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Pregnancy advice, miscarriage trigger warning [title edited by MNHQ]

(70 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

alita7 Sun 09-Mar-14 11:59:52

Of course if there's something wrong it might just happen but I thought we should all share tips on what we do to help prevent it, we might have more sticky beans then you never know smile

I've been taking omega 3 fish oils and drinking grapefruit juice to help keep my progesterone levels up. I was going to the aspirin as I have clotty periods and a mmc so thought I might of had a clot cross the placenta but some sites say it can increase the chance of mc so I decided not to.

What about you?

How far along are you?

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but almost all first trimester miscarriages happen because of chromosome defects which were set at conception, so aside from not engaging in medicine ball training/overdosing on things then there's not much which can be done.

After that, I think just be strict with yourself about not overstraining yourself as later on in PG that can bring on premature labour, keep good hygiene because infections can cause miscarriage, and follow all the advice about what to avoid/take supplements to keep the baby healthy in there.

KatAndKit Sun 09-Mar-14 12:37:55

Avoid heroin and crack. Dont smoke and don't get wasted. That's it really. There is nothing more you can do. If an embryo is not viable then it won't stick and there is nothing you can do to change that. Very few miscarriages are preventable. I had two which led me to being diagnosed with a medical condition which can be treated, but even with my treatment, a miscarriage due to chromosome defects can't be prevented. I do take low dose aspirin but that is with a doctors prescription, do not self medicate please.

At the end of the day grapefruits will give you lots of vitamin c. If you want to take any supplements except for pregnacare you should get medical advice. Dr google can do more harm than good sometimes

nearlyreadytopop Sun 09-Mar-14 12:44:53

The miscarriage association has an excellent website with accurate information on mc. If anyone is concerned about mc it should be the first stop.

KitKat1985 Sun 09-Mar-14 12:47:51

Like the other posters, as I understand it most miscarriages are caused by chromosomal issues or failure to implant properly, meaning there is very little you can actually do to prevent a miscarriage unfortunately. Eating fruit etc is fine but I would strongly recommend against self-prescribing yourself anything based on what Google says. There is a lot of crap unfortunately on Dr Google as well as useful advice, and you may do yourself more harm than good. xx

allisgood1 Sun 09-Mar-14 13:05:13

I guess until you go through recurrent miscarriages you don't realize that you can prevent miscarriage (only in pregnancies that have an chromosomaly normal fetus).

I have had 3 MC's and the thing I did differently in the pregnancies I did not miscarry (after tests came back "normal") was:

-take magnesium
- take progesterone suppositories prescribed by consultant "just in case" as my non-pregnant levels were fine
- take baby aspirin from 6 weeks (another "just in case" blood tests didn't indicate an issue)
- take vitamin D (I also used a sunbed prior to and when TTC)

I've had 2 sticky pregnancies (fingers crossed with this one!) using the above regime.

Plateofcrumbs Sun 09-Mar-14 13:06:46

Alas in the vast majority of cases it is one of those things that 'just happens' and I don't think it is very helpful either for pregnant women to be panicking about 'preventing' miscarriage or for those to have experienced a loss to be beating themselves up that there is anything they could have done differently.

Follow NHS advice about health in pregnancy and any advice given to you by HCPs about your personal circumstances and try not to worry.

alita7 Sun 09-Mar-14 13:09:13

That's the sort of thing I meant all is good - obviously most miscarriages just happen unavoidably but you don't know if yours was or not so there must be things that might help with avoidable mcs . I'll see if there's magnesium and vit d in my vits.
I'll ask doc about baby aspirin.

britnay Sun 09-Mar-14 13:13:19

Absolutely DO NOT take aspirin while pregnant UNLESS have you specifically been advised to by your GP.

KatAndKit Sun 09-Mar-14 13:14:41

Yes but all is good has seen a consultant! Please do not take a range of non prescribed over the counter supplements. They might not be safe in pregnancy. Taking a pregnancy supplement will give you a safe and balanced amount of the nutrients that you need.

squizita Sun 09-Mar-14 13:19:00

I am a recurrent miscarrier. Believe me, I have read pretty much everything on miscarriage and how to prevent it, and believe me bar very obvious things like not crash dieting, drinking, smoking, hitting yourself in the belly with a bat etc' there is very very little anyone can do. Even lysteria is phenomenally rare now. Recent research -unhelpful- into 'preventable' losses counted the 25% that were 'preventable' including women over 35 getting pregnant (your eggs get older, and the 'cure' is to not get pregnant: so their realistic advice was making women aware) and women with medical conditions such as thyroid, Antiphospholipid and diabetes who did not know (so nothing done once pregnant). So by preventable they didn't mean anything you could do - they were thinking purely as scientists where the cure would be 'only 20 somethings who've had extensive medical testing should have sex' grin

Many of the 'how to avoid' threads I find just add stress and worry to women at an already stressful time. At worst they can cause real psychological guilt or relationship breakdowns as a woman who has a loss can wonder, was it that coffee? Hair dye? etc'. Just puts her through hell.

