This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

How do I tell him?

(9 Posts)
L0nd0nmum Mon 12-Sep-16 14:33:14

Can't believe I'm writing this. I've only just found out I'm pregnant so apologies if this doesn't make much sense at all.

I've got two children - secondary school age - and separated from their dad about 18months ago.
I've been seeing the most amazing man for the last 4 months.

Until just now. I've just done a test and it's positive. Fuck. I'm almost 100% sure he doesn't want anymore children. Not entirely sure whether I do either, but now I'm pregnant.

I don't know if I can go through an abortion, but I also don't know how I can keep this baby. Oh god, I can't believe this is happening sad

I know I need to tell him, I can't go through this on my own and there's no one else I can talk to. I just don't know how.

If I decided to keep it and we went our separate ways, well that wouldn't work as we work for the same company....not directly together, but in the building.

Oh god this is just such a mess. I really thought he could be the one. I know that sounds silly only 4 months in, but it really was all going so well.

Sorry if that makes no sense, I just needed to get everything down that's going through my head sad

Mythreeknights Mon 12-Sep-16 14:50:48

OP your head is in a spin and understandably so. He sounds like an amazing man - give him a chance (and you're not 100% sure he doesn't want any more kids!). 4 months isn't long, but you'll have been together over a year by the time the baby arrives. A friend of mine got pg within first 12 weeks of her relationship and had a shotgun wedding, now been happily married 9 years. But also do what is right for you in your heart of hearts. If he left you and you were alone, would you have the baby or would you live better having had a termination, but living with the sadness of all that entails? Would you resent him, if you work together and see him regularly, if you terminated because he said he wouldn't be part of the baby's life? Think about YOU first.

Lweji Mon 12-Sep-16 14:53:23

Talk to him ASAP.
You'll get the measure of him and in all likelihood save you some stress as we can often make up scenarios to be worse than reality.

L0nd0nmum Mon 12-Sep-16 15:10:32

Thank you for replying so quickly. I'm seeing him tonight so will have to tell him then. He'll know something's wrong anyway even if I don't!
I just feel so sick about the whole thing. I really didn't expect the test to be positive.

L0nd0nmum Tue 13-Sep-16 19:07:53

Well I told him yesterday. He was understandably in shock and didn't say much all evening....

But, today he has told me he can't have this happening now and given me a list of reasons why sad
I've told him I don't know how to make this decision, that I understand what the 'sensible' thing is to do, but it's not that easy for me to just say 'ok I'll have an abortion'.
He's said he's there for me, and wants us to keep talking things through before we sit down at the weekend and have 'the talk' and make a decision. Trouble is I know what he wants so there's not going to be much of a discussion!! More like him telling me all the reasons this can't happen sad

Lweji Tue 13-Sep-16 20:01:34

So sorry. sad

You should make the decision that is best for you. You don't have to explain your decision to him, regardless of what he thinks (if the same or different from you).
Don't feel pressured by him in any direction. I hope he is decent enough not to pressure you at least.
Having said that, sometimes people do change their opinions when they have time to think about it, so fingers crossed.

TwentyCups Tue 13-Sep-16 20:04:28

It is your choice. He isn't the one who will have to terminate, nor live with the repercussions.
I'm very very pro choice, but it must be the woman's own choice, not the mans or anyone else's.

AppleJac Tue 13-Sep-16 20:08:43

It maybe shock thats making him think he doesnt want this.

Within a week or so he may have a very different opinion so i wouldnt take what he says seriously just yet

Mythreeknights Tue 20-Sep-16 20:57:18

OP how did your conversation with your partner go over the weekend?

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