This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Have a 10 month old and just found out I'm pregnant and I feel like a fucking idiot

(36 Posts)
penguinpie Thu 08-Sep-16 10:30:52

I'm so upset. Dd is still breastfeeding round the clock so I didn't think I'd be able to get pregnant, have had no periods. Please don't tell me I'm stupid cos I already know.

I don't know what to do, I'm not ready, I feel like I've let everyone down. I don't know how far along I am but will get a frer later, tried to get appt with dr but there aren't any today, not sure whether I should push for one.

I am such a dick I'm so angry with myself.

Horsegirl1 Thu 08-Sep-16 10:47:41

Honey domt be angry with your self. These things happen. Have you told dh ? What is his feelings on this if you have ? What do you want to do Ie continue with pregnancy or do you feel it's too much for you at the moment ? Hugs *deep breaths sweetie

Take a deep breath, this must be such a shock to you. Take a few days to let the idea settle before you make any decisions. Discuss it with DH, take your time to think about it. Chances are you're not very far along. Keep in mind that the digital ones that tell you how far along you the pg is are not very accurate and only tell you if you're less or more than 6 weeks pg. flowers

penguinpie Thu 08-Sep-16 12:25:00

I have spoken to DH now, I hadn't when I wrote the op (he's at work), he's mega chilled about it which has made me feel better. I think he'll want to go ahead. I just feel like it's too early, selfishly I was looking forward to some freedom, and some sleep, and we're trying to buy a house at the minute, and I worry about my dd and how much i love her and feel like I'm not capable of loving another baby as much (I know that's irrational).
The digital one says 2-3 weeks and I'm awaiting a call back from the dr, I cried on the phone to the gp receptionist and she was so nice, thank god.
Mostly I feel guilty for being so silly and for feeling so upset about what should be happy news.

Thanks so so much for replying, it really helps.

jaguar16 Thu 08-Sep-16 21:07:07

Hi OP, I was in the same situation as you but fell pregnant 8 weeks after birth! My reaction was tears, lots of tears, guilt, shock and FEAR.

If you do decide to go ahead (which I did), you WILL get your life back in terms of sleep, time to yourself etc, just not when expected. For me, the first 6 months was a blur and very hard but roll on a few years and it is sooo much easier. I actually now think it would be harder to have a gap of a few years and then go back to a newborn. At least you are still in the baby zone.

Anyway, good luck to you making your decision. Sounds like you have a good DH by your side.

FanSpamTastic Thu 08-Sep-16 21:21:34

I was there too - ours are now 14 and 13 - 18 months between them I took so long to get pregnant the first time that I kind of assumed it wouldn't happen again!

It was hard work for a few months but then has been easier in other ways too. Our dd2 potty trained in 2 weeks because she copied dd1. She also learned to ride a bike quickly by copying! They played together really well.

Good luck - it is a shock to start with. But love multiplies and there is always more to go around!

Wallywobbles Thu 08-Sep-16 21:25:53

Brillant News in the v long run. You'll be out of the baby woods much much quicker this way. Providing you don't want loads. Mine our 15 months apart and I'm so grateful. Neither were planned.

penguinpie Thu 08-Sep-16 21:37:49

Thanks so much for all your reassurance, I'm starting to feel better and even excited about it but also keep welling up about dd, she's such a squidgy little baby still and it feels so weird to think I'll have another one in 8 months, but rationally I know 8 months is actually quite a long time. I'm all over the place!

isthistoonosy Thu 08-Sep-16 21:42:21

I've 16months between mine and they have always been so.super cute together. Just 1.5 and just 3,now.

It might be the best thing that happens for you as a family.

MumiTravels Thu 08-Sep-16 21:46:46

I'll have 2 under two shortly too. It was a shock at first but now I'm just holding onto the fact that we'll be a nappy free house by 2020 grin (hopefully).

pud1 Thu 08-Sep-16 21:49:20

I found out I was of with dd2 when dd1 was 10 months. I was so upset. I cried fur weeks. I even remember saying I don't want another baby whilst in labour. Fast forward 7 years and I am grateful that I had them close together. You will love this baby as much. It was my biggest fear. It has not all been rosy. There were some hard times but I couldn't imagine a bigger gap. The thought of getting out of baby mode then starting again is my idea of hell

Canyouforgiveher Thu 08-Sep-16 21:52:24

Got pregnant with dd2 when dd1 was 6 months old (I told dh to pour me a drink when the test was positive - I drank it too) so 14 months between them. I never had to play with them. They are teens now and still best friends.

avocadosweet Thu 08-Sep-16 21:53:12

I was worried i wouldn't love DD2 as much as I love DD1 - I just couldn't see how I possibly could. But I really really dosmile

DramaAlpaca Thu 08-Sep-16 21:56:08

I've been there too. Got pregnant with DC2 when DC1 was only 7 months and I was still breastfeeding. There's a 16 month gap & while I won't deny it was hard, especially the first year, it was worth it & they have grown up very close.