My losses were preventable: because I have a blood condition. I therefore inject myself daily with blood thinners to keep this bean going (my odds are still 5-10% riskier than other women my age but thanks to my diagnosis well lover 50%).
Bar unlucky people like me - just do the usual NHS stuff (no booze, high risk food, smoking) and you are more likely to succeed than have a problem so chins up!

And whilst stress doesn't cause miscarriage (horrible old wives tale used during the baby boom to get women back out of work and in the kitchen) it's utterly shit combined with pregnancy AND can cause PND. So by not worrying, you're doing yourself a favour health wise too.

squizita Sun 09-Mar-14 13:22:59

And as others have said NEVER TAKE ANYTHING UNLESS YOU HAVE SEEN AN OB/GYN DOC... I WOULD GO SO FAR AS TO SAY NOT A GP!

One of the few things that can lead to complications (for you if not the baby) is thinning the blood at this time when blood is thinning/working hard anyway.

"Normal" women don't have to worry about preventing miscarriage... count yourself lucky if you're one of them and take full advantage by chilling. Remember your enthusiasm for 'preventing' could upset or offend someone who has had a loss or losses.

allisgood1 Sun 09-Mar-14 14:21:50

I agree with Squiz, do not take any baby aspirin or progesterone without those being specifically prescribed or recommended.

Vitamin D and Magnesium, however, are fine to take and are NOT found in normal pregnacare, etc.

https://sites.google.com/site/miscarriageresearch/vitamins-and-miscarriage/magnesium

https://sites.google.com/site/miscarriageresearch/vitamins-and-miscarriage/vitamin-d

ItsSpringBaby Sun 09-Mar-14 14:36:41

This is a difficult subject to discuss, and I'm not sure my contribution is the most helpful but it's my experience.

With my first I was 18 and ignorant, still smoked the odd cigarette, took masses of senokot to relieve constipation, Imodium for the opposite purpose, ate what I wanted, took no prenatal vitamins and didn't really have a care in the world. I even caught flu in the final trimester and was really very ill, but it had absolutely no effect on my little one.

Now on my third and I have been so super careful. Have religiously taken my prenatal vits, I took anti-biotics at the first sign of a urine infection, had the flu jab and have been as safe as possible. The end result is the baby has a congenital abnormality that is not thought to be life threatening...but of course I still kick myself up the bum regularly wondering what, if anything I did to cause this.

I think the reality is, you can only try and avoid the major hazards - drinking, smoking, drugs, the no-no foods...eat well, take care of yourself by following all medical advice given and then hope for the best.

ohthegoats Sun 09-Mar-14 14:37:08

As far as I understand, so long as you're not totally beasting yourself with drugs and booze, there is little you can do to prevent miscarriage. It's the one thing that I think would help me deal with one if I were to have one. That nothing I did, or didn't do, caused it. Articles like those in the Daily Mail last week don't help.

squizita Sun 09-Mar-14 14:41:42

Allisgood yes I take vit D tablets- I meant actual 'medicines'. smile

Although it's also worth checking which vitamins are OK (i.e. reading up) as some vitamins and herbals aren't recommended when pregnant (some which are ironically meant to be great for conception e.g vitus).

Aliama Sun 09-Mar-14 14:53:26

Vitamin D and Magnesium, however, are fine to take and are NOT found in normal pregnacare, etc.

Are you talking about a minimum amount, Allisgood? I was pretty sure the pregnacare I'd been taking included vitamin D (had been recommended to take it by my GP), and have just checked the ingredients of Pregnacare original on Boots' website. It includes both vitamin D and magnesium - 5 mcg of vit D and 150 mg of magnesium.

www.boots.com/en/Pregnacare-tablets-90-tablets_6361/

Purplefrogshoes Sun 09-Mar-14 14:53:34

I have had 3 mc and I done everything right! No caffeine,alcohol, don't smoke, took all the recommended vitamins, avoided pate,blue cheese etc, made no difference

alita7 Sun 09-Mar-14 15:14:03

There's magnesium and vit d3 in my asda equivalent of pregnacare, is vit d3 Ok or would full vit d be better?

