Hi. I'm not sure if I will get any help or support, this is after all supposed to be a happy site about becoming a parent :( But I feel so poorly and nervous and sick, I don't know where else to go. My 16 year old daughter is booked in to have a medical abortion today. We discovered she was pregnant 2 weeks ago. She was using contraceptive and was in a relationship for 18 months albeit a one-sided one where she was constantly being cheated on. Being the sweetest, forgiving and wonderful girl, she always took him back. Now he's dumped her. She is trying to be brave and strong but this is huge for her. She made the decision to have the abortion and I promised I'd support her either way. So did her dad. But I've read all the horror stories about it and I keep looking at her thinking 'you are so young to go through this'. We went to the clinic on Tuesday and she had all the tests and checks. She's no longer anaemic but has low blood pressure and her BMI is below average. She's tiny. Always has been. She had a scan (a vaginal one) and the baby was measured and dated - 6 weeks, 4 days. I sat the other side of the curtain and neither of us saw the screen but knowing it was official and the scanner could see her child, my grandchild, broke my heart right there and then. I briefly saw the photo and went to pieces. I remembered the occasions I was scanned and I saw my girls for the first time and it was a joyous time. After receiving lots of information, we left with the appointment booked in for today at 2.30. I haven't slept since. She seems to be coping ok. I am so frightened about her going through pain, bleeding heavily, feeling ill. I keep imagining the worst case scenario that something will go wrong. I've been assured it's safe but there's always the 'what if's at the back of my mind. I'm worrying myself stupid and literally counting down the minutes until we have to go. I love my daughter so much, I can't bear the thought of her hurting. I'm sorry for waffling. I just need some advice. Has anyone else been through this? How can we all cope, not just through the process of aborting the baby but afterwards? Please help. Thank you ever so much xxx
Pregnancy choices
Daughter is having medical abortion today... I need help :'(
mamala1970 · 09/07/2015 07:36
I'm so sorry you and your daughter are going through this. It's such a hard time. Do you think she's 100% happy about her decision? You sound so supportive of her and that's the main thing.
I had a medical termination under general anaesthetic in 2011. It was over very quickly and the staff were amazing. I was in no pain at all afterwards. I bled for a week or so, maybe a bit more afterwards. Emotionally I was ok to begin with but then it hit me. My circumstances were very different though. All I can suggest is don't expect a reaction from her immediately. She might not feel much at all, but be there when she does. Just let her know she made the right decision, for her and her circumstances.
Keep talking to someone, your DH perhaps, if your daughter doesn't feel up to talking. My mum was incredible when I had mine. She was amazing and she's what got me through it.
I've had no complications and have gone on to have 2 very healthy very happy children.
Thinking of you all today 
I am so sorry. |I don't have any experience of this to be able to help you, someone will be along soon who can really help.
I just wanted to hold your hand for a little while, and tell you it will be okay.
You sound like a lovely mum, and you know, it is worse for you, in some ways - it always hurts to see your children in pain, either physical or emotional.
Try to look forward, try to think of the future.
I am sorry I can't help more, others can and will, and ther will be no judging here, only support 
Please don't read horror stories on the Internet, you'll terrify yourself. People post the worst and most dramatic stories.
I had a medical abortion (also after a contraceptive failure), and I was fine. The decision making and the waiting were the hard bits, and once it had been done I honestly felt like a weight had been lifted. I was also fine physically afterwards, just starving hungry and in a hurry to get home.
Just make sure your daughter knows that you're there for her whatever she needs, and stock up on pads and her favourite comfort food. I'm sorry you're all going through this.
Nothing useful to add but just wanted to say you sound like such an amazing mum
It's very early in the pregnancy and complications from a termination are statistically much more unlikely than an effect on her health from continuing the pregnancy and going through birth, let alone everything else.
Good luck
What Penfold said.
If you go to pieces in front of her, she will have your emotions to deal with as well as all her own stuff. It's hard but be strong and supportive of her. You can cry your heart out in private afterwards. It's very sad that she's in this position but with a lovely supportive mum, she'll get through it. Personally, I still have 'what if" thoughts a few years later but I keep those to myself and look forward to grandchildren when the time is right. Agree with treats and distractions. Also if you are visibly upset maybe she won't want to share her feelings with you because she won't want to make her mum cry. for you both.
Hi mamala1970 I had a medical abortion at the age of 19 so I know what your daughter is going through. It was over very quickly and I didn't feel much pain except a dull period ache for a couple of days. As for thoughts and feelings afterwards, I would say that time is the best healer. The thing that got me through was the never ending love and support from those closest to me.
She will be OK
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