This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Im having a termination tomorrow and dont know if I'm doing the right thing??

(12 Posts)
user1476991303 Thu 20-Oct-16 20:38:16

Hello,

I am currently at 8 weeks 5 days pregnant.

I have been torn for weeks if i am making the right decision about this termination. Im set to have a surgical termination. I am not with the father we are just friends.. which is why i am thinking it would not be the right choice to carry on and have the baby. I am 20 years old and at university, miles away from home. I have always been pro-life and said that i would never make this choice, but now I'm in the situation its making me doubt everything i have ever previously thought.

I have so many questions that i dont know the answers to. Do i tell the father about my choice? (if i make it), if I'm undecided am i really making the right decision?

IceAndASliceWithSoda Thu 20-Oct-16 20:42:29

Oh my gosh, you almost sound like me although I have always been pro-choice! I am 21 and a newly qualified nurse. I had an abortion at 8 weeks pregnant back in June, the father was a casual FWB. I regret it. I really, really regret it. If there is any part of you that isn't sure then don't do it. You can't turn back after an abortion- if any part of you wants that baby then keep it. Abortion is a life saving and reproductive right of all women but I honestly believe that you must be 100% before you do it. Many (if not most) women DONT regret it and are very happy and at peace with their choice, but as somebody who regrets their decision I would say to anybody with any niggling doubts to cancel the appointment, have more time to think about it and consider keeping the baby if that's what they want.

user1476991303 Thu 20-Oct-16 20:51:35

Thank you for replying!

Im just so scared i won't be able to cope with the regret and feelings after. But i just feel I'm not ready to be mum yet!!
I have a counselling session booked before my appointment, so i can talk through my choice and they will assess me to decide if they think I'm making the right decision.

Im so sorry to hear that you regret your decision! Did you tell your fwb that you were pregnant and having an abortion?

CustardLover Thu 20-Oct-16 20:52:16

Can you speak to someone in real life? Nobody, here or IRL can give you 'the answer' but it might help to actually speak at someone. Take care and be kind to yourself, whatever your choice x

TripTrappedNow Thu 20-Oct-16 20:54:24

The thing is that either way, now you are pregnant, it is a big decision.

Although you have a date booked there is time for a later date so you would be well advised to postpone for a while and get some counselling to consider the practical and emotional issues for either option.

I wish I had had counselling when I was in exactly your situation. Instead I made the decision what to do alone. I thought I was old and wise enough but tbh I could have done with lots more information (this was pre-internet days though - I am old now!)

If you were my daughter I would hope you would come to me to talk this through and if not me then another older friend or relative who can support you.

flowers

lycheemartini Thu 20-Oct-16 21:01:11

Sorry you are going through this.

Just wanted to warn you that the counselling may be more a tick box exercise on their behalf..if you say 'i've decided this for x,y and x reasons' (with doubt in your head) they may say 'it sounds like you have thought it through' and send you on your way. Maybe you should make it clear to them that you feel very conflicted still and are not sure??

Good luck x

thenewaveragebear1983 Thu 20-Oct-16 21:08:29

I had a termination at a similar stage when my ds 1 was 6 months old. It was just the wrong time for us, I had pnd and was struggling with one baby let alone 2. I didn't and don't regret it at all. It was the right decision for me and my family. When I was pregnant with ds2 I would have been literally devastated if I had lost him at that stage. I think what I'm trying to say is that when it's right (or wrong) you know.
Please seek some RL support if you can. It is a hard decision anyway, but I cannot imagine the torment of feeling like I had made the wrong choice.

flowers

user1476991303 Thu 20-Oct-16 21:10:55

I have just always planned to have children later in life, when i can give them everything they need and a stable home (something i didn't have) with two loving parents.

I feel emotional about the whole situation, but i dont want to tell my Mum as i know that she will feel like i am not grateful for everything she has done for me. I would just like something different for my own.

Tinkerclare Thu 20-Oct-16 21:12:51

If you are not decided take more time. Clinic staff will not offer you an abortion if they think you are not as sure as you can be

TravelBeginsAtForty Thu 20-Oct-16 21:14:49

I was booked in to have a termination once. I was 20. Not in a relationship (he's a twat). I didn't feel it was the best thing for me to have a baby.

I'm not going to say it's been easy because it hasn't. I sometimes question myself, question my parenting, but I never question the choice to have had him.

He's really been the making of me and now that he's nearing his 9th birthday and being his mum is as natural to me as being Sarah is, I dread to think how life would have been had I not have had him.

Life is never the same again after having a baby. You always have them to consider and when you're used to being independent and doing whatever you like whenever you like, it can take some getting used to. But, there are people that are at uni while pregnant, with babies. You have to own this decision and which ever decision you make has to be right for you. Both have fantastic opportunities and both are hard.

flowers and chocolate

Ps if you do go to the appointment tomorrow, please travel as much as you can!

loulily27 Thu 20-Oct-16 22:20:18

Hi,

I am 31 and pregnant with my second. I questioned a termination for my first as it was before my hen do, wedding, honeymoon etc but soon realised I was just in shock and being extremely selfish as I was worried I couldn't drink which me and partner did a lot socially before I was pregnant. I was in a happy relationship, getting married, had bought a house and we both had good jobs. Also we had been together 6 years and had a lot of fun together going out, weekends away, holidays etc so it was the perfect time really and our daughter is amazing and I couldn't imagine not having her now, so much so that we are expecting number 2!

However, it can be really difficult at times and without the support of a loving partner and family and having a secure home and job I think I would really struggle. Also the fact we both feel we have enjoyed our twenties together makes it a lot easier. It's never the same once the baby arrives and I fear you could up end regretting it if you have it. You are only young once and you should enjoy it and start your career and fall in love and have a baby after. I know this may sound unrealistic but at least you would give yourself the opportunity for it to happen, or even some of it, I'm sure you would enjoy yourself at uni and graduate and get a good job, and it does happen to some people, like me. I know plenty of people will say they did it and I'm sure they do a brilliant job, but I would say u need to be 100% sure to have it rather than your not 100% sure u can get rid of it if that makes sense. It's so hard being a parent I just think u need to give yourself the best possible circumstances you can. You are so young and have so much ahead of you, I think although it would be difficult, in the long term a termination would be the right decision for you. You have plenty of time in the future to have children when the time is right for you. Hope that helps, hope it all goes ok, take care x

thenewaveragebear1983 Fri 21-Oct-16 08:32:44

Good luck today OP flowers

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