I obviously didn't start this thread to scare anyone but having miscarried before I want to make sure there's nothing out there that I've missed just in case- if it was due to chromosomes then what I do differently this time won't affect it, but I don't know that it was so I'd like to be safer this time!

TinyTear Sun 09-Mar-14 15:25:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmyMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 09-Mar-14 15:53:45

Hi all,

Thanks for your reports. We've edited the title of the thread now, because we felt that suggesting miscarriage can be prevented can be quite upsetting to those who have miscarried.

allisgood1 Sun 09-Mar-14 16:30:48

It's a high dose vitamin d (4000iu). The magnesium in those vitamins is different to the one specifically recommended to me (hence the reason I take a separate dose). Will have a look and see what the exact name is.

peeapod Sun 09-Mar-14 17:26:47

unhelpful mnhq. people will now be clicking on this thread (as I did) and getting triggered re miscarriage... not helpful confused

Lucky3878 Sun 09-Mar-14 17:34:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummytobeforthefirsttime Sun 09-Mar-14 17:36:59

I've had five recurrent miscarriages and none of these were preventable. The two had testing on the remains and these were chromosomal abnormalities, two were blighted ovum and one unknown.

I have been tested at the recurrent miscarriage clinic at St. Mary's where I have been told I do have slightly thicker blood during pregnancy and to take 150mg of aspirin. I was taking this for the last two pregnancies. I don't drink, smoke, take drugs or eat anything on the dangerous list, yet I still had recurrent miscarriages.

I am now pregnant again this time everything looks good, I have my 20 week scan tomorrow.

I'm afraid the advice I got at St. Mary's was that the majority of miscarriage are not preventable unless you have been diagnosed with a specific condition causing miscarriage. Someone mentioned the article in the Daily Mail regarding this topic which as someone who has suffered so many losses I found extremely offensive.

Good luck in your pregnancy.

Armadale Sun 09-Mar-14 17:37:36

OP, I think you may have missed your calling.

Through my 5 miscarriages I have been through many tests and consultant appointments at several hospitals, including the hospital that is considered the gold standard of recurrent miscarriage care in Europe.

Not one of these poor doctors has a clue that grapefruit juice can prevent miscarriage!! Not a single one!!

Likewise, they don't prescribe omega 3- I don't know what they are thinking.

They also believe that the evidence that progesterone levels cause miscarriage is inconclusive at the moment, and only prescribe it just in case, believing it is probably a placebo, silly them, hey?

Are you planing a lecture tour soon to share your wisdom with the world??

Amy Mumsnet: you should have been much braver. It isn't the title that needing zapping here, its the whole bloody idea.

<awaits deletion patiently>

Mummytobeforthefirsttime Sun 09-Mar-14 17:38:43

I meant I found the article in the Daily Mail offensive not the post from ohmygoats.

lljkk Sun 09-Mar-14 17:42:24

@MNHQ, I have to agree with peeapod, sorry, m/c should be in title.

Agree that thread is a bit pointless, too, though. m/c is very hard to prevent beyond avoiding the obviously hazardous.

My nephew was born to a crystalmeth addict (used until 6 months pg), still carried thru to term (something like 12 lbs at birth, but was in ICU for a few weeks sad ). It's amazing how tough babies can be.

alita7 Sun 09-Mar-14 17:45:00

Why change the title?

As peeapod said now people will accidently find the thread who might not have wanted to read it...

I've miscarried and I would like to know anything that could possibly help me to stop it happening again BUT I also understand that often it just happens unavoidably. But if there are things that people who miscarry are commonly deficient in - like magnesium, then if you've had an mc before then there's a chance it could be that so I think people telling each other these things can be really beneficial!! Why shouldn't those who know things that help prevent (note use of the word 'help' it's not definite) share those things?
Thanks for looking allisgood will get myself some vit d too.

Lucky3878 Sun 09-Mar-14 17:47:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alita7 Sun 09-Mar-14 18:01:28

Armadale I'm sure it doesn't 'prevent' all miscarriages but I'm drinking it as it can help progesterone levels high and even if it doesn't help, it helps my piece of mind...

As I said this thread has nothing to do with the vast amount of unavoidable miscarriages but for example allisgood has been given advice on vitamins that can reduce the chances of a m/c that isn't to do with chromosomal abnormalities etc I would rather have that info now when it could possibly help me rather than suffer through another 2,3 or 4 miscarriages before trying things like that. This pregnancy might be fine without it but I'd rather not take chances.

