Heads a mess and really scared

[Lostmyemailaddress]

Please please don't judge me I am a total mess right now and really unsure what to do. I have 6dc 1 has sn and 1 has possible sn. I started the mini pill when youngest was a few months old as after the birth my periods became horrendously painful and heavy. I have taken it everyday at the same time and went as far as setting an alarm on my phone.
I had broken up with my dp before youngest was born but we decided to work through our problems so we could come parent our dc. Only 2 are his but he took on responsibility for my older dc as their dad isn't on the scene. Things where going really well and we had spoken about the possibility of trying again. We had a night of talking and 1 thing led to another and I found out I'm pregnant I really don't know how it happened as I never missed taking the pill. He doesn't want anymore kids but said choice is mine what happens next.
My head says I shouldn't go ahead with the pregnancy but I tried to go for a termination once before but I couldn't face going through it.
I have a history of my problems and I'm scared the guilt will send me back to a really bad place and I will end up back to being suicidal again. I haven't been there since I had my dcs and I want to protect them from seeing who I used to be. I found the number for Marie stopes to talk to someone there but not scared to actual use my voice and say things out loud.

I really really don't know what to do any advice would be appreciated.

[Mythreeknights]

I think you need to decide whether having a 7th child will put you more at risk of depression, or will an abortion put you more at risk. You say you tried to have an abortion previously but your heart wouldn't let you go through with it. Perhaps the circumstances then were different? 7 children seems to me like a hell of a lot on your plate. In addition you have one, perhaps two with sn and you are a single mum. If you can cope with that and be happy, go for the 7th baby. If you don't think you can, then your priority must be yourself and your existing children. I hope that helps a little. Don't blame yourself or think you need to justify why you fell pg. Mistakes happen. Some women cope very well with abortion and feel limited guilt. Studies show that if the woman is 100% sure about a termination for whatever reason, she will suffer little guilt afterwards. If you are in the UK you are lucky enough to live in a liberal country where women have rights and this is afforded to us for the very purpose of letting us make our own decisions. Good luck OP.

[Lostmyemailaddress]

Thank you for reply yes I'm on the UK and had a.phone call from a Marie stopes councillor tonight and having a second one in a weeks time.

It was suggested to write a pros and cons list I've been trying to but still in shock I think and still keep crying.

It's feeling the guilt afterwards that's my biggest concern and how that will effect my depression. In going to make a gp appointment tomorrow and discuss my options with them starting to feel like I need to go back on my Meds I can't seem to think clearly at all at minute and constantly move from keeping the baby to them terminating the pregnancy. I'm just so scared of making the wrong choice.

[Ilovecaindingle]

Hi. Just wondering how things are for you?

[Lostmyemailaddress]

hi Ilove I'm keeping the baby I had a bleed that was bad bleed that the gp thought would be an obvious misscarriage but a scan confirmed a hearbeat i couldnt terminate after that. I had my dating scan but scan showed up possible problems and combined bloodtest shows a high risk of downs syndrome edwards syndrome or plateau syndrome. My consultant spoke about an amniocentesis but because of the bleed and problems in previous pregnancies i was really worried about losing the baby. The consultant was nice and said I could just have extra scans and baby have a blood test when born if no obvious problems show up in therror scans and. I have a structure scan on Monday and baby's dad doesn't seem to want to be involved at all now.
I'm just taking each day as it comes. Thank you for thinking of me andoes asking.

[Ilovecaindingle]

Ah so glad x I have 11 and it's mad at times but worth every sleepless night and laundry cycle!!
I had a nuchal scan that looked not good with number 9 but got a second opinion and she was fine. Sounds like your baby was meant to be and sure will be a much loved sibling!

[Lostmyemailaddress]

The dc have nicknamed the baby flump because flumes are soft squishy and yummy and everyone loves flumps just like babies
11 wow I bet it mad I'm going to be sterilised after baby comes so this 1 will definitely be the last and I'm glad number 9 came fine hopefully same will happen with this one but I've been setting up plans with the help of friends and my sister for just incase. Making plans has helped me cope better through all of this. I like to prepared and routines and plans help keep the chaos to a minimum in this house.