usual so off to see what I can put together. I have some blueberries so perhaps some blueberry muffins but those banana and butterscotch will definately have to be tried at some point!

EggletinaClock Wed 18-May-11 13:08:51

Hello everyone

Myangelava and cremegg what absolutely brilliant news! Fingers tightly crossed for dull uneventful pregnancies for you both. I'm sure you're both anxious but there's plenty of us here to help however we can.

blacktreacle Hope I wasn't being too rude about cats! I'm just not a cat lover and am hugely allergic to them, so even if I did like them I wouldn't be able to indulge myself.

misty hope you're ok now. Cinnamon hope the dental treatment went as well as it could.

I'm in a bit of a state as I've finally got my appointment through for the cord karyotyping results. It's next Tuesday. I've got absolutely no idea what to expect, all I know is we will hopefully find out whether our baby's heart defects were caused by a chromosomal disorder or not. Has anyone else been through this and could tell me if there was anything else they were told so I can try to prepare. I'm getting very anxious about it.

misty0 Wed 18-May-11 13:51:30

egglet - my appt.'s next Tuesday as well. 12.15. The colnsultants secretary has told me the results will be there for my OH and I's translocation blood tests - so you and i can mentaly hand hold each other that day. smile

Hi cherrybug - nice to see you again xx well done for the swimming grin i went today again now AF has gone .....

blacktreaclecat - bring on the brownies! lol - what you were saying about your kitties - its true, our animals are part of the family too. Its human nature to love and want to be loved. And that love can extend to all the living things that share your life. Its what makes us all tick!

mrsbigz - for your service for Eve tomorrow evening we will all be thinking of you. Hopefully it will be a mixture of sandess AND joy - to cellebrate her memory.

I was thinking the other day that i dont always want to be sad when i think of my lost one. I've tried to cultivate a feeling of 'what will be, will be' and my babys life was a symbol of my OH and i's love for each other and our wish to enhance that love with a child together. And we did - just not quite as successfully as we would have wanted. And so on with the having another go....!

cinnamon - thinking of you lovie xx

My Aunt Flo has left. smile Left the house quite dramatically yesterday actually! One min its full on - and then gone. No little smudges or anything. Oh well ...... glad she's gone - ha!


MyangelAva Wed 18-May-11 14:00:22

Thank you mishtabel, it is hopeful and I have to say, I do feel different with each month that passes. Here's hoping that we all get to that place where we can 'live' with the grief and move on, without forgetting, fairly soon.

Thank you to everyone else for your good vibes and quiet congratulations to cremegg. I had forgotten that you were with family too smile I am a bit scared but I do feel a bit optimistic for the first time in a long while. The problem is that I had always sort of thought that getting pregnant wad the hard bit, then obviously staying pregnant for 12 weeks and then Ava. And now I realise it's the beginning of a long journey.

EggletinaClock Wed 18-May-11 14:02:10

I'll try misty but I'm not sure I'll be much use! I'm just trying to get in touch with ARC as I need to know what the worst case scenario is from the karyotyping as I need to prepare myself for that. One of the things this whole experience has left me with is a terror of being in a medical consultation and just not having any idea of what bad news might come next.

MyangelAva Wed 18-May-11 14:18:53

Sorry, I forgot to post my last message and have now x posted with Egglet & misty. it's a shame that you both have to wait until Tues but it's nice that you've got each other to hand hold. I obv have no experience of this because I knew Ava's diagnosis before termination but my meeting with the genetic counsellors re translocation etc was really helpful and informative. I think that it was helpful for me to take some questions with me as I checked that they had all been answered in the end as my head was spinning after the hour or so I was in there.

misty, I'm also glad that AF has left the building and that you're feeling ok now! And mrsbigz I wouldn't necessarily recommend the silent bd'ing, but f it does the trick then I think you all need to invite family to stay in a fortnight! On a serious note, also thinking of you at Eve's service. I too needed to be there for Ava's funeral or I felt we were letting her down and although it took a bit of persuading DH, we are both glad we went now. Big hugs to you xx

MyangelAva Wed 18-May-11 14:21:11

I've done it again! I type too slow, sorry Egglet x

Ps I think it's a good idea to do a little research so that you have some background knowledge for when you're in there too. Please try and stay positive, although that's easier said than done when we've all been in 'worst case scenario' territory x

Cinnamondog Wed 18-May-11 18:58:10

Can't really post much as on crappy phone but WOO HOO! I am so, so, so happy myangel & cremegg!! Lots of love for what will be happy healthy pregnancies!! xxxxxx

manitz Wed 18-May-11 20:45:18

hello, quick one from me as dropping in from other thread when supposed to be something else. Many congratulations for myangelava and cremegg. exciting and scary, hope the time goes quickly and that you are able to enjoy the pregnancies for what they are.

Eggletina, when I had my genetic counselling (is that what you mean by the cord kariotype??) it was pretty disappointing. I had built it up into closure and they said, we think the heart prob was just one of those things. I had a couple of odd things which were unrelated - dh has a balanced translocation and I had a problem with my liver which could lead to scirrosis (can't spell it). Although I was glad I wasn't a carrier it left me wishing I didn't know that about myself and I had expected to get answers but it was just bad luck which is what a lot of people seem to find.

I'm really sorry I don't know but did you find out in the end if there were any chromosonal issues with your baby? I guess cos my heart problem wasn't one normally linked iwht chromosonal abnormalities it wasn't really an issue but nothing was found to make us carriers of anything so when i had my termination for T21 I didn't bother with genetic counselling this time round. I'm not sure if that helps you prepare for the meeting at all but at the time of ours I read quite a few people who had a similar experience as me - expecting answers but not really getting any.

EggletinaClock Wed 18-May-11 22:01:47

Hi manitz and thanks. (Karyotyping is just the analysis they do either from cvs, amnio or cord blood samples.) No, I don't know whether there was a chromosomal problem as they said no point going through an amnio when the heart defect alone was enough for us to feel we had to terminate. They said they estimated a 90% there was. This afternoon I had a good talk to someone at ARC (and a bit of a cry) and she said that basically the worst case was finding a translocation and that had a 25% chance of recurring. We talked about my general anxiety too and she was very helpful. They really are an excellent organisation. So I've calmed down and what will be will be, as I'm often thinking these days, I've got through worse.

myangelava you're right and it is hard to think positive but I suppose that's what we're all going to have to learn to do in various ways.

So just a quick hello to everyone and sorry for being all mememe.

misty0 Thu 19-May-11 08:24:07

Morning girls -

Good that you've spoken to ARC egglet. Its interesting to know what the different profesionals say. About translocation - thats something i'm worrying about actualy. I've not spoken to any one profesional about this since when the consultant came to see me b4 sending me home on The Day.

I asked him about risks for us when ttc again - he explained then that one of the reasons that they like to do translocation testing on the parents of babies who have been identified as having a chromasonal dosorder, is not only so that the parents can know what the risk of it happening to them again is (he said not to worry too much about that, as the increased risk for DS would only be slight even if we tested positive. And thats very rare) but more importantly a translocation from me could have been passed on to existing children to make them carriers. ie: in those circumstances my daughters would want to get tested b4 trying for children themselves. Again only a slight risk for them, even if they were positive. (OH has no children of his own so the 'buck would stop there' for him)

Now at this point he lost me! lol. Genetics are tricky to grasp at the best of times let alone 3 hours after having a GA! I got the basics i think ....but this is something i'm ready to ask about again on Tuesday.

I still dont know if we are going to get any more info on baby. I spoke to the consultants secretary yesterday (very sweet) and she said it didnt look like there were any reports for us other than the translocation testing....i mentioned the CVS results: boy or girl, more info on the heart porblem ect and she said she'd make sure that any info still in the system would be given to us on Tuesday. i dont know how hard to push for this ..... part of me wants to just press on with 'now', IYKWIM? Not go hard to know whats best .....

Me,me,me - sorry!

Cherrybug Thu 19-May-11 09:32:31

Hi Egglet and Misty.

Our baby girl had an unbalanced translocation. It was a very rare combination X:19 so there was a loss of X material and duplication of part of 19. There were over 600 genes from 19 in the extra material and we were told that this would mean very severe problems if she survived at all. Our geneticist was very clear that the effects of this translocation would be very severe which is why we ended the pregnancy. We were advised that if we wanted to try again we should have genetic testing in case one of us was carrying a balanced translocation. This was likely to be me as it was an X chromosome involved and as men only have one X chromosome there would likely be effects on him if there was a problem with it. We already have a DD and were told that if I did have a balanced translocation of X:19 then either she would have the same balanced translocation as me or she would have normal chromosomes. If she had the same balanced translocation this would only become a potential problem if she had children herself where there would be the risk of her having an unbalanced baby (as we did with Leila).

I was worried sick, convinced that I was carrying a balanced translocation and terrified to get the result. The results came back that I was not a carrier and Leilas problem was de novo - which meant it was just random very bad luck. I was reminded before hand that no matter what, I had a healthy child already which meant I could do again. I was also told that often these things are de novo. It was a relief for us to know that we werent carriers but it also made me feel like it was even more unfair as there wasnt even a reason that our baby should have such a rare thing.

If in the unlikely event one of you is found to have a translocation on one of your chromosomes then you will get genetic counselling where they will tell you the risk of having a problem in a future pregnancy. We comforted ourselves with the fact that even in the worse case scenario we would never again go through what we went through with Leila as we would know in advance and have very early testing etc to identify any problems in a future pregnancy. Thankfully it didnt come to that.

Good luck with getting the results, As someone else said (Myangel?) write a list of questions and make sure you ask everything you want to ask.

Cherrybug Thu 19-May-11 09:40:48

I should add that the translocation involved in DS is different I think - Robertsonian translocation which is different from our situation. There is lots of info online re translocations and the charity Unique have some good information -

EggletinaClock Thu 19-May-11 09:47:13

Cherrybug thank you so much! That's exactly the kind of experience and info I was looking for. Misty I know what you mean, I have almost no knowledge of genetics beyond distantly remembered GCSE biology.

mrsbigz Thu 19-May-11 11:52:19

just a quick question on the subject of genetic testing etc.

i have my follow-up consultant appointment on mon afternoon (think i AM going to have to go on my own now too sad ) anyhow, when we got the full karyotype back from the amnio, they said that the DS was 'regular' therefore NOT a form of translocation. it also said on the report that because of that they were not going to do any of the genetic blood testing. should i query this? should i ask that dh and i are tested. or am i just being overcautious. i know that in our case it was just a random occurrance - "just one of those things" as someone said to me recently. and i do have 2 healthy children (haha apart from the 2nd one wanting to escape 10 weeks too early!!).
is it worth bringing up at the appointment? and because we DO have most of the information back re: problems etc - are there any other questions that you think would be good to ask? if i'm on my own i'll def have to write a list. is there anything you wished you had asked?
thank you ladies!
hope everyone is ok at the moment. i was dropped in the deep end this morning and had to chair a meeting full of heads of departments (aargh!) which was interesting to say the least. glad i was dropped in it though, if i'd have had too much time to think about it i would have bottled it i think!!

sorry for lack of personals, i will catch up later - prob when i get back from the memorial service. love to you all xxxxxxxxxx

cremegg Thu 19-May-11 11:53:30

hey all,

firstly, thank you for all the lovely wishes and congrats, lots of sticky thoughts welcome smile

eggy i cant really help with the genetics chat, i just know that when we thought it might be genetic and we could end up with a 25% chance of recurence if it was, my mind was all the over the place thinking about IVF and removal of the dodgy gene that way etc, all amazing technology that my (E grade) A level biology does not understand! (a family friend is a IVF nurse and was given us the possibilities straight away, way too much! Anyhoo turns out it was random, which I know is 'good' but wow, frustrating not knowing WHY?) Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is don't worry yourself, and have your questions written down and ready and don't feel you can't ask if they confuse you or you need to double check. I remember we had one Dr (the one after the second opinion scan who's pager kept going off) made me feel I needed to let him get on with his day and perhaps didn't ask all the things i wanted to.

Pretty positive here, but trying not to get carried away. My close pregnant friend gave birth on weds eve and I must admit knowing i got a bfp made it all the more easier to bear. The poor lass had an awful labour and ended up having a c/section, which tells me again that this whole process is out of our control and random! (She was a bit of a 'i wont use pain killers' type....never say never i reckon!)

stunned and flower how you doing?
cinnamon r u any better?? what happened at the dentist?
myangel hows it going with you?

hello to everyone else smile

cremegg Thu 19-May-11 12:01:05

hey mrsb we crossed posts, I don't often get that smile
Hope your service goes as well as it can, thinking of you xxx
Re your appointment, I would bring up their choice to not do the genetics testing, even if they just confirm that they knew there was no need, and prob the same for testing you. We had already been told there would be no need to test us (as at first they said they wouldnt know what caused the prob so wouldn't know what to look for, and then decided it wasnt genetic anyway) but I checked again with consultant when we mety him, as the IVF nurse I know immediately said we'd be tested when she spoke to us straight after. Better to ask something you're pretty sure you know the answer to, that to keep quiet and wonder.
Well done for the meeting smile Brave lady!!

Just popping in to say hi today... work a bit busy... still no AF! That's 34 days now... Am resolved not to test until the end of the month...

Cherrybug Thu 19-May-11 13:35:37

MrsBigz - if your baby's karotype showed straighforward trisomy 21 my understanding is that this is the most common type of trisomy and not due to a translocation which is why they have not recommended genetic testing for you and your DH. You can get partial trisomy of chromosome 21 causing DS, which is often due to a translocation (sometimes inherited, sometimes de novo) and therefore genetic testing to see parents karotype would be advised to identify any risk for future pregnancies. I think that DS due to translocation is much less common than straightforward trisomy 21. For reassurance you shoudl check with your consultant that your baby had regular T21 and even ask for a copy of the karotype if you would like to have this.

On the subject of what to ask, my follow up appointment was focused mostly around future pregnancy - I aksed what I could expect by way of screening and support. We were told that we could have an amnio if we wanted one for reassurance even if the nuchal came back as low risk. We were also told we could have an earlier detailed scan at around 18 weeks which woudl be done by the consultant and an early dating viability scan done at 8 weeks. We would be referred into the hospital via the FMU rather than community midwife (which at the time sounded great but in reality if you've read the other thread, caused a whole heap of problems due to me being under the radar and not having any notes). My consultant was very positive and reassuring at my follow up and gave us lots of time to ask questions.

Hope the service went as well as possible today and you feel some lightness following it.

love to everyone else.

EggletinaClock Thu 19-May-11 13:41:59

Oh knitter, I'll add you to my quiet fingers crossed list.

mrsbigz I would think it's worth double checking about testing but if they've said that then I would think you're ok and just being overcautious.

cremegg yes the 25% recurrence is the worst case scenario I discussed with ARC yesterday, but as she said, it's still 75% ok. I cannot stress enough how helpful that chat was yesterday so I'm going to restate the main point!

The bottom line is that the vast majority of pregnancies are problem free, we have all been exceptionally unlucky and would not be generally expected to have a problem again. A very small number of people do have problems again (as we know) but they are a subset of an already small group. So think positive!

flower11 Thu 19-May-11 18:34:44

Congratulations myangelava and cremegg

treacle cat i agree with you re kittens as replacement babies, we have got moses because im not pregnant.

cinamon hope your feeling better, and hi to everyone else, must go and cook dinner as we have friends coming round.
lots of love xx

StunnedAndShocked Thu 19-May-11 20:37:42

Evening ladies
Sorry been AWOL over past couple of days but been back in hospital sad
Had pains on Tuesday evening which I thought were possible UTI so went to GP Wednesday morning - she did weebtest which was clear.
She sent me to local hospital were I spent way too hours in bed, having tests / scan etc to be told can't find reason for all my pain but could be a infection so been sent home with strong pain killers & antibiotics
You should see the bruises on my arm where they tried & failed to get blood
Pain isn't so bad now so hoping to feel better over next couple of days with rest & hubby waiting on me smile
Hope everyone else is doing ok
X x

BlueCat83 Thu 19-May-11 21:03:07

Hello to all those who I have spoken to before and all those who I haven't....

Haven't been around for a couple of weeks now so apologise for lack of personals.......Just haven't really had anything very positive to input. I think it's quite possible that I feel much worse now than I did 3 and a half months ago :-( Trouble is after a while people move on and you feel (especially after initially managing really well) that they wouldn't be interested if you brought it up now. I suppose it's that English stiff upper lip I suffer from so I also feel talking about it would make me weak and after everyone saying how proud and brave I was it's hard to admit defeat.

Big sigh....Feeling rather lonely.....Stuck in this private hell and replaying the events over and over :-(

Nice intro to the new thread btw, really sorry for lack of personals feel a right ignorant cow among other things!

I do see some congrats are in order tho, nice to have some good news :-)

P.s Sorry for the me post- needed to say a few things out loud! x

EggletinaClock Thu 19-May-11 21:30:07

Hi Bluecat, sorry you're feeling like you are but it seems more than understandable to me. I think people here have said before that we'll never truly get over what's happened to us, just learn to live with the sadness and not let it affect our everyday lives as much. Have you been offered any counselling? Perhaps through your GP, workplace or the hospital that treated you? This might let you get things out in a safe environment without feeling like you were losing face. Otherwise, come here and say if you're feeling terrible and we can all understand. It doesn't have to be, and indeed isn't, a relentlessly positive thread.
Look after youself though.

BlueCat83 Thu 19-May-11 21:39:28

blacktreaclecat Just been reading bk through the posts and seen yours about integrating cats.....I have a very dear but extremely grumpy 12 year old princess who HATES other cats, in fact my neighbour said she stands at their window and her cats are afraid to go out :-/ We introduced a very lovely grey kitten to her last year and she was very unhappy about that! Eventually she came round but unfortunately our kitten was run over and killed- it's was absolutely heartbreaking! So when my friends cat had some kittens last June which happened to be our grey cats nieces we couldn't resist! Ended up taking two home as she was struggling to home them :-/

Older cat was fuming! She got really really stressed!! We did get very worried at one point but we took it slowly with the first kitten eg keeping them in separate rooms and then putting her in so she could smell them etc but it made no difference when they met, hiss hiss growl!! So this time round we just put them all in together and let them get on with it! She still hates them ha ha but she has learnt to live with them! She's the boss and they respect that altho they try their luck every now and then and get swiped! We do sometimes worry that she has become more aggressive (She always was tho) and try and spend time with her when they are out.

Having 3 cats however means that my front and bk door always has a dead bird or mouse sat there! Which has got a bit depressing!

Sorry for the big long winded post......I'm a MASSIVE cat lover and can't resist talking about them!! They have brought me massive comfort recently, it's always nice to come home to a friendly miaw! xx

BlueCat83 Thu 19-May-11 21:44:40

EggletinaClock Hi nice to meet you thank-you for your kind words. I wasn't offered any at the time although my GP did say he had an open door policy which was kind. I think I was expecting to feel better by now and ttc I think is perhaps adding to my low mood plus its that "time" so that never helps!

I'm sorry for your loss too has it been recent? I haven't kept up with this thread recently I'm just trying to read through now xx

Bluecat Sorry you're feeling down.. could it be that you're having a delayed reaction to your loss? I had an ectopic in March last year, followed by a MC in July... I thought I was doing fine, sad but fine. But then in January this year I had what should probably be called a breakdown but what I prefer to call a wobble. I was under the care of a counsellor at the time and she was delighted that I'd finally let everything out! She's sure that I didn't properly allow myself to grieve for the ectopic because I got pg again so quickly and then the shock of the MC was so horrible that I just didn't deal with that either.... I suspect she thinks the same is happening again now for me FWIW. My Termination for Down's was a month ago and so far I'm doing fine... give me a few months though and I expect I'll crash :-(

I was quite sceptical about counselling before I started it but actually it was a really valuable process - we talked about lots of things not just the losses and it really helped me sort out quite a lot of stuff in my head.

Hope that helps... and if it doesn't then I find that a ((((hug)))) always does...

EggletinaClock Thu 19-May-11 22:10:53

For me it's been four weeks since a termination at 22 weeks. I veer from feeling ok to numb to dreadful and I expect to go on feeling all three for a good while yet. I have my first counselling appointment tomorrow, I think it may be too soon but as my GP is flinging help at me I am going along.
I think you should see if the way you are feeling now is because you're feeling hormonal and down at the moment. If it's more persistent then I think you should go back to your GP and say how you're feeling. You shouldn't be suffering on your own and they should be able to refer to someone for support.
There is so much knowledge and experience here though and as we've all been in the same appalling circumstances we can understand better than most. I'm not very far from the actual event yet but I'm sure I won't be feeling much different in another couple of months. I suspect only having a healthy pregnancy will help me and we can't control that of course.
If nothing else, just keep posting and saying how you're feeling. It might help you clarify how you feel and whether you need more support.
Sorry for rambling!

MyangelAva Thu 19-May-11 22:28:17

Hi bluecat, it's nice to see you back but I'm sorry that you're feeling so down. I was only telling a friend yesterday on the phone that 4 months on and no one brings it up or asks how I am anymore. I too go to counselling now and it helps a lot. If nothing else I get to talk things through for a dedicated hour every week. Maybe a visit to your gp might be a good idea?

mrsbigz, I just wanted to second all cherry's excellent genetics summary. For information's sake, it's the same with T18. The geneticists did not need to test our blood because of the nature of Ava's Edwards Syndrome. They did do a family tree though.

Re me, I'm sorry I've been quiet since my announcement but my aunty died yesterday and I'm really quite heartbroken. She was like a second mother to me growing up (from the age of 2) and I will miss her greatly.

Big love to mrsbigz after the service, I hope that it helped as Ava's funeral helped me. Xx

mrsbigz Thu 19-May-11 22:47:28

really sorry for the lack or personals (and particularly to bluecat - will chat tomorrow!)

just wanted to let you all know that the service this evening was very lovely (well as lovely as it could be). Eve's casket was white with a brass plaque with her name on, and they'd put a red rose on top of it, which we got to bring home to put in her memory box. the service was about 1/2 hour and they did read out all the babies names so for that reason alone we're glad we went to acknowledge her little life. we also got to hold her casket after the service which might sound wierd but was actually really nice. i did have lots of tears - particularly in one of the hymns...dh turned round as he realised i'd stopped singing!! but all in all it was ok, and we are both really glad that we went. we go back tomorrow morning for her actual burial - into a shared grave with lots of other baby friends but we get a 'private' time to have this rather than all babies at once.
so i'm a bit emotional this evening, but definitely feel like we did the right thing for us. not looking forward to tomorrow, but again i think it's the right thing for us to do - is a kind of closure for us. one thing the chaplain said during the service is that hopefully one day we will realise that something good has come out of something so sad - like our attitude to life has changed for the better, or we don't worry so much about the little day-to-day things that we can't change....and that one day that will be our baby's gift to us. i hope that is true. right now i'm going to got to bed and dream about the little girl that i never got to meet, but know that she is in a safe place and all wrapped up nice and warm.
thanks for all the thoughts today ladies, i really appreciate you thinking about me, and i will catch up with you all properly tomorrow xxxxxxxxxxxx

mrsbigz Thu 19-May-11 22:49:43

oh gosh, myangelava i just saw your post and wanted to say i'm so terribly sorry to hear about your aunty. i know there are probably no words to say in this situation but i just wanted to send you some big hugs xxxxx

blacktreaclecat Fri 20-May-11 07:12:56

Congratulations creme egg - hope it is a stress free 9 months.
Angelava sorry about your Aunty.
Bluecat I'm sorry you are feeling so down. tbh I think it is natural to feel worse a few months down the line, esp if you are coming up to memorable dates. I had a mc and crashed around the due date, nearly ended up on antidepressants but started counselling instead.
Cats are great therapy too. We are doing quite well Treacle seems to have accepted Denzel and just wants to wash him!
Stunned sorry you are feeling poorly. It is very early days, take it easy and get pampered
Afm can't wait to get this cycle over so I can start clomid again. Feeling fairly positive. See how long it lasts.

misty0 Fri 20-May-11 07:57:16

Hello ladies -

So many emotions on this thread - grief, sadness, hopefullness, happiness....