Why have the community here is shooting me down for wanting us to be able to share what we've read or been told to help each other I don't know!

Lucky3878 Sun 09-Mar-14 18:07:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieHopkinsEvilTwin Sun 09-Mar-14 18:08:10

I actually feel quite sad reading this. I know this is not how you intended a reader to feel and I know it's useful advice but I have spent the last 5 months telling myself there was nothing I could do to prevent my miscarriage and it wasnt my fault and now I'm wondering whether I could have done more. sad

nearlyreadytopop Sun 09-Mar-14 18:21:43

op if magnesium prevents mc why are levels not checked as part of the nhs recurrent mc tests?

StarsInTheNightSky Sun 09-Mar-14 18:34:28

katiehopkins please don't feel that way, I have had losses (no underlying reason, just bad luck) and our consultant (miscarriage specialistand v highly qualified) has said that unless you have an underlying medical condition there is absolutely NOTHING that you can do that makes a difference. I have heard the same from four other consultants. Please keep firm to the belief that there was nothing you could do, sending un-mumsnetty hugs x.

OP, I'm sure you had the best intentions when starting this thread, but it's a very sensitive and painful topic. Also, the recommendations of others are useless and potentially harmful, stick to what your GP/consultant tells you as everyone is unique and what one person is advised could be detrimental to another person. I know it's hard, and instinctually we all want to do whatever we can to try to prevent mc but don't start self-prescribing vitamins/supplements etc.
For what it's worth I have been told by several midwives to avoid grapefruit juice and pineapple juice during early pregnancy as they can cause miscarriage, like I said, everyone is unique and is advised different things.

PaulaFletch14 Sun 09-Mar-14 19:25:20

What a horrible thread. As someone who miscarried three months ago I find this thread offensive.

Are we all qualified Doctors on here?? I'm sorry this thread needs to be removed completely as it obviously has made some women feel bad.

squizita Sun 09-Mar-14 19:34:10

OP don't worry... 1% of women suffer 3 or more losses. And trust me, it's never been found all 3 were down to vitamins. I have to take mine because my last loss was a partial molar and the months of recovery drained me and left me ill.

I understand you are worried following your loss. I've been there... and I've been way beyond there. I've researched and researched and my consultant is world famous (thanks NHS!) and I know what a disgusting lottery MC is but also how unlikely 3 in a row is.

I would recommend calling the Miscarriage Association - google them- for some qualified advice about your feelings and coping. What you are doing here, although you don't understand, is rationalising to the extent it is upsetting (beyond upsetting, triggering real trauma) women who have also had losses.

If 'cures' were that simple, and applied to everyone, do you think I'd be injecting myself with a burning liquid which bruises me every day for 270 days?

KatieHopkinsEvilTwin Sun 09-Mar-14 19:44:44

Thank you stars. I'm sure the op posted this with good intentions and it's probably me being a bit sensitive. It's still not an easy subject for me to discuss. Its a horrible thing to go through isnt it and the thought that something as simple as grapefruit juice could have saved my baby and prevented all this heartache is a bit too much to cope with. As I say though I am very sensitive at the moment so im sorry if anyone feels I'm being irrational.

KatieHopkinsEvilTwin Sun 09-Mar-14 19:47:07

stars I've got a strange feeling we may have discussed miscarriage on another thread under different names. Your writing style is similar to someone else who was lovely to me on a thread just after my miscarriage.

PenguinsEatSpinach Sun 09-Mar-14 19:54:04

Leaving aside obvious points of the 'don't do crack' variety, I really don't think it is within your control. Obviously some women will have complex medical conditions which might be improved with medication, but that's in the realms of proper, expert advice and not glugging grapefruit juice.

I think it's a bit like a lot of the 'advice' that goes round about conception. At a difficult time which is mostly out of your control, even the illusion of control brings comfort to some people. Which is fine, unless the advice is dangerous or the way it is being bandied about hurts others in the same position.

Katie - I don't know how many miscarriages you have suffered, but if it is one, the chances are it is just run of the mill bloody bad luck. I've been there twice, but am also heavily pregnant with no. 3 and have had successful pregnancies in between. Fingers crossed it happens for you soon. x

alita7 Sun 09-Mar-14 19:56:53

I didnt want to upset anyone and as I keep saying have suffered my own loss (maybe 2 but we hadn't tested the 2nd and I was only 3 days late so we decided not to see if I had hcg or not incase it was upsetting)so I know it's painful especially as I've had to wait 5 years to try for this one. But honestly I feel I have been spat at by some people for wanting advice on something that scares the hell out of me.

