This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

termination because of weight?

(35 Posts)
plentychilled Sat 20-Jun-15 17:12:45

Hi everyone.
I'm quite ashamed to be writing this. I'm very much overweight and have accidently become pregnant. I was overweight when pregnant with my dd but I didn't weigh as much as I do now, although I'm now losing weight, so far I've lost 1st stone 2 pounds

I was also young and naive and didn't really know much about pregnancy and the risks. I had a textbook pregnancy and birth. Since then I have become anxious by my health. I know now thanks to lot of anxious research that being obese increases the chance of death in pregnancy and huge complications. I am scared so very scared. I don't dare continue because I'm scared for my health, but deep down I would love this child. Has anyone terminated because of this before? I'm so lost and confused.

scaevola Sat 20-Jun-15 17:20:58

There is a higher risk of complications if a pregnant woman is overweight, but it is not inevitable that they will occur, nor that they will be serious.

If your BMI is high at the start of a PG (the last time it can accurately be measured) then you can expect enhanced monitoring, just like any other person who is in a higher risk category could reasonably expect.

It's also quite likely that you would be strongly advised to deliver in a hospital setting.

And do remember that increase of a risk from 'vanishing' to 'minuscule' might represent a big increase in the risk, but still mean the event is very rare.

plentychilled Sat 20-Jun-15 17:27:44

My bmi was high in my first pregnancy and it was fine, but if I knew the risks of getting a dvt (big fear of mine) etc then I would never have continued with it. I'm so glad I lived in my own little world then!

I'd never give birth anywhere apart from a hospital. I'm just so worried already that I don't think the risks are worth taking and I feel so terribly guilty and sad.

dementedpixie Sat 20-Jun-15 17:30:48

my weight /bmi was high in both pregnancies (15/16stone) and both went ok. With my first pregnancy I had borderline gestational diabetes which was diet controlled but had no problems with my second pregnancy

Golfhotelromeofoxtrot Sat 20-Jun-15 17:31:33

How overweight are you? You MUST discuss this with your MW. Ask about the outcomes of other women in your BMI range who have been pregnant. I seriously doubt you would be at any kind of serious risk.

Molotov Sat 20-Jun-15 17:32:44

I think it would be a mistake to terminate your pg with a wanted baby because of fears - which might not come to pass- due to your weight.

You've been overweight during one pg and birth before and you and your baby were fine, right? That is worth remembering.

I wonder if you might be able to have the support of a dietician in order to eat healthily/nourish your growing baby and lose weight whilst pg? I have heard that women with a high BMI can lose weight whilst pg, but please do not take my word for it.

Talk to your GP and midwife about your concerns and please get the support you need. Good luck thanks

plentychilled Sat 20-Jun-15 17:42:20

Thank you everyone.

I was 15 and a half stone during my first pregnancy, about 17 now although I am dropping weight. I genuinely was the picture of psychical health, perfect blood pressure, perfect sugar level etc. Straight forward birth, there was never any mention of any sort of risk because of my weight apart from they'd advise a hospital birth but I'd never have a home birth anyway so that was fine.

It's only now I've become a hypochondriac that I've researched this stuff and the increase in risk of complications and dvt, none was mentioned to me. I genuinely just lived in a bubble. Which I am grateful for because otherwise I don't think my beautiful dd would be here. I even went 25 weeks without any medical care at all and I was fine. I am currently going through counselling for hypochondria but this is taking me back. Now worrying that I won't even make it to a GP appointment. I just feel.so guilty for being so paranoid.

Golfhotelromeofoxtrot Sat 20-Jun-15 17:47:10

You need to speak to a health care professional ASAP. How do you best cope with your anxiety? You need to start implementing strategies to ease your stress and reassure yourself so you can begin to enjoy your pregnancy.

It sounds like despite your weight, you had a very healthy pregnancy, ergo you are likely to again. There is a whole host of things you can do to counterbalance the risks of pregnancy on your body- see your GP or MW and start getting proper RL support.

Best of luck.

scribblescrabble Sat 20-Jun-15 17:52:20

You're not 'that' overweight, you'll be fine ... 17stone is not an 'unusual' weight!! even if you're pretty short - It's not a healthy weight before I get shouted at for promoting obesity but it's certainly within the parameters that most hcp's deal with every week.

Please don't terminate an otherwise wanted pregnancy because of it.

plentychilled Sat 20-Jun-15 17:53:08

I take medication, I go to counselling, I try so hard but sometimes it doesn't work and I'm scared. The root of it is I'm scared of not seeing my dd grow up. I couldn't bare leaving her because of my decision to have another child if the worst were to happen.

I did have an extremely healthy pregnancy I feel so lucky to have my dd I feel selfish by risking things just to have another child when I already have her, which I know is completely irrational.