I wish we could all get together in one room and have a massive group <hug>.

bluecat - never feel you cant chat here with us unless you're jolly! <hug> <hug> <hug>. Goodness knows i ramble on here almost every day and most of it is just a load of rubbish hmm gets it off my chest tho'. And theres always a kind soul to humour me here. Bless you - come in for a cuppa more often, ok? xxx

myangel - so sorry for the loss of your Auntie. What an awful shock for you. We're thinking of you here xx

stunned - you have a good rest my love. Hope all the pains have gone today, perhaps you were overdoing things? Nice to know you've had a thourough check over and some good meds. Keep us posted xx

knitter and egglet - i worry about how much i've burried my feelings. I wonder if its all going to rear up and catch me out in a few weeks/months. I gave up work just before xmas (job too stressy for the money i was getting basicly) - with the idea of finding a new gentler job after xmas, and promptly fell preg. Then the termonation in April - so consequently i'm not working (apart from running a home with three teenagers and a self employed builder) I feel like i'm coping with life ok, some days are better than others. Occasional tears. But the thought of job hunting fills me with worry. I'm worried that at the mo. too much of all the kind of concerns that come with a new job may be too much for me. Sigh. I feel a bit pathetic about it. The idea of councelling frightens me even more ......

mrsbigz - the service sounded lovely. As good as it culd have been. <hug> I'm thinking of you this morning, and again i'm glad we have sunshine for you. (weather obsessed brit here!) Talk to us later and tell us how you are xx

Cherrybug Fri 20-May-11 09:19:14

Hi Ladies,

Just a note on time. It's been 6 1/2 months since I gave birth to my baby girl. And I'm now 15 weeks pregnant. Some days I still cry for her, fleeting episodes now and then I get on with things as normal. I still think of her all the time. I miss her and so wish she could have been here. I know that this baby cannot replace her. I have the fear and worry of a new pregnancy with an added dimension of grief. Someone on here said to me in my early days that the pain and sadness lessens over time and you return to a new normal. In that an experience such as this changes you. I think perhaps that is what your chaplain was getting at MrsBigz, there is indeed something positive that can come out of such an experience. A deeper understanding of life perhaps, a greater empathy for others, resilience from realising that you can cope with more than you thought you could and more acute joy when happy experiences come.

I always feel very emotional when I read others experiences of loss and I also feel very emotional when I see children with disabilities. I feel many emotions, loss, regret, wonder at what might have been, admiration for the strength of others. I feel I now 'get' something in life that I didnt get before and I hope this makes me a richer person.

Anyway, I think that time moves us all on and it does get less painful as we process the trauma of what we have all been through, Because that is what it is, trauma and loss. And the unfairness of it all is that we have to live with the 'what ifs' even though we know we made the right decisons. It isn't easy but it does get easier and I think its important to remember that it is a journey. In many years to come we will all remember and love our babies but life will have moved us on and many happy experiences will seperate us from that dark time. And if dark times come again we will know that we can cope. because we have already. And I for one will always remember the support and without sounding too hippie about it, peace, that this thread brought me in knowing that others know what it's like and can reach out and help.

Bluecat, good to see you back. Your grumpy cat sounds like mine by the way!
Mrsbigz - the service sounds lovely. I'm glad it helped.
Myangel - so sorry to hear of your aunty, lots of love.

Everyone else, hope you are well, have a good Friday and lots of love to you all.

cremegg Fri 20-May-11 10:13:00

hey all

myangel so sorry to hear of your loss, sending you lots of hugs at this difficult time xxxx

bluecat so nice to see you back, and sorry you have felt so down. I have found that people dont ask anymore, but if they do they kinda answer their own questions by saying 'im sure it's good days and bad'... which yes is true, but it would be nice if that wasnt the end of the chat (this is my mothers response!)

I am feeling rough with a sore throat, my tonsil is taking over the back of my mouth, yeeouch! I blame year 8 for the 4 lessons we have on fridays, and the need to project my voice so much to get them to settle. grrr. Also had a charming boy ask if id had a baby recently, my kneejerk panic in mid class was no, so THEN he says 'oh but so and so said you did' so i just mumbled 'err yes it all went a bit horribly wrong'... then scarperred across thre class and could still hear them talking about it, so asked them to stop. CRrrriiinge. What can you do eh? 13 yr old boys!

stunned hope you're feeling a bit better and resting up? i have the same probs with veins, ended up with the drip in my inner elbow when my wrist area wouldnt give them any, had a trainee and she was hamming away! poor DH was trying to warm up the veins with warm towels too, quite comical now i look back at it. Anyway, take it very easy and sleep if you can.

mrsb glad the service was positive, it must be hard knowing you are back again the next day, bit of a waiting evening I'd guess? Hope it goes as well as it can tomorrow. Thinking of you xx

Im off to get more lemon and honey, I am determined to kick this throat the natural way!


Cinnamondog Fri 20-May-11 10:25:28

I'm baaaaacccccckkk!!!

(Imaging my slightly psychotic face pressed up against a hole in a door a la Jack Nicholson in 'The Shining'.......'here's Cinnamondog'!!)

Hello ladies, so much has been going on again, I really can't leave you alone can I? Here we go....

Firstly, just my massive CONGRATULATIONS again to myangelAva and cremegg. Was having dinner with my best and oldest friend, (26 years best buddies, blimey, she's patient!), and just quickly hacked her wi fi via my phone while she put her little girl to bed, hence my garbled message Wednedsay. Shared the news with her; she asked was I jealous, (she lost 2 little ones to m/c, one at 8 weeks, one at 12 weeks and hasn't tried ttc since). I had to tell her, no I'm not. Wish I had the same news, but as I said, I feel a bfp for one of us is a bfp for all of us. And 2 bfp's?? Super bonus! It's put a real spring in my step & hope in my heart - thank you ladies! xxxxxxx

mrsbigz, so glad you were able to go to Eve's memorial and that it was positive for you, if a few tears. Big hugs and am thinking of you today xxxx

myangelAva, so sorry about your aunty; hope you can remember the good times with a lovely lady and keep smiling. Hope the next few days become easier for you xxxxx

stunned, poor you. Feeling ill is all you need at this time. UTI's and infections of that sort seem to have got a few of us, I think the trauma to our bodies, especially below the belt so to speak makes us a bit susceptible. Really hope you are feeling much, much better soon, take care xxxx

bluecat, so good to have you back but so sorry you are feeling down. We are all here for you, sending masses of love and support. If it helps, (and I know she wouldn't mind me saying), my BF I mentioned earlier still has issues with her m/c's 3 years on. Not constantly, but certain things just remind her and she goes for a little cry and some quiet time. She got more upset than me on Wednesday, (the first time we've been face to face since I lost little one). So, I think what I am trying to say is we will all be effected by our losses forever, so don't worry that this is an inabilty to cope or anything on your part. It's just a normal, healthy part of grieving; you are being honest with how you feel, not bottling it up and running yourself into the ground trying to pretend. That is good and shows just how strong you really are. xxxxx

All the other lovely ladies, hope you are doing well? We seem to all be going through a roller coaster this week, positives and negatives so I really hope all your days are filled with the positives and will try to do a few more personals next time, (bad cinnamon!).

me update. All the dental work went well, all done, minimum soreness and now back home. Also, didn't get charged although had 3 fillings and a scale/ polish thing because my denist said when he diagnosed me I was pregnant so even though I'm now not, as far as he's concerned I dont have to pay and if they give him any hassle he'll deal with it and I'm not to worry. Bless him!! This is the same guy who extracted a nasy tooth 10 years ago in the week before Christmas and didn't charge me because, 'some things are more important than money and now you can have a nice Christmas'. I love my dentist!

Still sore back and not sure if the kidneys still hurt as the pain is all in that area, so not sure if the ab's are working or not, hmmmm..... AF due sometime between yesterday and Monday, (given slightly wonky cycle at the mo), but bfn today so, has anyone seen my Auntie Flo? Would like her to come and go please, thank you! OH's last day at his old job today, he starts his new one on Tuesday, exciting! And have lots of friends coming for an SA style bbq, (braai apparently) tomorrow so need to clean this darn house!

But first a big fat cup of tea, big Friday hugs to all,


MyangelAva Fri 20-May-11 14:37:46

cinnamon, what a chirpy post! You've cheered me up and inspired me to have a cup of tea before I carry on with my enormous 'to do' list. Oh, and I think I love your dentist!

Thank you for the hugs, everyone. Yesterday was a very tearful day but I'm feeling a bit brighter today. Thank you also to cherry for your post, it's nice to hear wise words from people who are a bit further along the path I am and it has made me feel a bit more positive about things.

cremegg- I too have a horrible sore throat and my glands in my neck are up! I think we are strangely linked- could you be my long lost twin I never knew existed?! How charming Year 8's can be! When I used to teach, I always found that being open and honest as I could (to a point!) used to work a treat, esp with the lower years, however I was working in an all girls high school & college and it's a different kettle of fish altogether!

Thinking of mrsbigz today ((hugs)) and hoping that Bluecat and Egglet in particular are feeling a bit happier than of late.

Hello to everyone else, my cup of tea and biccie are calling me! Xx

StunnedAndShocked Fri 20-May-11 18:30:38

Evening ladies
Sorry to read about you loss Myangelava sending you a remote hug
Feeling little better today - can't believe it is only a week since we lost our little one. Feels like so long ago.
Not done much except for the weekly food shop with hubby who bless him wouldn't let me carry anything - could get used to that idea smile
Think I will take step back / away from those with colds as that is last thing I need lol
They were tapping my arm / hand quite hard to try to get a vein to stand out - I did tell them it hurt but they didn't hear meow choose to ignore me
Got a bit miffed at someone I had told re Amelia - she went & told someone else who has now emailed me - this person hasn't said she knows but from email I can see she knows if you know what I mean. Going to remain calm & reply not with naff off & stop being so fecking nosey but with a polite I am fine thanks etc.
I am still not happy with the world & his wife knowing what we have been through - how has everyone else dealt with this???
Nothing planned for rest of weekend but veggin I think

misty0 Fri 20-May-11 18:57:12

stunned - it's hard dealing with who to tell, who not to tell. And how, and when. When my OH was telling people the bad news about the scan, and our decision to terminate (bless him i was useless) he would ask that would they pass the news on to anyone they thought should know. That was mainly family and close friends. In this way we didnt feel we would leave anyone out, and have some awkward situation come up.

Personaly, although i hated the idea of being discused/judged, i just let the news travel round our village like news does here. The news of my pregnancy was common knowledge within a day or so and so too of my termination. (Teenage daughters! They tell their best friend, best friend tells their Mum, mum tells ...... and so on ).

I know its horrid having to keep dealing with people who want you to talk to them about what has happened - but on the whole they are just trying to do the right thing by you i think. It wont take long before no one mentions it at all .... like it never happened. sad

EggletinaClock Fri 20-May-11 21:00:53

myangelava I’m so sorry about your aunty. That’s so very sad for you and your family. I hope you’re ok. (Sore throat aside)

stunned I’m sorry to hear about your complications but if it’s any reassurance I had both a UTI and then a uterine infection following my termination but they are both gone now after a hefty blast of antibiotics. They make you feel grimmer than ever though. Hope you’re doing as well as can be expected. Personally I wanted everyone to know what had happened as that saved me having to explain but I was 22 weeks and very visibly pregnant and everyone knew so maybe it’s different.

blacktreacle glad you’re feeling positive about the next cycle. Hope you stay that way.

bluecat come back and be miserable here if it helps.

misty I’m a bit worried about my longer term reaction too, especially as I opted out of the funeral type rituals. I wouldn’t be worried about going for counselling though it sounds to me you are coping as well as can be expected.

cheerybug thank you for your perspective from further down the road. It really does help.

cremegg sounds like you dealt with the pupil situation as well as you could. I am full of admiration that you managed to say anything. Hope your throat is better soon.

Cinnamon I’m a bit scared by your psychotic face but my god what lovely teeth you have bared! Hope your kidneys are ok and enjoy your barbeque.

I had my first counselling session this morning and my story made the counsellor cry, at least she’s human! It seems ok and she was very sympathetic but I did cry for most of the hour. I explained that I hold it together for the sake of my daughter most of the time so when I am free to cry I do.

I was working all afternoon and now I’m drinking lager and watching Gardener’s World (I hate gardening so I’m not entirely sure why I’m doing this). Also the house reeks of drains as we discovered a major leak of the kitchen sink earlier today, all the waste water had been flowing freely under the floor instead using the conventional route out of the house via a pipe. All fixed thanks to my father but the smell will be with us for a while. Anyway, the glamour of my life seems to know no bounds…

Love to you all and hope you have a good weekend.

BlueCat83 Fri 20-May-11 21:59:56

KnitterNotTwitter Thanks for the hugs :-) I think you're spot on with the delayed reaction, I cried once after the scan and haven't since, I wish I could cry because I need some sort of release and often a good cry sorts you out! I have no idea how you go about counselling and I think I'd probably feel quite shy and not know what to say! My friend has a counsellor for other reasons and she says that she doesn't say anything and leaves to to her which I feel would result in a rather awkward lengthy silence! Have you had this experience? Also how do you go about it/ what do you say to your GP?

EggletinaClock Thank-you and sorry for your loss, how did your first appointment go with the counsellor?

MyangelAva I'm so sorry to hear of your loss how are you coping? Thank-you for the support do you find counselling helpful? I'm trying to debate whether it might be worth giving it a go....

blacktreaclecat Sounds like you've been lucky your cat has taken so well to the new addition I too find cats such a source of comfort x

mrsbigz I think the service sounded lovely and wish we had something like that offered to us.....I tried so hard to go into my termination thinking it wasn't really a baby just a lost pregnancy and I think not allowing myself to grieve for the little boy for what he actually was and what I felt in my heart (my baby) has caused me to run into the problems I have now further down the line. I think she would have been so proud of her mummy and daddy for what you have done for her xxx

misty0 The regular cuppas sound lovely, thank-you :-)

Cherrybug I found your words very moving and think you have explained it in a lovely way. I hope your grumpy cat isn't causing you too much trouble ha ha mine is a total madam she sits and stares at you it's kinda freaky and she has affectionately inherited the name snake eyes!

cremegg Hey nice to hear from you again I hope your throat is feeling better? I had a rather awkward kid moment when my friends little girl kept telling me how she was going to change nappies for me and I need not worry about anything when the baby is born. Her mum hadn't told her yet and it was in front of a room full of people who new about the termination....I could have died it was awful!

Cinnamondog I like your dentist what a lovely guy! Gosh wish there were more of them around! I missed my dentist app in the middle of everything and she kicked me and my son off her list!! I didn't explain to be fair I just moved on to another dentist!

Hello to everyone else! I'm in the middle of exams at the moment so super stressed out and to top it all off my little boy has been having trouble at school, he's not settled and has been getting picked on :-( It never rains it pours eh? My little boy said we're an unlucky family :-(( xx

MyangelAva Fri 20-May-11 23:19:47

Thank you bluecat, egglet & stunned. I talked things through in depth with my counsellor, which sort of brought my loss of aunty and ava into context and allowed me to really think about things and have a good cry. I wasn't sure about counselling to begin with but it really has helped and is helping. Egglet, I too made my counsellor cry first session and I now cry pretty much the whole hour too. Think it helps to get it all out & really think about it rather than pushing it to the back of my mind, which is what I do in order to keep going every day. Bluecat, I think your gp would be a good place to start to get a referral. The hospital that I had my termination in also had a counselling service I think.

stunned, I'm sorry you're having to deal with unsolicited emails- it must be a shock. Like Egglet I needed the jungle drums to spread my news as I was 26 weeks and had a big bump. I have had to tell a few people who didn't know but luckily I was in an ok place at that time. I did in fact bump into a very old friend in M&S and after she'd cooed over my ds (who she'd never met before) she asked me "so, when's the next one? He's so gorgeous he needs a brother or a sister". I told her that I'd lost my baby 2 weeks ago & we both burst into floods of tears by the sandwiches!

Hope everyone has a nice weekend x

blacktreaclecat Sat 21-May-11 06:36:47

Hi Stunned - we found out at our nuchal scan and had surgical management 4 days later after cvs. Not many people knew I was pg which was easier. We told people who did know that it was a missed mc, only a very few people know the truth. I was off work for a while and quite a few clients asked where I was but they just said a gynae op which quickly shuts people up!
Bluecat- your GP will be able to refer you for counselling. It does help.
Any cat people any kitten tips? He is 9 weeks and having a few accidents. We found he'd weed on the bed yesterday. He does use his litter tray most of the time so I can't work out why.
Have a good weekend

StunnedAndShocked Sat 21-May-11 16:14:21

Afternoon ladies
Feeling brighter today been out for a wander around local shopping centre - made a few purchases smile - hubby even helped.
Was watching CSI last night & a woman had been killed leaving her little baby Q tears from me - how daft
black - due to previous mc we had only told a few people & were going to announce after our dating scan. I don't mind some people knowing but don't feel I can cope with the fake sympathy - nice to your face then gossip behind your back - iykwim.
Do you have more than one litter tray - with our new little one we found he was so excited about playing / exploring places he forgot where he was & couldn't get to litter tray in time. So we had a couple of litter trays slowly moving the smaller one closer & closer to the perminate one. We had very few accidents this way. With the 2nd litter tray it was a smaller one & we put some 'old' litter in from the main tray so he knew it was ok to use. Plus put it on an old shower folded shower curtain.
Waves to everyone else hope you all having a good day grin - calm thoughts to those who need them
X x

misty0 Sun 22-May-11 11:23:11

Good morning ladies xx

How is everyone today, and are you having good weekends?

stunned - weepy about things on the telly - YES. I'm much worse than normal since my term. Text book stuff with the litter tray moving! Well done smile. We did that moving it every day thing - it took blooming ages - inching it through the dinning room, through the kitchen and down the hall! lol. I just dont understand why Gus feels he has to exit the tray like a rocket .... litter pinging all over the place.

blacktreacle - we had one accident like that when ours were tiny. Like you i put it down to overexcitement and being too far away from the tray. So i restiricted their roaming area by shutting the doors upstairs ect. for a few days and it didnt happen again. Touch wood!

bluecat - sorry to hear you little boy is having trouble at school. So much on your plate at the moment. I really sympathise <<hug>>. Would you be able to speak to his teacher and explain some of whats occuring with you at home? If a teacher knows what a child is experiencing in their home life they may (should try to) be able to look out for him and help him get through problems at school.

egglet - hello lovie. How's the smells? lol. Hope you're having a good weekend, chart's looking fab wink

mrsbigz - goodluck tomorrow at the hos. for your follow up. I'll be thinking of you. What time is your appt' again?

Well i'm off with mr misty and 2 of the mistylets to see Pirates OTC #4 at the cinema this afternoon. Looking forward to that ....... Jack Sparrow ...... siiiiiiigh. He he. Peed on a stick yesterday out of sheer boredom! How sad is that? Neg of course - i've a good few days b4 i can expect a pos. Female puss is being taken to the vets tomorrow to be spayed, poor thing. But cant go through another heat like that! And tomorrow eve. is my first belly dancing class! Thought i'd take up something different ....... wiggle wiggle ....

Have good one girlies, waves to all i've missed xxx

mrsbigz Sun 22-May-11 11:47:51

hi lovely ladies. ds2 is napping and ds1 is allowed his 'quota' of lego batman, so thought i'd take this opportunity to catch up with you all!

firstly, thank you fo much for thinking about me and the kind words said regarding Eve's service and burial. it was both very sad, but also quite peaceful at the same time. i cried a lot during the service (dh kept squeezing my hand bless him) - i think a lot to do with the fact that i knew my baby was right there in front of me in that teeny tiny casket. they had volunteers from SANDS there (as my bereavement nurse is also - didn't realise that!) and after the service they let the parents (if they wished) hold the casket. that was nice, i gave it (her) a kiss goodbye and told her i would see her sometime soon. it also gave me comfort (although i'm not religious) but in my own way, to know that there are many of my family members waiting to greet her, my dad, my sister, grandparents...the list goes on!!
the burial the following morning was also as nice as can be expected. it's a long long time since i've been to one (most of my family have been cremated) so seeing them put her casket into the ground was difficult. but the childrens area in the graveyard was beautiful and moving. obviously very very sad as all around were the headstones of children taken from their familes too soon. but beautiful in that there were windmills turning in the wind, lots of chimes tinkling in the trees, flowers - i couldn't imagine a better place for her to be 'playing' with all of her new friends.
so - i've had an emotional few days. yesterday i decided to update our memory box - it still had references to her being a boy (Noah) but because i knew there was a picture in there of her, i've not yet felt ready to change the details (the bereavement nurse had already given us new papers with her name on). but i felt yesterday was the right day, so moved her picture into the new memory book, along with her hand and footprints. also put her scan pictures in there and we've taken a photo of her cherry tree which we'll also add. so - i'm feeling weepy and yet a little stronger. thanks again for all your support!

now for some catch-ups!

cinnamon omg - well you scared me with your jack nicholson-esque face!! so glad you are back home and feeling better. and your dentists sounds like an absolute gem - no wonder you didn't mind going to see him. if only there were more like him around - who thought more about people than the money they get!!! hope your bbq yesterday went well - the weather was nice for it! and no, i'm afraid i've not seen your aunty flo - has she arrived yet??

misty hope you're having a nice weekend!

myangelava and cremegg - hope you are both feeling ok - has the fact you are pregnant sunk in yet? i'm sure that you will find a whole new wealth of support on the sister friend regarding going forward and what to expect, but i do hope you continue to post here too - we are all so happy for you both xx you've given us all hope that good things really can happen to good people smile
myangel i'm glad the counselling went well, and once again wanted to extend my sympathies for the loss of your aunt - losing someone close to you like that is never easy. i'm sure you have lots of happy memories of her to draw on during this sad time.

bluecat i'm sorry to hear your little boy is having trouble at school with being picked on, that must be really hard sad i've not got to the stage of school yet (my eldest is only 3.5) but that's one of my fears - him being unhappy or bullied. is there someone at his school that you can speak to regarding this? i'm not sure what the 'right' way to approach it is? anyhow sending you lots of hugs and hope that it ist sorted soon xx

stunned glad you had a nice shopping trip yesterday. i've found a bit of retail therapy works wonders for me - don't know if that makes me sounds shallow - but there's a certain sense of satisfaction i get from a purchase (usually clothing related!!) i think we can all relate to crying to something on tv. i think also after a loss, there 'seems' to be a lot more related things on the tv - probably not but we're just more aware or sensitive to them. but for the record, i've cried over casualty, holby, numerous adverts, even a kids programme the other day (can't remember the name!). i think crying is a good release so let it all out xxxx

<waves> to everyone else - sorry was going to write more personals but ds2 crying (yes - i've been trying to write this for over an hour.....just keep getting distracted!!!) so will catch up with you all later xxxxxxxxxxxx

mrsbigz Sun 22-May-11 11:51:44

misty - X-post there (told you it had taken me ages to write it!!!)
thanks for remembering about all of what's gone on the past couple of days i'd near enough forgotten about it!!? <sigh> i'm sure it will go fine but i will update you when i get back x
am v jealous you are seeing POTC 4 today - heard good things about it and will be hoping to see it ourselves at some point!