I've heard so many stories about recurrent miscarriers finding solutions I just wanted to make sure I (or anyone else) wasn't missing out on any tips. I was in no way implying that it was your fault for not doing any of those things.

Thanks stars will stop drinking the grapefruit juice then.

Also please change the title to something else or delete altogether as clearly the change has lead to people stumbling on this when they didn't want to!

StarsInTheNightSky Sun 09-Mar-14 20:06:58

katie I don't think it's you being oversensitive or irrational, I had a (polite but firm) rant at one of the nursery advisers in John Lewis the other day as she asked if it was our first child, looking at my bump. She did say it in a very condescending/patronising tone, but I demanded to speak to her manager and told the manager that it was an extremely insensitive thing to ask as you never know when people have lost little ones. How's that for being irrational grin blush.
On a serious note, no of course it won't be easy to discuss and yes, it really and truly sucks, nothing anyone says will take away that pain, and I still have down days now from our last mmc, even though I'm now 28 weeks pregnant.
I don't think anything can ever take away the pain, or the fear of it happening again, and as you say, anything suggesting you could have done something simple to save baby is a real kick in the teeth as it makes you feel negligent, and that is absolutely not the case, it's complete nonsense. Don't ever feel that you're being irrational or oversensitive, miscarriage is an absolutely hideous thing to go through and it leaves scars on your soul. Hang in there x. I did name change a while ago (and your writing style is familiar to me too), so if it was me I'm really glad I could help, even in some small way.

squizita Sun 09-Mar-14 20:12:06

"I've heard so many stories about recurrent miscarriers finding solutions"

hmm Where?

I've read every book, reputable website and community board out there. Obsessively. There are 3 places I've heard 'solutions' come from, and then only in 1/3rd cases (thankfully the undiagnosed ladies have a 70% chance of success next time anyway- the same as the diagnosed ladies with treatment:
(1) Clinics running blood clotting tests following Prof Regan's research (NHS, usually at a large hospital)
(2) Clinics running immunity tests following Prof Quenby's research (private at the moment)
(3) Late miscarriers having physical problems with the shape of the uterus or cervix, picked up by ultrasound, and having surgery.

There are a lot of snake oil salesmen flinging around false hope and superstition out there. I think why people are cross is you haven't been asking for advice: when you heard the solution was not that simple, you ignored it and ploughed on talking about fruit juice.

It's called binary opposition: you don't have to say something for assumptions to be made, the human brain recognises the unsaid oppostive. E.g. by asking repeatedly for solutions, the opposite (that to ignore those solutions = problem/blame) will be there like a ghost in the corner and it will upset people. Saying you have had a loss and that you know 'many' (actually almost all) MCs cannot be avoided won't remove that.

Please do go to the miscarriage association: they really are experts, no hocus-pocus, no nonsense, very helpful and clear. They will give you all the advice you need or link you to reputable experts.

allisgood1 Sun 09-Mar-14 20:20:08

I think some of you are being unreasonably harsh on the OP.

If you suffered from recurrent MC, do you not remember the pure desperate feeling that maybe, just maybe you could take (a VITAMIN) and even if it DIDNT prevent mc, it would give you peace of mind??? Perhaps the OP is extremely nervous that it was something she did (I've been there!--its not but it doesn't stop you feeling like it!) and is therefore asking for advice?

Dr. Shetata (sp?) a miscarriage specialist often recommends vitamin D to all women with recurrent miscarriage. There is research that shows a link between certain vitamins and miscarriage, and there are always new studies coming out (seeing as medicine is a science, it is constantly evolving). Please note this does not mean that simply taking vitamins can prevent miscarriage!!!

With that said, it is SO important that you ask your GP or consultant about taking supplements. I asked mine and it was all ok, but each individual is different.

StarsInTheNightSky Sun 09-Mar-14 20:24:06

alita I didn't mean that you should stop drinking the grapefruit juice, if it makes you feel happier then by all means do it, it was just advice given to me, but I do have a high risk and complicated pregnancy. All I meant was to illustrate the conflicting advice given to different people.

