This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

To consider a termination?

(55 Posts)
violetta1 Sun 22-May-16 22:14:10

Hi, I'm new here. I've been searching for ages, trying to find a termination topic, but I don't believe there is one? This seems like general information, so I thought it would be a good place.

I really don't need people having a go at me, or calling me awful (which I have had in real life) so I've come online, but I really hope you can try an be understanding.

I had been with my partner for 5 years - we actually met at school; I thought it was true love and we would genuinely be together for ages, maybe even marry each other. There is this walkway near our town, which has a bad nickname, implying that people are beaten up there/murdered. It's just all talk really, due to it being an underground walkway... No one has ever been severely hurt. I was on a night out with my friends, just a casual meal. I decided to walk the way where the walkway is. I was attacked... By my boyfriend. I appreciate it's very confusing, but I don't need to go into details, as it defeats the point of this threat. However, I obviously have spoken to the police and it's an ongoing investigation.

These couple of months have been hell. I haven't been able to sleep/go to uni/go to work/talk to anyone - it's like I'm numb, I just can't speak. I'm absolutely lost. I feel sick, betrayed and everything else you can imagine.

I'm pregnant.

I'm only young. In my early 20s, just about to finish uni. A baby wasn't on my list of soon to happen things. It's not even the baby that's the problem, it's the fact that they are half him; half the man that did that to me. It wouldn't be fair for him/her to have me as their mum, as I won't be able to look at them as an individual, they will always be a cause of the worst thing that has ever happened to me. How is that fair? How is that fair for them to carry that on their shoulders?

I'm just lost for words. My mum hasn't been very supportive. My brother wants to keep out of it all. I have no one. I'm utterly lost...

Chippednailvarnishing Sun 22-May-16 22:16:32

I'd ask for this thread to be moved to pregnancy choices, you'll probably get a better more rounded selection of responses as AIBU is pretty robust.

Good Luck whatever you decide OP.

neonrainbow Sun 22-May-16 22:16:57

I think anyone judging you for a termination is an awful human being confusing what you've been through. I think i would terminate, in your scenario. Good luck with whatever you decide, termination is not something to be ashamed of in my opinion.

CaptainCrunch Sun 22-May-16 22:17:38

I can't begin to understand what you're going through. I hope you get the love and understanding you need to endure it.

Do whatever is right for you, good luck to you.

VestalVirgin Sun 22-May-16 22:18:16

You are not being unreasonable. Far from it. I would almost certainly terminate the pregnancy under those circumstances.

Do what is best for you. flowers

Queenbean Sun 22-May-16 22:18:46

I think you should report your post and ask to have this moved to pregnancy or relationships, you'll get less stroppy results than here with more support

LineyReborn Sun 22-May-16 22:19:34

No you are being sensible considering a termination.

There is a topic board called Pregancy Choices and I would post on there tbh.

This board is a weird fight club sometimes.

LateToThis Sun 22-May-16 22:19:44

I didn't want to read and run, I'm so sorry you have experienced this horrific ordeal and whatever you decide, you are not awful.

Do you have anyone you can talk to in person? We have a wonderful crisis pregnancy counselling service round here (east midlands) - do you have anything similar near you? Something that could help talk through your options and come to peace about whatever your decision is? Your feelings about the pregnancy are bound to be all over the place at the moment, but you have time to process it - but I suspect help to do that in a non-judgemental and hopefully properly trained setting would be useful.

If by some miracle you are East Midlands, pm me and I will give you the contact details of the centre near here. If not, I wish you lots of peace. Be kind to yourself, and i hope you are able to have the time and space to come to the right decision for you.

Queenbean Sun 22-May-16 22:19:53

Sorry, posted too soon

YANBU at all, please do what is best for you. Can you get some support in real life? flowers

Asprilla11 Sun 22-May-16 22:20:30

OP - I don't think anyone could judge you in this situation and if they do then they're pretty heartless.

pointythings Sun 22-May-16 22:21:00

I think you should go with your heart, and no-one with an ounce of compassion would blame you for ending this pregnancy. Good luck whatever your decide, and I hope your ex BF ends up in jail.

44PumpLane Sun 22-May-16 22:21:32

You are not in any way unreasonable, you have to do what's right for you.