EggletinaClock Sun 22-May-11 13:41:06

Good luck tomorrow mrsbigz, I hope it's as positive as possible in the circumstances. I hope updating your memory box was ultimately comforting.

misty belly dancing! You brave lady (or perhaps you're insane?!)

Hope the pregnant cohort are ok.

Hope blue and blacktreaclecat are feeling ok too.

Everything makes me cry at the moment, tv, radio, newspapers, magazines... Even the smell of drains (which is now fading, thank God).

Cinnamondog Sun 22-May-11 14:47:24


Super, duper quick but just wanted to say hi, send big hugs to those in need and big hugs to those not!

BBQ went really well, apart from my friends not turning up because of a domestic, grrrrr. Auntie Flo turned up Friday, old bag. Back still very achey but kidneys seem to have decided to play ball so hopefully after Wednesday, (last day of AB's and also as AF seems to be back on a 28 day, hopefully I'll be escorting her firmly out the door by mid week!), I'll be back in action.


Back later for personals if the kids allow! If not, big catch up tomorrow, promise.

Lots of love xxxxxxxxxx

cremegg Mon 23-May-11 02:38:33

hey all, hope you had good wknds?
misty what was POTC4 like?
mrsb just wanted to say i am really pleased the service all went well and hope your appt goes well today.
throat is better for resting all wknd, hows yours myangel?
glad your kidneys are better cinnamon sounds like you're on the mend. and WOW to your dentist! he must be the only dentist in the world that isnt in it for the money. i am too scared to get a new dentist here, so just went at xmas while in UK! lol!
hope your weeks get off to a good start xxx

StunnedAndShocked Mon 23-May-11 10:35:53

Good morning ladies
Hope everyone is having a good Monday
I am doing ok - body doing stranger than normal things - since giving birth / D&C only really had a little spotting each day but nothing much Friday / Saturday. TMI but we both in the mood Saturday evening so we did wink
Last night had quite a bit of fresh blood had to change pads a couple of times.. Bit odd as this morning just spots again.. Really confused now.
Take care out there x x

bluecat my councelling was suggested by my doctor. Basically when I went to the doctors to get my sick note for being off after my MMC she said 'so, how are you?' and I burst into tears.... She suggested going on the waiting list for councelling and I couldn't see any harm in it! I actually really enjoyed the councelling and learnt a lot about myself... It started with quite general conversation - talking about the experience of my ectopic and MMC and then went a lot wider - how that made me feel and how it rocked my view of myself etc... I also wonder if the fact that I had the councelling and got myself on a more stable footing is one of the reasons that I haven't been as badly hit by the Termination as I might have been....

In other news AF turned up over the weekend - so guess we're TTC now!

EggletinaClock Mon 23-May-11 13:57:32

Hi Cinnamon hope af's gone soon and you're back in action. Glad BBQ went well and the kidneys are tentatively ok.

Cremegg glad to hear you're on the mend too.

stunned I have no idea about the bleeding but I think it's probably quite normal for it to come and go. Glad you're feeling ok though.

knitter sounds like you really benefitted from the counselling. I think mine will probably go down the route of learning more about myself as I think that's my counsellor's approach. I would like to be on a more stable footing before I'm ttc again. Fingers crossed for you with ttc too.

I have just had a friend over this morning who I hadn't seen yet. I had to tell her the sorry tale and I sat there dry eyed passing her tissues as she was really crying. I had to explain to her that I've told so many people now that I am habituated to it and no longer break down.

We have our consultant appointment tomorrow. I am very worried about what we will be told but I'll just have to get through it. I hate having to go to the maternity hospital though. I just hope I get to have a positive experience there again at some point.

2pm already! Naptime nearly over...

misty0 Mon 23-May-11 14:03:51

Hello girls - gotta be quick!

knitter - yay for AF turning up - yes, now you're ttc xxx

stunned - yay for being in the mood and DTD! lol dont worry about the bleeding too much. I remember DTD brought on a bit of fresh loss when we began again. I think it just ...... stirs things up a bit !?!? hmm But its all got to come out in the end, so - you did nothing wrong lovie.

cremegg - POTC#4 was really good i thought. smile but then i could happily sit and watch Jonny Depp just read out the telephone directory!! lol

cinnamon - <waves> - nope, i wont even go to your dentist! Glad your AF will be over soon, and glad your kindeys are feeling better xxx

egglet - its the later hun, i am insane! Send me good vibes at 6.30 for my first wiggling session .....

mrsbigz - been thinking of you this morn. I messaged you on FF - wont repeat it all xxxxx

Argggghhh got to dash - Hello everyone else, Happy Monday xxxx

Cinnamondog Tue 24-May-11 08:45:26

Hello ladies,

Well.....what a day I had yesterday. My poor little DS3 face planted straight onto concrete while coming back into the house from the garden last night. Lots of tears and screaming and lots of blood. A quick look was all I needed to know he needed to go to A&E. More tears and one very scared little boy, but the hospital were wonderful; triage got us straight in and we were seen in about 15 minutes. No stitches, but his top teeth went straight through his top lip, (ouch!) and he has lacerated and bruised his top gum (double ouch!). He now looks like a turtle, his top lip is massively swollen and overhanging. Poor baby. We have an appointment at the hospital with the paediatrician today too, so that'll be fun!

Apart from that, think I am on the mend. Phoned for results of wee test yesterday and apparently that is free of infection. As I have been on massive amounts of very strong AB's since, the chances of a new infection must be negligible, so am happy to assume the continuing pain in my back and side is the after effects of my midnight tumble last week, which I can cope with. Am sooooo hoping that this is a good sign, and that life can start moving on again in the cinnamon house. Crossing everything!

Apologies for lack of personals, again! It's all me, me, me! Will try another catch up after the hospital if I'm not too traumatised! Hope the appointment was okay yesterday mrsbigz and misty, how did that wiggling go? Sounds fabulous, you are very brave! Everyone else, massive hugs, hope you are doing well. Seems a few of us are hitting a brick wall at the mo', feeling a bit low. I cried for 4 hours yesterday, straight. That was even before the face plant incident! I guess it's all still part of that long healing process. Lots of love and extra hugs to anyone feeling the strain right now.


misty0 Tue 24-May-11 10:04:48

This threads quiet at the mo!

Ooooh Lordy cinnamon that sounds awful! Poor little man. Give him a kiss from me smile Soooo glad all your infection has cleared hun.

Belly dancing was good last night, thanx. I was achey afterwards - she worked us hard! Its not 'out of breath' working hard, but to shimmy your hips at great speed (a small but intense movement) for an hour while slowly waving your arms around is really hard! Loved it though. I've ordered a fab 'coin belt' online for next week as the teacher had to lend me one. What a noisy class!

I've got my follow up appt. at the hos in a couple of hours and i'm not looking forward to it.....we get the results of the translocation tests, and possibly some more info on baby. Sex ect. Although i'm not banking on that later one. I'm not sure there IS a report on baby ..... sigh. Oh well, got to be brave.

Good luck egglet - its your appt. too today isnt it? Let us know how you get on.

Got to go girls - luv to all. Back later.

StunnedAndShocked Tue 24-May-11 10:15:27

Morning ladies
cinnomondag - sounds like a naff day - hope all goes well for you today & good news re the sample - UTI not good news - I have kidney problems so know the pain they can cause. Certainly no probs from me with the me me post - we all need one of them now & then.
Rite the me bit wink - doing ok so far today, no tears yet. Yesterday was a bit of a long day, went to see friends in the afternoon, didn't get home until after 1915hrs - not bad for an afternoon smile We put the worlds to rites, one o the ladies lost her husband on Xmas day although slightly diff loss we knew where each other coming from
Thinking of popping not work tomorrow to drop sick note & see everyone, not been un for about 3wks since dating scan so feeling nervous even though worked there for over 8yrs & not that many people knew about baby.
Rite enough of me, need to get sorted & get dressed
Take care out there
X x

cinnamon hugs to your little one - what a nasty scare for all of you

misty thinking of you for this afternoon FX for no translocation and 'normal' risk for future pregnancies....

stunned glad you had a lovely day yesterday - and hope that trip to work goes ok too

I've had a little cry today... was catching up with paperwork and in the middle of the pile of stuff that needed filing was the info about the termination sad Have put it in teh file next to the scan picture of the bean.... so sad...

But to cheer me up straight after that the phone rang and it was a phone call from the Repeat Miscarriage people at St Georges and I've got my first appointment for the 9th of June. At this stage it's just me that goes alone apparently - does that sound right? I'd've thought that they'd want to see DH too but maybe that comes later....

So an up and down sort of day so far today...

Hugs to you all

misty0 Tue 24-May-11 15:13:56

Hi again,

stunned - read you're poem and it was lovely - "sniff" smile. I too hope all goes well for you going into work. Hope everyone is caring and tactfull.

knitter - Cant help you sadly with what is normal for that appt. Its nice to know things are moving tho' isnt it? Thats not too long to wait.

I had good news and bad at my appt. The good, VERY good news is neither of us have the translocation gene thingy (!) so there is just the normal awful risk level for us next time ...... lol. It was 'just a random event'. Got to be grateful for small mercy's.

The sad thing is that although they spent 25 mins searching the computor base they could not come up with the autopsy report for baby. Oh god, i'm welling up now - been OK all day .... deep breath, anyway, they are calling us back in 4 weeks. To give them time to find it i presume!? The consultant was kind enough to be cross on our behalf, and sorry to drag us in for only half an apointment. OH was releved about the gene news, but very cross once we were in the car park about the report. He'd had the day off for this, and the incompetancy really annoyed him. I would have thought they should have started looking for our paper work BEFORE we actualy turned up??

I just dont have it in me to be angry though. I feel quite numb about it ...... oddly. Thats just the way i am tho' i think. I get cross about trivial stuff more often. On the way home OH said "do we really need to know the details about baby?" I didnt really answer him properly, mainly because i'm not sure about that myself. Got some thinking to do...I know what he means, it sounds harsh but he's not like that - i think he meant mentaly for us should we leave it there......Its been a struggle from the start to find anything out about the baby. I dont suspect any dark cover up or anything - thats not what i'm saying. Its just an stupid admin. thing, happens to me with stuff all the bloomin time. But I just think sometimes if you've got to keep pushing for something like this it often turns out that you wish you had left it in the end ....

Thoughts ladies ? xxxx

flower11 Tue 24-May-11 16:16:26

Hi misty
glad that it was good news about the translocation. I think I understand where your coming from with the rest of info. I had a surgical termination so didnt see baby or know sex and I was fine with this. When we got our report back which was over 2 months later we found out the sex that it was a girl, I was realy upset and ended up grieving all over again cause some how things felt different. We then felt it was disrespecful to not recognise her with a name and ended up coming up with Isabelle. To be honest I wish I didnt know the sex cause to me it complicates things especially in regards to future prgnancies, I know I just want a healthy baby, but if I never have a girl I'll always think of the if only's and I know if we have another girl it wont replace her, but now it makes a difference. I think its good that you have the chance to think through and decide how you want to do things.

blacktreaclecat Tue 24-May-11 17:58:35

Hi all
We thought about finding out the sex. We don't know either due to surgical management but it will be on the CVS report. I don't want to know. It makes it too personal and real somehow. I've always wanted a little girl (although I would love a boy too obv) and if that baby was my little girl I would be very upset.

StunnedAndShocked Tue 24-May-11 18:21:10

* Flower / Misty / black *
when we had our CVS we were asked did we want to know sex of our baby - we said yes because we were hoping deep down all would be ok & we would have no problems.
In some ways we felt it was easier knowing that we had a little girl, before going into hospital we had decided to name her & the hospital has a book that we have put her name in.
It does re open a great big can of worms re emotions etc again, as will every hospital appointment & when we find out we are expecting, the feelings we are going to have at every scan is going to be indescribable until we have our happy healthy babies in our arms.
X x

EggletinaClock Tue 24-May-11 19:58:09

Flower, Blacktreacle & misty, interesting thoughts. As some of you know, even though I had to terminate at 22 weeks I did not find out the sex of the baby or even see or name the baby. I chose not to as I would have found it too devastating and chose not to engage in that way, essentially to protect myself from what was one of my worst nightmares come true. I treat it as a lost pregnancy, a 'potential' baby rather than an actual baby. It seems this makes me unusual, but not unique as apparently quite a few people choose this way of coping. I'm not sure how I will feel about this in the long term but for the moment I feel strongly that it was the right thing for me. I could have found out the sex today but I asked them not to tell me. I also think if I get pregnant again I will not find out the sex until the baby was born, it would help me stay disconnected which I think is the only way I'd cope. It's a very personal thing though so I would go with what you think feels right for you.

Misty, I'm sorry you got messed about today but it is very good news that your genes are ok.

As for me, we had our consultant appointment today too and it turns out that the baby had Edward's Syndrome so was 'incompatible with life' as they say. We are somewhat relieved as firstly it means there is now absolutely no question about our decision to terminate (we terminated as the heart problems alone were bad enough) and also it was the outcome with the least implications for a future pregnancy. I was upset again in the hospital, especially as I had to walk past the delivery rooms to get to the consulting room. The consultant was very good though and gave us her blessing to start trying again. Anyway, this evening I'm feeling upset that such a thing could happen to us, but glad that there isn't a translocation going on. (Myangelava it seems our situations have just become that bit more similar again.)

Hope you're all ok tonight.

mrsbigz Tue 24-May-11 20:38:28

hi all, been a little MIA from here, so sorry for that. had quite a lot of emotions and things to deal with over this weekend, though i have been popping on and seeing how you're doing.

Egglet - i'm pleased that your appointment went as well as expected, and can understand the 'relief' (i'm sorry i'm not sure that is the right word) to learn that your baby had edwards - in that like you said it confirmed that your decision to terminate the pregnancy was the right one. i'm sure it must have been very tough though emotionally, especially being back in the same place and having all those memories back. glad also that you got the all clear to ttc again - it seems to be quite common now there is no "wait 3 months" just a "try again when you're ready" attitude.

Misty - i'm so sorry about the f*ck-up at the hospital with your notes, but as you've said, maybe you are better off not knowing all of the details - especially as you are 'starting' to deal with it a little better day by day, it may bring up all of the raw emotions again and maybe that is not what you need? i'd glad that there was no translocation (and with you too Egglet) and that you are able to ttc with the same amount of 'risk' as any other woman!!

Knitter - i'm glad you got your appointment through - i've no expert myself but i would imagine they have no need to see your dh initially - and direct the questions and investigations more towards you. i have a few friends who have had recurrent miscarriages - one was given progesterone to take (i think after O and then in the first few weeks of pregnancy) and that worked for her. another who had lots of mcs now has to inject herself with something called clexane - and has since gone on to have 3 healthy pregnancies and is pregnant with another! so although it is horrible to have had to get to this stage, there is a lot of hope once you have this appointment that they can identify what is causing it.
also sorry about you finding the termination paperwork the other day - it's things like that which catch me unaware that i find get me the hardest!

Cinnamon - oh your poor ds3 sad that sounds very painful - poor little lad. how old is he? bless him, i hope he was very brave in the hospital and hope that he is feeling a little better today

Stunned - hope your trip into work goes okay tomorrow - will be thinking of you as it's always the first steps that are the hardest. lots of hugs.

stunned / flower / black / misty - i can SO relate to how you are feeling about whether or not to find out the sex. for those of you who don't know, we had our baby at 17wks and decided we did want to know the sex, were told it was a little boy. we called him noah and grieved for him for a whole week, until the amnio report arrived and we got a call to say that actually HE was a SHE!? that was a horrible horrible day. for many reasons. mainly because it felt that we had to start grieving all over again. that our memories of being with her were somehow 'wrong' as we were referring to her as 'noah'. that (and anyone with boys can relate to!!) she was a SHE - my god, she would have been the first little girl in DH's family - joining 2 brothers and 5 male cousins!?! not that we would have grieved any less if she was a boy.....just differently. it's only this weekend that i've felt strong enough to change all the items in her memory box (i knew there was a photo in there and hadn't been able to look at it before as again, that memory of her was her as a 'Noah'). i think actually though this weekend was the right time, what with the funeral and burial.
yesteday i had my consultant appointment. it was very straightforward really - we knew the diagnosis was regular DS with the enlarged cystic hygroma. they asked for feedback and i gave them my thoughts. then the conversation turned to ttc - all ok to try now, if when i fall pg i have to call them direct and they'll fast-track me in, give me an early scan etc, offer testing if i want it. all good. with Eve i would have been under consultant care as my ds2 was 9.5 weeks premature, so i requested if i could have this consultant next time around - which she agreed to. that will be nice, someone who understands and knows what i've been through.
oh and on a slightly different (also a little sad) note, one of my good friends, whose little girl was born around the same time as my ds2 (we met while they were in the special care) lost a little boy earlier that year at 26wks - he wasn't strong enough to survive sad anyway i spoke to her last night, and she asked how thurs/fri had gone for me and asked where Eve was buried, and it turns out that they're in the same churchyard, not far from each other. my friend was going there today to visit her baby's grave and said she would pop by and say hello to Eve too (she knew where she would be buried). i know it's a very silly thing, but just knowing that someone else is going to acknowledge her, and she has another friend there is really comforting to me at the moment.
right, this has become a mammoth post now so i will stop here!!! sending you all lots of love and i'll speak again soon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

MyangelAva Tue 24-May-11 22:22:28

Hello everyone, I'm sorry, I've been a bit quiet too! Have been getting my head around things a bit over the weekend.

I'm glad that all the consultant appts today/ yesterday went as well as they could, although I'm so sorry misty that the hospital lost your information. These things are so important to us, I don't know why hospitals allow such things to happen. As for finding out... I think that's up to you at the time. It may be that too much time has passed and there has been some healing that nothing can really be gained from knowing. I'm sure either way that once they find the info it will remain in your files should you wish t know in the future.

Egglet, it really does seem that our stories/we are 'linked' somehow- they are so similar. I'm obviously sorry that it was Edwards but I understand the 'relief' almost, that you know 110% that you made the right decision. It's strange but I feel as though Ava's diagnosis made my decision for me. I also wanted to add that after following your story from the beginning, your viewpoint on the pregnancy loss is entirely understandable and I dare say that I will react the same with future pregnancies.

Fwiw I found out the baby's sex before I thought anything was wrong and from then on she did become a baby and a much wanted daughter. I think that may have partly been because I have a son, so the pregnancy/ baby thing became more real.

I'm going to have to go to bed now as am shattered but I'm glad that mrsbigz is doing so well following your services and appts- big hug and I think it's lovely that there is someone else out there visiting and thinking of Eve xxx

MyangelAva Tue 24-May-11 22:24:58

Oh, cinnamon, I hope your poor DS is on the mend- horrible! We also ended up in A&E on Sun am as DS decided to dive hard first off the sofa and on to the stone floor- the noise sounded like his skull had disintegrated! He is fine though thankfully! X

Cinnamondog Wed 25-May-11 09:25:46

Hello all,

A very quick one again as am absolutely shattered; little man decided to cry for me all night and wouldn't settle till I basically lay with my head resting on him. As he's in a cot bed, I had to scrunch up into a really uncomfortable position and by the time he went to sleep my darn back seized up. So no sleep last night and feel like I've been kicked by an elephant.

Just want to give some big virtual hugs; there seems to be a lot of sadness mixed in with our happy news at the moment. I know it's all a part of life but I'm hoping everyone is okay and able to keep positive. Especially thinking of you misty, every cock up feels like a kick in the teeth doesn't it? This is the one time, the one experience when you just need the powers that be to do their job and to take away any additional stress. I don't think one of us doesn't have a horror story about our care being messed up/ information being incorrect/ people being uncaring, etc. I think obviously of lovely mrsbigz here, (<hugs> and so glad Eve is being remembered by a wider circle of people, your friend sounds lovely), but it's happened to us all, and lots of other women too if you read through other threads. It makes me so cross, just when we are at our most vulnerable.

Feeling a bit grumpy, so going to sign off and try to come back later when I am feeling more positive - don't want to pee on the parade! Especially as it seems such an amazing day, lots of sun. On a happier note, apart from the bad back, seem to be okay and so......yep, ttc with a vengenace! OH is a very happy man, ha ha!

Lots of love, lovely ladies xxxxxxxxx

misty0 Wed 25-May-11 11:20:59

cinnamon - you can pee on our parade love xx As long as you hold a stick under it! lol Your poor body!! Heavens woman - <hug hug hug> You're right about nearly everyone having something go wrong with beurocracy (spelling??) at some point in their experience. Some worse than others ... didnt one of us here get sent home as they'd mixed up the termination date? Knitter was it you? Or was it Egglet? God how awful that was!!! I reminded OH of that yesterday when he was having a hissy fit about the baby's report being missing. And he calmed down a bit!

Thank you ladies for your kind words about yesterdays mix up. I've started to think i feel like i owe it to baby to find out what exactly was wrong, and what sex it was. Like its the least i can do ..... ?

The sex of baby wont effect me i dont think - but my OH is a bit tender about the girl or boy thing - he REALLY would like a son. (Bless him he keeps saying "i dont mind tho' so long as the babys healthy"! But you know your partners dont you, and i know how he feels about a having a son) So I think part of the not wanting to know for him is because of that. It would hurt a little more if it was a boy.

How do we get round this one??? I want to know and he doesnt basicly it seems. Good lord.

You and me both cinnamon with the BDing at the mo.! wink Oh is being put to WORK this week!!!!! he he.

darlingred Wed 25-May-11 11:36:36

Hi Everyone

I read this thread regularly and have posted previously once or twice.

I had a termination nearly six weeks ago now and wanted to comment on finding out the sex of the baby and appointments with consultants as I can relate to some of the comments others have made.

Now that it has been almost six weeks since the termination I can look back and reflect on that period with a more rational viewpoint. My husband and I chose to find out the sex of the baby before the termination and were delighted to discover the baby was a girl. When the baby was delivered I had the chance to hold her and look at her. She looked perfect. We named her and had her blessed that evening. All of these desicions were right for us at the time and I have no regrets about our choices.

I do however recognise it would have been somewhat easier to disconnect from the termination by not knowing the sex of the baby and then naming her. I too worry for future pregnancies and wonder if that baby will be my only baby girl.

We had our appointment with the consultant last week and have been reassured by the results and the discussion that took place that our baby having T21 was just bad luck and it's not likely to happen again. As soon as I find out I am pregnant again (if and when) I need to phone them so care and support can be provided. The appointment has brought me a real sense of calm, hard to explain.

I hope this post makes sense as I wanted to contribute to what others had said but not sure what point I'm actually trying to make. Maybe there isn't a point but it certainly helps me to clear my head by typing it here.

Still having good days and bad days, definitly more good. This thread has really helped so thank you to all the ladies on here for their words of encouragement.

EggletinaClock Wed 25-May-11 12:50:26

myangelava I've just pm'd you. Hope your little one is ok though, toddlers are amazingly resilient, I suppose they have to be as they're also positively suicidal.

Cinnamon what a dreadful sounding night, hope both you and DS are recovered soon!