I will probably get shot down for saying this, but the only thing I did differently this pregnancy was to take Mumomega pregnancy omega three tablets in addition to pregnacare vitamins. I also didn't find out until later this pregnancy as had a false negative test, so before I found out I scuba dived to 40m below sea level more than 20 times, hauling very heavy dive gear and steel tanks about and up and down boat ladders in rough seas, drank lots of caffeine and alcohol, got sunstroke, sat in hot tubs, went on sunbeds, ate all the cheeses you shouldn't, drank unpasteurised milk, went jet-skiing very fast over very bumpy waves, etc etc. Basically everything you shouldn't do apart from drugs and smoking.
We were away on an extended holiday during this time, and when we got back and I found out, I was terrified, and got sent straight for early scans/consultants appointments. Everything turned out to be absolutely fine thank goodness.
During my other pregnancies I did everything textbook perfect, and they still had bad endings, so I am anabsolute believer that nothing makes a difference (again, provided you don't have underlying medical issues).

Being pregnant after miscarriage is very difficult (don't mean to be insensitive to those who struggle with infertility after mc), and riddled with worry and fear. I have sobbed through every scan this pregnancy as I've been so terrified. If there is anything you can do to make it easier on yourself, then by all means do it (but check with GP/midwife first), anything that keeps you sane is a bonus, particularly as the first trimester is very tough. Squizita gave some really good advice about the miscarriage association, and the pregnancy after miscarriage thread on here is brilliant for support too. I am really sorry about your loss, miscarriage is a vile thing and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but hang in there, as others have said, is it usually a one time occurance, although I know that may be cold comfort. I honestly think that the best thing you can do is to follow the nhs guidelines and to do everything else in moderation. Good luck x.

polarpercy Sun 09-Mar-14 20:47:06

I really agree with everyone who has said there is no way this thread should be termed pregnancy advice. I had a mc, and guess what I took a multi-vitamin and ate half a grapefruit every morning (simply because I like them and the sharpness wakes me up).

I then got pregnant quite quickly after and nothing stops you worrying, you set yourself all these little stages like, if I just get to 12 weeks I'll relax, then if I get to 20 then if I get to 24. It is not fair to women who already look to blame themselves to suggest that mc can be prevented as the vast majority cannot. We already beat ourselves up about this, without further guilt.

alita7 Mon 10-Mar-14 00:49:33

As I've said but probably not in the best way - I'm not suggesting all if many at all mcs can be avoided BUT I need to make sure I do all I can to help make this one stick, if I don't then inevitably I will blame myself for missing something.
If there are things you can do like taking a vitamin that will reduce the chances of mc from a specific cause then surely unless you know that wasn't the cause of yours then you'd want to know just in case?
I apologise for any upset caused but really am not blaming anyone or trying to upset anyone, just looking for peace of mind especially as my doctor was as helpful as a chocolate tea pot(he seems to know very little about pregnancy for a gp). Im finding the wait to my 12 week scan very difficult as last time it was then that they found no heartbeat and small measurements. I called the miscarriage association at the time but didn't find them helpful at the time but maybe they will be with this.
Thank you all is good you've been very helpful.

squizita Mon 10-Mar-14 06:50:38

Alita we can see what is going on, we do understand and we are disagreeing: the problem is you have been told the answer and you're ignoring it. I'm not criticising your 1st post, however many people who have been through the process of tests (after several losses) have explained and you're still just saying "I just want an answer" (we can't give you), I feel like lots of us are banging our heads against a brick wall here.

If you want answers: the miscarriage association, Tommys or a gynie doctor are the best sources.

Unless a doctor tells you, there isn't a 'fix' that works on every woman even on a just in case basis. There just isn't. One woman might need a prescribed suppliment, another aspirin... and taking the wrong one could be dangerous. After 1 loss you won't be seen by even most private doctors, so unlikely you need anything is the case. But after 2, if you are still concerned, you may access private tests (NHS is after 3 because only then are a significant number all caused by the same thing).

And this searching for 'possible' fixes isn't actually psychologically healthy: part of your recovery and reduction of anxiety must be accepting the randomness of it (trust me, been there- it's a long journey). Even with a quick fix here and there, you'll always be scared of the next news story and if you have a loss there will still be the 'what ifs' because more always come up... if you leave your mind open to every scrap of news/google advice.

And yes, you've had a loss: but please don't ignore that this thread has upset others because of that. Put in some kind of sincere apology rather than using your loss to 'justify' a lapse in judgement. And yes that is harsh I know but it needs to be said.

Although unrelated to MC physically, I found a perinatal psych assessment very useful in addressing my anxiety. I wish I had requested some CBT earlier - instead I went on the 'reasons' route and it caused me more heartache.