I also don't have access to.out of hours health care because we don't drive which scares me.

Daffodilliesanddaisies Sat 20-Jun-15 17:57:06

I'm 17st and 29 weeks pregnant. I've had no problems so far due to my weight, I don't even have gestational diabetes. I was a bit worried at the start because I'm 4st heavier than I was during my last pregnancy but so far so good.

Iggi999 Sat 20-Jun-15 18:02:52

Do taxis operate where you live? The not driving is not the end of they world!

plentychilled Sat 20-Jun-15 18:05:54

Yes but at 25 pound a journey it's not always feesible, especially as I'm always paranoid blush

Iggi999 Sat 20-Jun-15 18:08:03

So you will make regular evening or night journeys to OOH?
Does your current child pick up on your fears do you think?

plentychilled Sat 20-Jun-15 18:18:49

I used to make regular journeys to the doctors. However I haven't been for a year, I've really really improved. I don't think my dd picks up on my fears, they're all in my head I don't act on them really

FujimotosElixir Sat 20-Jun-15 18:21:07

i was considered very high risk due to being overweight my glucose test was fine, not a wavering blood pressure etc. its not inevitable.

ShadowFire Sat 20-Jun-15 18:23:48

17st is obese, but I would be surprised if it's obese enough to badly endanger your life if you continue with the pregnancy. I'd also be surprised if the mw's aren't used to caring for women as big or bigger than you.

As a pp said, an increase of risk for certain things isn't necessarily a major cause for concern - e.g. doubling risk from 1 in a million to 2 in a million is still a tiny chance of anything happening. And there will be lifestyle things you can do now, while pregnant, that can help to keep you healthy and minimise risks.

I think that it sounds like you're focussing excessively on the risks, and it would be a shame to terminate a wanted pregnancy because of this.

ShelaghTurner Sat 20-Jun-15 18:28:30

I was heavier than you with both of my pregnancies and was absolutely fine. Not ideal but certainly not a reason to terminate IF that's the only reason.

thereinmadnesslies Sat 20-Jun-15 18:31:27

I think you are more aware of risks in a second pregnancy. The first time you think everything will be fine. The second time you've probably met others at baby groups who had a bad experience, so you are more aware of what can go wrong. It doesn't mean you are more than risk now, you are just more aware of the risks.

EssexMummy123 Sat 20-Jun-15 18:32:46

You need to treat the anxiety properly.

And what's the issue with OOH? is an emergency you can dial 999 right?

girliefriend Sat 20-Jun-15 18:35:33

I think you will regret terminating the pregnancy due to possibly irrational fears, speak to your Dr and midwife. What does your partner think?

There is a really good book that helped me when my anxiety was really bad by a chap called Josh Fletcher, think its called panic about panic (or similar) anyway would strongly recommend you read it as totally changed the way I felt about anxiety!!

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sat 20-Jun-15 18:39:22

Oh gosh I was expecting you to say you were upwards of 25st. 17st well, yes, its overweight, and in an ideal world you would be slimmer but we dont live in an ideal world.

Is there anywhere local to you which holds a Slimming World class? I know their healthy eating plans are looked on favourably in these cases by MWs and Doctors. They also do some work towards self esteem/body magic etc too which may alleviate some the added anxiety?

Lottiedoubtie Sat 20-Jun-15 18:47:37

If there was a serious risk to your life the doctors would be discussing termination with you- can you hold on to that thought?

Do not do it because of your anxiety- you already love your DD and are bringing her up well, you want a sibling for her and you are pregnant, this is a wonderful thing!

You will need to be consultant led- this will mean increased monitoring so you will know how things are going more often than you otherwise would. If, at any stage a HCP has a genuine concern for your health you will be treated/admitted. Have you talked about this in counselling yet?

plentychilled Sat 20-Jun-15 19:15:50

Not talked about it in counselling yet but I will be in my next session. I am an only child and would love to give my daughter a sibling.

I am trying to treat the anxiety I genuinely am. I have been so much better than I was 2 years ago, it's just I feel like pregnancy and it's risks will take me back to my worst, where I don't want to be.

My partner wants this baby too, however he doesn't want me to be miserable and anxious and scared all the time either.

Yep I can call 999, it's only an issue because I am stupid and have hypochondria and everything is potentially an emergency to me! Leg pains are blood clots etc. I don't want to be like that, I truly admit I have a problem with anxiety and death hence the treatment.

Just feel so terrible and lost. I will be making a GP appointment tomorrow but they're a 3 week wait so will have to ring everyday in hope of a cancellation.

Thank you all for your help and kind comments and for giving me a chance to write my thoughts down. It is appreciated smile

girliefriend Sat 20-Jun-15 19:24:45

Please order the Josh Fletcher book think you will find it really helpful, will attempt a link.... excellent book

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