It was me who was given the wrong date for the specialist appointment that would initiate the termination. There always seems to be some admin cock up.

darlingred I know exactly how you feel about the appointment making you feel calmer. I hope you're ok though. You're two weeks ahead of me in this process and I still have very bad days.

mrsbigz that's so sad for your friend but I can see how it might be comforting. God, life is just really brutal isn't it?

misty my husband would love a son and as we already have a daughter it would have been very painful whatever the sex was. I also did not want to find out as there is a stupid rumour in my family that we can't carry boys (no boys born for nearly 100 years on the maternal side) so if I had found out it was a boy and then I got pregnant with another boy I would be convinced it was doomed. It just seemed easier for me not to find out. The hospital have said I can have any information I want in time as it will always be there. I may change my mind and find out at some point but I think I would only feel strong enough to when I feel my family is complete which for me means getting through another pregnancy ok. It's such a personal thing though.

Right, must get this midden of a house at least superficially sorted out before naptime ends...


cremegg Wed 25-May-11 12:53:02

hey all, hope the 'hump day' goes ok.

misty wanted to say im sorry to hear about the hospital royal f*ck up. my DH would be v angry bout that sort of thing too. from this whole experience, rightly or wrongly, i have found out i am very much a 'give me ALL the info' type person (what a blessing/curse Dr Google is!) so I would personally find it hard not to get that final bit of info, do what you feels best.i guess you could rationalise with your DH that you could have been told it all in the meeting anyway.

cinnamon i reckon you should get a massage or something similar if you get the chance?? and your poor DS :S hope he is ok now.

mrsb glad your appt went well, and how lovely (iykwim) that a friend's little one is near Eve.

eggy also pleased your apt went well, how many of us are 'just one of those things' i wonder.

i dont know if its appropriate asking on her but thought about going to other thread but just not ready yet, so tell me to bu*ger off if it's not.
i did a 'posh test' last weds (think it was day before af was due...hard to tell tho due to mad bleedings of april!) anyway so i got preg 1-2. did another today (i think lasting a week ok so did a cheapie on fri was impressive.) and still got preg 1-2. technically conception would now potentially be 2 and half weeks ago, so why havent i got '2-3'?

obv have taken this as bad sign (no real reason other than feeling of being doomed after last time). Still have sore boobs/some nausea.
any thoughts? (feel free to hand kipper and tell me where to go)

MyangelAva Wed 25-May-11 13:56:30

Oh cremegg, so the paranoia and worry begins....... I decided to walk DS to Tumble Tots this morning and I was wrestling with the idea of going to Boots with the specific aim of buying the same said posh test to make sure that it said 2-3 weeks and therefore have some reassurance that everything is ok in there! Looking back on my pregnancy with Ava, I'm convinced that I only got a faint BFP because she was small for dates/ had Edwards and so also considered doing my other cheapie (which is in my drawer crying out to be peed on!) to see if the line was even thicker a week on. I'm glad that it's not just me and I wouldn't worry about the stick- it's a stick and doesn't really know. I bet if you look on the packet the is small print saying that it only has accuracy +\- a week or something to that effect!

As for the sex of the baby, I completely identify with you darlingred. I am blessed to have a gorgeous little boy and when I found out that we were having a girl I was so pleased (we thought that she was healthy at that point) - and for some reason I wonder now whether she was the only daughter I will have.

Right, I have an hour of peace and quiet left (fingers crossed!) so off to get some things done- I cleared DS's wardrobe out to put in the loft and they are still cluttering most of upstairs!! For the record, for how many years do I have to keep doing this because I think I'm running out of loft space?!

Egglet, you make me laugh... I though my DH was the only person who still used the word midden. On a serious note, what a horrible family rumour and I'm sure it's not true. In fact I read somewhere that Edwards babies are usually girls (80%) I think, which is another reason I'm not sure if I'd want to find out in the future.

I really am going now.... Love to everyone xx

StunnedAndShocked Wed 25-May-11 18:16:25

Evening ladies
Sorry about lack of replying to each & one of you but it is a post & run tonight a I am out tonite
Work went ok today - tears / red eyes & nose - gt lots of nice hugs
Touch of sadness as got a bfn on a cheapie test today which means not not not preggers & nothing stopping us trying again
We koff were in the mood yesterday morning when I felt the bed move - looked over hubby's shoulder & there was a little kittens face looking at us - as if to say what you two up to & can I join in - well that was the end of that cos I was laughing too much to do anything else smile
Take care out there
X x

EggletinaClock Wed 25-May-11 20:09:47

cremegg I would suggest that those posh tests are really not vastly accurate and perhaps you should try to stop doing them, easier said than done I know. I would take reassurance from your ongoing symptoms but even then, they can fluctuate.

myangelava similarly, I know it's no reassurance either but I got a really strong positive test with my pregnancy which we know was also doomed so there's almost definitely no relationship between the strength of the result and the health of the baby.

I don't honestly think anything any of us can say will stop either of you worrying and that's totally understandable but you do have our support and empathy!

The family rumour is probably nonsense, I've asked a couple of medic friends whether there's any basis for it and they've said no. However, it's so often mentioned (when I told my mum that this pregnancy was probably hopeless her first response was 'Is it a boy? It's a boy isn't it?' at which point I said I don't know and I don't want to know) that I know it would worry me. (I read that statistic about Edward's being more prevalent in girls too.)

Anyway, I'm going back to browsing improving books for my daughter whilst guiltily boggling at Embarrassing Bodies on the tv. It's awful!

misty0 Wed 25-May-11 21:03:21

Sorry ladies but please go now and read and possibly reply to the "Devestated" thread. I cannot BELIEVE some people. Threadgate again nearly!!!!

I'm ..... not going to say what i think about about the people who have answered poor Faraway like they have - but it hurt me to read it, and i consider myself to be in a reasonably strong place mentaly! Jesus! What happened to sisterly support?


mrsbigz Wed 25-May-11 22:15:23

misty - wow some NOT know the meaning of support!! talking about kicking someone when they're down. i have posted on that thread and hope that faraway is doing ok.
cremegg. as a self declared expert 'eh'hem' in all things testing - put the tests away!!! i completely understand your concern but there are reasons why it might still be saying 1-2 instead of 2-3. although you know when you O'd you don't know when the egg implanted - can be between about 7 and 12 days past O (on average - sometimes later) - so if the egg didn't implant until later then this would affect your pg test result. but honestly i would put the tests away as they can only add to your anxiety. sending you big hugs though and i'm absolutely sure all is fine with your little'un xxx

had a day full of meetings today <gasps of shock and surprise from the group> nicely broken up by a lunch date with the lovely misty - thank you hun for brightening up my seriously tedious day!

other than that not much to report - ds2 has been up and down tonight (teething i think) so going to go to bed shortly as no doubt will be woken up later on.

love to you all and will catch up with personals soon xxx

misty0 Wed 25-May-11 22:19:02

Thankyou MrsB, .... and Linspins if you're reading.

I am just dumbfounded how some people react sometimes. There was plenty of ladies who were also shocked at the bad reactions and showed support, thank goodness - but ..... i just think what ever someone was struggling with - if they came to a forum distressed and seeking support theres no way i would shoot them down like that. If i couldnt think of anything constructive to say i'd just keep quiet!

faraway if you happen to have found us and are reading - come on in lovie! We'll look after you xxxx

misty0 Wed 25-May-11 22:21:20

X posts MrsB !

Bless you, i had a lovely lunch too - so nice to have a natter xxx

Personals tomorrow girls - so tired tonight my eyes are blurring lol.

Cinnamondog Thu 26-May-11 10:18:52

Damn it!

Wrote a massive post then stoopid MN lost it!

Got to dash but bigs hugs, hello to faraway, hope you find us here, them....damn....idiots with their judgement, aargh, want to kick them so hard, all okay here, little man still has turtle lip but we're getting there and cremegg, step away from the piddle sticks - it's all good honey, I can feel it in my waters, (back to pee again!).

Lots of love to you all, back tomorrow evening; busy day, AGM this evening and hospital appointments with DS3 tomorrow so busy, busy, busy!!


StunnedAndShocked Thu 26-May-11 11:27:14

Morning ladies
Not much happening here with me - after getting the bfn yesterday feeling bit deflated iykwim
No plans for today as waiting for delivery of cat food IAMS - got bargain of 4 3kg bags for £34 including delivery
Then maybe party - nah think will pop out to local shops for a wander, a friend is popping round later for a natter
Hope you all have a good day
X x

EggletinaClock Thu 26-May-11 12:51:04

That thread is total b*llocks, I genuinely don't understand why people feel the need to chip in with their totally irrelevant comments.

Anyway, hope we're all ok today.

stunned forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn here but is it not a bit soon to be doing pregnancy tests? Apologies, but I'm just concerned that you're torturing yourself with tests!

StunnedAndShocked Thu 26-May-11 13:00:02

Noo it certainly wasn't to check if am newly preggers it was to check it was showing a bfn after delivering Amelia on 13/05/11
Sad I know but really wanted to double check thing

EggletinaClock Thu 26-May-11 13:06:07

Oh I'm sorry, I'd misunderstood why you were doing it.

StunnedAndShocked Thu 26-May-11 13:47:06

No worries - maybe should have explained myself better
I was told to test a week after then if still showing BFP to check a week after if still showing a BFP do one more test & return to dr if still positive.
X x

Stunned... it's weird isn't it - it's one of those situations where a BFN is sort of good news - it means there is no retained placenta and that they did a good job.... But I'm sure you wish you weren't in this situation at all...

Had a weird conversation with someone last night trying to talk around the fact that I've had a termination.... Think I made myself seem really incoherent! Sigh...

misty0 Thu 26-May-11 15:52:50

stunned - I did the pg test thing too. I wasnt told to tho'. i decided to just do it out of interest because i'd read somewhere that it can take 6 WEEKS to go neg after a mc or termination. I remember thinking it was going to get complicated with ttc with old positives still being there. i had a fairly strong pos 6 days after mine, and 6 days after that it was so weak it was more or less a neg. I felt very upset when i saw that it was still positive. And then upset about the neg the week after! lol Like knitter says - its a good thing really to get your neg. <<hug>>

Cat food! i really want to start getting it online too. So blooming expensive at the pet shop. I use, well the cats use Royal Canin. Pouches and dry. £££££

knitter how are you lovie?

egglet - hello hun. Why were you tying yourself in knots about the termination then? Did the person not know? That thing about no boys for 100 years! Wow. Is it true about no boy babies being born tho'?

cinnamon - that drives me bonkers when that happens too!!! You spend a ridiculous amount of time banging on about stuff and get it all off your chest and then it gets lost and no bug*er ever gets to read it!

darlingred - hello! smile Dont think we've 'spoken' before, but i have read some of your posts in the past. Glad your finding this thread supportive lovie. I dont know what i woulkd have done without it.

Must run, Love to all of you xxx

EggletinaClock Thu 26-May-11 16:20:30

misty it was knitter who sounds like she was in a tricky situation not me.

It is true that the last male born was in 1917 as my grandma had brothers, but she had only girls, those girls only had girls and those girls (me and my sisters & cousins) only have girls. However, there are not tonnes of us, I think it's 13 consecutive female births. This is not beyond the realms of chance though but it does niggle at me.

misty yes it was me getting in a twist.. was at the pub last night with someone who knew/thought we were TTC but didn't know about the termination. She saw I was drinking diet coke and did the whole eyebrows raised thing... Started a sentace which was going to end with 'because of the termination' but had to backtrack and sidetrack and generally fall over myself...

egg we had a similar thing re boys BTW... My grandpa was one of three boys, they had five counsins between them of mixed sex... All those counsins had girls of which I'm the second youngest... Of the children of the cousins I'm the only one whose had a boy - DH likes to say that his sperm is so potent it would break any curse... I suspect it's more random than that!

StunnedAndShocked Thu 26-May-11 22:06:23

Evening ladies
Oh this afternoon has been a bad day - was going out but as it was raining I fell sleeps on the sofa with the two cats sleeping on me. Popped not the local shopping centre - m&s had a sale on - picked up a top then put it own thinking nah will make me look pregnant Q tears
I ended up in the ladies crying for about 20mins - good job I was on my own. Although hubby called me whilst he was on a break at work whilst ibwas in the loo.
Went out to meet friends & ended up in tears yet again - i looked like rudolf with my red nose....
misty the only time was was pleased to see bfn BUT I was sad to see bfn if that makes sense.
In our family there are girls all the way although I am not fussed as I will be delighted with any sex that s happy / healthy
X x

misty0 Fri 27-May-11 08:27:12

Sorry about getting you mixed up girls xxx

knitter - its hard when your marching through a conversation and you suddenly realise its heading towards you having to mention the termination. I know just what you mean. Like you sometimes i chicken out and veer away from what i was going to say. It can be tricky, and sound like your slightly mad! A couple of times i've just carried on - and said it - and then i feel my voice going a bit wobbly. And i have to shut up for a while. I hate all that.

stunned - oh bless, poor you love <<hugs hugs>>. 2 wobbles in one afternoon. Its still early days though. Things will get better, and you'll start to go through whole days when you dont cry. And then more days when you dont cry than do... Its good that you have friends with whom you can let your feelings out hun xx

I'm in a ov/not ov couple of days at the mo. One pos. OPK, and 2 negs now, sigh. Keep on keeping on tho' ladies.

Hope everyones ok, and having a good day. TGIF xx

cremegg Fri 27-May-11 08:52:29

bit of a me post...sorry in advance...
i felt worried all day yest about the pg,just didnt feel right, and started to bleed this morning, had blood test at hospital (oh the drama of starting to bleed whilst talking to yr 7 boys... had to carry on chatting and ask another guy to watch them!) Anyhoo, blood test shows 19 of hcg, which would be 3/4 weeks pg, as i should be 5 +1 (i think) by now, this is not good sign, with bleeding, so they are pretty sure its not gonna stick, got a second blood test sun to confirm.

so hey ho, back to square 1... again! now waiting for a mate to v kindly give us a lift 40 mins back to school to pick up my car as i got taken to hospital. the drama! so it seems even if you dont tell people when its v early, some will just find out if it goes wrong anyway. Tho we had only told one friend, and now explained to few people at work, but not having to deal with friends/gparents/neighbours is better.

sorry to be a cloud on a friday!

after a quick skim stunned sorry you had such a nightmare out and about. (i have taken to shopping online, all the retail therapy fun whilst sitting on the couch with the fire on)

will catch up properly over the wknd,

misty0 Fri 27-May-11 10:10:14

Oh cremegg love! Fingers crossed though ay? I'm not too up on low hcg levels but i've read enough here to know its a worry. Its not the end though. When you say bleeding - is it spotting, or more than that? Because some early bleeding is SOOOO common. Have you any pain?

Please, please keep us posted. Keep yourself rested and warm.

Worried for you hun, keeping everything crossed here xxxxxx

blacktreaclecat Fri 27-May-11 10:32:31

So sorry cremegg.
It's our anniversary today so have the day off, going away for the weekend. H bought me a sapphire and diamond " eternity" ring. Very spoilt.
Have a good weekend xx

mrsbigz Fri 27-May-11 10:57:05

oh cremegg <hugs> i'm so sorry you're going through this. as misty says, low hcg isn't always the end, and i'm a prime example of someone who has bled intermittently through all of my pregnancies - however i know the worry and wish i could offer some words of support right now. i'm glad your school are being understanding. i hope things turn out ok on sunday - but if not please know we are all here to support you xxxxx

blackcat - wow that eternity rings sounds gorgeous - in fact just like one i have my eyes on haha!! happy anniversary to you xx

hope everyone else is well, must dash but will catch up later xx

cremegg Fri 27-May-11 11:01:08

thanks ladies
misty we are talking night time towels every couple of hours bleeding unfortunately (sorry for tmi but tiny clots an all..) Period pain cramps too. AF was only a week late really, i just knew i was pg for longer due to good ol' early tests (prefer to know tho anyway!)
grr... but if its not right i guess, its not right.
treacle your ring sounds gorge, have a fab wknd. where r u off to?
I got my white gold/aquamarine ring last week (Indy's birth stone) and I love having it.
now watching 'jamie at home' with a maccyds sundae!

cremegg Fri 27-May-11 11:06:34

sorry x post mrsb, thats me watching jamie making his merrangue (sp!! i know!)
school were great but im sure there'll prob be talk of 'she tried too soon' by those that know, blah. tho catholic school so technically shouldnt use contraception anyway ;) haha.

EggletinaClock Fri 27-May-11 11:19:37

cremegg Just popping in quickly to say that I'm so sorry this is happening to you. All I can say is that if it is going to fail then better sooner than later in my opinion. Look after yourself and don't worry what other people might think, we all know that there is absolutely no clinical reason why a pregnancy after a loss might be more likely to fail. It's just rotten luck. xxx

mrsbigz Fri 27-May-11 11:21:22

cremegg - i hope you don't get any of that school talk, tell'em to mind their own business if you do (in a nice way of course!)
sorry for the heavy bleeding. i curse those early pg tests sometimes - i've had a similar experience where i had a weeks worth of +hpt and then went - sad i hope you enjoy your sundae and jamie xx
ps - your ring sounds beautiful too xx

misty0 Fri 27-May-11 11:56:34

cremegg - your ring does sound lovely hun smile

As ladies have said take no notice of the 'too soon' talk. Your body is ready obvoiusly - its just those early tests ...... chatting to someone recently we agreed that in the days before early tests ladies would assume a heavy period and carry on regardless. Chin up then petal. I believe i had the very same thing as you at the end of last year and the bleeding was over fairly quickly.

More <hugs> xx

StunnedAndShocked Fri 27-May-11 12:54:43

sending you great big hugs & everything crossed for you
Last night there were more tears when hubby came home
I am doing better today - been out done the food shop with hubby. Once we had lunch we are off to Ikea for a wander - don't need anything but nice to o for a coffee & cake smile
Still looking for something to make Amelias birth by, seen lots of nice things but nothing that has grabbed me just yet. We are off to Glastonbury in a weeks time I will look then as I like crystals & silver items. Looking for a ring or pendant.
Take care out there ladies, sending you all great big hugs
X x

cremegg sorry things don't look good for this one - huge hug to you..

stunned glad today is better - and enjoy Glastonbury... I wa brought up near there and it's a fun place - I assume you've been before?

Had a little cry yesterday when my mp3 player surprised me with a song I hadn't heard for ages called 'All i've ever lost'... guess I don't need to say any more to you ladies

Cinnamondog Fri 27-May-11 15:22:16

cremegg - <<<hugs>>> Can't say anything that will help while you wait, except that I am crossing EVERYTHING and thinking of you xxxxxxx

stunned, I really find that when I wobble it carries on for the whole day. Things that wouldn't get me just do. In a weird way, it's quite good, I can say to myself, 'right, this is my wobbly day, bring it on!'. Then I don't expect too much from myself, in actual fact I let OH know then do the whole in pj's/ bar of choccie/ good movie thing that evening. It's good because he knows what is going on, (and brings the choccie home!), but also allows me time to feel sad and grieve, which is still so important to do, without feeling like a failure. It's still such early days for you, and you are coping amazingly, even if yod don't feel like it. Hope Glastonbury turns up a fitting reminder of Amelia, let us know! xxxxxxx

treacle and cremegg, the rings both sound fabulous. Special things for special ladies wink.

misty, mrsbigz, egglet, hello my lovelies! Hope you are all okay. misty, sorry about the on/off opk thing, bloody frustrating eh? First day of peeing on opk sticks for me today, 2 days since Flo buggered off, 7 day of cycle so not surprised by a negative. Have told OH we need to SWI at least once a day for the next 16-17 days. Response? Does anyone remember the Sensodyne toothbrush advert where the man had a flip top head? That's how wide his smile was. What a naughty boy!

knitter, it's Adele, (not the latest one, but a soppy, slow one) and 'Rule the World' by Take That for me as those were the 2 songs they were playing on the radio as they wheeled me into theatre. Don't think I will ever be able to hear either without feeling like I'm losing little one all over again. Heaven help the first wedding I go to when either is played as a first dance! xxxxxxxxx

Lots of hugs all, hope this is the start of a fab weekend for us all xxxxxxxxxxxx

StunnedAndShocked Fri 27-May-11 15:51:55

knitter my hubby was born about 15miles away in same town as Jenson Button. We love it down there but we live in the midlands due to work etc. Plus it is soo expensive there & no jobs.
Oh my hubby is a gem BUT he is one of them people that can eat his body weight in food / crap & not put an oz on - were I only have to be in same room as a chocolate bar & gain about 1/2 stone sad Due to this he brings me lots of nice fruit home smile
On the way home from seeing my friends i felt loads better - even as we went through baby stuff in ikea I was fine. Even picked little cuddly toy mouse up saying Amelia mite have liked this - hubby took my hand gave it a squeeze & me a kiss - bless him.
Take care out there, don't forget to smile
X x

EggletinaClock Fri 27-May-11 19:41:04

I really like the South West but expensive and no jobs sums it up. I'm condemned to stay grim up North.

Glad you feel a little better stunned and happy SWI-ing cinnamon

cremegg hope you're ok, you're in my thoughts.

Cinnamondog Fri 27-May-11 20:07:32

Just super quick - catching up on drivingmisscrazy's brilliant news on her thread and read egglet's fabulous words of advice re: negative 'people' and vultures; just had to tell you egglet you are legend and now my personal hero!! xxxxxx

misty0 Fri 27-May-11 22:10:04

If 'she' shows up here on this thread i wont be keeping my cool! My only 2 words of advice for her will start with an F and an O xx

Cinnamondog Fri 27-May-11 22:18:57


misty0 Sat 28-May-11 08:52:50

Good morning lovies xxx

cinnamon - 'rule the world' makes me cry anyway! So you have no hope with it, bless you lol. Hows your back? And hows your little lad? Yes - its good news with drivingmisscrazy. We've followed a couple of anxious waits followed by good news now havnt we? Its so heartening when that happens - for all of us xxx

stunned - your hubby sounds lovely, i hope your feeling stonger today? We live in the midlands too. Northants. Glastonbury is LOVELY btw smile wish i was going .....

egglet and mrsbigz - messaged on FF. Kat, you're on 2WW now then? Ooooh ......

cremegg - hows it going today hun? I hope your taking it easy over there. <hugs and squeezes> Thinking of you.

knitter - sad for you wobble on Thursday. Hope your having a good weekend xxx

bluecat, blacktreaclecat, flower, myangel, darlingred and everyone else <<waves>> and hope your all feeling fine, and having a relaxing Saturday? (is there such a thing?! lol)

I'm good on the OPKs. grin Pos yesterday again. CD15. At it like rabbits at the mo. ..... Hoping my luteal phase is longer this month. Was a bit short last month, (1st after termination) which isnt good for ttc it seems. It should be longer this time as i'm about a week ahead of where i was this time in my last cycle .... sorry! Boring, boring! lol

Suns coming out - hooray! Going now xxxx

MyangelAva Sat 28-May-11 11:07:22

Hello everyone, just a quickie this morning!

Wanted to give cremegg a big hug and I'm so sorry about the bleeding. I'm thinking of you x

cinnamon I'm not sure what threads you are talking about but I'm liking the sound of the outburst Egglet- you'll have to fill me in. I've also emailed you btw.

Happy Sat to everyone- all the jewellery talk is making me very envious... the rings sound beautiful! And I'm glad that you've both found suitable pieces to Mark your little ones xxx

EggletinaClock Sat 28-May-11 20:08:28

Hello, just calling in too. Cremegg, hope you're doing ok.

Myangelava I've emailed you back to complicate things further!

That's a bit much to live up to Cinnamon! That person had absolutely nothing to offer other than this ludicrous premise that because she has a disabled child anyone who terminates a pregnancy due to disability is in some bizarre way dissing her or her child! It's nuts. Ninety per cent of people who know their baby has Down Syndrome terminate, that's just fact and it's done for very valid reasons. All she was doing was intruding on someone else's actual distress and potential absolute devastation, for what looked to me like her own amusement. I find that really disturbing (but I do plan to just ignore her in future!)