All I would say is that whatever you decide I hope you get the professional support you need- what you've been through is distressing and it may help you to talk about it with a professional, likewise, it may help you come to terms with whichever choice you make now.

Personally, I 100% support your right to choose and anyone who is giving you grief in this scenario is heartless in my view.

violetta1 Sun 22-May-16 22:22:35

Thank you so far. It's nice to be reassured, but I've always been against them really, so I'm a right hypocrite. It's still my baby/a little life, every time I think that, I just cry.

I didn't know if pregnancy was the best topic, as I thought most people would hate me on there, as they're all happy about falling pregnant.

I'll take a look, thank you.

Foofoobum Sun 22-May-16 22:22:47

You're not being unreasonable. It's your body and you decide what happens to it. That would be the case with a loving boyfriend as well as one who attacked you.
It may not be an easy decision and it can cause feelings of guilt afterwards even in people who know its 100% right for them but if you're aware of and prepared for what may come and you can get support - there must be a post termination advice/counselling service nearby by. The uni probably have access to loads of resources and support.
Nobody but you can make the final decision but you should not be judged for it by anyone whatever the reason for your choice. Take care x

Mishaps Sun 22-May-16 22:23:09

I am wondering if you need to go to someone to talk this over to help you to get it clear in your head. Perhaps you could see your GP who would be able to listen and advise you. There is no need to feel guilty or ashamed in going to see him/her. I am sure that they will be very supportive, whichever way you decide.

I am sorry that this has happened to you and that you are faced with this problem. I wish you good luck with it all. There will be an answer and life will move on in some way.

annandale Sun 22-May-16 22:23:44

I hope your GP is helpful, I would see them asap. You don't have to explain or justify anything but I hope you also ask for support as the victim of a horrific crime. flowers

violetta1 Sun 22-May-16 22:26:07

I have considered seeing my GP, an appointment is actually booked, for Wednesday, but I'm still not sure about going. My chosen job requires stability and checks - I don't want them to think I'm not emotionally stable to do the job, when I qualify (if it's all on my medical records).

Just about to have a bath. I will take a look at the replies after x

Headofthehive55 Sun 22-May-16 22:27:43

Depends on what you want to do. It will share genetic material with him but then you share genetic material with bananas. There are loads of people who will be wandering round with the same copies of various genes from far back ancestors.

I am sorry this has happened to you.

Jinxysbaby Sun 22-May-16 22:27:44

Becareful on here there are alot of judgemental ppl, u need to do wats right for you x

LogicalThinking Sun 22-May-16 22:28:38

There is nothing wrong with you wanting a termination under any circumstances, let alone the circumstances you have been through.

I hope things get better for you. flowers

gamerchick Sun 22-May-16 22:28:59

Then that's all the more reason to get some RL help and support now rather than it stagnating and maybe stealing your possible future.

Please please go to your doctor and tell them everything. You've been through a horrendous time and need some help and support flowers

LineyReborn Sun 22-May-16 22:29:22

The board is pregnancy choices OP.

Your choice may not be to have a termination. But it's your choice.

A choice every woman has if they live in the UK (not NI unfortunately).

Blu Sun 22-May-16 22:29:55

So sorry this happened to you. Terribly shocking and a horrible betrayal of trust by your ex boyfriend.

It is your body and your life and you should not feel pushed into anything that isn't right for you by any other person. No one should be forced into pregnancy and motherhood against their will.

Take care of yourself, OP.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Sun 22-May-16 22:32:10

I'm sorry you have been through this. You are very sensible to consider your options. Termination can the right choice in lots of cases. No one worth anyone could criticise you after what you have been though flowers

mineofuselessinformation Sun 22-May-16 22:33:17

I don't have the words to comment on your situation, so I won't (not that I can't, but that I don't think I can word things the right way to say what I want to - I've tried and then deleted it), so I'll tell you my story.
I'm now divorced, I was married for a long time. I have children from the marriage, with a history of infertility.
I became pregnant unexpectedly, but by that point knew that my marriage had broken down to the point of no return, although I still had my head in the sand...
I couldn't bring myself to have the baby.
I terminated.
I felt uncomfortable with that decision for a few years, even though in my heart I knew it was the right thing to do.
I guess my message is, you know in your heart what is right for you.
You are young, with your whole life before you. If you decide the time isn't right, you have many years ahead where you can welcome a child into your life.
Be kind to yourself.

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