Eminybob Mon 10-Mar-14 07:31:30

I think that the OP is extremely insensitive.

Of course, my miscarriage must have been my fault as I didn't follow your helpful hints and tips.

It's not as simple as that, if it were there would be no miscarriages and the world would be a happier place.

Early miscarriages occur because the foetus isn't viable due to chromosomal reasons.

Don't put false hope into people thinking that if they do as you say they will be immune from the pain of a miscarriage, and don't make others who have suffered feel inadequate because they didn't do enough to prevent.

hmm

squizita Mon 10-Mar-14 08:08:57

"I called the miscarriage association at the time but didn't find them helpful at the time but maybe they will be with this."

Not if you go in wanting to hear something they cannot tell you.

Honestly, this is the only time ever I have heard them called unhelpful. Neither they, nor your GP, can give you answers because it is highly unlikely there are answers: it was likely a random incident.

You need to accept this.

AmyMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 10-Mar-14 16:29:18

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your comments. We wouldn't tend to delete this sort of thread because it doesn't break our guidelines, but we have now put a trigger warning in the title.

LondonJen Mon 10-Mar-14 16:50:41

Yes so the thread title now reads as 'Miscarriage trigger -Warning' as if there is a trigger to miscarriage everyone should be warned about! Talk about alarming. Please reword!

eurochick Mon 10-Mar-14 17:11:59

OP, I think it is normal when you mc to think "was it anything I did?". But the fact of the matter is, that most of the time it is a chromosomal issue and the pregnancy failed because it was unviable. Some of the time it is because of a medical condition like blood clotting and that can be discovered and treated. Statistics show that vary rarely (if at all) can it be put down to the sort of things you are talking about. So I agree with whoever said that you just need to come to terms with it being a random occurence.

allisgood1 Mon 10-Mar-14 18:43:05

OMG mumsnet, what is your problem??? A good title would be "pregnancy after miscarriage advice". Jeez!!

PenguinsEatSpinach Mon 10-Mar-14 19:24:29

Actually I think that would be a really misleading title allisgood, as most people who post threads like that are after emotional support. So someone who wanted to give that sort of support could come on and be upset. I don't think that's any better than what they started off with.

Actually I can't think of a good title for it. I'd say "Old wives tales for reducing miscarriage risk" is the most accurate description, but I'm not sure it would be a good title.

KatieHopkinsEvilTwin Mon 10-Mar-14 19:41:31

Exactly what penguin said.

Armadale Mon 10-Mar-14 19:52:16

Agree with Penguin.

"Old wives tales for reducing miscarriage risk" should be the title.

Boogles91 Mon 10-Mar-14 22:50:40

I have to take aspirin to keep my blood thin as im high risk of preeclampsia due to bad kidneys. So im sure it helps some how smile x

MabelMay Tue 11-Mar-14 00:51:09

I think everyone's being a little harsh on the OP here. After two MCs last year, I've felt a bit like her. I think people are very quick to feel offended. I don't think she's implying anyone who MC'd could have prevented it. I've become much more aware of vitamins, prenatal dos and don'ts etc since my MCs just because - even though I know it was almost certainly unpreventable - you don't want to ever be in the position of blaming yourself again. So I get it. Even though it's just a psychological thing -it's still something that can help get you through it all. So, sad to say, I'm about to go and pop my antenatal vits and some omega-3 at 5.3 weeks preg because I'm now terrified of MCs. Just to make me feel better!
Good luck OP and everyone else with TTCing or current pregnancies.

KatieHopkinsEvilTwin Tue 11-Mar-14 04:47:35

Mabel I dont feel offended, I feel a bit sad and put out that the op is suggesting that my miscarriage potentially could have been avoided by grapefruit juice. It makes me feel negligent and it minimises what happened. <note I took the pregnancy vits with fish oil and avoided the obvious food, drink etc so it must have been the grapefruit juice>hmm

This topic is too sensitive to give 'useful hints and tips' on. Particularly when they are backed up by no medical knowledge.

Maybe I should pop off and tell my friend who had cancer last year that she didnt drink enough tea and thats why she got it? confused I know thats very dramatic, but honestly thats how annoyed this thread has made me feel.

squizita Tue 11-Mar-14 08:07:30

Mabel the problem was OP didn't listen to the advice that all those things are emotional 'props' and kept pushing 'reasons' why. It is hurtful and it is on the big list of "things never to say to a woman after miscarriage" ... and she was there saying it. Perhaps it had been said to her which was why she felt that way.