See some of you on FF in a minute and hope the rest of you are having a nice weekend.

flower11 Sat 28-May-11 21:21:16

Hi everyone

cremegg big hugs, thinking of you.

I live in the south west, the chavvy bit is cheaper grin it is good having all the coast and countryside on door step.

hope everyone is having a good weekend. xx

StunnedAndShocked Sun 29-May-11 16:43:12

Afternoon ladies
We live near Birmingham - would love to go else where can't agree were as MIL is near bath, my folks are near Norwich. Love Bath area but couldn't afford even a bedsit there.
We will make do with a few visits to MIL for the time being until we win the lottery.
Downs - not sure we would terminate just for that alone - would have to be other issues for us as we feel they can be very loving children & speak openly as they see the world.
However I do fully understand why people do terminate re down as not everyone can cope with the condition.
All down to personal choice & if we were all the same this world would be boring place to live.
Not really done much this weekend - got to re start the diet as put on a few lb over last couple of week with all the food & drink smile
Hope you have all had a good weekend take care out there
Love & hugs to all
X x

Cinnamondog Sun 29-May-11 17:32:22

Hello all,

Just a quick check in; thread seems to be quite quiet at the moment which I think is a really good thing. Not that I don't miss everyone! Just it means that we are all getting toward a better place, and that there are less ladies finding their way here. It seems anyone new who has found us has had really good news, which makes me feel happy and hopeful for us all.

Not much to report - driving myself insane with opk pee sticks; didn't use last months because of kidneys so have 2 packs for this month. Apparently don't need to start testing till Monday based on my cycle, but have been testing since Friday, then getting grumpy with the negatives even though it's only about 4 days since Aunite Flo went away, (who's she visiting this week btw? I've lost track!), so not quite sure what I'm expecting!

I used to love near Birmingham too, think I may have mentioned it before. Personally, I love Worcester; have lots of friends there and went to uni there too - twice! Would love to move back, or failing that move to the coast. OH is a surfer so sufferers pretty bad withdrawal symptoms being this far from the sea, though has an unhealthy distaste for UK surf which he assures me is pitiful, (growing up in the surf capital of SA, I think he is judging us a bit unfairly!!). Maybe we should organise a weekend to visit flower? Love the south west, chavvie bit or not!

Hope you are all okay and have nice things planned for the bank holiday. Thinking of our lovely cremegg and sending lots of hugs down under, (I mean to Australia, not......oh dear!!).

Sunday afternoon hugs and kisses to you all xxxxxxx

misty0 Sun 29-May-11 18:02:30

Hello lovely ladies

Just a quick one -

cinnamon - made me smile reading your post. I did the very same thing! I started POAS on day ...erm... 9 i think. And then got all disheartened cos they were neg! So daft. I know darn well day 12 is about the start for me for positives. Got a faint + on day 12 - but 14,15 and 16 (today) have been real strong! I think i had 3 days of +'s last month - so i recon today will the last day of +'s for me.

Then its the 2ww ..... sigh.

Hope your all having a good one girls.

MyangelAva Sun 29-May-11 20:13:08

Good grief misty, I only get one day of positive opk!! I have to say that I'm the same- testing far too early & then getting grumpy and cursing my 'infertile' body... until my positive "smiley face" arrives (bang on time for me) and then it's all ok with the world! smile


cremegg Mon 30-May-11 03:51:52

hey all, thanks for kind messages smile
I had follow up blood test yday and hcg is below 5 now so defo off the January bus so to speak! Doing ok, as I think eggy said better early than later if it has to happen.
Midwife yesterday tried to suggest not testing early next time, and ok i get that testing before af is due is a risk, but i was over a week late at this point, pretty sure most people would have tested by then!? and i was thinking in a way it was good to use that conception indicator that didnt increase in 'weeks' as that prepared me for what might happen, plus theres no way that this is a normal af and so you'd know anyway?!
so on with the next month i guess!
misty both mine and DHs family are from northants smile
had a fun outing yesterday, went to a market (one of those that could be the selling the contents of many 'Nan' houses, with random jewels etc. My friend is trying to get her DP to propose (they have a DS, they're mid 30s so its pretty much gonna happen soon i reckon!) and knows that she'd like an antique emerald if poss, so we had a grand time searching through the jewels. had no luck but i took a business card and gave it to her DP (i had heard him mentionning cash convertors so felt it was necessary!) hehehe, poor guy!
lol to all the opk testing, i literally dont think i could do it as it would sooo spiral!

StunnedAndShocked Mon 30-May-11 09:51:25

cremegg - soo sorry to hear your news, do agree with egg better early although not it isn't easy to understand / accept it has happened at any stage. Are we meant to wait even longer to test - a couple of days after af due is long enough for me.... I couldn't cope waiting longer hmm
Not much planned here today as it is a traditional bank holiday Monday here in brume - wet...
I love looking at rings / necklaces etc - could spend all day looking smile
Might re enhance my natural highlights (cover the grey) this afternoon as it takes about two hours to do, then a friend is popping round for a natter / put world rites as we ladies do.
Take care out there in what ever you do
X x

misty0 Mon 30-May-11 12:46:52

Hi everyone xxx

myangel - it seems that i'm quite lucky (or maybe not - for pin-pointing ov) that i have 3 days of positive OPK's. I'm not sure how common it is to have one day/two/three ect. With every one using different sticks, different ideas of whats positive and what isnt, drinking different amounts of fluid and peeing at different times of day it would be impossible to tell whats average probably! Interesting though ay?

stunned - yep - chucking it down here too. We're close to Banbury in Ox. I too am s'posed to be putting some highlights in today. Got lots of dark browns and goldbrowns in my hair and fancy some realy light little streaks on top and in fringe! Still a teenager at heart when it comes to messing with my hair colour.

cremegg - You're doing well petal. <hug> i dont understand the point in the midwife's suggestion myself. re. testing early. An early positive test cant do any harm. In fact, knowing early could be a good thing as its such an important time for development for baby that it could stop you potentially doing something risky? Bungee jumping/getting really pissed ...... whatever?? lol

With some preg. tests boasting "I can tell you if you're pregnant before he's even rolled off!" OF COURSE its tempting to be sneaking into the bathroom with one before/just after AF is due and having a quick peek. We're all the same xxxxx

I'm feeling happy with myself because i got my bum down to the pool at 7.30 this morn and did my 40 lengths! Trying to stick to 3 times a week come hell or bank holidays....REALY want to get rid of these love handles!

<<hello>> to all the other lovely ladies. smile Hope you're all having a drier Bank Holl than we are here. Enjoy xxxx

EggletinaClock Mon 30-May-11 14:03:03

cremegg I think it doesn't make any difference when you test, you're either pregnant or you're not and you either stay pregnant or you don't! I hope you're feeling ok though and hopefully as it was so early your cycle won't be disrupted.

Hello to everyone else. Rainy and miserable here too. Oops, must go, seems naptime is over early today...

mrsbigz Mon 30-May-11 14:58:27

hi ladies!! sorry been MIA - have been down to my brothers for the night last night, which was lovely - had a couple of glasses of wine, a lovely BBQ (though we ate it inside!), the kids behaved themselves and went to bed quite nicely so it was lovely to have a good catch up with my little bro and his wife!
only slight prob was (back on the subject again!) i got a +opk yesterday so we had to do the ole 'very quite BD'ing' as didn't want to miss out on possible fertility!! and to top it off, we were sleeping on their brand new sofabed....never before slept on by anyway (ie matress still in its plastic covering....nearly wanted to tell them to keep it on LOL). anyway we did manage it though we pretty much ended up on the floor as too squeaky (sorry, TMI!)
back home at lunchtime.....another Northants girl here!!! well, i am currently, originally from st albans (which is where i was last night!)

Cremegg - i'm sorry to hear the results of the blood test - you sound quite positive about it all (though i'm sure you've had your moments). sad was thinking about you yesterday even though i didn't manage to post on here.

i also agree that it is better earlier than later (although preferably not at all!) - i remember when we had a similar thing happen to us, i did take comfort from the fact that i could still fall pg.....i know that may not help you right now, but it helped me lots.

misty - you are one determined woman - down to the pool 3x a week - i raise my hat off to you. you're certainly more focussed that i am in that respect....and i would love to lose my love handles too (rather than disguise them in loosly fitting clothes!!!)

stunned, a natter with a good friends sounds like a perfect way to spend this dismal bank holiday!! hope you have a nice afternoon!

<waves very hard to everyone else> sorry this is not long - have to go and unpack and put a wash on and think about what to get for dinner, and prepare for work tomorrow - but i will be back on later. think i'm O'ing today (will confirm!) so will have to make sure DH doesn't wear himself out DIYing!!

lots of love and happy thoughts xxx

blacktreaclecat Mon 30-May-11 15:50:06

Hi all
Sorry cremegg. You sound very brave. Hope next month is your month.
I use a clearblue fertility monitor and it is very good. I seem to have 3 days of LH surge. Didn't ov until day 18 this month which makes af due on the day I see Take That. Typical!
Had a lovely weekend -,Michelin star tasting menu on Friday then 2 nights staying with friends.
Looking forward to seeing my pussycats now.

MyangelAva Mon 30-May-11 19:31:17

Well, everyone sounds like they have had a lovely, if not wet (it's been biblical here!) weekend. cremegg, you sound very positive, I'm pleased and I'm thinking of you. As Egglet said, hopefully you'll be back on track cycle wise v soon.

mrsbigz- silent bd'ing eh? Hope it brings you luck! misty, it is interesting and there's prob all sorts of scientific implications. I too use the clear blue fertility monitor blacktreaclecat, which used to give me one high and then 2 peaks. (However I did find out that the monitor is programmed to give you your second peak followed by lows and so I started to give up testing after my surge was detected (the first peak), which saved me loads of sticks! forgive me, you prob know this but thought it may of use if not!) an added bonus with the monitor is that I would try to read the sticks myself and then second guess the machine.... It's the best bit about ttc! wink

Well done misty for going swimming on a 'day off!', I am back at the gym tomorrow after 2 weeks of a sore throat & staving off a cold, whilst all the while giving in to my chocolate & carb cravings- not a good combination! Wish me luck!

Lovely to meet you today Egglet and hope everyone else is ok xxx

MyangelAva Mon 30-May-11 19:34:21

Oh, also wanted to say (*cremegg*) that I thought they only frowned upon you using 'early' tests when you were testing before AF is due. It sounds as though she was being a bit harsh x

blacktreaclecat Mon 30-May-11 19:47:10

Oh yes I can tell from the sticks what is happening without the monitor now!
When properly ttc I have to stop using the sticks at peak as I take hcg trigger shot which would give false positive. Also have to wait to do preg test until 17 dpo as well.

MyangelAva Mon 30-May-11 19:55:41

Ah, I see blacktreaclecat- so I've not saved you any money at all! smile and fingers crossed for this month- Take That eh? That's got to be a lucky sign! X

EggletinaClock Mon 30-May-11 21:37:20

Lovely to meet you too myangelava, hope to see you again soon.

So let's see if all this silent sex is somehow more productive, mrsbigz. We may all be making impromptu family visits to try it out!

blacktreacle the tasting menu sounds wonderful. We've treated ourselves to dinner at a couple of Michelin starred places in the past, they were very fine meals.

Good effort on the swimming misty, make sure you don't end up with bloke's shoulders!

I visited a friend this afternoon who has a cat and I forgot to take an antihistamine before I went. I now have a totally blocked nose and dreadfully itchy eyes, it's awful!

Love to you all. xxx

misty0 Tue 31-May-11 08:24:10

Hello girls xxxx

Wrote a good big post last night and MN bloody lost it! So i swore and slammed the lap top shut and made everybody jump, ... but didnt kick it this time.

Anyway - this is what i said last night ......

Could someone who who fancies a bit of typing tell me how the fertility monitors work please. i know its a bit pathetic of me to get to this stage without a clue about them - but there it is! lol.

myangel - good luck back at the gym xx

blacktreacle - the tasting does sound scrummy! What a lovely weekend.

kat - laughed at your family visit coment. I just pictured us all turning up at our respective relatives' heading for the spare rooms saying "Dont mind us wont hear a thing", lol.

mrsbigz - on the floor ay? Oooooh naughty! <elbows in ribs>

cremegg,stunned*,*flower (are you ok lovie?)bluecat and all <<waves>>

To all who think i'm wonderfully willpowered - this is the thing....

My OH is not only muscly, tanned and gorgeous (IMO) but he is also 10 years younger than me shock Now this has its drawbacks .... i feel under permanent pressure to try and look good. Its bloody exhausting sometimes - but i can say that i look better now than i did 5/6 years ago. My ex was older than me, and i never felt much inclination to try too hard with myself back then.

For the 13 weeks i was preg this year i piled on the weight. Last month i was left babyless, and felt like a failiure. To top it off i felt fat and wobbly too. Darling OH was and always is wonderful saying he loves me as i am, with/without extra curves and cant wait to get me swelling again (!) - but my massive insecurity just wants me to get slimmer now - in case i never fall pg again sad Hense the frantic swmming, dieting and belly dancing (not all at once, my jingly bits would rust)

Well - thats the mess in my head. grin Thank you for reading. Have a good one girls xxxxx

misty0 Tue 31-May-11 08:25:18

kat - sorry to hear about your itchy eyes. That must be awful <hugs> poor you xxxxx does it happen with all fur, or just cats?

MyangelAva Tue 31-May-11 09:08:28

Hi misty, I think you're brilliant. I too put on far too much weight in the weeks of worry before Ava's diagnosis and the first weeks of grief after her termination. Mainly because I didn't care. I was 26 weeks when I had Ava and strangely I'd not put much on befo all went wrong. I too then looked at myself horribly and embarked on diet/ exercise, only it's all gone a bit wrong since Easter- holidays and chocolate- not a good combo! Anyway, back on it!

Re the Clearblue fertility monitor- you basically pee on sticks (10 per cycle but as I got 'clever' with it/ my cycle you can reduce this to 4-5) and feed them into the monitor every morning from CD 9-19 depending on your cycle. It uses this info to learn your cycle and tell you whether you have low, high or peak fertility that day. It does this by monitoring your changing levels of oestrogen and LH, because oestrogen rises steadily, and then falls during your cycle, prompting your body's LH surge. You get high fertility as soon as the monitor detects rising oestrogen levels and peak when you get your LH surge. You then ovulate the day of your first or second peak day and have a 24 hour 'high fertility' after that. Therefore, you have a day or more warning of your LH surge and more chances to BD! (Sperm can survive for up to 5 days or so). Remember though you test every morning so chances are your LH surge first started the afternoon/ eve before you get a peak reading so you do need to BD on all high and peak days! The month i conceived DS i had a string of 5 highs before the 2 peaks and automatic high after it- DH thought it was xmas but i was knackered! I was determined and DTD twice a day! smile It is a bit pricey but Amazon has them for £55 ish and the sticks are £12 for a box of 20..... this is a lot cheaper than the shops (£100 & £20 respectively). I bought it when ttc by DS 3 years ago and used it again this time round, it's good and you can learn your cycle for natural contraception too I suppose.

Right, I'm off to go and apply to be a Clearblue sales rep! wink

DS is still asleep (he's definitely 2 going on 14!) so going to wrestle with the idea of waking him up! It seems so unnatural to wake a toddler! Hope you all have a nice day xx

mrsbigz Tue 31-May-11 10:14:33

hi <big waves to everyone> just skim reading this at work but wanted to put in my ha'penny on the CBFM (fertility monitor)

i used it while i was ttc ds2 and although it does work very well in giving you your highs/peaks , i think by that point i already knew 'roughly' when i O'd, so I was quite good at looking at other fertility signs. I can’t even remember now whether I was still using it when I conceived ds2? I actually gave mine on to a friend of mine who had just started ttc. The other thing I remember about it is that it takes a few cycles to get in tune with your body – so like MyAngel said – initially it can be quite expensive (especially for me being a late O-er!!)
to be honest, I find that my own knowledge of my cycles plus using OPKs works equally well for me and (major point for me at least) is MUCH less expensive (god, I buy cheapy internet OPKs – 100 for about £8 – that’s how stingy I am LOL)
anyhow, just my opinion BUT I can completely understand how they work and can be really useful in the old ttc journey!
Right, back to my spreadsheets now - booooooo

MyangelAva Tue 31-May-11 10:46:34

£8 for 100 that's amazing! Completely agree that if you know your cycle it is an expensive 'hobby' and complete waste of money- after a couple of cycles yo can do it yourself really! I say this as my cycle seems to have changed a lot since I had my DS and again since I had Ava x

cremegg Tue 31-May-11 11:47:29

hey all, am tired out from school trip (joy! 30 yr 8s to a wetland centre!) so just a quickie!
am v impressed by your efforts misty! You are inspiring me to find a dance class to get my butt too, so thank you. I missed yoga as got back late, tho prob not a bad thing as this 'AF' is still going strong so the couch is far more appealing!
loving the silent bding mrsb!
and yep i defo agree that the midwife is cuckoo if she thinks i would wait over a week after af is due to test, so with you eggy it doesnt change the facts, and i wanna know whats happening with my own body!
anyway, off now to mark some books, boo!

misty0 Tue 31-May-11 12:31:47

Thank you so much for all that info myangel, (and for saying i'm brilliant blushblush You are too grin <<chumey puch on shoulder>>) We ALL are xxxx

That little machine sounds like something i wish i'd already got - but probably dont need nowsad. God i'd love to be feeding my pee sticks into an actual piece of technology - instead of squinting at my stick in different lights for half an hour and getting moody with everyone, lol. Like mrsbigz (Charting Guru to the Stars) says - once you've battled through a couple of cycles manualy checking your signs, you do get a feel for you own bodys patern. So sadly i cant justify that purchase. But your pitch was great angel - definately a future sales job there for you i think smile

mrsbigz - BDing - like i said on FF - last night was a bit of an effort on my part too, lol. We've done it 9 times in the last 13 days, (last 5 daily) - and after a lateish night (like you) + swimming and wiggling - i could easily have not bothered. Bit of a break now me thinks ....

cremegg - Bless you. You're doing so well. Lordy i hated going on school trips. It was ALWAYS the child sat next to me who threw up without warning on the coach! Maybe it was my conversation ??confused Last trip was to Warwick Castle and while gathring the class a lad mentioned he felt a bit iffey and had been sick at home the night before!! Yes! and his mother had still sent him to school. hmm Anyway i'm ashamed to say i made sure i didnt sit with him on the coach. And the one i WAS with was sick over my handbag instead. Thats karma isnt it?......

Coffe break over ladies - back to the hoovering xxxxx

Cinnamondog Tue 31-May-11 12:59:05

Hello all, (smiles weakly).....

Okay, needy cinnamon here needing some bolstering. As you know, am ttc in earnest right now but didn't think I was that 'bothered' by it all. Just happily getting on with it and hopeful, but not desperate for a bfp straight away. Silly, silly girl.......

OH told me last night he was a bit concerned about his tackle, (sorry, tmi I know but integral to the story), felt a tad sore and was worried he was getting a uti, (he's never had one ever, but my kidney infection has really panicked him and now he's petrified I'll get it back), so could we not do the necessary last night as he didn't want to pass on any nasties. Complete over reaction on my part. Didn't shout and vent at him but just felt the bottom drop out of my world. Last month was a nightmare not being able to ttc because of being ill, cried so many times. Felt like that was happening all over again, especially as I'm coming up to my most fertile 3-4 days. Lots of catastrophising, (that's it for this month too then, it's never going to happen, the world hates me, etc, etc). Couldn't sleep, ended up coming downstairs to cry until about 3am. Back upstaiirs and sleep, but DS3 woke at 5am so 2 hours sleep. Managed an hour or so more about 8am when he dropped off but given the previous night when all 3 kids woke us through the night, (DS 1 & 2 coughing and turning on all the lights in the house to go to the loo, DS3 nightmares), I've had about 7 hours sleep in 48 hours.

Feel so low and miserable. It's not just the desperate need to be feeling like I am doing something toward ttc, (if we try and we don't then that's a different matter, but not even being able to try is heart breaking), it's that my whole life is on hold till we are successful or not. Haven't been able get a regular job because of DS3's autism and childcare issues; this will be resolved when he goes to school in Sept but being preg or not effects whether I start applying for jobs, etc. It may be the exhaustion, it may be the last few months catching up with me, but I feel right back to square one, that life is so unfair and I should be happily planning for an amazing September with my new baby, my little man starting school, the older boys happy and settled. Instead I feel hollow and empty and sad.

Hasn't got uti by the way, obviously we have been taking SWI a little too, such lightweights......

Sorry it's all me, me, me. Just needed to get that off my chest; only you ladies understand the crazies that catch us out every once in a while. RL people thing I'm insane, maybe I am!!


mrsbigz Tue 31-May-11 15:39:40

Oh Cinnamon, Cinnamon – if you can’t come on here for a good ‘me’ post and let out your inner demons, where else can you come?? <puts kettle on and triumphantly pulls freshly baked millionaire shortbread from oven>

Firstly – I TOTALLY get where you are coming from with the life on hold thing. I had a very similar scenario this very weekend. Until now I’d thought (convinced myself) that I too was happy just ‘knowing’ that I am actively TTC…..doing my part to get back on the road that I was so unfairly pushed off a couple of months ago – and I thought I was fine, BUT when I got my +opk on Saturday dh had done an almost 12 hour shift at work, got home about 9pm and really wasn’t in the mood for bd. And I too catastrophied (I love that phrase) and actually panicked I think – that there was going to be a day, really important one at that, where we didn’t bd, and that this would mean our chances were less, and I almost got to the point where I was about to ‘plead’ with dh….thankfully he must have seen a look in my eyes and we did, but if we’d not – how could I be cross with him or disappointed…..but I would have been. Then again being at my brothers on Sunday. God – this is the couple who have nearly 4 years of unexplained infertility / 1x failed IVF cycle. How DARE I be disappointed that we can’t bd when we’re staying at theirs for the night……but yet again we did – because I HAVE to be pregnant again soon.

Sorry – I’m going off on a tangent now with my own dilemmas, and reading it back to myself it doesn’t even make sense but I don’t have the time to change it – work calling etc. I just wanted you to know that you are totally NOT alone in feeling that way. Most days I surprise myself with how ‘normal’ and ‘ok’ I feel – almost like it didn’t happen to me. My mum put it quite ‘aptly’ the other day (she was referring to the loss of my dad, and also her own experience of losing a baby) – in that over time those memories are stored in a locked box in your head and you become more and more in control of when to open the box and let the memories out – and have the emotional side. This is an unlocking the box month for her as it would be my dad’s birthday on Friday, so she will open her ‘virtual’ box and access the more poignant memories. I can understand that kind of, although for all of us it is far too early (I think) to have that ‘control’ of our emotions…..i think I am but I still get surprised by random things. Last week at work it was someone (I don’t really know them) having their last day before going on maternity leave…..left work almost in tears as it really knocked me for six.

I AM really glad that your DH hasn’t got a UTI, and it was really kind and thoughtful of him to think of you like that – just remember (although I find it really hard to ‘calm down’ around fertile time) that bd every other day is totally recommended by lots of people (health profs and other in the know bods) – as demonstrated in the SMEP (sperm meets egg plan) – worth a google if you’ve not seen that before.