Sweetpotatoaddict Thu 08-Sep-16 22:07:03

Don't be angry with yourself, you definitely haven't let anyone down. I've got 19months between mine ( planned but happened sooner than expected) currently have 2 under 2. I love it, my youngest is a great wee thing and my oldest adores her.
Brought tears to my eyes tonight, as he cuddled her and pointed out her ears, eyes, nose etc.
It is relentless but much much easier than I imagined. I was also worried I would love her as much, but I love her just as much. Life with my son felt quite surreal for ages, but she's very very much part of the family partly because my toddler is so accepting of her.
Don't panic.

penguinpie Fri 09-Sep-16 07:34:33

Thank you SO much to all of you for taking the time to reply, you don't know how much help it's been. I've woken up feeling much more positive about the whole situation and DH has been great.

I suppose I better get some folic acid! blush

DoinItFine Fri 09-Sep-16 07:40:22

When my eldest was 10 months my bf got pregnant and I felt horrifued at the thought.

By the time my eldest was 13 months, I was pregnant myself. With a planned baby.

It's a bit earlier than you had planned, but it's really not the end of the world.

Glad you are getting your head around it.

And believe me, a lot of second pregnancies are accidents. Your body hasn't returned to any pattern of periods, so it's not like you are dealing with the familiar.

tkband3 Fri 09-Sep-16 07:41:55

I had three under 2! Fell pregnant with twins when DD1 was about 11 months... I have to tell you the first year is a complete sleep-deprivation induced blur, but as each six months passed, life got a bit easier. They are now 13 and 11, all at secondary school (just) and I wouldn't have it any other way smile. (Well except for the fact that our house is going to be a hotbed of hormones for the next few years grin - poor DH!)

Glad you've woken up feeling more positive. Best of luck with everything smile.

Kr1stina Fri 09-Sep-16 07:43:46

Don't feel bad, it's not like you got PG on your own is it ? Because if you did you need to get straight into the TTC threads and tell them your secret wink

I have a 19month gap between my youngest and got PG just like you ( BF, no AF) . It is hard when at the beginning but they are great friends - now 10.5 and 12

One great thing is that your oldest won't be jealous of the new Baby because they are too small , it's just this "thing" that lies on your lap and feeds . I swear DS1 didn't even notice his brother until the baby started crawling .

Andyou don't have any hassle with BF that you can get early on , cracks and lumps etc ( assuming that you will be tandem feeding )

DollyBarton Fri 09-Sep-16 07:45:14

I've 19 months between first two, and 15 months between second two. It will be ok (and actually better than ok when you get your head around it) so try not to panic!

Rozdeek Fri 09-Sep-16 07:46:24

This happened to me and I had a termination, I know I could not cope with an age gap of 3 years or less let alone an 11 month one which is what it would have been.

I don't regret it at all, it was the right decision for our family.

Best of luck, you will do just fine flowers

BertieBotts Fri 09-Sep-16 08:09:29

Oh love, you will be fine! smile 18 months is a lovely lovely gap. Old enough that they are starting to walk and communicate and be a little bit more "human", plus curious about absolutely everything and completely adorable, but young enough they are not having tantrums about everything and getting really jealous. It's a small window.

Meandyouandyouandme Fri 09-Sep-16 08:11:56

There's 16 months between me and my brother, it was fine. We got well when we were little, and I don't think either of us were planned!

ButtfaceMiscreant Fri 09-Sep-16 08:14:44

I had three under two as well, as ibfell pregnant with twins when DC1 was 13months. First reaction was tears on getting the positive, then just excitement (with hysterical laughter when it was twins!).

It is hard work, I won't lie, but my twins are about to turn 1 now and I am beginning to feel less overwhelmed. I wouldn't have it any other way now though, but I am definitely certain I am done having babies!

RunnyRattata Fri 09-Sep-16 08:20:19

Our 20 month gap was great. I wouldn't change it at all. No jealousy around the new baby and DS1 was excellent with DS2 as soon as DS2 was old enough to take an interest. He was like a little mother hen getting DS2 to play with DS2's toys. I think it benefitted both DCs equally.

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