I have sadly been part of the 'miscarriage community' here and via the Miscarriage Association for a couple of years and honestly... never seen a thread like this till now.

I've been there too. The desperation for 'safety' and 'supplements' is part of the mourning process, and I found although I thought it made me feel better it was like an addiction: more and more Dr Google, more and more worry. Essentially superstition. And in my case I had other losses and in fact it made them WORSE emotionally. Much worse. It may have contributed to my current anxiety.

OP may not have realised what she was saying to start with, but several people explained and she just ploughed on stating she'd had a loss as if that made it OK.

squizita Tue 11-Mar-14 08:14:32

"even though I know it was almost certainly unpreventable - you don't want to ever be in the position of blaming yourself again"

Exactly

In order to be in that position, unless you know medically why (which is horrid because it means you've had 3 or more and you've likely got a blood condition or cervical issue, not good) looking for reasons - beyond normal things e.g. don't drink - you are far more likely to blame yourself if you look for things to 'do' or 'take' instead of accepting it's random/genetics.

It's a cruel trick: you think it makes you feel better but if (God forbid) something goes wrong you end up ten times worse. I ended up thinking I caused a miscarriage by going somewhere polluted and breathing the air! Because I'd read fresh air was good for baby. Utter nonsense.

Never mind just upsetting: I find the premise of this thread emotionally dangerous.

hazeyjane Tue 11-Mar-14 08:22:01

Honestly, this thread needs to be deleted.

I agree this thread should go. Very bad idea for a thread.

I have never miscarried but I do have a child with a congenital heart defect and if anyone posted saying 'CHDs - what you need to do to prevent them is...' I would be devastated.

It's not on Op.

StarsInTheNightSky Tue 11-Mar-14 08:42:10

Exactly what Squizita said. I'm too shattered to try to word anything eloquently.

Accepting that sometimes crap things just happen for no reason was a huge part of emotional healing for me, the constant searching for things to do differently, way to prevent etc just prolongs the torment, I speak from experience.

Unless you have an underlying medical cause, there is absolutely nothing you can do to prevent a miscarriage, it's just a crap lottery.

KatieHopkinsEvilTwin Tue 11-Mar-14 09:27:00

Exactly northern

YoshimiB Tue 11-Mar-14 09:53:48

OP, different things work for different people but I wonder if you would find reading some decent info useful?

Last year I was in a similar place to you, i had a list of what I "did wrong" and a plan of action on what I needed to do differently. Thought this was proactive and positive.

A great GP talked to me at length, she understood exactly that this approach kept me sane and gave me a sense of control. But she was firm that it was important i understood and accepted that in all probability the MC was due to genetic reasons (explained the science of this). After MC 2 I felt overwhelmed by the "what ifs" and sure enough her words came back to me and eventually helped.

I can relate to what Squizita says re fresh air, I wasnt far off that.

I bought a book called "Miscarriage: What every woman needs to know". To be honest, it wasnt all relevant to me as I'm not a "recurrent" miscarrier, but it was exactly what I needed. I was lucky enough to get pregnant quickly but continued reading this in first trimester and despite that sounding like a negative thing to do it helped me to feel more informed and regain (some!) sanity.

Maybe if you have an understanding midwife or GP you could ask them to talk through these thoughts and help you find a balanced sensible approach to a healthy pregnancy.

allisgood1 Tue 11-Mar-14 21:43:14

The "miscarriage: what every woman needs to know" book is FANTASTIC! That plus a talk with a very very good consultant (I really wish I could remember what he said but he basically put it all in statistically significant terms that my mc's were just "unlucky") gave me some hope back (and here I am--two children and 14 weeks pregnant!).

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 12-Mar-14 11:08:13

Hello everyone

Thanks for all the reports about this thread.

It's a tricky one tbh. From our point of view, it seems to have turned into a really useful and worthwhile evidence-based discussion about why the thinking of the opening post was mistaken. And in some ways we think that's a conversation worth preserving, which is why we haven't deleted it so far.

Of course, if it's really upsetting a lot of people, we'll delete it. But we wanted to explain our thinking about why we've left it up so far.

Do let us know what you think and we'll check back in.

Thanks
MNHQ

MabelMay Wed 12-Mar-14 18:04:53

squiz I get it. You've put it well and I understand. I just think certain postings/replies (not yours by the way, you've been very eloquent and reasoned) seemed almost like attacks on the OP, and she obviously meant nothing malicious by starting the thread. Naive at worst.

But I get it and you're right.

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