I know MN’ers don’t really do hugs (never understood why) so I’m sending you instead a big box of choccies, and some beautiful virtual flowers to cheer you up. I’m not sure <another quick skim over what I’ve written> whether I’ll be ANY help whatsoever, but please know that we’re all here for you and no matter how you’re feeling, I’m sure there’ll be at least one of us that have felt that way too


misty0 Tue 31-May-11 15:55:48

I DO HUGS!! <<hug hug hug!>>

Oh my God i'm so with you on the serene on top/frantic underneath thing. cinnamon - all i can say is love i would be the same. Agonising over that lost night. Like mrsbigz i swing between 'happy to be ttc' and I WANT TO BE PREGNANT NOW!!!!!!! Mr Cinnamon was thinking of you when he wanted to be carefull. But thats no consollation i know. Again as mrsB says every other day is fine, fine, fine. Better, some say, than everyday.

Can sympathise on the job hunting thing too. Me, egglet + mrs have been saying the same exact thing over on FF 2 days ago. Work vs staying home when ttc. I try not to go on about ttc too much here as i could bore for England on the subject, and have an outlet on FF, but i can tell you your not alone on the slightly insane feelings. I've just left a rant on FF 2 seconds b4 reading your post! Amazing how the mood can change so quickly when you realise you've fu**ed up your bloody temps again, and they're meaningless anyway! Aaaaaarrrrggggghhhh! (mrsbigz take note, lol) xx

What will you do tonight cinnamon? Will you have the energy? xxxxx

StunnedAndShocked Tue 31-May-11 18:30:18

Evening ladies
Took me ages to read the posts today smile which is nice
I have used a cbfm - it was great as got to know my cycle but unless you can find the sticks on offer somewhere it costs a fortune. Used to get hubby to check progress each morning so if there was a smiley face his luck was in... Having saud that he wasn't always in the mood & that used to upset me loads as used to think he didn't fancy me etc.
Saw bit of daytime telly today & a couple from doctors are going through IVF - had to turn over sad
I get the ov test sticks from ebay quite cheap so my cbfm is in the cupboard gathering dustvalthough I have looked at getting sticks to check my cycle after AF shows her face in the next week or so I hope.
Not done much today been & got my hair cut - wanted a trim but she cut iff more than expected - oh well it will grow again I hope..
Went back to skimming world tonight & found I have lost 1lb which I am pleased about - although that could be the hair cut. Only put-on about 5lb since I found out I was expecting to 14wks 5d which I was pleased about.
Sending out great big hugs to everyone - group hug ((((((((((( everyone)))))))))
X x

Cinnamondog Tue 31-May-11 18:57:02

Hello again,

Ladies, you cheered me up and by heck the millionaires shortbread is cracking mrsbigz!

It's good to know I'm not completely losing it, though not good to know that you are going through similar ups and downs. Guess we sometimes expect a bit too much from ourselves. misty, yes we will be; OH has come home bedraggled and knackered after a very long day going site to site but with a certain twinkle in his eye and a request to 'make up for lost time'. Easy tiger, at least wait till the kids are in bed!!!!! blush How rude!

I am genuinely a lot happier, still anxious but have given myself a good, hard kick up the ar*e and am determined to BLOODY SMILE! Plus OH has just nipped to the shops for some chocolate, hurrah!

Thank you, thank you, thank you again you smashing people xxxxxxxxxxxx

And <<<<<<<<<<hugs!!!>>>>>>>>>> MN be damned!! xxxxxx

Cinnamondog Tue 31-May-11 19:00:14

Oh, stunned, you made me giggle a lot re: hair cut and lost weight hee hee! You are all so good losing weight & exercising, putting me to shame xxxxxxxx

StunnedAndShocked Tue 31-May-11 20:17:38

trust me I have eaten loads & done not a lot this last week as haven't felt like it so the weight loss was a shock... Lol
Hubby been asking about trying again, not sure just yet but the practice is good wink
So nice to see the chat flowing
X x

MyangelAva Tue 31-May-11 20:42:56

Why did no one tell me that you're not to hug on MN?! Feel like an idiot now! blush

Cinnamon, I think it's a natural reaction and as others have said, every other day is enough to do the trick! Having said that, I was so upset and disappointed the cycle before last, which was a wash out because DH had viral meningitis. He was so apologetic and I felt awful because I shouldn't have thought like that when he was so ill, but I couldn't help it.

Right, off to eat! Funeral tomorrow, which I'm not looking forward to but will see you all soon xxx

misty0 Tue 31-May-11 21:06:57

Oh myangel, hope it all goes well tmrow. We'll be thinking of you lovie. Let us know how it goes? <<HUG>>

Aparently "lol's" are realy annoying for MN's too - and i do them all the time as well! ha ha, oh and baby dusting....and too many !exclamation marks!

So girls ...... HUGS TO EVERYONE, WITH ADDED BABY-DUST grin LOL !!!!!!!! xxxxx pity we cant get the sickeningly sparkly signatures going on too - just to annoy those grumpy gals. Although, hmmmm, not even sure i could cope with those here....

stunned - this thread has its busy times and quiet times. Its funny how it goes. Never be afraid to have a good ramble tho'. Theres always someone having a lurk smile

mrsbigz Tue 31-May-11 21:26:37

misty - you make me LOL with all your non PC typing!!!!!!!!!!!! <<<<<HUGS>>>>

myangel - sorry to hear that you're at a funeral tomorrow - i hope it goes as well as can be expected. completely with you on the feeling guilty wanting dh to bd when he's obviously ill / sick / knackered! we all do it i'm sure!!

cinnamon - glad you liked the shortbread (in RL i'm positively the worst baker you'll ever hope to meet - so i'm glad the virtual ones hit the mark!)

stunned, you made me giggle (though i'm not sure intentionally!) - when you said you were back at 'skimming' world tonight.....did you mean to type that? either way that's a brand new way to refer to weight loss!! hehe

well i wish i could take some inspiration from you ladies with all this healthy talk going on and exercise everywhere i read!? what a motivated bunch you all are!? i've not done anything remotely healthy for so long i wouldn't know where to start. however i would like to lose a few pounds and was thinking about trying zumba....anyone tried it? thoughts please!!

right, dh is busy looking at tents to buy (yawn!!) so i will have to drag him away soon for our final night on the bd wagon!

love you and speak soon xxxx

StunnedAndShocked Wed 01-Jun-11 00:43:55

Doh how blonde lol - I surf the net on a iPhone & it auto corrects words / text if it thinks you have spelt things wrong or if you put unknown words in as they change it..I have to be soo careful when sending text messages as I have wrong words in them..
Think I personally need airbrushing before I go out in public... Therefore no further dieting required smile
Good luck Myangelava with the funeral - not nice day for you
Love zumba - need to find time to fit it into my shedule / class that suits me. I only been once & thought it was great fun - did sweat a bit but it was good.
Rite hubby now home & time to jump his bones bless him so nite nite ladies
X x

flower11 Wed 01-Jun-11 01:53:58

Hi everyone,

Misty I like your hugs and babydust, spread them around!!

Its funny how silly things can upset you, today 3 people have commented to me about it being june and half the year gone, which has got me on to ttc is taking so long it will be well into 2012 by the time I get to have a baby. I'll be bloody 36 by the time it happens, was 34 when preg with Isabelle so this just feels soooo wrong ( feb birthday by the way).

Anyway have been doing lots of b'ding, with working nights we have to do it when hubby gets in from work, then have dinner then I go to work, its about as clinical as it gets! then I worry about the lack of feeling and love as it were, read somewhere that state of mind is important for conception.

Myangelava hope tomorrow goes ok x

oh and cinamon I do a good B+B for friends and family, my mum and dad asked if they could come and stay while we are away in july, this was the week before we got moses the kitten, so I said yes great you can cat sit grin so its worked out very well.

hugs xx

Cinnamondog Wed 01-Jun-11 10:33:26

Hello all,

Firstly, all my love and thoughts to myangelAva; hope today goes okay honey and gives you some peace.

Well, there are a lot of men getting jumped on out there aren't there?! Asked OH last night if it felt weird; he assured me no, it's never a bad thing to be asked to BD so that's reassuring! I too worry that it'll all become a bit of a means to an end, but I think that we sometimes forget our OH's want a baby just as much as we do, and it is a pretty fun way of getting there!

I'm coming from the diet and exercise thing from the other side, I want to put weight on, (a nation of women shriek - what!?!). Best explain; am 6 foot tall and was always a very happy, healthy 12-14 with enough to fill and bra and a bum for my jeans. I looked like a woman and was quite happy please thank you. A few bits wobbled but we are meant to wobble!!

Cue a period of stress and a major kidney infection and 2 years ago dropped 2 1/2 stone and am now a size 8-10. Look like a little boy, no chest and a horrible 'flat bottom'; my back kind of merges into the backs of my legs with no bum bump. I look at least 5 years older than I used to as well. Bony, scrawny witch hands, knobbly knees and old woman shoulders. The height doesn't help, I just look like I'd blow over in a stiff breeze. If I wear leggings and boots, from the side I look like a golf club. Don't dare do any kind of exercise in case I lose any more weight, (though walk about 4 miles a day, so fairly fit I think!).

So embrace the bust, love the bum and revel in the ability to jump up and down and feel things jiggle. Currently if I jump up and down there is a danger something might shatter. One of my most beautiful friends is a lady fron Italy who is a size 18; she looks like some kind of goddess. Believe me; no one is looking at the size 10 skinnys when she's about!

Right, off to bath my youngest and persuade the 2nd youngest he needs to follow suit as his hair is vile! Bless him!

Lots of love, hugs and baby dust, (WTF is baby dust??) xxxxxxxxxxx

Just catching up from all the posts over the weekend

MyAngel hope the funeral is as good as can be expected thoday

Cinnamon glad that your OH hasnt' got a UTI

And everyone else <waves>

Fairly quiet weekend for us - we were camping with DS which was a bit weird - he refused to go to sleep before it was dark - hence some quite late nights with a determined but tired small boy... He's also started wetting the bed which is really boring - every other night at the moment sad

DH was out until late last night and came in all drunk and amorous... Sadly I was too far asleep to make use of it but I'm regretting it now - looking at my spreadsheet I'm on day 11 so need to crack on if we want to have a chance of concieving this month...

EggletinaClock Wed 01-Jun-11 13:19:40

Misty love, you hug and LOL all you like, but I know you won't mind me saying that 'babydust' makes me want to throttle someone!
Anyway, it's interesting what you were saying about your age difference with your dh. I have a friend with a husband 10 years younger and she puts herself under enormous pressure as a result. I think if she's not careful it will become a self-fulfilling prophesy as she's always saying to him how old and haggard she is (I would keep quiet and hope he doesn't notice!) But seriously, if he loves you then he loves you regardless of a bit of extra weight and whatnot and if he does judge you on that, than you're better off without him! I am a mere 3 months older than mine but I am absolutely appalled at how much I have let myself go these past few months, I was bad enough being tired and pregnant but then after all this happening I am a wreck. I am going to start putting in my diary to do my nails once a week, and today I'm going to urgently see to my feet which are turning into hooves! We're going out for dinner tomorrow night and I'm deliberately wearing strappy sandals to make sure I do something about my feet. This is just the tip of the iceberg, but as a week at a luxury spa is out of the question, I'm just going to take it one neglected body part at a time until I start to feel a bit better about myself.

myangelava Hope you get through the funeral ok. I think it's especially hard to go through that when you've already got a lot of sadness in your life.

flower for what it's worth, I don't think there's an emotional element to conceiving - it's sperm meets egg at the end of the day. Don't worry about your age either, you're honestly still young. I hate the idea of being pregnant at 39 which is how old I will be, unless I get pregnant next month (as if all had gone to plan I was supposed to have my babymaking over by 38 which I thought was bad enough!) but I just try not to think about my age too much now. There are millions of women having babies well into their 40's.

stunned I think you'll know when you're ready to try again but it is nice that your husband is already asking as then you won't have to win him round!

Cinnamon I hope you're feeling a bit better too and glad there's no more UTIs in your household. When I was pregnant I lost a lot of weight after a hideous stomach bug and wanted to put on about half a stone. Cheese helped a lot, I had cheese and crackers every evening, could you try that? I also made myself have snacks mid morning and mid afternoon even if I didn't feel like it. I know what you mean about weightloss ageing you though, I think it's the French that say you can preserve your body or your face but not both.

mrsbigz I don't do any formal exercise at the moment as I reckon chasing a toddler around is quite enough for the moment. Also, I reckon (and this is probably nonsense) that you're more likely to conceive if you're a few pounds over your usual weight so that's why I'm not bothering to lose the few extra pounds I would ideally shift. You can borrow this excuse too if you like!

knitter hope you are a bit more awake tonight!

Anyway, must go and find a cheap b'day present for my husband.

Hope everyone else is ok and you all have good days.

misty0 Wed 01-Jun-11 15:52:37

So many things i want to say to everyone! when you read alot of your posts like i just have its like being in a room full of friends and your mouth is sellotaped up. (I imagine?hmmnot actualy experienced that scenario of course)

egglet - yeah, i try HARD not to mention the age difference EVER. If it does ever crop up in converstaion I tell him blithey that it doesnt bother me one little bit. What a massive lie shock But one thing i learned quite young is that to keep banging on about your insecurities (weight, height, age, wrinkles, hair, whatever ...."Oh how i hate my ...." and so on) eventually draws a blokes attention to something he probably didnt know nor care about. Its true ladies - most guys really cant see cellulite - ect. So dont point it out, ok? Tip of the week smile Get those trotters sorted out girl! A nice new nail polish for the tootsies encourages foot care too.

flower - babydust all over you my love smilesmilesmile (sorry egglet, look away, lol) Nice to 'see' you again. I know exactly how you fel about that old ticking clock...but yes, its so common now for ladies in their 40's to be statring a family. Dont fret xx

knitter - hello lovie. Day 11 - oooh. grin Camping - uggh hmm Where were you camping love? It pis* down here all weekend!

cinnamon - <clutches cinnamon to boosom!> Come to my house my love and let me feed you. xxx My oldest friend (from primary school) has the same weight struggle as you are having at the mo. So i'm not going to poo poo it and say lucky you, because i know being unhappy with your weight is distressing which ever side your coming from. May i suggest Slimfast? Now dont laugh you lot - i dont mean INSTEAD of meals - i mean AS WELL AS. I can tell you from experience they're not that filling and have apx250 callories and HEAPS of vitamins in them. And the choc tastes divine. Just like a nice choc milkshake. If you can squeeze in a couple of those between meals thats an extra 500 calories a day very easily.

myangel - thinking of you today <hugs>

mrsbigz - that hotchoc with a load of cream was very slimming - thank you! lol. I enjoyed our lunch date very much again, and i'm def going on line for those blasted tights!

Hi to all, hope your having a good one girlies, xxx

misty0 Wed 01-Jun-11 16:02:23

Actualy - while i have a load of fellow girlies listening to me - does anyone have a recomendation for a really good quality make of MATT (and i mean matt - i cant bare shiney legs AT ALL) black opaque tights? But not wooly at all....or knitted. i dont really care about price. Its for a do coming up soon where i need to look the business in heels and a shortish black dress. smile xxx

StunnedAndShocked Wed 01-Jun-11 17:05:48

Waves to everyone
koffs - erm I feel ready for bedroom action blush so we have been... Not sure what will / is happening with my cycle as had loads of ewcm the other day so AF in a couple of weeks maybe..
misty I get my tights from M&S they do great that hold my belly in & are not shiny - I dont do shiny either
egg lol re cheap b/day present my hubbys is 23/12 so he gets budget buys
flower we are staying at MIL whilst she is away which works for us as she is near bath & we are near brum
Myangelava sending you great big hugs & hope everything went well today
cinnamon ek you walk miles each day - sadly I have an office job & don't see much daylight as work 9hrs15mins watch day. Doing five days hours over four working days if that makes sense. Guessing it is as frustrating for you re weight as it is for myself being larger - only look at food to put weight on.
knitter guessing we will not see you for a few days wink
Mrs skimming world failed today as had pizza for lunch smile
Been a nice day today had lunch with a friend at pizza hut. Then we had a wander around some shops - mother care being one of them. She knows about my loss but her 1st grandchild is due in a few days so is rather excited. I was fine in there, able to wander about picking things up saying would like this for my baby. still feel good & positive.
As for age - it is only a number - yes know chances of more things going wrong when over 40 is higher but in some cases there is a reason why they may have 1st child when past 40. Mine is because I have lost 6 babies to become angels who instead of being here for me to care ftheory are watching over me.
Hope everyone has had a good day
X x

Hey - all very quiet here today- hope you're all ok...

Been keeping DH busy grin and there is more to come!

stunned <hugs> and hope you're doing ok today...

Sorry I don't do such long updates/posts as everyone else

StunnedAndShocked Thu 02-Jun-11 17:45:06

hiya knitter
I thought I had scared everyone off last night as no one posted all day
Not done much all day, de fuzzed parts of my body as not done them for a while, painted my toes nails, did face pack, fake tanned myself (not in that order) as we are away from Saturday a week & hubby is off tomorrow so no time then as need to pack & clean house etc.
Anyways will not keep you long as am sure you have other things to be doing smile
X x

mrsbigz Thu 02-Jun-11 21:03:23

hi ladies - sorry been quiet. hectic at work again as usual and off tomorrow and monday so had lots to sort out. today is our wedding anniversary (5yrs) although the kids don't seem to appreciate that - ds2 still awake bless him with no romantic night - yet!
i'm going to visit friends tomorrow then staying at my mums for the night, then on saturday driving home, packing more stuff and taking the boys to the in laws.....they're having them for 2 whole nights?!?!?! OMG - i might get a lay in?? unfiortunately dh still has to work over the weekend, but only til 2pm on sunday, so we're going to go out for dinner and just chill out and spend some quality time together.
was having strange thoughts today though. tomorrow is the due date for my m/c baby (back in Oct) - and it would also have been my dads birthday (would have been 76!). then Eve's due date is 7th Sept, which is the anniversary of my dads death (30yrs ago!). made me think that i really hope my next baby doesn't have a due date related to any already existing anniversaries!!?!?
anyway, sorry for lack of personals, am going to give dh a hand with ds2 as i can hear him babbling away upstairs (ds2, not dh!!!!)
will try and get on over the weekend, sending lots of love xxxx

stunned don't know where everyone has gone - but I wouldn't take it personally smile

mrsbigz the anniversaries are always hideous - and with a loss you get two... the 'loss anniversary' and the 'Due Date Anniversary'. both are so sad... I discovered I'd lost my MC the day after my birthday last year - and I know that is going to cast a cloud over my day this year.... Hope you really enjoy your chill out time together though - and fx it's good weather for you...

misty0 Fri 03-Jun-11 18:45:41

Hello! I'm still here smile

Been reading, but been in a foul mood over the last couple of days and comlpetely 'up myself' over my cycle and ov day. Sorry. Am in a better mood tonight, but untill now i've been following my mothers advice - if you cant say anything nice - dont say anything at all.....

egglets having a romantic break, (hope its all going well love! wink) and mrsbigz is busy driving about all over the place (in her new coat i hope) and so they will be AWOL for a bit.

mrsbigz - hope you're having a good couple of days with your friend/family. All those aniversarys. Chin up lovie. Hope you and OH had a good aniv. evening on Thursday.

stunned - you're off too tomorrow arent you? Have a lovely time xxxx

knitter - just you and me then kid! lol Another poor poster chased on their thread earlier i see. sigh. Well done for your advice there - i hope the lady hasnt gone away for good.

I've booked a week away in the sun for me and OH in August. So thats cheered me up a bit. Done some serious sunbathing on the lawn today.

How is everyone else ........ please come back!? xxxxxxxx

Cinnamondog Fri 03-Jun-11 19:11:26

And me!!! I'm here! Actually, just taking kids to the cinema, but I'll be back baby!


EggletinaClock Fri 03-Jun-11 19:40:40

I'm back too!

Stunned you did really well to go in Mothercare. I know I couldn't do that yet. A friend is due in 2 weeks and I'm dreading going to buy her a present. Also, you have gone through so much with all your losses, I hope you get some good luck soon.

mrsb everything always seems to coincide with other things doesn't it? The day of my termination was Good Friday (appropriately enough I suppose) and I know it will always be a tremendously sad day for me. Happy Wedding Anniversary though and I hope you have a lovely weekend and get your lie in.

knitter glad to hear you're busy! Fingers crossed for you of course.

misty glad you've booked your holiday. Where are you off to? Hope you're feeling a bit better now about things. I'll catch you over on ff anyway for all things cycle related!

We enjoyed our romantic night away. We had an wonderful dinner and watched the sunset over the bay, we even stayed up until 11pm. Back now and planning a weekend of gardening and hopefully enjoying the sunshine.

Hope it's sunny where you all are.

EggletinaClock Fri 03-Jun-11 19:41:39

Which is the troublesome thread? I want to have a nosey.

EggletinaClock Fri 03-Jun-11 19:53:02

Ah found it. I don't know the background there but it seems to have died down. I hope the poor woman comes back too.

mrsbigz Sat 04-Jun-11 19:20:32

hi just popping on (literally) so say a quick hi!! i'm back from my mums but expectin dh home from work soon (on the first of our two child-free nights!) so am going to go and have a long soak in the bath in preparation!
will catch up properly tomorrow, i hope that you are all doing ok!! xxx

EggletinaClock Sun 05-Jun-11 13:13:40

Rain, rain go away. It's miserable here and I've got raging PMT.

I had a horrendous day yesterday as it was sunny, lots of people were out and about and it seemed like everywhere I looked there were pregnant women, most of them about as pregnant as I should have been now (28 weeks, does one ever stop counting?) I did a lot of crying. Today I have only seen one pregnant woman and I managed to smile at her rather than burst into tears. However, I'm going to a shopping centre later on and I just know that'll be full of pregnant women. I'll just have to grit my teeth.

Hope everyone's having a better weekend.

darlingred Sun 05-Jun-11 13:42:58

Agree with EggletinaClock pregnant women are everywhere.

Yesterday my dh informed me that another friend is pregnant. That's six couples we know of now that are pregnant. Open the paper this morning and every celeb and his wife seem to be pregnant. Unbelievable!

No I don't think you ever stop counting. I would have been 24 weeks by now.

mrsbigz Sun 05-Jun-11 13:45:18

oh egglet - i feel your pain, i do sad and no, i don't think we ever stop counting. i would (should) be 26 weeks at the moment, so i guess our little angels would have been born around the same time. i think seeing pg women completely depends on my state of mind. last week at work was hellish - 2 going off on maternity leave, and one of my project team is pg and due in sept (round about Eve's edd). she's a friend of mine, as my ds2 is just a little younger than her ds, and we've met up in the past for playdates. i just can't bring myself to ask her how she is though, or any pg related questions.....i wonder if she thinks i'm just downright rude (as i don't think she knows about Eve)
hun - i hope that your day gets better today and you manage to brave the shopping centre. speak to you later xxxx

mrsbigz Sun 05-Jun-11 13:52:56

x-post darlingred. i wish there was some kind of sensor to prewarn us when we're about to turn a corner or open a paper, or hear a friends news - just so we can be prepared (or choose to look the other way!!)
hope you're ok xxx

misty0 Sun 05-Jun-11 14:02:26

I second the above - good luck at the shopping centre egglet. Be strong. It'll be your turn again very soon.

Hi again darlingred. xx

OH and i were watching the early am weather on friday and theres an odd looking new girl doing it and i was looking at her in her satiney dress (shes very skinny) taking no notice of the forcast at all, and when it was done i muttered "she's pregnant!"

OH, laughing - "not every other woman on the planet is pregnant y'know".

Me, very grumpy - "Well it bloody feels like it!".

Poor man. I was muttering at him about the news reader on morning BBC that is preg recently.

Not alot ot report here. Hair up in little siver kitchen foil balls at the mo for highlights, and got yesterdays make up all smudged about round my eyes. Still in dressing gown. Great look! AF due this Thurs (or Fri or Sat). So fingers crossed every one please? For her NOT to show up of course. lol.

Love and <hugs> to all. xxx

misty0 Sun 05-Jun-11 14:03:18

X posts mrsB lol hi there.

Cantdothisagain Sun 05-Jun-11 20:44:14

Hi all, I am sorry about your miscarriage, Cremegg, and impressed by your strength in dealing with it amidst teenage boys!

V briefly-that bump envy got me for ages and ages. I saw pregnant bellies everywhere. Actually once (embarrassed face here) I saw a pregnant belly, sulked, and realized it wasn't a pregnant belly but a MAN's beer belly.... seriously though, that pain does fade in time, it just hits you right in the solar plexus for a while first.

You all seem energized atm by the way. Fingers crossed for some BFPs soon!

blacktreaclecat Sun 05-Jun-11 20:46:15

The newsreader gives me hope- she is 40 and has had failed IVF. I'm strange- if someone has had fertility probs, multiple mc etc I think they deserve to be pg so they upset me less. If someone has no probs they don't deserve it in my eyes.

EggletinaClock Sun 05-Jun-11 21:08:15

Only one pregnant woman in the shopping centre (this is as I went half an hour before closing time so it was deserted!)

*Hi Cant, hope you're ok. Yes to some BFPs here soon.

blacktreaclecat that is a bit how I feel. I noticed that newsreader was pregnant the other day and I had all the thoughts of 'stop flaunting your bump in front of me' etc but I feel better about it knowing she's had problems too.

Also, I clocked that Pui off Show Me Show Me (Cbeebies) is pregnant in the new series and I was obsessively staring at the woman doing signing for the deaf on CBeebies this morning convinced she was pregnant too. (She was just fat, I think). Madness isn't it?!

Hopefully I'll feel less mad once my period appears and the PMT goes but seeing as I don't want that to happen until Thursday (important for ttc purposes!) you might have to put up with my insane ramblings a bit longer.

Final bit of madness... I'm convinced the friend I have coming round tomorrow will tell me she's pregnant, I know she's been trying for ages and has a daughter the same age as mine. She said she was jealous when I got pregnant again and I felt bad telling her, but now I think the tables are turned...)

Anyway, speak to you all soon. Hope you've all had a good weekend.

Cantdothisagain Sun 05-Jun-11 21:28:28

Yes. Blacktreaclecat, I had the same feeling about other peoples pregnancies. Egg, hope period arrives when you want it to.
Two years ago today my second angel baby was born. I have come so far since then and had babycant. But for now, I am remembering my second lost girl. It's a cliche but the loss does get lighter to bear. I really hope in a years time you will all be cuddling new babies and getting no sleep.

EggletinaClock Sun 05-Jun-11 21:55:44

Cant, I hope that you have got through today ok and I'm so glad you have babycant.

misty0 Sun 05-Jun-11 23:42:51

hello cant. I too hope today has been as ok for you as it could be xx had to smile at the beer belly mistake! Bless you for all your good wishes.

blackt hi there lovie. How brave of you to admit to feeling less poisonous towards a woman who has struggled a bit to get pg. I'm the SAME blush Why are we so bitter? Its an awful thing to admit, but obviously very common.

egglet - so know what you mean. I think i've said this b4 (but i'm gonna say it again, lol) i'm permenantly living in fear mentaly braced for an announcement from OH's older bro + wife.

I've been to bed once tonight, but couldnt sleep so have come back down. sigh. Dont know why. Highlights are fine and the silver foil balls are gone, so its not that, lol.

i got a bit wound up reading AIBU earlier - a woman was complaining about her babys due date falling around xmas time. FFS! hmm As one poster there said - quote: "right now i'd cheerfully chew my own arm off to be having a baby at ANY time of year". The threads getting very twisted mainly as OP got all stroppy early on and managed to ailianate all those who mentioned loosing their baby by saying she didnt need to acknowledge them in HER thread. And some of the bereaved are from the same Dec baby bus as she's on apparently shock Must stop reading that kind of thread. I just end up all hot and wound up with no where to channel it.

me - no sign of AF yet. FX, FX, FX. Came on day 9DPO last month. Unusualy early for me. Tomorrow is day 8. Sore boobs, a bit sicky and temps high - but we went through this last month with the spotting, got all excited and then the witch flew down. sigh.


Cinnamondog Mon 06-Jun-11 11:14:25

Heelllloo all,

My regular Monday morning check in; hope everyone is okay. Big hugs to cant, am dreading all my anniversaries. And in ref to much earlier posts, yep, I still count how many weeks, (would have been 24 on Wednesday....sigh.....).

Pregnant people seem to have disappeared round here, luckily for me! Lots of littlies though; think I mentioned before that taking DS3 to nursery is its own type of hell for me as they have bumps and babies, breast feeding clinics and post natal groups all running at the same time as I drop him off, grrrr. My worst baby envy? Those shouty, grubby looking women with their shouty, grubby looking offspring in tow, (usually 3-4 kids minimum), who endlessly complain in a loud voice about how crap their kids/ OH's are while smoking a fag over the pram of a new born. Generally every other word is a 'f' or a 'b'. Quite a few at DS's nursery for some reason. Want to scream and punch them, every time.

Talking of DS3, he's back on form, crying out in his sleep every night at roughly 12.30am and then between 2-3am. He doesn't wake, but of course wakes me and OH up. Then last night had the added joy of hay fever; not me but DS2 coughing and OH heavy breathing through a bunged up nose. Like trying to sleep listening to an 0898 number...apparently! Ended up downstairs in the living room, sleeping on the spare mattress that we use when the kids' mates stop over. Finally drifted off at 4am, then OH woke me at 7am trying to find me! Je suis tres knackered.

This is the problem with not keeping up, it ends up being all me and no personals, sorry ladies! Fingers crossed misty and, egglet? - no chance this month? Maybe it's not PMT and just the other types of hormones? I've been feeling hideously emotional, (no really, it's been hideous!!), but that could be exhaustion! Have been DTD every day since Auntie Flo left with the exception of Black Monday, (cue more exhaustion, ha ha...sorry....), her visit is scheduled for the 16th. Did those damn crappy opk kits, got some days darker than others but no positive despite testing from from first day after Flo left till yesterday. Have given up, so depressing. Lots of tummy cramps around predicted ov time though and EWM, (or EeeeeeWwwwwwM as it's known in our house). Now have puffy tummy and sore boobs, emotional as mentioned, hmmmm.... Think it's wishful thinking, got symptoms within 2-3 days of getting pregnant with little one, but will be early testing Sat, (First response is buy one get one free at Boots at the mo BTW!) and being royally ticked off when I get my BFN. I know that's a pessimistic way of thinking but I just can't let my guard down; I already know a BFN will make me completely miserable; if I let myself believe for even one second I might be pregnant, the disappointment will be too much.

Oooh nice and depressing there! Hope you are all good on this frankly rubbish rainy Monday! Lots of love and hugs to all xxxxxxx

p.s. cremegg, still thinking of you xxxx

EggletinaClock Mon 06-Jun-11 14:05:12

Hi cinnamon - I know what you mean about 'ungrateful' multiple mothers. Also misty I don't read any other threads on mn in general as most of them really annoy me. A lot of it seems very smug and irritating and that one would just make me want to scream. I actually want to go and post something abusive on it now! It's only this part of mn I ever read after stumbling across it when I was in my own dire straights.

Anyway. Af for me today. Not good news as severely limits my chance of ttc this cycle as husband is away for most of that time. I'm sad about this but nothing I can do except wait until the next time it comes around, in f*cking August. The joys of a 6 week cycle.

So I'm depressed too!

Catch you all later.

Cinnamondog Mon 06-Jun-11 14:21:09

Bugger, bugger, bugger egglet, sorry to hear that. Damn Auntie Flo, how I hate her!

Guess we're all looking to misty now? No pressure sweetie!! Sorry, now that does seem like pressure! Let's just say I'll be FX, FX, FX for you too.

With you both on the reading other areas; the only other one where I find kindred type spirits is with the ladies trying to conceive. There are a lot of ladies there too who realise how precious babies are and how we should never take pregnancy for granted. Someone was genuinely whinging about a Christmas baby? What an idiot. How nice to be able to be so far up your own bum and not have to deal with the realities that there are some things more important than a new born putting a cramp on your pre Xmas shopping, gggrrrrr........!!

Laters skaters, big hugs to you all xxxxxxxxx

MyangelAva Mon 06-Jun-11 15:10:06

Hello everyone- am sorry I've been a bit AWOL but I have been reading- thank you for your lovely messages re the funeral last wed. It was lovely actually only it did obviously really stress me out and gave me a huge headache and so had to go straight to bed when I got home. I think maybe it was made worse by the loss of Ava in Jan. I also spoke with a lady who lost her baby at 8 1/2 months due to a placenta prob, which was a reassuring conversation but equally upsetting. That was back in 1985 and she thought about her son every day but actually did not really get closure until her grandson was born as she did not have any further children. It was an interesting conversation and did give me hope, but the stress headache did linger til Sat! I also finished therapy sessions on Thurs- although apparently they don't give certificates out!

Anyway, am supposed to be packing- so this procrastination is good! Away again for a couple of weeks but am looking forward to hearing of a BFP whilst I'm away! Sorry to hear about AF Egglet, in particular because it buggers up next month's ttc. That is the hardest bit about ttc I think, esp when you have a long cycle. cinnamon, I'll be keeping my fx that you get to use your 2 for 1 tests! And obv fx for everyone else. cremegg, hello to you and hope that you're ok as I dont think you've posted in a while. Xx

MyangelAva Mon 06-Jun-11 15:13:52

Ok, should have read that first before posting. It sounds a bit bleak re the lady who lost her son. It really wasn't and she was very positive about the things that she had learnt and how she had used that to help others. She also stressed that although she thinks of him every day it is a nice thought rather than the desperation and that time really did heal. I'm sorry if I depressed you all with my typing- must read things through! Xx

misty0 Mon 06-Jun-11 15:26:02

Exactly cinnamon! Hello love.

Not just me - mrsB is waiting too ..... (sorry mrsB, i dont want all the limelight,lol)

Not happy today. Decided earlier i was never going to test as it is never going to happen. Grump.

Dont want to bore anyone silly, but am having a very self centered day. (egglet + mrsB will have to put up with me twice as i've been moaning and complaining on FF too) I've got a wierd dull draggy tum ache. Occasionaly little stabs. I've got sore nips. Boobs are hot. i DONT feel sicky today. I havnt found the energy or inclination to get showered today. Very moody. Metalic taste in mouth. Thirsty. EWM is almost eggwhitey. Put creamy on FF. There - i can hear the snores from here <cups hand to ear .... ZZZZZZZZ>

cinnamon i live oposite the rear gate to the village primary school. Twice day i am treated to the happy spectacle of 12 year old mothers pushing pushchairs up/down the hill on the other side of the road while yelling over their shoulders to their older children to effing hurry up. (i can tell you that half of them are not giving a flying eff about their offsprings reading/writting ect as i used to be the one testing the maths/reading progress for alot of them!!) sigh.

Aaanyway - a lighter note .... erm .... ha ha, i cant think of one! Sorry.

I'm thinking now I might test tomorrow morn y'know ...... hmm Got to stay positive!

What mood swings ????

Hey ladies... Totally agree on the pregnancy envy front... I also have realised that I find myself focussing on other peoples tales of woe... Went to a National Trust place at the weekend and they always have these family trees... I found myself looking for people that had lost pregnancies/had still-births etc etc... Very morbid and now I'm aware of it I'm going to try and stop... I think I'm sightly looking for people who've got it 'worse' than me.... have lost more babies/pregnancies.... That is really unhealthy isn't it....

Actually at the moment I think I know only two person who are pregnant....which does make things easier... With my MMC and ectopic there were lots of other friends who were pregnant at the same time and we'd been planning joint play sessions, etc.... Now their babies are all six months old - seems amazing that I could/should have a DC2 who was starting to wean....

MyangelAva Mon 06-Jun-11 15:31:56

Misty, that all sounds positive- let's hope quietly. If you test tomorrow how early is that? X

MyangelAva Mon 06-Jun-11 15:36:19

I'm sorry knitter I x posted with you. I think that it's very hard (on top of the original loss) when you have friends' babies to remind you of what stage your lost little one(s) would be at. X

misty... don't mean to get over excited... but they sound like a great list of symptoms... particlularly the metalic taste in mouth..... go on... test....

oooh - and FWIW I'm on FF too.... Just got my account going again...

I htink this is a link to it My Ovulation Chart... Anyone want to be my friend?

misty0 Mon 06-Jun-11 16:49:05

Yes, yes! Oooh oooh <jumps up and down waving>. I'll be your friend knitter! I bet egglet and mrsB will be too. I'll go have a look in a mo. (Meant to be doing dinner!)

Bless the pair of you knitter and myangel for getting all excited for me again. You did last month too - with my spotting remember? blushblush And i let you down. Tomorrow is only 9 DPO. Bit ridiculously early? WWYD?

Cinnamondog Mon 06-Jun-11 17:24:18

Test gosh darn it!!!

That's just me, but I know I would. And don't get too disheartened if it's a bfn because that list of symptoms.......looking pretty good. Last month you only had the spotting and tummy cramps, there's a lot more going on this time.

(Claps hands excitedly!!)

What is this FF? Sounds...complicated. Tried temps and opk's this month and it drove me nutty; do you guys recommend it? Just trying to think positive about what I can do to negate the inevitable downer when evil Flo and her band of merry decorators turn up next week. Also don't think OH and I can keep up the schedule we've been sticking to so pin pointing the best days to BD may be a bit more healthy than just every day! Poor lad, it'll drop off if he's not careful. TMI???

Eldest is playing me his drum composition, part of his music GCSE. I'm hoping he's the next Dave Grohl, there's a good chance.

Lots of love xxxx

Fertility Friend is a website that you put in exciting info like Basal Body Temperature, Cervical Mucus state, whether you've had sex etc... and it calculates if it thinks you're ovulating/pg.... Makes for interesting reading and gives you something to do. It certainly makes me feel like I'm slightly in control of my systems if that makes sense!

I can't actually remember how to do 'friend requests' on FF... can anyone remind me?

misty0 Mon 06-Jun-11 18:15:48

The only way i know is to find a post from the person you want to befriend - thats easy - me and mrs bigz can post a post and then tell you where to find it Knitter. and then you request us to be your friend - and then we say yes!

cinnamon, please join ??? For the full works (including being able to see all our charts and for us to see yours, and do the 'charting course' which is soooo full of info i didnt know anything about) you have to pay a subscription (easy now egglet - i know you had a hard time with this one) Its 40 quid for a year.

I will test tomorrow morning. Its a tesco special tho, so hope its sensitive enough hmm If i get a neg i'll buy something a bit better for another go - always assuming af hasnt turned up by then of course.

mrsbigz Mon 06-Jun-11 19:03:53

really quick as on my way out (busy busy) but Knitter - here's a link to our little group on ff HERE

will catch up later - sorry been chasing my tail all day as behind in everything!!!! love to you all and speak later xxxx

misty0 Mon 06-Jun-11 19:16:10

Well done mrsB, i tried to do that and failed! blush

EggletinaClock Mon 06-Jun-11 21:15:47

I went looking for the Xmas complainer as I felt it would do me good to tell them to f*ck right off but I couldn’t find the thread. Probably for the best.

Myangelava glad you got through the funeral. I’m disappointed you haven’t got a certificate – but seriously I hope that’s perhaps another milestone of ‘recovery’. Isn’t it strange how people start telling you about their losses? Anyway, I hope you have a lovely, relaxing holiday and drop me a line when you’re back and we’ll do something.

cinnamon ff sounds awfully complicated but it’s not. I just do temps and opks when I’m around that time. It’s $40 a year so about £27 (you can tell I’m skint can’t you?) it’s quite a clunking site but the charts and whatnot are good so I think it’s worth it. For me it makes me feel like I’m doing something even though I can’t control any of it. Come and join us – we chat a lot too! (Also if we tried to do it every other day throughout the month we’d hate each other after a fortnight so it helps to focus the erm, mind.) Sympathies on the drum composition. Can there be such a thing?!

misty I hope your mood has swung again! Far from being bored I’m entertained by your insanity but things sound quite hopeful to me. You know my fingers are crossed.

knitter I empathise with your morbid thoughts. I’m not going to find it easy when I start seeing babies of the age mine should have been. I’m awful for comparing grief too and whether people ‘deserve’ to be pregnant. Anyway, I think I’ve friended you on ff. I’m kat + some numbers on there.

Anyway, I’m still feeling PMT madness and drinking wine to counteract it. I really must be careful I don’t slide into alcoholism… (I’ll stop drinking when I start shagging, a motto if ever there was one.)

Love to you all. x

cremegg Tue 07-Jun-11 03:42:14

hey all, haven't posted for a while but have been reading.

spent last week obsessed with the idea of buying a house here, even went to viewings at the weekend, but now decided it will be far easier when we get our perm visas in nov so hey ho, least it was a good distraction.

ive decided not to really track my cycle too much this month (as who knows what it will do after early mc anyway) and the midwife was pretty against the early testing thing so am trying to be good. pfff. i guess im thinking even if i get a bfp, it wont necessarily go well so whats the point.

wow that sounds a bit depressing, sorry gals!

will come back later when in better mood and do some personals!

misty0 Tue 07-Jun-11 11:10:46

Sorry, BFN ladies. But its ok! No really .... im only either 7 or 9 days past ov, so its very early to be testing. But worth it in my opinion. I'm a big girl i can take it. lol. i'll test again on Thursday, if i havnt shown signs of af by then, because that'll be my CD28. And i go between 28 and 30 usually.

Symptoms are fluctuating. Definate but dull draggy/stabby pains nearly all the time today. Bit of dizzyness. Bit of booby pain. Sooo thirsty! And (this is an odd one) everytime i turned to my front last night i felt a vague hard sensation right down low in my womb'y bit, and it felt realy wrong to lay on it. Hurt in fact. Ooh er.... Still all the above could be dratted AF.

egglet "Stop Drinking and Start Shagging", mmm, yes, i like it. Catchy smile

cremegg - sigs of nesting me thinks!

mrsB - loving those meetings!

cinnomon - Joining FF - sorry i said 40 quid, egglet is right its $40. Alot less. I'm crap with money ..... sagitarius y'see grin

Back later i should think. Suns gone in here i see! Did the weekly shop in town earlier in blazing sunshine - skirt and shades ect. Bloody cold now with the windows open all over the house - going to get a jumper! Blasted British summer. Grrrrr


misty0 Tue 07-Jun-11 11:12:16

* signs

Cinnamondog Tue 07-Jun-11 11:41:15

Oh misty. Bum.

Though thirsty is good too, I remember having to drink 2-3 glasses of water through the night in the first few weeks. I'm still crossing everything lovely!

Will join FF after next Wednesday me thinks, (AF's arriving then) for the 'feeling like I'm doing something' feeling. See? Still holding out that little bit of hope or I'd start straight away, I'm such a silly sod. Going to buy a thermometer today though...sigh.

It was 12.30am and 2.30am for the night time crying with DS3 last night; do not know what to do for him. He's fast asleep when he cries, but he sounds really distressed. It's also a nightmare for me and OH; lying awake waiting for him to cry. Though we have joked that at least we'll be in practise if a little one does come along! Reckon he's on a 3 month olds cycle right now, (which I have no experience of as he slept through the night from 4 weeks, getting his revenge now, grrrrr). Seem to remember this happened last year with the summer; warm nights do not suit my boy!

cremegg.....<<hugs>>. Nothing useful to say but just wanted to give you a cuddle xxx

Have had a funny one today; dreamt last night that I got in touch with a one time very good friend that I haven't spoken to in about 3-4 years after she was a naughty little pumpkin and really treated me and my best friend badly. Looked on spazbook (tm) this morning and....there was a message from her, asking for the chance to explain to me and my BF - weird!!! Now if only I can start dreaming those winning lottery numbers........

Off to start DS3's lunch. Me 'what would you like for lunch?'. DS3, without looking up or stopping his play, 'Fishfingers. Beans. Smiley Faces.' Classy boy eh?


ghislaine Tue 07-Jun-11 12:19:36

Hi cinnamondog, I just wanted to comment on your use of the term "spazbook". I'm assuming you mean "spastic" and you mean it as a slur.

I don't think that sort of language does anything to help the perception that we all know exists that those of use who terminated our pregnancies for abnormalities think of our babies as lesser, imperfect beings. It may well encourage those people to attack us and other women seeking support.

If I've got the wrong end of the stick, I apologise, but I feel very protective of the women in this and the sister thread. Emotions about the use of this very term are running high on MN at the moment (see thread in site stuff).

Cinnamondog Tue 07-Jun-11 12:28:34

Yes, you have got the wrong end of the stick. I have a child with special needs and also work in a special school. Where I come from the phrase mentioned is akin to 'chav' and has nothing to do with the word spastic.

ghislaine Tue 07-Jun-11 12:39:18

Even if that is the case, I'm asking you to please take into account what others might think when they read that and what the consequences might be for all of us. I certainly have never heard "spaz" = "chav" before. This thread is not really a private space.

Cinnamondog Tue 07-Jun-11 12:53:26

Not going to get into a tit for tat on this.

My ladies, it's been nice knowing you but I can't be doing with this. Have enough going on without being told I am basically a bad and thoughtless person causing others distress. You know me, and really, your good opinion is all that counts.

See you on FF, keep me updated on all those BFP's by pm. Good luck girls, lots and lots of love xxxxxx

OMG - stop it... both of you!

Cinnamon - it is a weird phrase, I don't like it and I wouldn't use it because it could be misconstrued


Ghislane - I think these sort of comments/reprimands are best done as a PM as otherwise they're forever in the thread...

Bugger - hit post before I meant to...

Right getting the thread back on topic....

I'm doing ok today - been cheered up by the sunny weather here - although I agree it is a bit changable... fingers crossed my washing will be ok...

Just had a text from a lovely friend who lives in Malaysia. She's over here on holiday and we're meeting up this afternoon whoop whoop!

misty0 Tue 07-Jun-11 15:31:04

Ooooh knitter - lovely for you to see your friend from Malaysia. Can you visit her house in return ? Malaysia looks a beautiful, beautiful place.

cinnamon i've PM'd you love xxxxx

In response to your comment ghislaine - i wonder if you still think you have done a good or helpful thing by posting that message to cinnamon? The words dogmatism and irreparable damage come to mind. Personaly I think if you're seriously endeavoring to change the world there must be better/more constructive/better targetted ways to acheive it than to split hairs like that. Look what you've done.

mrsbigz Tue 07-Jun-11 22:19:51

oh my goodness, i leave you all alone for a day or two and look what happens! won't go over it but i'm more than certain Cinnamon didn't mean anything by what she said, and possibly (as misty said) a subtle pm rather than targetting her in front of those who are supporting her (and whom she supports!!) was not the best way to deal with it.
cinnamon, i hope you're still there lovie!

right, well i've had one helluva day - nearly smacked one of the HR ladies at work around the face today!!! angry we had this internal business plan launch (top secret so can't divulge any info!!) and so we were all packed away in a building listening to the exec team tell us about future plans blah blah blah. at the first coffe break, i was chatting to a couple of colleagues and HR lady comes over (let me just point out that while she is lovely on the face of it, you would NOT tell her any secrets for fear the whole organisation would be talking about is the following day) and puts her arm on my shoulder, and says she's been on holiday, but just wanted to check on how i'm doing following my loss, how are things at work, am i getting the support i need etc etc. took me a bit by surprise actually!! i was just about to answer her when [GET THIS] someone catches her eye and she turns away from me to a friend of mine who is pg and expecting in September (2 wks after Eve was due) and pats her belly and tells her what a lovely little neat bump she has and how she is glowing!!!!!

OOOOOMMMMMMMGGGGGGGG I'm not an angry / violent person usually (Misty - please vouch for me here) but that womens insensitivity completely flabberghasted me and i had to walk away - i was shaking and until i got outside i wasn't sure if i was going to hit her or burst into tears (it was the latter!!)

so i'm sure most HR people aren't like that (and i'm not trying to generalise those in the profession) but in my honest opinion she is sh*t and shouldn't be in HR!!?!!

sorry for the me rant - felt good to get it off my chest though!! xxxx

misty0 Wed 08-Jun-11 12:25:22

mrsB you and me both know you are arnt an angry and violent person! Just kidding. Bless you. Cant picture you EVER angry or violent actually ..... Messaged you properly on FF earlier - just so everyone else knows im not blanking her, lol.

Well lovies, how is everyone? Dont be afraid - the dust has settled.

cinnamon is fine (stung, but fine) and is lying on a virtual chaise-longue over at FF with egglet moping her brow and mrsb feeding her grapes.

I have nothing much to report - which is a good thing. No af yet. Tired this morn. felt a bit uky earlier, but ok now. <finger, toes, eyes crossed> and will test tomorrow i expect. Eek. Not getting my hopes up, not getting my hopes up ...... la la la

Kat, still riding out the old witch? Not long now and it will be over hun.

<waves> to everyone, this was just a quicky cos lots to do - keeping myself busy so i dont sit around and THINK. xxx

EggletinaClock Wed 08-Jun-11 13:11:22

I too, will add that I know cinnamon did not mean anything at all from what she said but hey, it gave us all the opportunity to witness a bold challenge to discriminatory language being expertly executed.

mrsb I have long suspected that some people working in HR have been placed there as a practical joke.

knitter hope you had a nice time with your friend.

misty hope you continue to have NOTHING to report.

Yes, still essentially in danger of bleeding to death here. I cannot believe how awful it is and how dreadful I feel. Right, off for a lie down and pray naptime lasts until 3pm. x

flower11 Wed 08-Jun-11 16:13:12

just checking in, and caught up with everyone, don't really have much to say. We went to essex for the weekend for my mums birthday, we had planned a garden party but it rained, luckily it was a small gathering and we all fitted in the conservatory.
Hope everyone is having a good day xx

mrsbigz Wed 08-Jun-11 22:14:08

hello flower, glad you had a nice weekend (though shame about the rain!!) - though i'm sure it didn't matter too much when you have family around you!!

yep - i've been feeding cinnamon grapes over on ff, she's doing ok ladies you'll be pleased to know!

egglet, hope your bleeding has subsided somewhat - i remember that feeling of thinking i was going to be bled dry and left looking somewhat WILL pass x

So - i'm kind of catching our Misty up in the "do i test, do i not test, have i any symptoms" scenario!! 7dpo today. too early to test i know. but can't help wishing and wishing and wishing that this will be the month. i know, only 2nd month (well first month properly ttc) so it would be a 1 in a million chance that i actually would be pg......but i can dream! trying not to think about it too much as will be setting myself up for a big fall!

cremegg - hope that you are doing ok hun, i think about you often xx

myangel, glad the funeral went ok (sorry, i know i'm a bit behind)

<waves> to everyone else - sending some middle of the (working) week vibes!!! yay to nearly being friday! xx

misty0 Thu 09-Jun-11 08:06:52

Morning girlies

Kat - i promise you wont bleed to death, and it will stop soon. I had pads like matresses (sorry) on my first AF after term, and had to change ever hour and a half for 4 days. Its awful, but normal sweetie <<hug, hug>>

If any ladies are lurking and reading this and wondering - it seems to me that some ladies have smaller AF than normal first cycle, some have normal, but alot have quite a stonking great period that first time for some reason. Even when you know it could happen its still a shock to go through it. When mine stopped it was like someone had turned off a tap! Bizzare. No gradual less and less.

Hi there flower - bloody weather! Dont get me started smile Glad you all managed to have fun in spite of it tho.

MrsB - Yay for Saturday testing! Cant wait! xxxx

Like i moaned about on FF just now - i've woken up symptomless this morn! Havnt bothered testing. I feel totaly, totaly unpregnant. hmm oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Day 28 today, no sign of AF, but i recon shes due this Sun/Mon. Just stay away Aunt Flo!!!!!

cremegg Thu 09-Jun-11 10:58:24

hey again!
wow, you step away for a day or two and look at the drama! i thought this was a supportive thread not a 'sit and wait for something we might be able to pick at thread'?! we've all been through our own sh*t, and in my opinion don't need anything other than kind words and sure someone said earlier, 'if you have nothing nice to say...'

anyway, mildly better here, dont mean to be dramatic but did a day of supply teaching today (do 2.5 days with my own classes and then supply to top it up) had to cover the head of RE's classes who are doing a 'human sexuality' unit, cue 4 lessons of debate over contraception and abortion, and me trying not to say anything that will land me in it (boss = v catholic) grrrr!

other news...lots of ewcm this week so have been bding every other/most days... dh seems pretty determined now and was instructing me to keep legs up etc (as you know ive been a bit more 'whatever' so it was kinda cool to see him keen, spurred me on again ;)

how you doing eggy? my last 'flo (tho guess was mc really) was pretty bad, so much so that i was paranoid at overflowin' all the time! so pleasant!

mrsb cannot believe the hr woman, wtf?! what are people on?? seriously! u did well lovey smile

hope af is staying well away misty!

should prob get some dinner as it 730pm but the fire is so nice and warm :p

blacktreaclecat Thu 09-Jun-11 21:27:37

Cinnamon hope you are ok.
Misty - fingers crossed for no af
Cremegg - that must have been tough. I'm not Catholic but conceived through treatment with Lifefertilitycare. I found it quite difficult afterwards- very conflicted. I didn't tell them the whole truth about our angel, they think it was missed mc. Didn't want to be judged by them and want to continue their treatment.
Hi to everyone else
AFM went to see Take That last night, it was amazing. When Robbie sang angels he dedicated it to all those who had lost a loved one and asked us to hold them next to us while we sang along. My best friend and I were in floods. I thought she was crying for her grandma who died at Christmas but she said it was the thought of our baby that set her off. I was very touched, she is such a lovely friend. "I know that life won't break me".
Waiting for af and trying not to get my hopes up. 15 dpo. Will test Sat if no af. If it does appear at least I'm back on clomid next cycle.

EggletinaClock Thu 09-Jun-11 21:57:10

There's about five of you testing on Saturday!

blacktreacle I can't say I'm exactly envious that you went to see Take That but I do like Robbie and I think I'd have shed a tear too.

cremegg nice to hear from you. I'm afraid as I am evangelistic believer in SCIENCE I have no time for all that Catholic nonsense. Hope you didn't find it too offensive (as it is actually offensive to me). Anyway, keep up the good work with the bding.

I'm fine, AF has reduced dramatically, presumably as the human body only has seven pints of blood. I've had a fairly crap day for various reasons but I'm off to bed in a minute and tomorrow is another day. I see my counsellor again tomorrow so I wonder whether that will be another hour of me sobbing?

Hello to the rest of you. Hope all is well out there.

flower11 Thu 09-Jun-11 22:11:33

just a quick post sorry for lack of personals. I'm another one waiting for AF, she is teasing me with back ache and tummy twinges at the moment, it seems that lots of us have ended up with similar cycles,and due at the same time.

blacktreaclecat Fri 10-Jun-11 06:33:48

Not testing after all, started spotting, af will arrive tomorrow. Tried hard not to hope as it was first month and no clomid but still in the depths of my mind I was secretly wondering.

misty0 Fri 10-Jun-11 11:38:12

blacktreacle i was getting all excited for you then, cos you're furthest along your cycle i think, of those of us who have talked about it. Bum. Will you be using clomid next month? I'm glad you had a good time last night. I wouldnt class myself as a take that fan - but when i think of how many of their songs (+ Robbie's) that i like and sing along to on the radio - then praps i am!

That song Angels - a couple of years ago i read the book written by little Holly Wells' father (his daughter was one of the 2 little girls Ian Huntley murdered) all about the events that surrounded his daughters murder and the weeks/months that followed. He said in the book that that song, is 'his' song for his daughter, and it seemed to come on to the telly or radio, his or anyones within earshot everytime something significant to the case happened. I always think of that now when its mentioned. He found it very comforting.

cremegg - goodness its always the way isnt it? As soon as theres a subject you'd love to keep away from for the time being ..... Guess what you have to discuss with the kids today! Talk about trial by fire. You poor thing. So you're mid cycle then cremegg? Just trying to get a pic in my head of who's where cycle wise.

egglet - we know where you are my love! lol Thank goodness its winding down ay? Thinking of you today at your councelling. Is it helping then, d'y think? I know you wont mind me asking - you're a speak your mind sort of girl.

flower - ooooh. You too! I know this is not a ttc thread, and none of us care a hoot about ttc - who would want to ttc in fact ??? But - HOW EXCITING! Dont you disappear! Keep us informed, lol.

Knitter - where are you? Are you OK? Did you say you were going away and i've forgotten? xx

Religion - mmmmm. I'm not religious in a 'single deity worship' sense. If i had to choose a name for my beliefs id be a Pagan (wican, druid). Quite seriously. The word is used to denote not only a lack of belief in Christianity or the other main religions, but describes those who believe in the power, strength and spirit of the earth and the moon and mother nature, and, in fact, the female being. Aaaaanyway - i dont drift about in robes with a circlet of flowers on my head or anything. (although i recon it would be great fun!) And theres no way i'm into 'open' relationships! Heck! (is this a good time to admit i read tarot cards egglet?) <<flinches and waits for tirade of scorn>>

I'm on CD29 now. No sign of AF still ....... i'm sure shes coming tho. Did my 40 lengths this morn and really struggled through the last 10. Still got tummy cramps (i dont get period pain as a rule at all) so .... as i've decided not to test till Monday, its just a waiting game.

Love to all xxxxx Have a glass of wine, a think about the wonder of the state of womanhood and a skip round the garden on me!!! grin

Hey folks

sorry for the silence - been struggling to keep up with the boards here and FF and as a result not actually managing to post anywhere!

Main news from me is that I had my appointment at the repeat miscarriage clinic yesterday so it's good to get everything in process. We have tests in a few weeks and then results back on the 11th Aug. Not supposed to be TTC between then and now - so slightly hoping that all the activity last weekend and the beginning of this week didn't result in anything... Although it would be lovely if it did... does that make sense?!?

EggletinaClock Fri 10-Jun-11 14:18:32

Misty you are a massive filthy hippy! I'll not comment any further.

knitter glad you've got the repeat mc investigations underway (but yes, can understand your dilemma).

blacktreacle boo to AF.

Counselling was ok, I didn't even cry that much today. I think it is fairly useful as I still can't bring myself to go to local playgroups and fear meeting someone unexpectedly and having to explain what happened.

Anyway, must sneak another cup of tea in before nap time is over.

mrsbigz Fri 10-Jun-11 14:39:31

hmmm - so misty - next time i see you we are going bra shopping and having my tarot cards

misty0 Fri 10-Jun-11 15:11:38

He he - egglet i could have predicted that from you wink

mrsB - tell her i'm not dirty would you? lol


EggletinaClock Fri 10-Jun-11 16:35:04

Ok I retract the 'dirty'.

(My new hobby is following you round the internet being rude to you!)

mrsbigz Fri 10-Jun-11 16:48:53

misty = definitely not dirty....not from what i've seen of her! looks quite fab actually - puts me to shame <hangs head low>

egglet - glad counselling went ok and hope you managed to get that extra cuppa in. i'm going to be hitting the wine tonight i think!!!

blacktreacle - sorry to hear that af sounds imminent. if it's any consolation i'll be joining you very shortly <boo hiss>

right, off out for a cheapy pub meal with my mum, my kids and THAT aunty (remember her from a few pages back????) - haven't seen her since the hoohaa so will let you all know how it goes.....


EggletinaClock Fri 10-Jun-11 18:43:30

I bet she's very well groomed really. I look like a scarecrow so I really shouldn't be insulting anyone from behind my screen.

Hope you have a good meal and the unpleasantness with your aunt has gone. Let us know anyway!

I shall open the wine in exactly 45 mins...

misty0 Fri 10-Jun-11 18:51:41

Oooh mrsB - THAT Auntie! Good luck. Your mum'll be there with you this time so the aunt cant speak for her if you're all sat there together ay? I'm still in positive spirits for you this month smile It aint over till the fat witchy bitch lady sings! THANK YOU btw for saying i look fab! <<dabs eyes with tissue>> You look bloody fab too! <<punch on shoulder>>

egglet - Follow me anywhere petal, you make me LMAO grin God i'd love a drink tonight. A large JD and ginger. Or 5. Easy on the ginger. No ice. With a short straw. And a good film to watch. sigh. Im going to have a drink on holiday...... thought at one point i might be all puritanical and stay off the slosh while away and ttc. OH would drink either way. But i'm going to darn well enjoy myself. So long since i've had a drink (beginning Jan) i'll take one whiff, go all squiffy and have to be carried back to the room! lol

flower - are you testing tomorrow hun? Good luck ladies


gillianread Fri 10-Jun-11 19:00:40

hiya not been around for a while, if anyone remembers me i had a abortion on 2nd march as my baby had edwards and its guts all out of tummy, so not only was hit by a 1 :10000 for the tummy but also the 30% from chromos' ie edwards, 12 week scan picked it up due to the tummy bit, was put to sleep as i was b4 13 weeks due to size, and also have a grave due to being over 12 weeks, now my new news, well after abortion in march had a monthly in april but not in may so did a test NEG june came so did a test POS so now just booked a booking in but dont no if i am 9 or 5 weeks , wont no until scan, so due jan or feb at the moment, also i have 2 boys 6 and 3

flower11 Fri 10-Jun-11 19:08:22

misty I now have a picture in my head of you dancing round garden hmm
Not testing tomorrow, have to work and want to leave it a bit longer today is cd28, I'm usualy 30-34day cycles.

Mrsb hope this evening went ok.

Hi to everyone, hope you have good weekend xx

misty0 Sat 11-Jun-11 08:31:17

Morning ladies, very quick one!

How is everyone?

Hi gillian, nice to see you again and big congrats grin

Boobs hurting, tum hurting and spotting this morning im afraid, so i think i'm out this month!

Oh well - tomorrow'll be day one again ...... smile

Going to a big 'do' in clingy outfit tonight tho', for one of OH's cousins getting engaged. My tum feels bloated, i feel like i look like sh** and im not in the mood for socialising. Also i may come on fully in the middle of everything! Fabulous.

Onwards and upwards ..... xx

cremegg Sat 11-Jun-11 10:34:30

hey all,

congrats to you gillian fingers crossed for you.

sorry to hear af is on her way misty, have a large vino to get you in party spririt later on... if you haven't had one for a while it'll help ;) also, am v much with you on the 'earth' beliefs, have found 'blaming' mother nature quite satisfying and if you think about it, 'connectedness with earth' beliefs are shared by Native Americans, Indigenous Australians etc, and far precede Xtianity and Co. Far more sense too... but a jobs a job so I lay low, and keep thoughts to self ;)

took day off yesterday and saw counsellor at hospital, so helpful. let myself have hideous day sobbing on couch but feel like weight lifted today. think i had just carried on after mc if you know what i mean and that lesson just put everything in the present again. the guy taking the 'sick call' was less than understanding, but sent email to nice senior team member who was lovely, luckily!

how did it go with your aunty mrsb?

if i count mc as af, today is CD15, we having a good go and loving the DH is so keen this month. but having some vino this wknd as DH at stag do tonight, and im at hen do tomorrow... so hey ho!

need to catch up with 'rents on skype now... rock and roll sat night ;)


StunnedAndShocked Sat 11-Jun-11 20:34:33

Evening ladies did you miss me???
Guess not smile
Well had a fab week away not read all posts yet will do so in a couple of days when settled back
Got loads of nice goodies whilst away including a fab pendant for amelia - it s Rose quartz with silver around it & butterflies - it is beautiful - don't know how to add a picture else I would..
Take care out there, back tomorrow when read all posts but no asking me questions about them cos I have attention span of a goldfish smile
Group hugs ((((((((((((( everyone because I can))))))))))))
X x

mrsbigz Sat 11-Jun-11 22:03:08

hey stunned - great to have you back and glad you had a great time away AND bought a pendant for Amelia. i think there is a way you can put pictures on your profile and make it public.....but don't ask me how as i don't know!!?

only a quickie from me...after partially getting my hopes up (for no apparent reason other than great timing) i have begun spotting tonight at 10 (or 11) dpo so I will be joining Misty back at the starting line again. God, i forgot how much ttc sucks. I will however also be indulging in a large glass (bottle) of vino to lessen the blow.

will chat more tomorrow (mainly about my trip to Ikea in Milton Keyes with the 2 kids on a Saturday afternoon - insane....I think so!!!)

hope you're all having a nice weekend, xxxxxxxx

StunnedAndShocked Sun 12-Jun-11 14:55:18

Afternoon ladies
Sorry lack of personals again but having a bad day sad
Looks like AF is on her way as started spotting dark brown blood - will be a month tomorrow since I gave birth to Amelia so I am feeling rather low.
Hubby has gone into work as his holiday is over so home alone with my cats who are unsettled as just got them home from the cattery.
Lots of tears from me - guessing this is my body getting back to normal so we can them start TTC again but it feels like a slap in the face showing I am not preggers
Went to Bristol zoo last week - only to find out it was mother & toddler week - GREAT!!!!! Not too many preggers ladies so was able to cope with the day but was tough seeing all the small babies etc.
just wondering why life is so fecking unfair - gone through six losses now and want to know when it will be my turn to have a little one to have & hold & watch grow up into a beautiful person on the earth instead of in heaven..
Thanks for letting me rant.. sad
X x

mrsbigz Sun 12-Jun-11 16:21:39

oh stunned, i'm so sorry. you're right in that the first period after a loss always feels so much more significant in that it's shouting out "you're not pg!" i'm so sorry - it must be so difficult too to have gone through so many losses. i've had 3 (including Eve) but they've all happened since i had my first ds, and although a loss is painful at any time, when you have a child already they at least provide you with a distraction and a reason to be thankful. sorry - i didn't mean to rub it in - i just think you must be a very strong and determined woman to have gone through so much, and then this with Amelia....i truly admire you and hope with all my heart that you have your take home baby soon xxx

i think it must be the weekend for AF to rear her ugly head. she showed up at my door last night (i think i knew she was coming) and full on today - the cow. trying to see it as a(nother) fresh start, fresh cycle, but it's still a bitter pill to swallow - also having done a couple of pg tests over the weekend (obviously bfns) i'd forgotten what a godawful sight a test with no second line is.....his me much harder than i thought it would.
oh - and to top it all off i think <deep breath and slight embarrasment> that i have a prolapsed bladder. am going to speak to my gp tomorrow (may even call the lovely MW that dealt with my recent pregnancy) as i'm concerned it may have an effect on our ttc. i don't think it's just happened either, just feels more 'obvious' now. i only know what it is (i think anyway) through some online friends (who are used to TMI questions!!) and Dr. Google!!! will let you know what happens.

hello to everyone else on this damp and cold sunday - mirrors my mood really!! the only thing that's bringing any kind of smile to my face re: AF is the timing......she'll be gone by Saturday, when we go away for a week - and buy the time we get back (25th) it'll be time to start thinking about ttc again - so at least from that point of view it has worked out quite nicely (nicer still would have been to be pregnant though.......)

sorry - was going to try and sound cheery, but not really cutting it!!! speak to you all later xxxxxxxx

EggletinaClock Sun 12-Jun-11 20:00:26

Congratulations gillian, I hope you are further along than you think.

cremegg I'm really glad you found the counsellor useful. I am glad I'm seeing mine even though I don't think she can 'cure' me it at least allows some space to talk with someone neutral. A really good sob is horrible at the time but really does make you feel better once you've got it all out. It doesn't do wonders for one's complexion though!

stunned glad you had a nice break but sympathies on AF turning up. I suppose you could just try to see it as a sign that you're getting back to normal. I know I've said it before but you've been through so much and you must be really strong to keep trying. Have you had investigations after having so many problems? (Apologies if I'm being nosey!)

misty hope you're do was ok and you're feeling alright.

mrsb yes, another fresh start but it is awful to get a negative test no matter how much you convince yourself you'll be ok. I'm glad that at least she'll be gone for your holiday. Hope your bladder's ok too.

Not much cheer around today. None here either. I've still got AF and have been worried I've got an infection again because of the type and duration of bleeding - still fresh blood after 7 days which is very unusual for me, but it might just be as it's my first period after the termination. I'm watching and waiting anyway.

Anyway. Onwards and upwards as misty so wisely says. Love to you all and speak soon.

mrsbigz Sun 12-Jun-11 20:17:22

oooh - i'm sorry...amidst my doom and gloom i completely forgot to say CONGRATULATIONS to you Gillian - that is fantastic news and just what it needed today...a little hope! I echo Egglet, and hope that you are further along that you think, as at least it means you'd be nearing your 2nd tri - please let us know how you get on at your booking in appointment xxxx

misty0 Sun 12-Jun-11 21:21:22

Hello lovies

So sorry stunned. So sorry. Big virtual hug from me lovie. Always know you can chat to us here. This thread does go a bit quiet when everybodys busy and not got much to say, but when one of us (or most os us at the mo it seems) is down you can always rely on a bit of empathy and a chance to speak your mind. This IS a new start for you - but every journey has a beginning. The hard bit is getting up again and taking the first step, CD1 - which lots of us are taking again this month. Together. xxxx

cremegg - glad you feel your councelling helped. Its true how some things just throw you right back mentaly to the week/day/hour of the termination isnt it? It seems to happen less and less as time goes on though. So heres to staying strong. And heres to the mid cycle madness! Happy BDing grin

I'm ridiculously ON. Spotted a bit yesterday morning but then woosh - on like a train before lunch. sad So im on day 2 of my new cycle already. Very heavy AF. Lovely.

The ladies on FF will know i had a rotton night last night for lots of reasons and i wont ramble on again, but surfice to say it was an engagement party for a young couple and included all the most glamorous, gorgeous and half naked 23 year olds in Frimley and Sandhurst and my OH's sister in law and i sat with the oldies and got all maudlin. (She and my OH's bro are ttc without luck at the mo) Kept getting asked when me and OH were going to get married and have a baby hmm and there was a woman there with her scan pictures and all the Aunties were handing it round. I got shown it about 10 times. Felt like dunking it in my drink before handing it back the last time.

Awful, bitter, bitter woman i am!! But theres only so much you can take in one evening.

Didnt get home till 2 this morn, so having an early one i think. Love to you all xxx

gillianread Sun 12-Jun-11 23:26:11

sorry to all the women that have a cycle, remember i had one cycle , then a missed but neg test then another missed but a pos, hopefully they will send me early for scan cos of the edwards in march. also my brother has found out his g/f having a baby, 28 weeks and on my old due date, if i wernt preg no